by Janey Fraser
TV REVIEW GUIDE
Dr Know is back! With a new series that is guaranteed to shock!
Plenty of tears and tantrums – and that’s just from the parents as they’re forced to clean up their act!
Unmissable viewing. Five-star rating.
Extracted from the Daily Wail.
Chapter 40
BOBBIE
THE NEW ARRIVALS completely changed the dynamics. First Rob and Sarah – who had dyed her hair orange. Wacky, but it suited her. Then Brian. And now Camilla along with Pamela. It was funny how only Brian seemed to fit in, merging into the crowd as though he had been one of them from the beginning.
Perhaps it was his headmaster side coming out, she thought, watching him chat easily to a group of parents in the beautiful conservatory overlooking the lawn. ‘I know I push my kids too much but my mother pushed me,’ Intellectual Mum was saying. ‘That’s how I ended up at Oxford. But if I push my own daughter, she’ll end up by being torn between work and motherhood. And if I don’t, she won’t be fulfilling her own potential. It’s so difficult!’
‘MUM! MUM!’
It was Jack, charging in with yet another demand (where had she put his skateboard?) so Bobbie wasn’t able to catch Brian’s answer. But shortly afterwards, the two of them went for a walk, and when they returned, Intellectual Mum seemed much more at peace with herself.
Actually, a walk was a really good idea. Thirty-odd people under one roof was getting distinctly claustrophobic. ‘How about some fresh air?’ she suggested, perching on the sofa next to her husband and deliberately ignoring the that’s-my-Moshi-Monster battle in the next room.
Rob made a face. ‘It’s drizzling,’ he mumbled, glancing briefly up from his BlackBerry. Couldn’t he ever stop working?
‘Matthew and Sarah have just gone out,’ she pointed out. They had too! All togged up in borrowed rainwear, laughing under a shared umbrella.
‘That’s because they fancy each other.’
‘Thanks very much!’
‘Sorry.’ Rob put down his BlackBerry. ‘I just meant that …’
‘That we don’t have to bother any more?’ Bobbie stood up disappointedly. ‘That’s where you’re wrong, Rob. Look at your sister. She stopped bothering and now she’s furiously backpedalling to make it all right with poor Andy.’
Rob frowned. ‘Poor Andy? What do you mean?’
‘Nothing.’ She began walking out of the room so he couldn’t see her blushes. ‘If you don’t want a family walk, I’ll take the kids on my own. Jack? Daisy? Tom?’
Flipping heck! Her two had stopped squabbling over Moshi Monsters and skateboards and were actually taking it in turns on Minecraft, while Sunshine – how sweet! – had that adorable puppy on her lap. Let sleeping kids lie! (Not the fib variety, obviously.)
Grabbing a spare raincoat by the door, Bobbie went out into the garden, bracing herself. Wow! The wind had really whipped up since yesterday: incredible to think they’d actually been in the hot tub then. Still, that was British weather for you. Baking one minute – even though it was almost Easter – and then showers the next.
Almost as unpredictable as kids and husbands.
She must have been mad, Bobbie told herself as she slipped through the side gate and down to the beach, to think that Rob would change overnight. No amount of role plays in the world would do that. The only way to make him realise just how difficult it was to bring up kids was to put him in charge. Go away for a few weeks like her sister-in-law.
But then who would earn the real money? Maybe there were no happy compromises. Not in real life. Unless you were as rich as Andy and could afford to take time off.
Still, it looked as though there might be one happy story out there! In the distance, beyond the beach huts, she could see two figures under one umbrella who might, or might not, be kissing. Matthew and Sarah. The tide was going out now, leaving tracts of shining, virgin sand. Above her, the sun was shining through the rain. Bobbie never had understood how the tides were connected with the sun – or was it the earth? Maybe she ought to ask Daisy. Wow! There was a rainbow!
‘Rather splendid, isn’t it?’ called out a voice behind her in the wind.
Whipping round, Bobbie took in a vision of grey Dannimac. That impeccable blonde hairdo was carefully concealed by a matching souwester-style hat, stylishly perched over her eyes so the face was half hidden. But even without that very clear, crisp, almost monotonous voice, Bobbie would have recognised her mother-in-law anywhere.
Camilla, as she and Andy had agreed over their post-parent-course coffees, was impossible. ‘No one will ever be good enough for her children,’ Andy pointed out. ‘And if she doesn’t like you, what hope is there for me?’
‘I’ll walk with you,’ her mother-in-law now announced as though she was doing her a great favour. ‘I like to take exercise in all weathers at home, especially after a meal.’
Her one chance to have some time alone and her mother-in-law had scuppered it!
‘So,’ announced Camilla grandly, raising her voice to speak even more loudly than usual. The wind might be whipping up but it was no match for her mother-in-law. ‘That was some scene after lunch, wasn’t it?’
What was she talking about?
‘Didn’t you notice?’
‘I was washing up,’ said Bobbie meaningfully.
‘Ah yes. I let other people do that nowadays. So you didn’t hear about it then?’
The rain was running into Bobbie’s eyes now: she should have borrowed a hat or brought an umbrella. ‘No. What?’ Too late, she realised she sounded like Daisy. ‘I mean, what happened exactly?’
Camilla’s voice rang out against the wind. ‘Your Andy saved that horrible little bald man from choking. He did one of those clever things you do when something is stuck in the throat. I saw it once on television. A Heimlich, I think they call it. Or is that the beer? I can never remember.’
My Andy! Did she really say my Andy?
‘Come on, dear! A little redheaded bird has been telling me about you two. Whispering and sending each other little glances.’
Bobbie began to sweat. ‘You’ve got it all wrong!’
‘Have I?’ They’d reached a part of the beach where the cliffs hung over them, like an old-fashioned parasol made of rock. Instinctively, they stood under it to shelter from the rain. It was a small space so there was no option but to look straight into each other’s faces. Why did she always go red even when she was innocent?
‘Andy and I are just friends.’ Even to her ears, Bobbie was horribly aware that her voice sounded like Jack’s when accused of something. ‘We might have met up a few times for coffee. But that’s because we’ve both been involved in this parenting course; the one that Pamela bailed from.’ She couldn’t stop herself making that dig. ‘But there’s nothing in it: I can assure you of that.’ Suddenly, Bobbie felt bolder. ‘Nor should I have to justify myself, Camilla. It’s none of your business.’
Something gave in the older woman’s eyes. ‘Ah but it is, dear.’
Dear? Camilla had never, ever, called her ‘dear’. Or any other kind of endearment, come to that.
‘You’ll understand that, when Jack and Daisy are older. You never stop being a mother, you see. Never stop wanting to protect your children.’ She gave a little sigh. ‘I know my daughter isn’t easy.’
‘You’re not kidding!’
Camilla looked sad for a moment. ‘Imagine how you’d feel if Daisy became an alcoholic and a drug addict because she didn’t feel she’d achieved her full potential.’
So that was the problem, was it? Poor Andy. ‘I don’t feel I’ve achieved mine either, Camilla. But I haven’t taken to drink – well, not much anyway. And definitely not drugs. Self-sacrifice comes with being a parent. It’s part of the job description. Something that your son doesn’t seem to have taken on board.’
Camilla smiled. ‘Ah yes. Rob. I’m with you there. He’s not around enough for the children; just like his father. I keep telli
ng him but he won’t listen.’ She patted Bobbie’s arm. ‘I’m on your side, you see.’
Right. Of course she was.
‘As for that little game you played on his secretary, I thought that was rather clever!’ Another pat on the arm. ‘I told him so in no uncertain terms. That’s why he’s here.’
Now she knew she was lying! ‘But Sarah persuaded Rob to come down.’
Camilla smirked. ‘I think you’ll find that we both helped. I rather like your friend Sarah, by the way. She looks out for herself. An essential quality for women nowadays, providing it isn’t at the expense of someone else’s happiness.’
Her eyes grew steely. ‘I believe you when you say that you are just friends with Andy. But I’m no fool, Bobbie. I spent years observing my own husband flirting with other women. I know the signs. And if I’m not mistaken, Andy is rather sweet on you. I wouldn’t want anything to interfere with this rather long, complicated making-up process that you all have to do. Don’t you agree?’
Then she turned to look at the sea. ‘Goodness me!’ Her voice was bright as if they hadn’t had this conversation. ‘It looks as though there’s a really nasty storm on the other side of the bay. Look at that lightning! Better be getting back.’ She held out her arm, inviting Bobbie to link hers.
‘That’s right,’ said the older woman brightly. ‘Family has to stick together. It’s the only way forward! Now tell me. How is your mother getting on with that famous doctor boyfriend of hers? I’m one of his biggest fans, you know!’
Camilla was right; a storm was whipping up. Some of them were due to leave on the Sunday night (others were staying an extra day) but it was clearly out of the question for any of them to go back now. Including Brian.
‘Bingo can sleep with us, can’t he, Granny!’ sang out Sunshine when they’d had dinner: a rather strong curry which the men had prepared, complete with poppadums. Delicious! She could get a craving for these, Bobbie told herself, along with marshmallows and sardines.
‘I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,’ said Brian nervously. Bobbie could see why. She glanced round the table. If Vanessa was right and it had been someone from the fête who had reported her to social services, that same person might well be right here. But who? Audrey? American Express, who had taken umbrage at Vanessa’s advice about coming off the breast? Too Many Kids Mum who seemed mild but had, she’d observed, a difficult streak?
‘The AA has advised against non-essential travel,’ added Matthew.
‘I could kip down in the van,’ suggested Brian, clipping Bingo’s lead on to him. ‘I always keep a sleeping bag there.’
‘Cool!’ Jack’s face lit up. ‘Can I sleep there too?’
‘And me!’ said the kid whom Jack had tackled in football but who now seemed to be his best friend. Incredible how children could swap sides.
Some of the adults shifted uncomfortably. In their day, no one would have thought twice about a scoutmaster and kids sleeping over in a caravan. But now they all had to be so careful! Brian seemed to be aware of it too. ‘There’s only room for one,’ he said quickly. ‘But I’m sure Bingo would love to sleep with Sunshine.’
Bobbie waited for Pamela or Camilla to make some disparaging remark about dogs and beds and fleas. But no. Nothing. Her sister-in-law was sitting next to Andy on the sofa, her hand in his. He had a blank expression as though he wasn’t there. Then he looked up at Bobbie. Really looked at her, in a way that a man shouldn’t look at someone he wasn’t with.
Quickly, she pretended to check her mobile messages. If Camilla was right and Andy did have a crush on her, she mustn’t encourage him. And if she, by any chance, had a crush on him, she had to get rid of it. Fast.
‘I’ve had an idea!’ announced Judith brightly. ‘How about a game of Ask Mum.’ She glanced at Matthew, who was sitting close to Sarah. ‘And Dad too, of course! The idea is that the children – teenagers too! – can ask the adults anything they like about their childhood.’
There was a uniform groan from the adults and a cheer from the kids. ‘Yeah, go on, Mum,’ said one boy with huge white plug earrings who belonged, somewhat surprisingly, to Jilly from the au pair agency. ‘Tell us what you got up to!’
Bobbie searched around for a seat. The sitting room was vast but with so many of them, it was a bit tight for space. She might just about be able to squeeze next to Vanessa. ‘There’s not much room,’ said her friend coolly.
‘Is something wrong?’
Vanessa shrugged. ‘Ask Sarah.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Quiet everyone, please!’ Judith’s clear voice rang out, silencing even the adolescents, lounging on scatter cushions with a crate of cider. Goodness knows where they’d got that from. ‘Who’d like to go first?’
The squat bald tattooed man from Andy’s class – the same one who had apparently almost choked earlier on – shouted out, ‘I think teacher ought to do it!’
‘Yeah, go on, Miss Davies!’ yelled Nattie.
Surely Pamela would reprimand her daughter for being cheeky. But no. Her sister-in-law was just sitting there with a scarily serene expression on her face and her head on Andy’s shoulder. She was even ignoring Nattie who was painting her nails and – whoops! – knocking over a bottle of black varnish.
‘Very well.’ Miss Davies flushed.
‘How old were you when you had your first boyfriend?’ demanded the plug-earring kid.
‘Nick!’ His mother gasped. ‘That’s rather personal.’
‘No. It’s all right.’ Poor Miss Davies was puce red. ‘I was fourteen. My dad didn’t like him because he wore scruffy trainers and wanted me to go out during the week.’
‘Did you do what you were told?’
This was Mel.
‘Yes, apart from one night when I sneaked out to meet him.’
There was a sharp intake of breath from the adults and an enthusiastic ‘Go for it!’ from the teens.
‘How did he punish you?’ asked Bohemian Mum faintly.
‘He didn’t. The look on his face was enough to make me realise I’d let him down. I also failed the French exam I had to take the next day.’
‘Are you making this up?’
For a minute, Bobbie thought it was her younger niece speaking but then realised it was Daisy. Two days of being with her older cousins, whom she adored, had made her daughter sound almost as grown up.
‘No. I’m not. Honest.’ Miss Davies blushed again.
‘What about your mum? What did she say?’
‘Actually, my stepdad brought me up.’ Miss Davies spoke lightly as though this was unimportant. ‘Right, now it’s someone else’s turn. Nattie, you pick.’
‘I choose Dad!’
Bobbie’s heart went out to Andy. He wouldn’t like this. When they’d had those lovely heart-to-hearts before the row, they had touched briefly on their individual childhoods. ‘Mine wasn’t great,’ was all he would say and she hadn’t liked to press further.
‘I’d rather not,’ he faltered.
‘I’ll do it.’
To everyone’s astonishment, Pamela rose graciously to her feet. The look on Camilla’s face was priceless. Bobbie almost felt sorry for her. She would hate it if Daisy described her own childhood in years to come. A psychologist would have a field day.
‘Right!’ Pamela was sitting – on her knees! – waiting expectantly. Maybe she was used to this, thought Bobbie. Perhaps that’s what they did in that rehab place.
‘Did you get on with your parents?’ asked a boy with spiky hair.
‘Not always.’ Pamela looked straight at Camilla. ‘My father sent me to boarding school.’
‘Lucky you!’ gasped one of the children. ‘Was it like Harry Potter?’
Pamela smiled. Bobbie suddenly realised she’d never seen her sister-in-law do that before. Not a genuine, amused smile. ‘Not really, although we did have quite a lot of fun.’
‘What happened after that?’ called out one of the Perfect twins.
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‘Well, my mother wanted me to be a model because she hadn’t been one herself, even though she could have been.’
Camilla might have been preening or cringing. Hard to tell.
‘What was your favourite colour?’ sang out Sunshine.
Pamela was looking really excited: almost like a child. ‘It used to be blue but then it changed to black when I was eighteen. We all thought it made us look slim.’
‘What was your favourite number?’ yelled out Jack.
‘Three,’ replied Pamela promptly. ‘Always has been.’ She looked at her girls and then up at Andy. ‘Always will be.’
‘Cool,’ called out Nattie. ‘I never knew that, Mum.’
Miss Davies clapped her hands. ‘Wonderful! That’s exactly what’s so great about this game. It’s discovering things about each other. Pamela, can you choose someone else now please?’
No. Please don’t. No.
‘Bobbie.’ Pamela’s eyes fixed on her; her smile faded. Her gaze was cool. She knows about Andy, thought Bobbie. Not that there was anything to know. Not really. But her sister-in-law thought there was. Which was even worse.
Pamela’s voice was hard, attracting attention as she butted in. ‘What kind of child were you?’
Bobbie resisted the temptation to point out that it was the children who were meant to ask the questions. ‘Well, I’m the eldest of two although my sister lives in Australia now. When you’re the first-born, you’re meant to be “good”.’ Her voice tailed away as she looked at Daisy, who was sitting so neatly, cross-legged style. Yet she could see her daughter’s hand reaching out to pinch her brother even as she spoke. ‘You’re expected to do what you’re told.’
‘What was your favourite subject?’ called out Jack. ‘OUCH, DAISY. DON’T DO THAT!’
‘I DIDN’T!’
‘YES, YOU DID!’
‘Daisy,’ said Rob firmly. ‘You did. I saw you. Now listen to Mum.’