by Robin Huber
He points to the passenger door and walks around the car. I unlock it and he gets in.
“Liv, honey, what’s going on? You and Gabe okay?” he asks, getting straight to the point. When I don’t answer, he gives me a concerned look. “What happened?”
“Nothing happened. Everything is...perfect.”
My dad sits silently waiting for me to elaborate.
“It’s too easy! Something’s going to happen. I know it. The last time I was this happy, my entire world crumbled down around me. And all I can do now is sit around and wait for it to happen again.”
He nods thoughtfully, trying to think of the right thing to say. “Liv, honey, I know why you feel this way, but you’re allowed to be happy. You deserve it. God wants you to be happy.”
“God?” I laugh cynically and roll my eyes.
My father shakes his head and says, “No ma’am. We raised you better than that. You aren’t gonna play the Blame God card. If me and your momma could get right with Him, then so can you.”
“Get right with Him? Daddy, what kind of God would take Brandon away from us and then rip me and Gabe apart?”
“The same one who brought you back together,” he says firmly. “You and Gabe have been given a second chance. A chance to make things right. Don’t waste it worrying about all the things that could go wrong, but probably never will.”
I sigh. “I know. You’re right.”
“Can I get that in writing?” He squeezes my hand and smiles.
I laugh softly and return his smile. “Thanks, Daddy. And, for the record, I don’t blame God. I guess I just felt like He wasn’t doing me any favors.”
“Well, this seems like a pretty big one.”
I swallow the sudden lump in my throat and blink back tears of gratitude. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
Chapter 17
Liv
I snuggle up against Gabe’s warm body under the cool sheets in his freezing apartment and listen to the peaceful sounds of him sleeping. The blades of the ceiling fan circle above us, making a gentle swooshing sound, and the crickets and frogs are making soft music outside that reminds me of summertime when I was a child. Roxy makes an occasional low gruff in her sleep—a sound I’m quickly getting used to.
Knowing that Roxy is wired to protect Gabe, even when she’s asleep, is reassuring. As much as I try not to worry about him, I do. It’s only a matter of time before he has another seizure. Knowing that it will inevitably happen again soon is torment. Roxy is the only thing that gives me any peace about it.
I’ve been doing a little research and the only thing I’ve learned I can do to help him when he’s having a seizure is nothing. More specifically, I should remove any sharp objects, loosen any tight clothes, and help reassure him after it’s over. So, aside from the obvious, there isn’t anything I can do to help him. I think that’s what scares me the most. All I can do is watch it happen.
Part of me wishes he would have the surgery, but I’ve been researching that too, and he’s right. There are a lot of risks involved. Risks I’ve been struggling with. What if his motor skills are affected? How much physical therapy would he have to go through? What if he couldn’t make furniture anymore? What would that do to him? He loves making furniture and he’s just gotten his line off the ground. Or what if his memory is affected? Could it be permanent? Could he forget everything we’ve been through to get here? My chest feels tight just thinking about it and I can tell that my face has screwed up.
I inhale a slow, quiet breath and let the unnecessary worry go. Gabe isn’t interested in the surgery and for now, neither am I.
I close my eyes and try to fall asleep.
Gabe has been passed out for the last half hour. And when Gabe sleeps, he’s out. Probably because he’s exhausted from all the hours of manual labor he puts into making furniture. It’s no wonder his body looks the way it does. We’ve gotten in plenty of quality time in that old garage of his, though. And in the back of his truck. And under the old oak tree behind the barn. And inside the barn once when we got caught in a storm.
We’ve only been back together for a week, but we might be making up for lost time.
I smile and roll over, pressing my back to Gabe’s stomach, and he flops his arm over my shoulders, drawing me near in his sleep.
Sleep is something I battled for years following the accident. I didn’t have a good night’s sleep for months afterward. I would lie awake for hours, afraid of the recurring nightmare that lurked behind my closed eyes, waiting to destroy me night after night. I would have intense flashbacks of the accident, always with me trapped inside the car dangling by my seatbelt, staring at a lifeless Gabe and screaming for my missing brother. It’s been years since I’ve had that dream, but it still haunts me.
I open my restless eyes and watch Gabe’s chest rise and fall with slow breaths. It makes me happy to see him sleeping so hard, lost in what must be a peaceful dream. His face looks relaxed and tranquil. I snuggle into his nook and breathe in his scent. I love being so close to him during the quiet, vulnerable hours of the night. It makes me feel calm to know that he’s safe, and it makes me feel safe to be wrapped in his arms.
My mom isn’t thrilled about me sleeping over here, but I’ve informed her that ship sailed long ago. And that Gabe and I are adults who don’t actually need permission to spend the night together. Still, I can’t help but wonder if Gabe’s parents have noticed. I’m sure they’ve seen my car parked next to his truck in the early hours of the morning. I’m also pretty sure that Gabe has already filled them in on our reunion.
I close my eyes and push away every new thought that bounces into my head. Each one moves in like a blob in a lava lamp, slowly ricocheting from one side of my mind to the other, changing shape like an amoeba. I gently push each one out of view, until I finally drift off to sleep.
* * *
Something is crushing my chest. I struggle to breathe. I want to move my arm, but I can’t. It hurts. Hot tears burn my eyes, blurring the dark that surrounds me. I try to cry out, but there’s no sound. I struggle under the weight of a thousand bricks, but I can’t move. A bright light replaces the dark, but it’s blinding.
Liv, a gravelly voice calls my name.
I try to turn toward it, but I can’t.
Liv, the strangled voice calls again, and I know that it’s Gabe.
Gabriel, I cry silently from under my lead blanket. The light softens and I see something...someone coming into view. Gabe? He’s hanging upside down and his arms are splayed limply by his head. His face is turned away from me, but there’s blood pooled around him. He needs my help. I struggle and try to scream, but I’m trapped by the deafening weight of an ocean, unable to move or make a sound. He turns his blood-stained face toward me and his eyes, stained crimson, pierce mine.
Help. Me. Liv, he gurgles.
“Gabe!” I scream.
“Liv...Liv.”
I wake to Gabe shaking me, and I gasp.
“Liv, look at me.”
“Gabe.” I grasp for him in the dark.
“I’m here, I’m right here.” He pulls me against his chest and I feel his warm skin beneath my cheek.
I cry softly against his shoulder.
“It’s okay. It was just a dream. You’re okay.”
“But you weren’t. You weren’t okay. I was inches from you, just inches, while you were bleeding to death, and all I could do was pray that you weren’t dead,” I cry, remembering.
“I know.”
“I was so scared. I just wanted you to open your eyes and tell me that you were okay, that everything was okay, but—”
“Shhh...I know.” He runs his hand over my hair, soothing me. “I know.”
He holds me in his arms for a long, silent minute.
“How often do you have them?”
“Not often. Not anymore.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers into my hair.
“I was thinking about the accident before I fell asleep. I
’m sure that’s what triggered it.”
“I wish I could take the nightmares away, make you forget what happened. I would do anything to erase those memories for you.”
I turn my face up to his, seeing him more clearly in the gray moonlight that’s filling his apartment. I cup his scruffy cheek in my hand and pull his mouth down to mine. “I know a way,” I whisper, “at least for tonight.”
* * *
I wake to the familiar buzzing sound of a table saw. It starts and stops every few seconds.
Gabe is working.
I smile and sit up, feeling refreshed. After Gabe made love to me in the middle of the night, I slept like a rock.
Note to self: make love to Gabe to remedy bad dreams.
I have to work the lunch shift at the diner, but Gabe is taking me on a date later this evening. Our first proper date in almost eight years. He made dinner reservations at a nice restaurant and we’re going to see a movie afterward.
Something about dinner and a movie with Gabe fills me with a sense of normalcy that I missed when I was with Travis. He took me on a ton of dates, but they were always so much work. Being with Travis in general was work. I now know that it was because I was forcing myself to be a different person for him. It’s no wonder why I feel so rested. Life with Travis was exhausting. I shake my head and try not to be so hard on myself. I know who I am with Gabe and that’s what matters.
I get up and take a shower, throw on my work clothes, and trot down the stairs to find him.
Roxy meets me at the bottom step.
“Hi, Roxy.” I rub her soft head.
The buzzing has stopped and I hear voices when I round the corner of the garage. I recognize the southern drawl of the deep voice mixing with Gabe’s. It’s Danny, Gabe’s father. I hesitate when they look up at me, but only for a moment. It’s too late to turn around.
Danny smiles and his eyes crinkle around the edges. “Hey, darlin’.”
I smile shyly and make my way toward him and Gabe. “Hi, Mr. North.” Geez, I sound like I’m sixteen again.
He pulls me in for a big bear hug and I practically disappear beneath his wide arms. “Call me, Danny, sweetheart. I think you’ve graduated to that.” He holds me back by my shoulders and shakes his head, taking me in from head to toe. “Gosh, you’re all grown up. How did that happen?” I see the sadness in his eyes that he’s trying to mask. It’s the same sadness I sometimes see hiding behind my father’s eyes when he looks at me. He sees Brandon.
I smile over the tight feeling in my chest. “It’s been a while, I guess.”
“It sure has.” His face is soft and sincere. “It’s so good to see ya again, darlin’.”
“It’s good to see you too, Danny,” I say, looking into his smiling, golden brown eyes—the ones he shares with Gabe. I forgot how kind and warm Danny is. It really is great to see him. It’s not weird at all, even though I just skipped down from Gabe’s apartment after spending the night with him. But I guess that’s probably not news to Danny.
“You tell your momma and daddy we’re going to have a big family dinner soon, okay?”
I bob my head and smile. “Yes, sir. I will.”
He slaps Gabe on the back, giving his shoulder a firm squeeze, and they share a knowing glance. Gabe smiles and I don’t have to wonder what they were talking about before I came down.
Danny leaves and I hop up onto our table. No wayward intentions here; it’s just become my favorite and only place to sit in the garage. I purse my lips at Gabe and wait for him to say something. He steps toward me and I grab his shirt to pull him close.
“Was that so bad?” he asks.
I shake my head and say through pursed lips, “No.”
“You have been avoiding my parents.”
“Gabe—”
“It’s okay, I understand. It’s hard after all this time, especially with the way things ended.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.” He hugs me. “They’re happy that you’re back. Just give them a chance, okay?”
I nod my head against his chest. “Okay. I will.”
“You going to work?”
“Mm-hmm. Gotta make that bacon.” I look up at him and smile. “Pun intended.”
He laughs and kisses my forehead. “I’ll see you later.”
“I can’t wait.”
I look back at the garage in my rearview mirror as I slowly drive across the Norths’ property. I could have stayed and watched Gabe work all day, but I have to get to the diner.
“Shit!” I slam on the brakes.
Jacqueline North is standing two feet in front of my car.
Holy crap. I grab my heart. I nearly hit her. She looks as stunned as I feel.
I put my car in park and open the door. “I am so sorry!” I say, getting out quickly. “I didn’t see you.”
She shakes her head. “It’s okay.” She gazes at me for a long second and her eyes mist over. “You’re all grown up.”
Have I really changed that much? She looks exactly the same. Thin, pretty, petite features, shoulder-length brown hair that’s swept off her delicate face, and a cupid’s bow mouth that matches Gabe’s. She’s several years older than my mother, but she doesn’t appear to have aged since her forties.
“I was hoping to invite you in,” she says with a lingering French accent that clings to her vowels.
“Oh, um.” I look down.
“Please, Olivia. Please,” she says again.
I glance over my shoulder when I hear the table saw echoing across the property.
Just give them a chance.
I inhale a quiet breath and nod. “Okay.”
Her eyes light up and she steps aside so I can pull my car up in front of the house. I get out and follow her inside.
Wow, nothing seems to have changed. Ornately carved wooden furniture, richly colored fabrics, and delicate little trinkets and baubles contrast the rustic antler chandelier that’s hanging over the dining room table and the giant buck head that’s mounted over the white brick fireplace. It’s a style that’s specific to the Norths’ home, and specific to the memories of my teenage life with Gabe.
“Would you like a café?”
“Yes, thank you.”
The French are serious about their coffee. What we call espresso, the French call a regular cup of Joe—strong black coffee that’s highly concentrated and served in a teeny tiny cup that makes you want to stick your pinky out.
I follow Jackie into the kitchen and take a seat at her table. She joins me with two of the little cups in her hands. She hands one of them to me and sits down.
“Thank you,” I say, taking a sip. It’s strong. But delicious. I inhale a deep breath, feeling my lungs open from the jolt of caffeine.
“So, Liv, how do you like being back in St. Simons?”
Small talk. Okay.
“It’s been great. Thank you.” Because I’ve been with your son. The one you wouldn’t let me see when I was heartbroken and crying on your doorstep seven years ago.
She sets her cup down and sighs. “Liv, after you and Gabe...” She looks down and shakes her head. When she looks up at me again, her eyes are filled with regret. “I’m sorry, Olivia. For what I did. Or didn’t do.”
“Oh. Um.” I smile a soft, uncomfortable smile. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”
“No, it’s not. I watched you cry and beg for my son, and I turned you away. He convinced me it was the right thing to do for you, but still, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it. But I’m asking you to forgive me now. Please.”
I nod my head and say quietly, “I forgive you.”
She smiles and touches my cheek. “Oh, petit bébé, I prayed for you to return to us. I prayed for you to return to my son. He was never the same after you left.”
“Jackie, what was different about him? After I left, I mean.”
She furrows her perfectly shaped eyebrows and s
ays, “I think, sometimes, even though our body heals after a trauma, our spirit doesn’t. Gabriel eventually got better physically, but emotionally he was never whole. Do you know what I mean?”
“Yes,” I say quietly over a wave of emotion that takes me by surprise. I know exactly what she means, because without him, I wasn’t whole either.
“The light was gone from his eyes,” she continues. “He didn’t laugh anymore. He didn’t smile.” She wraps her long fingers around mine. “It broke my heart to see him like that. But then you came back”—she looks at me with awe in her eyes—“and he came back too.” She lets go of my hand and pulls me against her thin frame, hugging me tightly. “My Gabriel is so happy...for the first time in so long. And I know you are too.”
I smile automatically. “I am.”
She releases me and adds, “I’ve watched you with him and I can see it.”
A rush of heat flashes across my skin. The Norths’ land is so large, it’s easy to feel secluded, but it is possible that Gabe and I got caught up in the moment once or twice during one of our afternoon outings on the property the last few days. I try to push the panic aside. The rational part of my brain assures me that is not what she means. But my face flushes pink anyway.
Jackie must notice, because she smiles and says, “It’s okay, bébé. I was young and in love once too.” She laughs and sips her coffee.
Oh, dear Lord. My face flames hotter. I grab my teeny tiny French coffee cup, wishing it were a supersized American mug to hide behind.
“Oh, who am I kidding,” she says, gliding gracefully over my embarrassment. “I’m still in love with that stubborn man. I may not be in my twenties anymore, but I still love him just as much as I did then. Gabe is just like him, you know. Stubborn as an ox. And he listens about as well as Danny too. Those North men can be infuriating sometimes, always hell-bent on making things ten times harder than they need to be.”
Well, isn’t that the truth.
“But they sure make up for it with their hearts.”
I smile softly and nod. “Jackie, can I ask you something else?”
“Anything, bébé.”
“Should I be worried about the seizures?”