Luke chuckled, his green eyes sparkling in the dim light. “You’ll have to ask Lady Kristina.”
Kazia shook her head. “She seems to be out for the storm. Of course, our schedules don’t really coincide, so she might be up during the day. You know, like a normal person.”
Luke smiled as he took her elbow and steered her out of the room and into another. “I’m pretty sure this one is the library.”
“Judging from the extraordinary amount of books, I’d say you are probably right.” She grinned.
“You never were normal,” he said, stoking the fire into a semi-raging inferno.
“Says you.”
“Yes, but is there anyone who knew you better?”
She backed away, eyeing him warily. “We don’t talk about that, remember?”
He followed her across the room. “Maybe we should.”
“No, we should not. It was your idea, Luke.”
“Maybe I made a mistake.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “Why? Why would you decide you made a mistake now?” She threw her hands in the air, glaring at him for all she was worth.
“Yesterday, when I couldn’t find you…” His voice caught and broke, and he had to clear his throat before he could continue. “I realized what life could be like without you in it.”
“I haven’t been in your life for three years.” She jabbed a finger at him, but her finger was shaking.
“You’ve always been there, Kazia.”
She was caught in his eyes, like the last three years hadn’t even happened, and she was remembering things she had refused to remember all this time. “No!” she yelled, taking him by surprise. He stumbled back, away from her rage. “Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? I loved you. I was planning my life with you — and you sent me away!”
“You were sixteen, Kazia! No one is in a place to make a lifetime commitment at sixteen!”
“It had nothing to do with my age. You sent me away because they told you if you didn’t, you’d never be Captain of the Guard.” His face paled, and she continued, “You think I somehow didn’t know that? Your best friend was my brother, Luke. I knew everything.”
Angry now himself, he stalked across the room, his hands in fists. “There wasn’t a future with you anyway! How could you have asked me to give up my future when I had no chance to be with you? My father was Captain. His father and his father before him were Captain. It’s in my blood, and I’m good at it.”
And there it was. The truth, the thing that had shattered her heart every single night for the last three years. “Yes, you are,” she whispered. She turned to go, unable to stay in the same room with him any longer.
“But you should know this, Luke. When I was sixteen and asking you to give up being the Captain of the Royal Guard, I was willing to give up any claim to the throne I would one day have.” She slammed the library doors shut behind her and ran. She didn’t care where she was going, she just ran, sprinting up flights of stairs with Nakomi on her heels. She heard him yell — not at her, but at Benjamin, telling him to find her, but she didn’t pause. She burst out onto the balcony overlooking the gardens. Somewhere in the back of her mind, where there was still rational thought she guessed her room should be right above her, but this balcony had a stairway leading down into the gardens and she took it, not pausing when the cold rain slapped her in the face. It was late now, and the deep clouds hid the moon, so she could only see a few feet in front of her, but she raced blindly, not caring if she could see, not caring about anything but escaping the overwhelming pain clutching at her heart. Again.
“Stupid stupid stupid!” she cried, glad for the pounding rain that hid her tears. Nakomi dissolved into the shadows; Kazia knew she was there but couldn’t see her and she felt so alone. She stumbled forward, exhausted, smacking her knee on a bench. She wailed even louder and plopped down on the concrete, grateful that it was out of the rain, sheltered by bushes shaped like strange animals. She pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face. And she cried. She cried for Luke, but eventually her tears came for everything she had lost and everything she faced and everything she wouldn’t have. And even though it was freezing, she fell asleep, Nakomi at her feet.
She felt the sun burning through her damp clothes before she even opened her eyes. She was still curled in a ball on the rough bench, and everything ached. It took her several seconds before she realized that she had been in the sun too long, and she raised her head, moaning at her stiff neck, to survey the damage. One arm was completely covered in huge blisters, a sign of her allergy to the sun. She wanted to cry, everything hurt so much. But physical pain she could handle. It was the emotional pain that got her. Ever so slowly she stretched her legs out, squealing as they cracked and popped and objected to movement. Nakomi was nowhere to be seen. Alarmed now, Kazia scanned the surrounding hedges, but couldn’t see farther than a few feet in every direction. “Nakomi?” she whispered.
Her big wolf didn’t materialize out of the shadows like she always did. Kazia stumbled to her feet, having to catch herself on the hedge when she fell over. She needed to get out of the sun, but first she had to find Nakomi. Her throat was raw, but she yelled as loud as she could, “Nakomi!”
In the distance she heard her guards coming, yelling her name.
And then a single bark.
Nakomi was okay.
Minutes later, the big black wolf led them around the corner to where Kazia sat on the muddy ground, leaning against the bench. None of them smiled in relief at the sight of her, in fact, most of them looked like they wanted to kill her. She closed her eyes. “Do you have any idea what you’ve put us through?” Luke yelled, and she peeked long enough to see him shoving his way to the front.
Forcing herself to her feet, she refused to meet his eyes. “I was wrong when I said I wasn’t stupid, Captain. Very, very wrong.” She brushed past him, clinging to Nakomi’s fur to steady herself. It only took about five steps before Benjamin was at one elbow and Heath was at the other. The rest of her guards, the ones she hadn’t gotten to know well yet, followed silently. Kazia assumed Luke also followed, but she didn’t look over her shoulder to find out.
She made it to her room without falling and barely even stumbling. “Princess. We’ve been so worried,” Crystali said as she rushed to ready Kazia’s bed. She yelled for the other servants to bring water for a bath and shooed all the guards away, shutting the door in Luke’s face before he could get a word in. “I brought the ointment, luckily.” Crystali busied herself around the room, mixing oatmeal into the bath the servants brought, throwing in a dash of this and a pinch of that like a pretty witch over a large and oddly shaped cauldron.
Kazia slid low in the bath, grateful for the warmth soaking into her muscles even as the medicines burned and healed her sores. “The captain was beside himself trying to find you last night. I’ve never seen him so distraught.”
“Yes, I suppose if something were to happen to me he would be out of a job,” Kazia muttered, her lips barely above the waters’ edge.
Crystali stopped her fussing and put a hand on her hip. “That was not his worry, Princess.” Kazia said nothing, so Crystali continued, “Nakomi showed up after dawn and brought them straight to you. Thank goodness for your wolf.”
Kazia finally smiled, eyeing Nakomi where she lay by the fire, her fur drying in the warmth. “Yes, thank goodness for my wolf.”
Clearly trying to keep her spirits up, Crystali said, “I remember when you brought her home. The guards had been hunting her pack for months — the demons kept killing local livestock. But you saved the runt. No one believed she would live through the night.”
Kazia’s smile widened as she remembered. She hadn’t slept for a week, nursing that baby back to health. Everyone loved the little pup until she started growing… and growing. And then they started saying she should be killed — she was a danger to the whole kingdom. Kazia’s father tried to talk some sense into her, but she wouldn’t hea
r it. She got in more than one fist fight protecting Nakomi. When a particularly nasty fight required her to get several stitches and a villager thrown in the stocks, Brodi and Luke started protecting her whenever she went for a walk, because someone always seemed to be trying to kill her wolf. Luckily, Nakomi grew so big that eventually everyone gave up trying to kill her and just stayed as far away as possible, because she was too terrifying.
“I’ll have the kitchens send something up. We haven’t had a formal meal yet. I think Lady Kristina must be catching up on beauty sleep.” Crystali winked, but Kazia frowned, sitting up in the water. “No one has seen her?” That night. The other life. The other Kazia, threatened to escape and take control, but Kazia forced it back. Not now.
Crystali shook her head. “Doesn’t her staff council with her every morning? What about her lady’s maid?”
“They are told not to disturb her,” Crystali said. Kazia grabbed a towel and struggled to her feet. Moving was problematic after the previous night. Crystali rushed to help her dress.
“I’m going to check on Kristina,” Kazia said. Crystali swung the door open and Luke stood just beyond the threshold, the look on his face darker than the clouds last night.
“You. Are. Not. Going. Anywhere.”
Kazia changed her mind, deciding they could find Kristina without her help. She retreated, like a kicked kitten, to her bed for the rest of the day.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SOMETIME IN THE DARKEST HOURS of the night, the sickness hit. She knew it had to be coming; it always was when she spent too much time in the sun, but even that knowledge didn’t prepare her. Kazia was unable to get out of bed for several days.
Crystali barricaded the door, not letting even the guards in, for which Kazia was grateful. Any excuse not to see Luke was a blessing. The only one allowed in or out was the local physician, to administer liquids and check Kazia every morning. She lived in a painful, blissful isolation, only half-awake, until the fever resided and the haze passed. So she was unaware of the changing atmosphere until she could finally get out of bed, insisting on taking Nakomi on a short, very slow, walk outside.
It took her several minutes to notice, and then she looked quickly at Benjamin. “Why is the household staff all dressed in black?”
“Are they? I didn’t realize.” Benjamin looked away, his cheeks coloring.
“You are a terrible liar.” Kazia poked him in the arm, and then more seriously, “Benjamin. What happened?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the sky and the ground and anywhere but at her. “The captain told us we aren’t to upset you.”
“Benjamin…” Her voice held more of a warning than she thought possible, and he sighed, finally looking down at her.
“Lady Kristina…” He trailed off.
“What about her?” Kazia’s feigned horror as she realized what he was trying to say. “She’s—she’s dead?” she whispered. The assassin in her sighed in relief. Finally, someone had found the witch. Even the proper princess in her couldn’t bring herself to care much, although she did well trying to pretend otherwise.
“Yes. She threw herself from her window.”
“When?”
“We don’t know. It took some time after the storm. She — she landed in the bushes and no one saw her. Then the birds started gathering…” He trailed off again, his face pale.
“Why? Why would she do that?”
“No one knows.”
“Did someone send word to Lord Jeffery?” How do you feel, Uncle, when someone you love is taken from you?
“Just yesterday. Princess, you’re very pale. We should get you back inside.” He took her elbow and led her back to the manor.
She didn’t object; her knees were shaking and she kept seeing spots, although it had nothing to do with Kristina’s death and everything to do with her obnoxious disease. “What’s happened?” Crystali exclaimed as they reached her room, dragging Kazia inside and steering her to her bed. She collapsed, grateful, trying very hard not to lose consciousness.
“She found out about Lady Kristina.” She heard Benjamin in the hall.
“You had direct orders not to say a word!” Luke’s voice, and he sounded furious. He was staying away from her, which she appreciated, although if he kept yelling at his men for things beyond their control, she would have to hunt him down and slap him.
“She’s a smart girl, sir. She figured it out.”
Luke swore, but all Kazia could do was lie back on her pillows.
She dozed for the rest of the day, in an out until after dark, when she finally woke up enough to follow the conversation in the hall. The double doors were open, she assumed so the guards could watch her and the hallway. She couldn’t muster enough energy to be embarrassed. “It isn’t safe for her here.” Luke’s voice.
“We’re kind of running out of safe options, sir.” Benjamin, this time. They did realize she’d awake eventually, didn’t they?
“But without her memory of that night, we have no way of catching the assassin so it’s safe for her to return home,” Heath said, his voice low. The candlelight flickered, already burned low, and she wondered how late it was. Crystali was nowhere to be seen, so she must have gone to bed already. “I honestly thought Kristina and Jeffery were behind the attacks. I only agreed we should come here so I could investigate and protect Kazia at the same time. This threw my theory right out the window.”
“Kristina’s death doesn’t appear to have anything to do with the assassin. And we haven’t let Princess Kazia out of our sight. She’s safe enough here,” Benjamin said, but even he didn’t sound convinced.
“Nowhere is safe enough.”
Kazia peeked across the room, squinting in the dim light, catching her breath at the intensity in Luke’s green eyes as he watched her from across the room. Not wanting to face him and the pain he brought, she rolled over and squeezed her eyes shut tight until sleep caught her again and she escaped him.
She woke again who knew how much later, Crystali shaking her shoulder gently. “Princess, a missive for you.” It took several tries to keep her eyes open. Finally, she gave up and peered helplessly at Crystali, who helped her sit up enough to read. “Do you feel up to eating, Princess?” She nodded as she wordlessly took the note.
My dearest Kazia,
I’m so sorry for your loss and this trying time you’re in. I worry for your safety and ask that you come to Abeta where the strength of my guards can protect you while we look into this matter. I also ask that you consider moving the date of our wedding up, so that our kingdoms will be aligned posthaste.
Sincerely yours, Randolf.
“Who was it from?” Luke stood next to her, arriving on silent feet. She bit her lip and handed him the note. His eyes scanned it, his face darkening with the passing seconds. “You aren’t well enough to travel,” he finally said, tossing the note on the bed.
“Abeta is where Jeffery and Braydton are.”
“They’re probably on their way back by now.” Luke wouldn’t look at her, which was fine; she closed her eyes so she didn’t have to look at him either. “Kazia, if something were to happen to you, who would the kingdom go to?”
She opened her eyes. Oh, so now he looked at her? And frowning while he did. “Why do you ask?” She twisted her hand in the blanket, trying to make her tired mind work. When he didn’t answer, she said, “Randolf. Due to our betrothal, Randolf would inherit the kingdom if something were to happen to me.”
“Randolf becomes king the day he marries you… Only by having your parents killed…” Luke’s eyes narrowed but Kazia held up her hand.
“No, no, that isn’t possible.”
“But you should consider it—”
“He’s not the assassin, Captain,” She snapped, tired of him interrupting her. She forced herself to her feet, grimacing as pain shot down both her legs. “I’m saying,” she growled between stretches, “that he’s right and we should go to him.”
“Kaz
ia, that’s ridiculous. He could be the assassin, luring you right into a trap,” Luke exploded.
Kazia turned slowly, glaring at him. “If he is the assassin, Luke, how did he poison the soup here? Why would he try to kill me before we’re wed?”
Luke opened and shut his mouth but had no response. “Crystali? Gather my things and have them ready the horses.”
“Princess, you’ve been bedridden for nearly a week. I don’t think—” Crystali spoke rapidly, glancing from Luke to Kazia and back again.
Kazia closed her eyes, holding up a hand. “I’m sorry, Crystali, but I didn’t ask for your opinion. Either you can help me or I’ll do it myself.” Turning to the big wolf, who was the only one in the room not glaring at her, she patted her thigh. “Nakomi, come.”
She instructed the kitchens to prepare a meal and food for their travels. It was a much shorter ride to Abeta than the ride here, but more dangerous — this side of the forest was notorious for bandits. She secretly hoped Luke’s guards would accompany her, but she was prepared to go alone if they wouldn’t. Nakomi was big. Only a fool would attack with her nearby.
By nightfall, she was ready. As she was checking the belts on her horse, Luke stormed out. “You’re a little fool, Kazia. I should let you go alone.”
She didn’t look up, pretending his words didn’t sting. “Then do it, Captain. It makes no difference to me.”
He didn’t move, and from where she was bent she had a good view of his scuffed boots. “Why are you in such a hurry to get to him? You can’t believe he will protect you any better than we can.”
She heaved a sigh, standing up so she could glare at him better. “It isn’t safe here. It isn’t safe at home. It isn’t safe there. Nowhere is safe, Captain. I might as well be there where I can move on with my life. Rather than here where we do nothing but twiddle our thumbs.”
“We’re waiting for you to get better.”
“I’m not going to get better, Luke, we both know that.” She looked away, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes. And inwardly cursed herself for calling him Luke. Captain. He was Captain to her, nothing more.
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