I spent the rest of the day avoiding all of my friends or looking at Jackson, who was not only in my morning biology class but also turned up in my psychology class at the end of the day.
Great, I thought. Now I have two classes with him. Just what I wanted.
Since we didn’t have assigned seats, I managed to stay across the room from him by the windows and did my best not to look in his direction.
Our psychology teacher, Mr. Rand, was finishing up his lecture on personality disorders while I stared out the window at the football field, only half-listening. I glanced at my watch every five minutes, anxious to get out there and away from Jackson. I wanted to hurry to get to practice so that I could run out all of my anxiety and clear my head. What I wasn’t looking forward to during practice was being confronted by my friends and having to explain my behavior for the last two days.
I changed my clothes as fast as I could in hopes of getting out on the court before the three of them arrived in the locker room. However, as I sat down to tie my shoes, the three of them surrounded me, cutting off my escape.
“Jocelyn, what’s going on with you?” Caitlyn was the first to start the inquiry.
“Nothing.” I wanted to act as casual as possible.
“Why did you skip lunch today? And yesterday you left five minutes into lunch?” Jenna was clearly annoyed.
“I went to the gym to get my calculus done so I wouldn’t have so much homework. I have two big tests next week, and I’m trying to be prepared.” That much was true and the fact that they all knew I was a closet bookworm helped cover my actions.
“But you’ve never done that before.” Caitlyn narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously.
“Seriously. Nothing’s going on. Why all the questions?” I wanted to sound as innocent as possible.
“I’m not buying it.” Hilary rolled her eyes at me while changing her clothes for practice. “Something’s not right here.”
“Maybe she’s sick. She did pass out a couple of times this weekend, and she slept through Saturday night.”
Jenna spoke to the other two like I wasn’t even standing there, which really annoyed me more than it should have.
“Stop it! I’m fine. Let it go!” I pushed my way around Jenna and stormed out of the locker room.
I avoided any type of questioning throughout practice, which wasn’t too difficult since Coach never gave us a break long enough to chat. For once, I was extremely thankful.
By the time we ended at five, I was completely drained both emotionally and physically. I knew I was supposed to be riding home with Jenna, but I really didn’t want to get in the car with any of them at the moment.
I followed the three of them out the school doors and paused, making them turn to look at what I was doing.
“I left something in my locker I need, so go on. I’ll see you all later.” I turned to walk back into the building. Although I hadn’t left anything, I didn’t want to get into it. I’d rather walk home than be in the car with them.
“S’okay. We’ll wait.” Jenna shifted from one foot to the other.
“Naw. Don’t be silly. Head on home.”
I started to walk back into the building, but Caitlyn caught my arm. “How you gonna get home?” Caitlyn inquired, raising her eyebrows at me.
“I’ll walk.” I pulled my arm back gently.
“Don’t be silly. It’s too far. We’ll wait,” Hilary stated.
“No. Really. It’s fine. I want to walk.”
I gave them the best smile I could muster as they all stood there, staring at me with puzzled looks on their faces.
“Fine.” Jenna was the first to turn and walk away. “Come on!” she hollered to Hilary and Caitlyn over her shoulder when they hesitated. “If she wants to be alone, let her.”
I could hear the anger in Jenna’s voice, but I didn’t care. She couldn’t possibly understand what I was going through, even if I attempted to explain it to her.
I waited inside the school and watched the three of them drive away before I set out. It was a cool, cloudy evening, the perfect setting for my mood. The air held tight to a blue-gray tinge covering the brilliant colors that were long lost with the summer sun.
I turned down the corner of our street, and I could already hear the basketball bouncing off the asphalt. Great, he’s back again. Coach Shelburne certainly isn’t giving the boys a hard enough practice if they still have the energy to shoot hoops afterwards.
As I got closer to my house, I could see Ethan, Jackson, Brandon, Kyle, and Jenna goofing around and laughing. The scene in front of me literally made me sick to my stomach. Last week it was me instead of Jackson out there doing the exact same thing. I couldn’t even explain why Jackson’s presence in my life upset me so much. Something deep inside me screamed for me to stay clear of him, but another part was so drawn to his presence.
I walked slowly up the walkway and the bouncing immediately stopped. Everyone turned in my direction and stared.
“Hey, Jocelyn. Join us so our teams will be even.” Ethan smiled and so did everyone else, except Jenna.
I only shook my head and walked to the front door as fast as I possibly could. Jenna rolled her eyes and followed me into the house.
“Hey!” She reached out, grabbing my arm, spinning me around. “What the hell is your problem? You’ve been acting like a bitch for the last several days.”
“I’m just not in the mood to shoot hoops. What’s wrong with that?”
Jenna let out a deep breath, letting go of my arm. “Jocelyn, what’s wrong?”
“I’m just confused about something. Seriously, it’s no big deal.”
I stumbled upstairs to my room with Jenna in tow.
I threw my things in the corner and flopped down on my bed. She lingered in the doorway, staring at me like she’d never seen me before and at this moment, I wasn’t sure I disagreed.
“Jocelyn?” Jenna approached me with caution. “I don’t understand what is going on with you lately.”
“That makes two of us. “ I buried my face in my pillow, unsure if I was going to scream or cry.
“I’m serious.”
She sat down on the edge of my bed, and I sat up to look directly at her.
“I am too. I can’t explain any of this either. Something’s changed, and I don’t know what it is.”
“Why have you been avoiding us for the last two days?”
“I haven’t.”
“Oh, come on. You have so. You went to the gym for lunch, and don’t give this crap about studying.” Her eyes narrowed. “I know you study more than the rest of us, but you have never gone down to the gym to study during lunch.”
“I know.” I looked away from her. She was right.
“So what’s eating you?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes.”
“Why is it that every time I turn around, Jackson’s there? I’m sick of the way he’s always hanging around.” I got up and peered out the window. Down below, I could see him out in the driveway with the rest of them. “I mean, it’s just seems like the last several days he’s been glued to us. I’m tired of it.” My tone got harsher.
“Really, Jocelyn? How petty can you be? The guy just moved here. He doesn’t know anyone and he lives across the street. Of course he’s going to befriend Kyle. They’re the same age and have several classes together. And Ethan is only a year behind. Jackson’s only trying to make friends in a new place. That can’t be easy.”
“I know,” I agreed with harshness still in my voice.
“I could understand it more if it was a girl trying to move in on your life, but why do you care so much if he hangs out with Ethan and Kyle?” Jenna cocked her head to the side and studied me closely.
“I don’t know. There’s just something about him, and I can’t explain it. I’m not sure what, but I get this weird feeling about him. He’s different from us.” I couldn’t come up with the right words to tell her exactly what I was feeling.
“Yeah. He’s from Boston. He’s sexy, gorgeous. Not at all like the normal jerks that we have around here.” Jenna joined me at the window and watched the guys for a moment. “Honestly, Jocelyn. He’s really nice. The only strange thing that I’ve noticed about him is that he actually has manners and his grammar is flawless.” She smiled at the image below us. “I mean, have you heard him speak? Seriously, it’s like some Jane Austen novel. Well, if that’s what you call weird, then yeah, I supposed he is. But we’re all weird in our own way, right?” Her logic made me smile.
“True.” I let out a weak laugh, hoping she was right.
“You okay?” She turned and faced me. All her anger had turned to concern.
“Much better. Thanks.” Jenna placed her arm around me and gave me a gentle squeeze.
“Come on. Let’s join the guys and show them how it’s really done.”
She laughed, and we headed back downstairs. As we reached the edge of the driveway, the heavy, dark clouds finally broke loose and dumped their showers, ending any prospects of a three-on-three match.
“Let’s get in the house!” I shouted at Jenna.
We broke into a sprint, reaching the sun porch already soaked to the skin.
Jenna shook her hair and shivered from the cold. “Well, I think I’m gonna head on home. Are you gonna ride with me in the morning?”
“Of course.” I nodded. “Hey, sorry for being such a bitch lately, and please let’s keep everything I said between us, okay?”
“Always.” Jenna smiled before she retreated back outside, making a mad dash between the yards toward her own back door.
I stood out there for a minute longer, realizing I was immensely curious about the boy across the street.
***
When we were gathered together in the living room with our TV trays, Ethan gave my parents an earful of his day. I only half paid attention, listening to him ramble on endlessly about football practice as our dad added in his two bits between sentences. It wasn’t until Ethan started discussing his afternoon with the guys and Jackson’s name was mentioned that my ears perked up.
“I swear Jackson is such a character.” He snorted between mouthfuls. “After it started raining, we headed over to Kyle’s to play some Halo, and Jackson accidently knocked over a Coke all over their living room carpet. Kyle’s mom comes running in with paper towels, and Jackson said, ‘I am so sorry, ma’am. I honestly did not mean to soil your carpet. I will clean that up for you’. And he takes the paper towels from her and cleans up the mess. I swear Kyle’s mom was so stunned she just stared at Jackson but no words came out of her mouth. It was hilarious. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen her speechless before.”
He and my parents all laughed, considering Kyle’s mom was notorious for her big mouth.
My parents started discussing their days and my mind immediately tuned them out, wandering back to what Jenna had said earlier about Jackson’s proper grammar and manners. It made me smile to think of how different he was indeed from the other guys we knew. He was special. That was for sure. Perhaps I was wrong to judge him so harshly.
Ethan came into my room right after I had climbed under my covers. I snuggled down with my well-worn copy of Anne Rice’s Interview with a Vampire when he appeared, taking a seat at the foot of my bed.
“You were quiet at dinner tonight. Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”
I could tell he was fishing, only now I wasn’t sure for what.
“I’m fine.”
“Why didn’t you and Jenna come back out and shoot hoops with us?”
“We did, but it started raining and we saw you guys run over to Kyle’s.”
“You know, Jackson was asking if you had a date for the homecoming dance.”
“What did you tell him?”
“That you didn’t.”
Great. “You couldn’t have lied or something?” I didn’t want to come across too available.
“Why would I lie? He’s a nice guy?”
“I’m tired.” I placed my book back on my nightstand and slid farther under the covers. “Can you turn the lights out on your way out?”
“Sure.” Ethan stood up and walked over to the door. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“What now?”
“Why don’t you like Jackson? I mean, even as a friend?” He scrunched his eyebrows.
“I don’t know Jackson. Why does everyone assume I don’t like the guy?” This sentiment was getting old real fast. “It’s not true and turn off the lights.” I smiled at my little brother.
“Sweet dreams.”
“You too.”
I laid there, wide-awake, watching the shadows dance across my walls, letting my mind wander endlessly until I finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER 6
Thursday, October 17, 1878
OLIVIA IGNORED ME ALL MORNING through the duration of our classes. Even during lunch, she sat quietly while I spoke with our friends — Elizabeth, Laurie, Christina, and Maryanne. They were so excited about the autumn festival coming up on Halloween weekend. In their eyes, it was terribly romantic and spooky, the perfect night to have a man by your side to dance with at the evening party and enjoy all the games and spooky activities.
There was always a hayride, bobbing for apples, a pie eating contest, dancing, bonfires, and a haunted maze where people dressed up in costumes and tried to scare the life out of you as you tried to find your way out. The annual event had become a favorite tradition for everyone in town.
I did my best to share in their enthusiasm while I continually glanced over at Olivia. I was quickly growing more concerned about her. Once again, she looked pale and fragile sitting there across from us, refusing to speak or make eye contact with anyone. Although I was still upset with her odd behavior and deception, I was trying my best to be polite; except she was making it all the more difficult by her continued silence.
After lunch, we made our way to our next class when Olivia quietly announced that she was not feeling well and had decided to walk home. Without as much as a good-bye to any of us, she simply turned and walked away. The other girls and I stood there, looking after her, completely stunned.
“Olivia, wait.” I called.
She did not bother to slow her pace or acknowledge my voice.
“Olivia, please.” I slowed down beside her as we passed through the school doors. “What is wrong? Are you sick?”
“I need to lie down, Jocelyn. Go to class.” She still refused to meet my eye.
“No. I want to walk you home. If you are sick, I want to make sure you get home.” Her coolness toward me was making me more upset by the minute, and I struggled to remain polite if only for William’s sake.
“Please, Jocelyn. I want to be alone.” She picked up her pace.
“Olivia, this behavior of yours is ridiculous and frankly, I am getting tired of it.” I could feel the anger boiling to a head inside me and the struggle to be polite was almost impossible.
“Then go to class and leave me be!” She practically screamed in my face.
“I do not know who you think you are talking to, but I am done with your childish antics. You are so selfish, and the last thing I want to do is share my wedding day with you!” I shouted at her, making her stop in her steps.
She turned and glared at me coldly. “That is fine with me. I do not care, nor do I want to be a part of your wedding in any fashion either as your maid of honor or another bride!” she shouted back. “Now leave me alone!”
“I cannot believe the sheer amount of audacity you have! You spend several months sneaking around behind my back, seeing my brother, writing him letters, and now you are the one intruding on my wedding and you are mad at me! How rich!”
“You have no clue what you are talking about. I do not want to share my wedding day with you any more than you want to share it with me!” Her harsh tone raised yet another octave.
“Wonderful. It is settled then, and you can tell my pr
ecious brother your spin on it, making it all look like my fault, as always!” I could not imagine the wrath my brother was going to bestow upon me for this.
“Do you honestly believe he cares? He does not want our wedding with yours any more than I do.”
Now I was stunned. What in the world is going on that I do not know about?
“Then why are you doing this to me? I do not understand you at all.”
“And you never will.” Hatred blazed from her eyes.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I shot back, glaring at her. I was so sick of her games and wanted some real answers.
“Jocelyn, you live in your perfect little paradise with your perfect little romance and perfectly planned wedding and you have no clue whatsoever what life is really about!”
“What is wrong with you? How dare you talk to me like that!”
“You have spent your life in your properly sheltered bubble without any idea of what a relationship truly entails!”
Tears rolled silently down my cheeks as I stared at the face of someone who had once been my dearest friend and now, somehow, turned into someone I did not recognize at all. Thankfully, there was no one around to hear her nasty words since our afternoon classes had already resumed.
“Your life has been just as sheltered as mine,” I mumbled.
“You know nothing,” she spat back.
“What did I ever do to you, Olivia?” My voice was now weak. All the anger had disappeared, and all I could feel was pain.
“Nothing, Jocelyn! Nothing! You are perfect! Always!”
The hatred remained in her eyes, and it made no sense at all.
“I am not perfect, Olivia. You of all people know it,” I said softly.
“Oh, yes you are, and I am so tired of living in your shadow!” she shouted back.
Her words totally surprised me. I never had any idea she felt that way. “When have you ever lived in my shadow?”
“Ever since we were little kids. Now, when someone close to you wants to be with me, you cannot stand it!” I could see her hands trembling as if she wanted nothing more than to reach out and strike me.
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