“What? I’m not saying he’s not good looking. I mean, how can I? That much is obvious. But I told you all before I’m not looking for a boyfriend.” I flopped down across my bed.
“Yeah yeah. We all know you’re concentrating on school and sports, blah, blah, blah.” Hilary mocked from my closet floor, sorting my shoes and trying them on. “Oh. I love these. Can I borrow them this week? They would go great with the outfit I just bought.”
“Sure. Now will you get out of my closet?” She was always borrowing our things.
“Fine.” Hilary pouted but put the shoes in her bag.
“He’s really nice,” Jenna stated. “You can’t tell me that you’re not the tiniest bit interested.”
“I’m not.” I got up and walked over to my DVD case. “Anyone want to watch a movie?”
“Stop trying to change the subject, Jocelyn,” Caitlyn interjected.
“Fine then. I’m putting in Sixteen Candles.” It was the perfect slumber party movie. I switched off the stereo and started the movie. “Come on, guys. Let it go, please.”
“Not until you admit that he’s the perfect guy for you. I mean, really, it’s our senior year. It’s time to have a little fun, enjoy life. Besides, it would be nice if we could all couple together.” Hilary sat down on the bed beside Jenna after changing into her sweats.
The rest of us followed her example and put on more comfortable nightclothes and got ourselves cleaned up for bed. I was hoping they would let the subject drop, but no such luck. They continued to badger me up until the moment we fell asleep.
CHAPTER 12
Sunday, October 20, 1878
SUNDAY SERVICES WERE LONG and eventless. I watched Olivia and William out of the corner of my eye. They both were looking tired and apprehensive. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through their minds. Even Olivia’s parents looked particularly upset this morning, and I wondered if they knew. From the expressions on their faces, I imagined they did. Even my parents seemed a little more fidgety than normal throughout the sermon.
After services concluded, my mother approached Jackson and me as were exiting the church. “Excuse me, Jocelyn, Jackson, could you two please return to the house and inform Sarah that supper needs to be postponed about an hour, maybe two?”
Jackson nodded, but I wanted more information. “What is going on, Mother?”
“We are staying after to speak with Reverend Jacobs. William and Miss Olivia and her parents will remain behind as well.”
I nodded knowingly. Mother turned and rejoined my father, who looked both upset and angry.
Jackson helped me climb into his carriage and promptly joined me. He draped a blanket across my legs to shield me from the bitter wind that had sprung up last night,
“I am glad I am not in there for that conversation.” Jackson looked at me with wide eyes.
“For once, so am I.”
“I guess their secret is out.”
“Mimi told me last night she knew,” I confirmed.
“Really? I guess everyone knows but is being too polite to say anything to either of them.” Jackson held the reins steady as the horse began to trot.
“My father looked really upset.” My father was normally such a calm and reasonable man that I really worried when he got upset.
“He is. You missed a huge fight last night.”
“Really? I did not hear anything.” How did he know that about an argument in my house when I did not?
“That’s because it was behind closed doors in your father’s study, on the other end of the house. But I guarantee anyone in the near proximity heard plenty.” He grimaced.
“Were you in there?”
“Yes. William, both your parents, and me and it did not go well. Your mother cried a lot and even slapped William across the face when he told them.” I could not help it. That made me giggle and Jackson gave me a look of disapproval, which I ignored. “Your father shouted at him about honor, duty, responsibilities, and restraint. I have never seen your parents so upset in my life. It was ten times worse than when the whole studying law thing broke.”
We arrived at the house and left the carriage out front. Both of us were unsure what to do until the others arrived. We spent the next two hours pacing around the family room. Jackson would occasionally stoke the fire just for something to do with his hands. I watched his movements carefully, wondering what it would be like to be with him finally. I quickly dismissed the thoughts from my mind and focused back on the situation at hand. Clearly, those types of thoughts were what caused this situation in the first place.
I walked over to the piano and sat down. I fumbled a few times before I could get my fingers to play a solid melody that made any sense. Jackson continued to pace the room while I attempted to play. Both of us remained silent. I had no idea of the amount of humiliation my parents must be experiencing at this moment, nor could I imagine the state they were going to be in once they returned home.
I could hear whispers from the staff from the kitchen. Each of them clearly had overheard the argument last night. There were many speculations flying about. Sarah came in occasionally to see if we needed anything or to refresh our tea, but neither of us were hungry.
Time crawled by as we both stared at the clock on the mantle. Three hours. Nothing. Eventually, I gave up on trying to play anything that resembled a song so I got up and paced the room with Jackson.
Finally, at about five o’clock, everyone arrived home. The tension rolled in along with the group, and there was an awkward silence that filled the room. Father immediately walked over to the bar and poured himself a scotch and one for Olivia’s father, Benjamin. They both gulped it down in flash. My mother did not bother to remove her shawl or bonnet before she stalked off into the kitchen to check on supper. Her face looked tired and drained. Jackson and I stood in the middle of the six individuals, feeling completely out of place.
“Is anyone hungry?” Olivia’s mother, Harriet, asked, removing her shawl. She was attempting to be polite, but I could tell her actions were forced.
“No thank you,” my father answered. “I have lost my appetite.” He glanced over at William, who was staring at the floor, looking utterly ashamed.
Olivia did not look any better than William. She still had tear streaks on her face, and her eyes were red and swollen from crying.
Mother re-entered the room, finally removing her shawl and bonnet and handing them to Eddie. “Now let us not make this any worse, Patrick. Everything has been said and done. This is the time for us to calm down. We have another wedding to plan and not much time to do it in.”
My father let out a grunt of disapproval but followed her into the dining room with Olivia’s parents.
Jackson, Olivia, William, and I stayed behind, not sure whether to follow or not.
“Well, you got your wish, little sister. Your wedding will be a solo event and as perfect as you planned.” William was the first to break the silence between us. His expression toward me was one of pure hatred.
“What happened?” I whispered more to Jackson than to Olivia or William.
“We cannot get married in the church or by a minister. We have disgraced our families and shamed ourselves, but your day will be perfection. Happy now?” William stormed out of room and left the house, slamming the front door behind him. Jackson reached over and squeezed my hand and took off after my brother, leaving me alone with Olivia.
“I am so sorry, Olivia.” It was the truth.
“Please, do not apologize. You did nothing wrong. I am the one who is sorry for my behavior.”
I reached over and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly. Her tears fell upon my shoulder as she sobbed in my arms.
“I cannot believe this is happening to me. How could I have gotten myself in this situation?”
“It is all right. Everything is going to be all right.” I tried to comfort her.
“How can you say that? Everyone is going to know now. Reverend Jacob
s yelled at us, saying that we had disgraced God and our families by our lustful actions and it was a sin against God!” Her crying was uncontrollable. “Everyone is going to judge me.” She sobbed. I wanted to reassure her, but I knew she was right.
“No one is judging you on anything.” I knew as I said the words that it was a lie.
“Yes they are, and they will. Everyone will, and you know it.”
I tried to remain clear-headed and calm her down. I walked her over to the lounge and made her sit down beside me.
“Olivia, you have to relax.” She slowly nodded her head. “Tell me what happened.”
“I can’t. I don’t even know myself.” She blew her nose in her handkerchief. “It was Labor Day weekend and we had just left the picnic with everyone, remember?” I nodded. “We walked down by the lake and sat out under the stars, and things just got out of hand.” She cried harder again. “I am so sorry. I know I should have stopped him, but I have been so lonely since I lost Sean and I was sure that I was never going to love anyone again.”
“I understand, Olivia. I honestly do.”
I sat there in silence with her for some time, holding her while she cried. Everything now made perfect sense to me. I could no longer be upset with her or William.
Jackson and William returned shortly after dark. I got up and let William take my place holding Olivia, who was still crying. I took Jackson’s hand and we walked over to the foyer and sat down on the bottom of the stairs.
“Is William all right?”
“No,” he whispered.
“What did he say?”
“Just a lot of rambling. He is really beating himself up over this.” Jackson put his arm around me, and I leaned against him.
“So is Olivia.”
“Did she finally talk to you?” He kissed my forehead lightly.
“Yes.” I looked up into his beautiful, green eyes and saw how tired they looked. This entire situation was taking its toll on all of us.
“You both okay now?” He kept his voice low.
“Much better.” I mustered a smile for him.
“I am glad to hear that. She needs you right now. She feels as if everyone is judging her.”
“I know, and the sad thing is, she’s right. Everyone is going to be talking.”
We both knew it was true. Everyone loves a juicy story, and this had all the right ingredients.
“Yes, but we can at least do our best to be supportive of them. You really need to try to patch things up with William also.”
“I will, but he is more difficult than Olivia. I know that I should not, but a small part of me is still blaming him for this. I am so disappointed in him for doing this to her.”
“It takes two, Jocelyn. She is as responsible for this situation as he is.”
“I know, but he had to realize that she was still struggling with everything since losing Sean and was feeling all alone. I cannot help it. A part of me feels like he took advantage of that.”
He gave me a coy smile that said something I did not quite understand. “I see why you might think that, but he truly did not.”
“She told me how she was feeling that night by the lake.”
“He told me also that they had discussed Sean, but they also were falling in love with each other for some time before that evening, and William did not force himself on her. Your brother is not like that. You know that, Jocelyn.”
Truly I could not imagine my hyper yet gentle and loving brother forcing himself on anyone. “I know.”
“The best thing we can do now is let them both know that we are here for them without judgment.” I nodded, resting my head against his shoulder.
We sat there for a while, during which both sets of parents stayed in the dining room. At one point, my father passed by us and went out the front door without a word and returned several minutes later with both of Jackson’s parents. They proceeded to follow my father into the dining room without as much as a hello to either of us.
A half hour later, Emily motioned for all of us to join them in the dining room. Everyone was seated around the table, and the four of us reluctantly joined them. Our parents all held the same sullen expressions.
“As you all might have guessed, we have been trying to find a solution that is best suitable for everyone in this situation. Some difficult decisions have been made.”
Benjamin started off the conversation. He and my father sat opposite of each other at the ends of the table. Both men looked terribly upset and as if they were struggling to control their anger. William and Olivia both stared at the table, waiting for their fate to be decided for them. My heart went out to each of them.
“Since it is now impossible for you two to marry in a church or by a Reverend, Mr. Chandler has graciously agreed to reside over a small ceremony that will take play on November second at our home. It will be a quiet affair with only immediate family, no friends. An announcement will be released after Thanksgiving, not before.”
“There will also be no mention of this wedding before it takes place to anyone outside the immediate family.” Patrick joined in, looking particularly annoyed. “William will remain in school and finish his degree. Miss Olivia, you will not return to school after the wedding. You both will reside within this household, since it will be easier to conceal the pregnancy for as long as possible so that dates can be rearranged without much notice. Your siblings will remain in the dark for the sake of their innocence.”
“Once William finishes school, he will take a position at Mr. Chandler’s law firm and work alongside him and Jackson. At that point in time, you will proceed to purchase a home for you and your family.” Benjamin glared so hard at my brother I swore it bore a hole straight through him.
William only nodded and remained silent, looking at the table.
Jackson and I sat quietly, absorbing our surroundings with despair. I held his hand under the table and gently squeezed it from time to time as the fathers’ tones became harsher and harsher.
Olivia and William were seated across from us. Olivia had silent tears rolling down her face. I noticed my bother reach over and place his hand over hers and squeeze it gently in an attempt to comfort her. They both looked so young, not even close to adults at all and certainly not ready for the life that was now being carefully planned out and laid down before them.
“Any questions?”
But both remained silent and only shook their heads.
“Fine. You kids can leave now.
I looked over at Jackson, who hesitated a moment before rising himself. I could tell the insult my father just stated upset him, but I guess he figured now was not the time to say anything.
The four of us exited the dining room and wandered into the kitchen. It had finally occurred to me that I had not eaten since breakfast. Sarah quickly assembled a makeshift dinner out of leftovers for the four of us. Jackson and I both ate everything, but William and Olivia barely touched their plates.
“Are you feeling all right?” I looked over at Olivia.
“I will be fine. I just need time to adjust to all the changes.” She gave me a weak smile.
“It will take some time.” Jackson tried to soothe her.
“I guess,” William replied. “I suppose you are thrilled with this turn of events, Jocelyn?”
His comment took me by surprise.
“Now you get to have your perfect solo wedding just the way you always wanted it.” He threw down the roll he was playing with and suddenly Jackson’s face turned angry.
“That was uncalled for, William. Apologize now!”
I had never really heard Jackson speak in such a tone before, and I could tell he was struggling with control. I had been arguing with my brother for as long as I could remember, so his comment had not bothered me much. It was typical of William to project his anger when he could not confront the real source of it.
I placed my hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. “Jackson, please. Let it go,” I whispered.
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“Me? What about your little princess? Her behavior has been unforgivable for over a week, but she gets her way in the end, as always!” William shouted at Jackson.
“Sir, you apologize now or step outside!” Jackson’s voice reached a new level.
“Now stop it, boys. You are not children anymore,” Sarah scolded in a firm voice, stepping in between the two in attempt to save her kitchen.
Olivia and I could only stare. I had never seen them argue, let alone get into a physical altercation.
“Outside,” William growled through gritted teeth.
Jackson immediately threw off his suit jacket, turned, and stormed out the back door with William right on his heels.
The two stood under the cover of darkness in the middle of a light rain. Jackson barely had time to turn around to confront William before William swung a cheap punch at Jackson’s face, catching him off guard. Jackson returned with a quick jab to William’s jaw. William tagged him in response and the two men fell to the ground, screaming horrible insults at each other while the punches flew.
Olivia, Sarah, and I stood on the back patio, too stunned to say anything. I had witnessed many fights over the years between my brothers, but none had ever escalated to this level before I had no idea what to do to stop them. I was afraid to get in the middle for fear that they would accidentally take a swing at me also.
Soon, all of our parents surrounded Olivia and me, along with Eddie and Mimi. Benjamin took a couple of steps toward William and Jackson, but Robert grabbed his arm.
“Let them fight it out. William needs this.”
“You cannot be serious?” Benjamin looked livid.
“Yes. Very much so.” Robert held firm to Benjamin’s arm.
“Benjamin, I agree. William needs to work his anger out, and Jackson is letting him.” Patrick stood on the other side of Benjamin, making sure he did not interrupt the fight.
I stared at our fathers in disbelief. Perhaps William did need to work out some anger, but why did he have to use Jackson as a punching bag? I did not want William to hurt him, nor did I want to see my brother hurt. I could certainly understand why he was so angry. The entire course of his life has been dramatically altered, and he was helpless to fix it.
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