“I was sent from Paradise to guard over a special person—a young girl. I was never to reveal myself to her as an angel. As you know, I have the ability to shapeshift. I used it to conceal who I really was so I could stay close to her. I even changed my name. I befriended her and protected her for years, whether she knew she was in danger or not. I fell in love with her… and she fell in love with me. I was ordered to cease all romantic ties with her. I broke her heart, but we remained friends.
“Years later, there was an attack, and I was outnumbered by Fallen. I wasn’t fast enough, and they tried to kill her. When I tried to reach her, the enemy transported me to a desert. I fought to get back, but he pulled me into the Veil. She almost died, but she was strong and unrelenting. She survived. I was full of rage for the beasts that tried to kill the only person I had ever loved. I took out the Fallen who pulled me into the Veil and used him to breech Sheol. I was going to hunt down every last one of them.
“I came across the Prince and attacked him. Then, I was captured and tortured. Azrael came to me. He said I had defied angelic law by crossing over into Sheol. So, my essence fell. My golden wings turned dark with shame, and I was placed into Beleth’s legion to serve. I was brought back to the surface when he took over the mission to capture you.”
I remember how sad he was when I asked, “What happened to the girl?”
His words echo in my mind, “That's a story for another time.”
I make the connection I've been denying since I laid eyes on Solas and whisper into the wind, voicing my realization, “Gideon.” A tear falls down my face. I’m such an idiot! I should have made the connection long ago. His eyes, the way he moves, and the fact he's the only person who ever called me “princess” as an endearment and not a title. Gideon. How am I supposed to face him now? What do I say? How could he keep this from me? I glance back down at my phone. I now have ten unanswered text messages from Alice. I open them to see what she has to say.
Alice: I'm so sorry! I couldn’t tell u. I swore an oath!
Alice: He told me he would tell u when u were ready.
Alice: Ivy, please answer me.
Alice: I’m sorry.
Alice: Where did u go?
Alice: Come back and get us. We can talk about this.
Alice: Ivy, please.
Alice: Ivy!
Alice: I need 2 know u r at least safe.
Alice: Fine. I’m coming 2 look for u.
I know she'll find me soon if I stay here, and I'm not ready to see her yet. I can’t believe she would keep something like that from me. They all blame me for his fall. It is my fault. I have to find a way to fix this. I take my jacket off as I slide into my car. I have to find somewhere to be alone. I’m not ready to face anyone yet. Especially Solas. I take out my cellphone and text Alice back.
Me: I need 2 b alone. I need space 2 think. Please let me have
that. I’ll be @ our house.
I start the engine and my phone beeps with her response.
Alice: What do I tell S?
“You mean, Gideon?” I mumble before texting her back.
Me: Tell him the truth, but make sure he understands I need
space. I'll call u when I’m ready 2 talk.
As I leave the dirt road and reach the main stretch of highway leading back into town, my phone beeps again.
Alice: Ok.
The house is dark and cold when I arrive. No one has stayed here in weeks, during which time the temperature has dropped so dramatically it's been snowing off and on. Switching on the foyer light, I close the front door with my foot. I saunter into the living room and start a fire in the hearth. My body collapses to the floor in front of the fireplace. The motion jars my body and stirs a world of emotions inside me that are so intense I can barely breathe. Sitting in the quiet dark and waiting for the flames to grow higher, I pull my knees to my chest. I need this place of peace to be alone, to think, to cope, and manage my emotions. My heart needs the time to process and accept the things my mind already knows.
Solas is Gideon. Gideon never betrayed me. It’s my fault he fell. If he wasn’t responsible for me in the first place, he never would have slipped into Sheol to avenge what he thought was my death.
Tracing the outline of my lips with my thumb, I replay everything Solas has said to me, everything we did. I should have known better. I chose to believe things are only black and white, when in reality, as I look closer, everything's indistinguishable shades of gray.
He's loved me all along. I stopped loving him when I thought he betrayed me. And in a way, he has. He kept this from me. He lied. How can I trust him now? Do I still love him? I do. I still love him. But how could he ever love me when I was the sole reason for his fall? How can I face him again? I have to find a way to fix this.
I must have closed my eyes at some point in the night while settling into the staleness of my surroundings.
I'm kindled awake with a soft glow, and the smell of dark roast coffee. I hear her stir beside me. Keeping my eyes shut, I grumble, “What are you doing here, Alice?”
She releases an audible sigh that compels me to open my eyes. Sitting on the red sofa with her legs crossed, she leans forward with her elbows on her knee and a steaming white mug clutched in her hands as she looks down at me on the floor. “Look, I understand sometimes you need to distance yourself from a situation to see it more clearly, but this isn’t the case of this particular situation,” she states firmly. Her tone leaves no room for argument.
Pushing up to my hands to see her better, I rasp, “Is that coffee for me? Because if this is how we’re going to start the morning, I'll need a few cups.” She passes the warm mug to me with a tight lipped grimace. I sit up and cross my legs beneath me as I take a sip of the dark bitter liquid. Bringing the mug away from my lips, I stare at the floor to avoid Alice’s scrutiny. “I can’t face him right now, Alice,” I mumble to the ground.
“Well, neither can I. He’s pretty pissed off at me right now. He said he planned on telling you after we dealt with Lucian. He didn’t want anything distracting you from the mission. I do find it rather shitty your father didn’t bother to tell us what happened to him. He could have mentioned that he fell instead of letting us search everywhere for your ‘missing warrior’, ya’ know?”
Her last statement opens a whole new can of worms I don’t want to get into. Solas was the missing warrior. Though it makes sense to me now as to why he was missing, I decide to let it go for now and bob my head in agreement. “I heard him tell one of the brothers over the phone that he wanted to wait to tell me. This is all my fault, Alice. He’s been trying to tell me for a while now. I wouldn’t let him. I told him that his past didn’t matter and I would still love him.”
“He made his choices, Ivy. This isn't your fault. Neither is it your fault that he fell. That was his choice as well.”
“But if it wasn’t for me, he never would have been in the position to fall in the first place.”
Alice sits up, “His journey was meant to be. It was his destiny. You can't blame yourself for his fall. It was already written in the stars for him. His journey has and continues to mold him into the being he is and needs to be. The path he took was exactly what was needed to bring him to where he is now. And now is exactly where he's intended to be.”
A tear runs down my cheek. I know she's right, even though I can’t seem to stop blaming myself. “How could his destiny be to fall from Light into Darkness? What sick and twisted mind writes these destinies for us to suffer?”
Alice tilts her head with a loving smile. Her soft voice caresses my heart, “You already know the answer to that. Beings are not meant to be omnipotent. There's a purpose for everything that happens to us. In spite of it all, not everything will turn out the way you want or expect it to. It'll blind you and kick your teeth in. All the pain, losses, and betrayals will become a branding mark on your tongue. You won’t always wake up to beautiful wine-roses blossoming outside your window.” She slide
s off the sofa to her knees in front of me. Her tone becomes firm again as she grips the tops of my arms, “And when you don’t, I'll be here to pick you up and set you straight. We have a battle to win, and we can’t let this get in the way of our rationalizations.”
I wipe my face with frustration. “What do you suggest? How do I get past this and face him again?”
Alice shrugs her shoulders, “There's only one thing to do now... Pizza, alcohol, cards, and cigars.” She winks at me, and I shake my head.
She knows me too well. We exchange cunning smiles and spend the rest of the day doing exactly what we need to do—unwind and refocus. Alice sends a text to Eric, letting him know where we are and asks him to bring our armor and costumes over. We don’t plan on leaving the house until absolutely necessary, and that isn’t until it’s time for the Greek Masquerade Ball the next night.
Neither of us are ready to face Solas, and while we want to use our time away to sort through our thoughts, it works well for our plans to deter Lucian as well. Alice and I decide to leave from home and drive straight to the colosseum in our costumes for the gig, keeping us separate from the group. Everything seems to be working out perfectly, but I know better than to get comfortable. Our reprieve is only the calm before the Hell storm.
Chapter 28
Alice leaps out of bed beside me, “Oh, crap! Eric was supposed to bring our costumes last night!”
“Shh!” I shush her harshly, half hanging off the bed with my hair in my face.
Her form blurs with angelic speed as she searches the chaos of my bedroom for her cellphone. Throwing a jacket off of an open empty pizza box in the floor, Alice snatches her phone from inside of it. Her fingers fly over its screen with rapid tapping. “Oh, good,” she says in relief. “He dropped them off on the porch after we passed out.”
I grumble, “Awesome. What time is it?”
She glances at her phone. “Crap!” Her wide eyes zero in on me, “It’s three o’clock.”
“What! We only have three hours to be out the door!” I jump out of bed and grab my towel. “You make coffee while I take a shower. Then, we’ll switch, and I'll make breakfast.” Wildly, we charge off in different directions and spend the next three hours showering, eating, putting on make-up, styling our hair, and squeezing into our costumes.
When she told me at the beginning of the semester that her costume was a surprise, she had said, “It’s very… me.” I laughed at the irony when she came out of her room in a purple dress, fake white angel wings strapped to her back, and a fuzzy white halo on top of her head.
By six o’clock, we're in my car, and I'm driving towards Red Meadow University’s campus. Alice sends a text message to Becky and Regan that we're on our way to the colosseum, and Regan lets us know she and Becky have all the gear packed into her Xterra. Alice sends another text to Eric to let everyone know we'll meet them at the Masquerade Ball and relays his response, “Ok. Everyone's standing by and will head out right as we're taking the stage. They decided to come in together as a group... at the same time.”
“Why are they changing the plan?” I ask, giving her a sidelong glance, trying to ignore the bouncing halo attached to her head.
“I’m not sure, but it makes sense if you think about it. If they come in as a group, Lucian will still be looking for you in this,” she gestures to the racy ringmaster costume I'm wearing, save for its top hat and matching gold masquerade mask—which Alice talked me into getting because it matched her purple one. My costume’s white, spaghetti strap top has a thick gold outline accentuating my cleavage. The red velvet tailcoat has black cuffs lined with gold lace, matching the bow tie around my neck, while gold tassels hang off the shoulders and beautiful rhinestones accent the lapels. My black high-waist shorts appear straight out of the seventies, and accompanied with my black suede Steve Madden ankle boot stilettos, my bare legs go on for miles. Alice continues, “This way, Lucian will see you on stage as a ringmaster at the same time our guys walk in together. Once we change into our armor after the gig, he'll still be looking for the ringmaster, not the warrior.”
“Ok. I agree. That does sound better. It'll give me a chance to scope him out. Maybe we can lure him out of the colosseum and away from the humans.” I find it odd that I'm starting to recognize myself as unhuman.
“And how do you expect to lure him out?”
“I’m not sure yet. I’m just flying by the seat of my nonexistent pants here,” I mumble as I pull around the back parking lot of the colosseum.
The sun is setting behind the colorful foliage lining the campus, painting the sky orange and pink. I shut the engine off and stare into the distance in contemplation. I find it difficult to get into the right mindset. On one hand, I need to be ready to release my emotions on stage through the music. On the other, I need to prepare myself for battle. I want to catch Lucian off guard, entice him into following me away from the party, and attack him when he least expects it. This night, I need to be a rock goddess and a lethal warrior all in the same. Shouldn't be too far of a reach—I've got this.
Alice interrupts my reverie, “One thing at a time, Ivy. Roll with the punches.” I glance to her with an crooked grin. “Come on. Let’s get the party started,” she urges with a small smile.
Alice and I grab our duffle bags containing our armor out of my trunk and enter the back of the colosseum. Hardcore-punk-ska music echoes off the walls of the massive auditorium and through the outlining halls. The music’s high energy triggers my body, and my blood begins to pump harder through my veins. A pleased smile breaks across my face in delight. We traverse the halls backstage until we find our dressing room door marked ‘The Red’. Alice barges in, and we find Regan slapping the strings of her unplugged bass. “Hey!” Regan shouts as we enter and drop our bags next to the lit up vanities.
“Where’s Becky?” I ask her.
Regan stands to put her bass away, “She ran off to find drinks. We’ve got about an hour until set-up. We’re up after Killing Karma.”
I join Alice at the vanity and check my hair and make-up. She helps me pin my top hat in place on top of my head so it won’t fall off during our set. Becky kicks the door open and stumbles in with four large solo cups, two in each hand. Fucking drummers, I chuckle to myself.
Becky passes spiked punch around to each of us, “Drink up, ladies! We’ve got a hellova show to play!”
We cheer to her toast, chug our drinks, and put on our masks before we join the party, which is in full swing. Walking into the colosseum, my ears ring with guttural vocals of a pop-punk song. There are more fraternity and sorority students than I imagined there would be. My eyes widen upon witnessing at least two thousand co-eds grinding, jumping, and thrashing to the beat of the music piercing our ears. My heart rate picks up instantly with nervousness. There are so many people here I find it hard not to feel paranoid. I anticipate every soul in the room, at any moment, will turn on me and converge with aggressive malevolent intent. Alice taps my arm rapidly with the back of her hand, “Um… Ivy?”
My head snaps to her. She points at the front entrance. “What?” I ask, following her gaze. “What the fuck are they doing here so early?” I growl as our armor clad unit comes through the front doors together.
“I don’t know,” she says, worry marring her face.
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter. They’re here already. Let’s go mingle until we’re up,” I suggest.
The band on stage begins to play a slow song, making it easier for Alice and me to split separate ways while trying to keep our distance from our not-so-subtle hoard of comrades entering the party. The further I walk away, the more gravity I feel pulling me back. I pause with the feeling of Solas’ nearness. I take a few more steps, and a black gloved hand grips my arm to stop me in my tracks. For a brief instant, I fear Lucian's found me before I realized his presence. But the touch is warm and sends tingles down my spine. I spin around to find a tall and broad, black clad warrior from our small army.
“I can’t do this right now, Solas,” I grumble.
He stands unmoving, as if he expects me to say something. His gloved hand over the thick velvet sleeve of my tailcoat hinders my ability to feel his emotions, but I sense something amiss. The leather enveloping his touch slowly slides down my red velvet sleeve to entwine with my exposed fingertips. His other arm wraps around my waist and draws me closer to him. I rest my free hand on his bicep, and he begins to sway, leading me in an intimate and gentle waltz.
I try to search his eyes peeking beneath his cowl. They're dark from our surroundings, and his gaze bores into mine with intensity. Knowing he'll hear me over the chaos with his angelic hearing, I whisper, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Solas.”
Before I can continue, his body becomes still and tense as if there's danger. His eyes slightly widen. It's so minute I would have missed it if I hadn't been staring. He jerks my arm and guides me through the slow moving crowd. Barging into my bands dressing room, we catch Alice and Eric in an intense conversation. They pause and stare at us in shock as we stop inside the door. Without a word, my warrior escort points to the open door, furiously gesturing for them to leave us.
As the door slams shut behind the Reapers, I yell, “What's up with you?”
He reels on me and grabs the tops of my arms firmly. His eyes are different. They're a beautiful, vibrant green. I realize this warrior's not Solas. My hand reaches up to the warrior’s helmet with violent tremors. When my fingertips touch the cover on his cheeks, I urge the solid black metal down. My heart gives a solid thump in my throat before plummeting to my core. The black helmet falls from the warrior's face.
My voice comes out a mere whisper, so soft I don’t know if I speak at all, “Jack.”
MIDNIGHT DIVINE (The Helio Trilogy Book 1) Page 36