by Scott Toney
Matters of Trust
Lilya stood at the mouth of the cave Alexander and the hawks were living in. Her dress flowed in the wind that blew in from the opening and she breathed a deep breath of the evening air.
“We can’t trust him,” Alexander pled with her.
She had told him of Felicia’s suggestion earlier in the day and he agreed it was a good idea if lives could be saved. He had promised to protect her no matter what her decision was. He had even agreed with the idea that someone should come with them for extra protection. But that was before she had spoken with Juniper and Cypress and realized neither of them could accompany her. They had been chosen as leaders for two of the companies to be sent in to attack Havilah.
“We have no choice,” Lilya said with conviction. “Any warrior who would be up to the task has business elsewhere. Even Alinar and Vansir are needed to help in the attack.”
“Surely Juniper or Cypress can be convinced to change their minds. Or maybe Jonah would come.” Smoke rose into the tops of the cavern from Alexander’s nostrils. “We can’t trust Carn. I feel something in his soul running deep with things you do not understand.”
“That is something else.” Lilya turned around to look at him. “You allude to the idea we shouldn’t trust Carn because he hides things from us. Yet you say things all the time, eluding to your past or things you know, and don’t share those things with me. Why is it that I should trust your secrets and not his?” She was serious. She trusted him and did not trust Carn. But she felt guilty for feeling that way.
“There are things…” Alexander lowered his head and looked away from her, causing the hawks to call out and ruffle their feathers in the corner of the cave. “There are just some things I cannot speak of.”
“And for now I can accept that. But if Carn is the one to come with us, then I need to know you will accept him as our partner.” She could feel a headache coming on. There was so much to think about, to consider. “Why?” she asked, trying to be open minded. “Why are you so adamant that we not take him along? It would make sense to bring him. He’s the only one with training against these mercenaries. Do you know something about him I don’t?”
“That’s what worries me.” Alexander turned his head toward her once more and walked closer to her. The muscles in his crimson body flexed as he moved. “You know I can read your thoughts. I can read the thoughts of many humans. But Carn’s thoughts I cannot read. I am worried he was forged from some unnatural blood. For you, I wish I could trust him.”
Lilya couldn’t meet his eyes. She looked away from him. “You know we are friends. If you say you don’t trust him then I will ultimately listen to you and deny his company.”
The word “friends” had rolled too quickly off her tongue, she realized. The hurt look in Alexander’s eyes told her that he knew all too well what she had implied. Alexander is a man as well. He doesn’t share things about himself with me. He hides who he truly is. He will hurt me like any other man.
She sat down on a stone bench nearby and looked at her hands as Alexander walked over nearer to her. She could feel heat exuding from his body. Is he listening to my thoughts now?
“I will respect you, Lilya. I will respect whatever decision you come to.”
She lifted her head and looked sternly into his eyes. “What is it you’re hiding from me? I know there is something. Felicia claims she knows you from some distant time. She claims to be close kin to the first people.”
“There are certain things I cannot say.” Alexander looked ashamed. “But I want to keep what we have. If I tell you some of what I keep to myself, will you… forgive me?”
“It would be a start.” Lilya brushed a curl of brown hair away from her eyes. “The more open we are with each other, the stronger our relationship will be.” She closed her eyes, taking in the darkness of her eyelids and the breeze flowing about her. She clenched her hand and felt her nails press against her palm. “I want to care for you.”
“I care for you,” he said and then hesitated. “I was born at the beginning of time, when the first creatures roamed the earth. I was the only one of my kind and there have been none like me since.”
“How can that be?” Lilya opened her eyes and looked at him.
“You asked and I’m telling the truth. I was created to protect, to preserve. I cannot say more than that. But I hope someday I will. It is how I know things about what is happening to Thomas that no-one else could know.” Alexander pulled his wings close against his sides.
“What things? I need to know what is happening so I can know exactly what I’m doing here.”
Alexander said nothing. He looked away from her and relaxed his wings.
“I believe the figs Thomas has been eating are from something called the Tree of Knowledge, and eating them has possessed him with evil.” Lilya looked to him questioningly. “Can you tell me anything?”
Smoke curled out of Alexander’s nostrils as he closed his eyes and lay down on the cavern floor. “Yes, the fruit has possessed him with evil. I can say no more.”
Lilya walked to Alexander, touched his cheek with her hand and kissed him there. “I am going to speak with Amari and Clare to see if they can help me to sort out what to do.” She lifted her hand from his cheek and walked away from him, back into a passageway leading from his chamber and into the inner workings of the canyon.
“Will you support my decision? No matter what it is?” she called back to him.
“Yes,” Alexander simply said. His voice was strong, but there was fear and weakness behind it.
What will these days bring? she thought worriedly. I thought when I left Cush for Havilah I would find peace in my life. Now I wonder if peace will ever come.
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