by Joseph Bonis
Tracy was never a big eater, and while the past week had her much hungrier than usual, she still didn't eat more than half of the huge serving that restaurants always brought. She nibbled on dinner while she guided conversation, poking into everyone's lives and finding out what everyone had been up to. In a way, she was glad she was more aware of the conversation than normal and could guide it where she wanted. If anyone had tried to pry into her own week, she would have felt very awkward, but she reveled in the everyday lives of her friends, happy that the world was going on as it always had, despite her own experience.
It seemed all too soon that the car came to a stop on her own doorstep. Alex and Jill had already been dropped off, leaving Sing and Tracy alone in the back seat. The lingering brush of Sing's fingers over her hand still left her skin tingling, his light kiss still warm on her cheek as she climbed out.
The weekend had seemed quite far away before that evening with her friends, but come the next afternoon it seemed entirely too close. Friday she was so nervous that she called into work sick and practiced for most of the day. Finally and all too soon, it was Saturday morning. The morning flew past in a haze – she wasn't even sure if she'd eaten anything against all her nervousness, and arrived early to the dojong.
After all the preliminaries, the match had started. She wore her keiko gi, the billowing pants and snug jacket of Aikido Practice, her white belt snugged tightly around her waist. As much as she'd tried to take care of it, she'd had to replace the keiko gi several times over the years, but never the white belt, no matter how dirty - stained with sweat, dirt, and one dark splotch where a mistake during practice had splashed her blood onto it. As neat and tidy as she liked to be, she was proud of that grimy old belt, testament to the work she'd put in.
She stood opposite Grandmaster Lee on the mat, his dark-skinned face grinning with its shockingly white smile, unable to hide his pride of her. Five other local grandmasters were seated on folding chairs along one wall, the only wall that didn't have black-belt students packed along it, watching solemnly as she sparred. White-belt students weren't allowed to the black-belt test, nor were family. This was only for the black-belts, and the hopeful.
She'd finished with everything else - all the katas, the stances, the free form demonstration. All that was left was the sparring. She didn't have to defeat Grandmaster Lee - thank goodness - all she had to do was put up a good showing, and she was feeling much more comfortable now, because this was something old and familiar.
“Begin,” said the old, strong voice of one of the Grandmasters, and the two started slowly circling each other, watching carefully.
They stood lightly on their toes, each step careful and balanced. In this, Tracy was satisfied with herself - she felt balanced, her movements like smooth dancing. And this, too, was familiar - the rest of the room faded out of her awareness, there was only the mats and her opponent. He was good, she knew that, but he seemed a little clumsier than usual today. His steps were as smooth and balanced, but he kept stepping a little too far, leaving just the smallest of openings. She watched him carefully, making certain, and on the third opening she started forward.
He shifted lightly in reaction to her movement, and she saw the grab before his hand even left the guard position. She dropped back swiftly, as did he. Small movements, small shifting motions. For several minutes, they moved on like this without making a single attack, circling and shifting their weight to look for a sure advantage. It was the longest they'd ever gone like this, and Tracy was starting to be a little surprised that Grandmaster Lee hadn't attacked her yet. She knew her defense wasn't that unbreakable; he always found an opening to exploit or was just too fast for her. Today he seemed to be holding back.
“Hold!” came a voice, and the grandmasters, then the rest of the room, snapped back into Tracy's awareness. She bowed to Grandmaster Lee, as he did to her, then they turned to face the others.
The grandmaster second from the left - Tracy couldn't remember his name - had a slightly condescending air to him. “Does the kyu understand what a spar is? One generally does something during a spar other than walk around each other.”
Tracy flushed and pulled in on herself, looking at the floor. “Yes, sir,” she replied, embarrassed. She wouldn't explain herself - she knew better than to say too much.
“Well,” said another voice, sounding slightly amused. “Would the kyu like to share with us why she has not done anything yet?”
Tracy nodded, smiling, and brought her gaze back up. That would be Grandmaster Ito, the only one of the five other grandmasters that actually liked Grandmaster Lee. “Thank you, Sir,” she said respectfully. “There are two reasons. First, Grandmaster Lee and I have sparred many times. I am familiar with him, and I know that if I had attacked him at any of those times, he would be able to defeat me easily. For instance, last opening I had meant to throw a punch, then grab his wrist when he blocked and pull him to the left, since his stance was slightly off, but as soon as I moved, he shifted again so he was poised to grab my punch.” She paused slightly after this, the detail in part to distract them while she tried to think of the best way to express the other reason.
“And the second?” asked Grandmaster Yoshida, and the tone of his voice left unsaid what she was sure he wanted to say - can the kyu count to two?
“I'm not good at attacking,” Tracy said flat out, not trying to cushion it. “I'm only good at reacting to attackers. The attacks just don't feel comfortable to me.”
Grandmaster Yoshida make a rude noise. “Not that old complaint,” he snapped. “There's nothing wrong with Aikido attacks, and this kyu will tell us differently?” Tracy cringed inwardly, trying to keep a calm exterior.
“That's not fair,” said Grandmaster Ito, reproachfully. “She was telling us her strengths and weaknesses, honestly and openly, and you took it as a challenge against Aikido. Can none of us say that there is something we were not struggling with when we took the Dan? It is not the end of lessons, after all.”
Two of the grandmasters looked a little sour at that, but the other two nodded in agreement.
Grandmaster Ito then turned back to Tracy and Grandmaster Lee. “Tracy,” he said gently, “The purpose of the spar is not actually to spar. In that, I approve - the perfect Aikido match is one without an attack. However, we need you to show us that you understand more than theory and form, we need to know that you can react to attacks as they come.”
Tracy nodded. “Thank you,” she said softly, and meant it for more than just the explanation. Most of the Grandmasters didn't like Grandmaster Lee, she knew - thought he should not have been given the title Grandmaster. She didn't know the details, but at least Ito was working to give her a fair chance – only a chance. She obviously still had to earn it.
She banished these thoughts quickly from her mind as she and Grandmaster Lee faced each other once more. They delivered the ritual bow, then struck ready poses.
Grandmaster Lee repeated that last opening quite deliberately, and she took advantage of it. He shifted his weight lightly, and she automatically twitched to draw back, then forced herself forward, changing her attack into an advancing block. He tried to grab her wrist, and she pushed his hand away, rolling to his side and trying to trip him up with a hooked ankle. He hopped lightly over her foot, spinning to a defensive posture quickly as did she, the two of them grinning broadly at each other.
She attacked him a second time, then a third, each time turning her attack into a block and trying to find a grapple with him, and failing. The fourth time, she double-feinted, the block disappearing as soon as he started reacting to the grapple, and the halted punch suddenly struck forward into a weaker but still stinging attack against his breastbone, knocking him back a step. Tracy immediately followed up with a quick series of blows, but Grandmaster Lee had already recovered his balance enough to guide them away with the backs of his hands. Before he could recover any further, Tracy fell back and took up her ready stance again.
&n
bsp; Suddenly, Grandmaster Lee was on top of her, his fists and feet coming in a quick series of attacks. Tracy had all she could do just turning them away, her limbs often reacting before she had even realized the attack was coming. She barely had time to concoct a plan before one foot hooked behind the other, and she tripped over herself, falling backwards. Grandmaster Lee pressed his advantage, which she had hoped he would, and her legs untangled themselves instantly to hook around his ankle as she rolled to the side, one hand finding his elbow as he fell. She almost had him, but then he twisted just before she set the hold and was away, both of them rolling to their feet in a ready stance once again.
Once they had gotten into the flow of attack and defense, Tracy was much more comfortable. These spars were her favorite part of Aikido, like dancing with a partner. She only really enjoyed it with Grandmaster Lee, because she knew he was so good she didn't have to worry about hurting him. Heck, until a few months ago she never had gotten him in a hold even once, but that was when she had started practicing turning one attack into another mid-stance.
She hadn't gotten him the first time, but he had been surprised and given her a rare compliment. She hadn't gotten him the second time, or the third time, either. She had started out not catching him more than one time in a thousand, and now she could catch him perhaps one time out of a hundred. Today, she was in the zone - she couldn't say what it was, but everything just fell into place, everything was balanced, and it wasn't long before she found herself sitting on top of him, his leg twisted painfully, and his hand slapping a surrender against the mat. She'd only had to suffer a dozen pins before she had gotten him.
It was a shock when the voice intruded on their match, because she had long since forgotten that she was being tested. She'd been so focused on the challenge, of putting everything she had into that one goal. She leaped to her feet, as did Grandmaster Lee, and they turned to the other five Grandmasters.
“What is this?” snapped Grandmaster Yoshida. “You've been teaching her dan techniques before she has taken the test?”
Grandmaster Lee straightened up stiffly. “I have not!” he retorted, his teeth gritted. “I have taught her no more than any other kyu ready for the dan.”
With a snort of derision and a look of contempt at Tracy, Grandmaster Yoshida replied, “I suppose you teach all your kyu how to attack in combination, then?” The sarcasm lay heavy on his voice.
The broad white smile from Grandmaster Lee startled her, his stance shifting, his face, his very being radiating a fierce pride. “No,” he replied, his voice intent. “She figured it out herself.”
The hot retort by Grandmaster Yoshida was instantly cut off by the bark of laughter from Grandmaster Ito, who looked over at his fellow Grandmasters. “Well,” he exclaimed, “Our choice is obvious, isn't it? We'd best grant this young lady the dan before she decides we're just useless old men that she doesn't need anymore!”
Grandmaster Yoshida was not so easily mollified. “I suppose that's inevitable, when she's taken as long as she has to get to the test,” he grumbled. He turned to Tracy. “Why haven't you taken it before?”
Tracy stood up straight. “Sir!” she started, and her brain flailed for a half a second before she settled on her conversation with Grandmaster Lee last week. “I was afraid of the power that would come with advanced techniques. As a kyu, if I make a mistake, I break someone's arm. In the dan, if I make a mistake, I could very well kill someone.”
He snorted again. “So you no longer care if you kill someone?” he accused caustically.
Tracy felt that anger bubbling in her chest, and closed her eyes as she controlled it. “That's not it at all, Sir,” she replied, feeling something very close to the same gritting tone that Grandmaster Lee used every time he talked to Yoshida coming out of her own mouth. “It's just that I have come to realize I should more fear lacking the control that the dan will teach me.”
Grandmaster Yoshida made a noise as if he was spitting. “Ridiculous,” he said to his fellow grandmasters. “I will not approve of granting the dan to a little girl who's being ruled by her fears. My vote is decided - I say no.”
Tracy was crushed, but stood there, eyes closed, feeling the fierce emotion welling up, tears sparking in the corner of her eyes.
Grandmaster Ito immediately responded. “Well, I say she's the finest kyu I've seen before me in twenty years - while that may be because she had an extra two years to learn, I'd say that nonetheless, she's earned the right to move on to dan. It makes no sense, after all, to deny someone the dan just because they should have had it a long time ago.”
The other three grandmasters agreed, though the one sitting next to Grandmaster Yoshida sounded a little reluctant. Her heart swelled with joy just as much as she had felt the fierce pain welling not moments before, the tears in her eye now tears of pride that slipped down her cheeks as she stood there stock-straight while Grandmaster Lee removed her white belt and replaced it with a brand new, crisp, stiff black belt. She bowed to the grandmasters, and to the watching dan around her, and then her friends surrounded her, clapping her on the back while delivering enthusiastic congratulations, and she didn't care that she wept as she hugged them and laughed happily.
Congratulations were many as she found herself in the middle of her old circle of fellow students, all of them delighted for her. It was good to be back with them, she realized, and she had missed them a lot. It seemed a crowd even though it was only a few people, all their attention focused on her. She laughed, but sadly had to decline hanging out for a bit, or be able to go to a celebratory lunch.
“I'm sorry,” she said, backing towards the changing room, “But I really do have something already scheduled that I just don't have the option of missing… Next weekend, though!” she promised, “After practice!”
She rushed through the shower - no more than a quick rinse, really, as it wasn't going to matter soon enough - and got dressed. Loose jeans, t-shirt, a tough denim jacket, and leather gloves. She'd been starting to get into the tougher fabrics as she rode more on Jacob's bike, because there always lived the possibility of a tumble, and she preferred leaving her skin intact.
Her friends were first surprised, then laughed, at seeing her wearing something other than skirts as she came out. They followed her out to see Jacob waiting for her on his bike, and a few snide comments were made that Tracy laughed at and shook her head, but didn't bother dignifying with a formal rejection. She strapped her sports bag snug against her back, accepted the helmet from Jacob, slipped onto the bike behind him, and they were off.
“How'd you do?” he asked, cheerfully, as they drove down the street.
“I passed!” she cheered, giddy joy leaping up in her chest.
“Congratulations!” he replied merrily. “Let's hope that's a good omen for our fight!”
The giddy joy settled itself into a wary nervousness as she remembered that the black belt test was the easiest thing she had to look forward to today. She took a deep breath and nodded solemnly, gathering her mind together for the match ahead.
Chapter 13: Finale
Even after the week of practice and the exhilaration of the bike ride, that niggling worry still hit Tracy right in the stomach as they pulled into the parking lot of the arena. “Um … Jacob?” she asked, nervously, “Why are there so many more cars here than last week?” Every time she'd seen the parking lot, it had been nearly empty. Today, if they hadn't been riding a bike, she'd have been worried about where they were going to park.
“Well … ” Jacob said, a little hesitantly, “Last week there weren't as many cars because we came after the busiest time, but … also, word got out that Lord Pax challenged a newbie.”
Tracy's niggling worry detonated into a churning mass in her stomach. “We're going to have an audience?” she gasped. “I'm nervous enough as it is!”
“Don't worry!” Jacob reassured her, “This is actually win / win for you. If you win, you come out looking awesome, and if you lose, it looks li
ke Pax is just being a bully. Both of which are true.”
It took a moment for Tracy to realize she'd been complimented, and she squeezed Jacob in a warm hug. “Awwww… thank you!” she chirped, the hollow feeling less scary, but not disappearing entirely.
As Jacob settled the bike into its place, Tracy was struck anew by how busy the place seemed. All week long, the place had been practically deserted, but now there were hundreds of people here. At first, the pressure of all of them on her mind seemed like it would give her a migraine, but instead there was a feeling as if a brief overwhelming panic, and then it all faded away from her impression. Oddly enough, it left her feeling calmer than she had been - she couldn't even feel Jacob right next to her, and that final release of pressure let her feel as if her mind was finally her own for the first time in over a week.
Tracy noticed a woman hurrying towards them. She was wearing black slacks and a trim charcoal woman's suit coat over a burgundy blouse, and her long black hair was tied up in a professional bun with enough brass decorations to escape the librarian look. She was carrying a notepad and looked very excited.
“Jacob?” she asked.
Jacob heard the question in her voice and looked up, then gave a resigned sigh as he took Tracy's helmet and shoved it into a shadow up to his wrist, depositing it in that far-away storage shed. “I should have expected that,” he sighed. “Our resident reporter-”
“Tina Krowski, Midshadow Times!” Tina interrupted as she came up before them. “Tracy, right? Do you have time for a quick interview?”
Tracy took a glance at Jacob, and he nodded and gestured encouragingly. “Your call, but might as well let her get your story,” he reassured her.