by Holly Hart
I realize with shock that I actually want this to happen. For the first time in my life, I want to sleep with a man.
Not just any man.
I want to sleep with Nate.
But I’m scared.
We haven’t even kissed.
The biggest problem, though, is I haven’t told him my secret.
I take another gulp of wine, and stare into the glass. The heat spreading in my stomach gives me the strength I need to speak.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask.
“Doing what?” Nate growls – and it is a growl.
I shoot him a knowing look. “You know: pursuing me; being nice to me; being kind to me. It doesn’t make sense. You’re, well – you. And I’m… me.”
I look at him out of the corner of my eye, and as I do a shadow flashes across his face. I wonder what it means. He almost looks…
…Guilty?
“Why do you think about yourself like that?” Nate whispers. I have to lean in to hear him, and I get hit with another shock of longing when our shoulders touch.
Again, I’m hyperaware of everything: my every movement, and Nate’s. Should I pull back? Will Nate think too much of it? I wish I could just copy him – his easy movement, his…
…Everything.
“I don’t want to be just another notch, you know?” I say. “It might not mean anything to you, but it’s different for me.”
“What is?” Nate asks.
I have to close my eyes to even say it, with him sitting so close. “Sex.”
I know where this is leading. I know that if he starts undressing me right now, I’ll go along with it, no matter what I said before. I press my legs together, and my pussy sparks with heat. I’m soaked. No matter how hard I try to push back on my desire: it’s impossible. I lean into Nate’s powerful, muscular body.
Nate doesn’t say a word, not for a long time. I start to get nervous that he’s about to mock me, but he doesn’t.
“I would never do anything to hurt you, Kim,” he growls. “Sex isn’t some demon to be scared of, at least … it isn’t to me. It can be beautiful, magical even. You don’t know someone until you’ve seen them naked, until you’ve seen them at their most intimate.”
“It’s not just physical, Kim,” he says, stroking my cheek. I dare not move, or speak. I’m completely under his spell.
“You say stop, I stop. You say go, I go,” he whispers, his lips now grazing my ear, “you say slower, I slow, and,” his voice lowers, deepens, throbs, “if you say faster…”
Nate tails off. My mouth is dry. Every place where we touch each other, feels like sparks are bursting into life.
“Yes…” I whisper.
“Yes what?” Nate growls. “Tell me what you want, Kim.”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but lust is overtaking me. I feel like I’m caught in a fast-flowing river, and I don’t care that I’m being dragged along by the current. Not when it feels this good.
“Yes,” I whisper. I want you.”
Nate’s face moves, and suddenly his lips attach to mine. It’s not what I expected. I thought he would go in hard, press his lips against my mouth, probe with his tongue.
But he does none of that.
Nate is gentle, and delicate. His lips pepper mine with kisses, and his hand moves up from my thigh, where it’s been burning all this time, and leaves a trail of fire all the way up my side as he strokes me.
I don’t move. I’m stuck. Every nerve ending, everywhere he touches me, is exploding. It’s delightful, it’s perfect.
Nate takes my lower lip in his, and caresses it with his tongue. I moan into him. He pushes me back against the couch, and my stomach does backflips as I fall. But it’s not nerves; it’s excitement. It’s anticipation. I’m not nervous anymore, not about anything he’ll do to me. I trust him. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how, but I do.
It’s everything about him: the way he asks, and the way he takes. It’s the way he speaks exactly what’s on his mind, and his gentle touch.
It’s his smell. I don’t know what it is, but it makes me feel safe. I realize now that whenever I see him, whenever I enter his bubble, I smile. I feel comfortable, comforted, and protected.
I let out a little moan, and my head falls back. Nate layers my open neck with kisses. They feel like little meteorites landing in a ball of flames. Wherever his lips land, my skin explodes in fire.
“What do you want?” Nate growls, his mouth pressed against my breastbone. His deep, low, hungry voice vibrates through my chest.
“You…” I whisper again.
“No,” he says, his throat hoarse with desire. “Tell me what you want me to do to you… Exactly.”
I squeeze my eyelids shut tight. I know what I want. I can’t deny it any longer. I can’t deny myself any longer. I’m only human and Nate … Well, he’s gorgeous. But I’m filled with embarrassment even thinking about my desire, let alone admitting it.
Nate scrapes his fingernails down my torso. I let out a moan. He lifts my shirt hem and kisses my stomach, and my pussy throbs with heat.
“I want,” I whisper, “I want you to…”
Nate’s fingers dance around the waistband of my sweatpants. I can’t bear it any longer. His touch feels like fire. He’s so close to my core it burns.
To fuck me, I think. It sounds so coarse inside my head. I can’t bring myself to say it. But I need to.
“… To make love to me,” I groan, as Nate’s fingertips scrape against the skin at my waist.
It’s like I fired a starting pistol.
“That’s all I wanted,” Nate whispers from somewhere down by my belly button. I feel the heat of his finger dipping under the elastic, his thumb prying open the knotted cord. I hear a whoosh as he pulls the cotton sweatpants loose, and all the air escapes my lungs as he pulls them off my body in one long, smooth motion.
My legs are bare. My legs are bare, and Nate Foster has his head between them. Oh my God.
I can’t even think. Nate drags his lips across my belly, and down, low. His mouth grazes my underwear, and I close my eyes even tighter.
Oh God! I’m wearing granny panties! But Nate doesn’t seem to care.
“You look so fucking good,” Nate growls. “You know that? You make my cock jump every time I see you.”
He pulls the panties off and tosses them aside; suddenly that embarrassment is gone. But I’m half naked, in front of him. I cover my face with my hands, biting down on the skin between my thumb and forefinger.
I can’t bear to look at him.
I need to…
Nate’s breath tickles my pussy, and I clamp my legs together. But Nate pries them apart. His strength makes it so easy, there’s nothing I can do to resist him. I wouldn’t anyway.
My nipples are burning up, and I’ve lifted my top above my head before I even know what I’m doing. My hand cups my breast, and I throw my head back as Nate’s tongue licks me from top to bottom.
God, it feels so good. I can’t believe it feels this good. I’m nervous again, but I know that Nate won’t hurt me. He is so loving. I haven’t told him I’m a…
… A virgin, but it’s as though he can tell.
“Oh God, that’s amazing…” I groan, as Nate rolls my clit around his tongue. Then sparks erupt in my mind. My stomach is clenched, toes curled, and I’m biting down on my lip. This is so much better than I imagined; so much better than I can do myself.
Nate’s like a man possessed. He licks and sucks and suddenly there’s a finger inside me. My back arches. My fingernails dig into the couch cushion beneath me.
Stars explode behind my eyelids. All I can smell is Nate. All I can feel is the heat of his mouth between my legs, the pleasure burning on my skin. My stomach is convulsing, my legs are spasming.
Oh God, I never knew it could be this good.
“Nate,” I moan, while crackling aftershocks of pleasure still break across my body li
ke the white tips of waves, “please…”
I pause. I know what I want to say. I just can’t believe I’m going to say it. But the heat between my legs drives me on. I need him inside me.
“Please fuck me.”
Nate lifts his mouth from my pussy. He grins, flashing his perfect white teeth at me, and shakes his head. I can’t believe it! He’s going to leave me here, like this – desperate for his cock.
“I’m sorry, Kimberly Sawyers. Kiss,” he says, rolling the word around his tongue with obvious pleasure. “I’m sorry, Kiss – no can do. A promise is a promise, and I said I wouldn’t break my promise. I’m a man of my word.”
15
Kim
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph: It wasn’t a dream.
I slowly blink, shutting my eyes for several seconds, just in case. However, when I open them, Nate’s tousled blond hair is still decorating the pillow beside me. He even looks sexy when he sleeps. I’m a mess, hair wild like I stuck my head out of a fast moving car window, but Nate…
Nate looks even better than he did before.
I need to tell someone. I grab my phone from the bedside table, moving slowly so that I don’t risk waking him up. I need some time to process.
Kim: It happened.
I stare at the screen, hoping that Frankie’s not gone to sleep. I need her advice. Knowing my best friend, the adventurous one, she’s still partying the night away in some fancy club. I glance at the sleeping beauty to my right. I’d rather be here…
Frankie: …
Frankie: It’s late. Don’t play games.
Frankie: Wait.
Frankie: No way. I just knocked over my water in bed. IT happened? Really?!
Kim: Well, no. But everything else did! It was amazing!!
Frankie: Fuck yeah! (Also, lol – you’re such a girl).
Kim: Why?
Frankie: You know what’s supposed to happen, right? Part A meets Part B…
Kim: Shut up! I know. But why rush things?
Frankie: Just don’t let Nate run away before you find out what his cock is like.
Kim: Frankie!
I glance at Nate, checking he’s still asleep. When I’m 100%, absolutely, completely sure, I snap a discreet picture of him. He’s still wearing the white shirt he arrived in, though it’s a little more unbuttoned. His dark blonde hair is messy against the white sheets; the faintest shadow of stubble accents his strong jaw.
I send the picture to Frankie, and slip out of bed. I grab my towel. I need a shower. Just being close to Nate is enough to get me hot and bothered.
Frankie doesn’t reply. I bet she’s green with envy. I would be. I’ve been on the receiving end of Frankie’s bad boy bed selfies before, and it feels real good to be able to dole one out.
I rest my phone on the toothbrush shelf above the base and, and flick the shower on. The phone starts buzzing almost before the first droplets of water bounce against the drain. It’s Frankie. Of course it is…
“Where are you?” She giggles with excitement. She’s not drunk, but she’s a little tipsy. “Is he right next to you?”
“I’m in the bathroom,” I reply. My voice is still rusty from sleep.
“No, Kim! You can’t leave a man like that alone in your bed. I forbid it.”
“I need a shower. Nate’s not going anywhere.”
I hope.
“Kim, baby, this is an intervention: 9-1-freaking-1. I get it, this is new to you: but I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t say something. Go wake him up: with your mouth, Kim. That boy is gorgeous. If you don’t go ride him right now, I’ll never forgive you.”
An image of Nate’s naked body flashes into my mind. I see myself undoing his shirt, one button at a time. I see myself layering his chest with a patchwork of kisses. I clench my legs together.
I clear my throat. It’s blocked up with desire. “This conversation’s over, Frankie,” I mutter, my voice strained, “I’ve got to… Wash my hair.”
“Kim. Kim!”
Frankie’s still screaming my name into the phone as I kill the call. I hold the power button down for good measure. I bet I’ll have half a dozen messages the next time I turn it on.
I shrug off my pajamas and toss them into a cloth puddle in the corner. I stare at my body in the full-length mirror inside the shower. It’s flecked with droplets of water, all rolling downward.
They don’t hide the lines on my stomach: nor my freckles; nor my curves.
I step into the shower, and lose myself in an ocean of noise. Large, hot droplets of water bounce off my shoulders and caress my skin. It’s a far-off copy of Nate’s touch the night before. Still, it’s enough of a reminder to send a wave of desire crackling across my skin.
I lift my hand above my shoulder and rest it on the cool tiles. Nate’s face appears in my mind. It’s like my body recorded everything he did last night on tape, and someone just pressed play.
My hand falls down my body. My pussy is burning; it’s calling out for attention. I can’t believe Nate didn’t take me up on my offer.
Geez, it wasn’t just an offer. I was begging for it.
My fingernails scrape against my hip. They keep going, cresting the mound that used to be covered with hair.
“Mind if I join you?”
I spin and nearly slip. It’s Nate’s voice. In here! Oh my God, did he see what I was doing? What I was about to do? I think I’ll die of embarrassment if he did.
I cover myself as best as I can, squashing my breasts against my chest with my left arm, hiding my pussy with my right hand. It doesn’t have to travel far…
“What are you doing in here?” I gasp. “You can’t…”
Nate’s ice-gray eyes are enough to steal the words from my mouth, and the breath from my lungs. He’s staring at me hungrily. I’m back to being prey, but I don’t care. Nate’s cold eyes flash with fire.
“So…Do you?” Nate growls; still wearing the same shirt and pants as the night before. Last night he said he didn’t want to put any more temptation in his path. “I’m only human,” he whispered into my ear as he lay next to me, refusing to give me what I wanted.
I can’t speak.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Nate says with a cocky grin. He licks his lips like a man about to tuck into his favorite meal, and unbuttons his shirt with one hand. I gulp, and shiver – regardless of the warm water still pouring over my naked body.
The more skin he reveals, the more the resistance begins to tumble in my brain. Nate’s body is like a temple – hard, carved.
As Nate’s shirt falls to the floor, my eyes are drawn to his chest. It’s the first time I’ve seen it. It’s incredible. It’s like he was hewn out of stone, and polished to perfection, not born. He has a tattoo beneath his left pectoral – two words, and maybe a date. I can’t make it out through the shower door.
Could it be an ex-girlfriend’s name? I wonder. That doesn’t seem right. Nate doesn’t seem the type. That doesn’t stop a pang of jealousy from raging through me.
There’s another tattoo on his right shoulder. I can’t make it out, not exactly, but it looks familiar. I want to ask what it is, but I can’t make my lips work.
My pussy throbs with excitement. There’s nothing I can do to stop what’s about to happen. I wouldn’t even if I could. I needed this last night, and a night of graphic dreams only heightened my tension.
“You’re beautiful, you know, Kim?” Nate says while his fingers move busily, teasing his fly undone. “I want to lick every goddamn inch of you before I fuck you.”
“Oh,” I reply, feeling a sudden burst of courage. “So you’re finally ready, are you? What changed?”
My arm slips away from my breasts. I’m still burning up with embarrassment, but I love the way Nate looks at me. It makes me feel sexy, wanted, desired.
Nate’s pants fall to his ankles. He’s wearing a tight pair of boxer briefs that leaves little to the imagination. I can’t keep my eyes off them. He shrugs. I can only tell beca
use I see his hands jerk upwards.
“I told you, Kim, I’m a man of my word. I told you I wasn’t going to sleep with you last night. But that was then, and this is now.”
“Then what are you waiting for now?”
I don’t recognize the words coming out of my mouth, or the girl speaking them. But I like it. I like this new me. She’s bold and confident. Everything I always wanted to be.