by Claire Adams
Admissions
That sinking feeling returned as I reread the email over and over again. Why would the dean want to see me so quickly? I closed my computer slowly as panic started to claw its way up my spine.
It had to be for another reason. Maybe something with my scholarship. It couldn’t be because of what happened between me and Noah. No one knew about it besides Bailey, who had been cheerful over coffee with me.
I gathered my things up before leaving the library with a pounding heart. I tilted my head up to absorb the sunshine for a moment. Students were milling about campus to enjoy the fresh warm air as long as possible. Their cheerful voices echoed behind me as I walked toward the admissions office.
The secretary looked up at me in mild annoyance at me entering the office at five minutes before 5:00 o’clock. She dropped her purse back down on the ground before looking up at me impatiently.
“Can I help you with something?”
“I got an email earlier from here saying that the dean wanted to see me,” I said, nerves garbling my voice. “I can come back tomorrow if that’s-”
“Take a seat,” she barked. “Why didn’t you get here sooner?”
My own irritation levels boiled at her snide tone. “Because I just got the email,” I said through clenched teeth. “I don’t keep my computer on me 24/7.”
“Well, you should. We’ve been waiting for you all afternoon. Have a seat right there.” She pointed at the chairs across from her desk. “I will fetch the dean for you. Stay here, please.”
I took a seat in one of the chairs while she disappeared behind a door. Resting my head on the wall behind me, I gazed up at the ceiling while a torrent of emotions went through me. There were only two reasons for the dean to want to see me: it either had to do with Noah, or it had to deal with my grades. That was all I could think of.
Most of the time, none of us ever saw the dean unless it was at important events around campus. He stayed in his office a majority of the time, or down on the rugby field with the coaches who tolerated him there.
It couldn’t be about Noah. I chewed on the pad of my thumb nervously. Despite how bitchy Bailey tended to act towards me, she never spilled out any of my secrets to people. She spilled everyone’s secrets out to me, but I knew many of hers, too. I knew way too many things about people because of her gossiping. It had to be about something else entirely besides Noah.
The door opened suddenly. I looked up to find the dean standing in a long hallway, and he motioned for me to follow him.
“This way, Ms. Paige,” he said. The warm smile on his face seemed forced when I rose from my chair to greet him.
I followed him down the hallway to the very last door. He held it open for me and waited until I stepped in before closing the door tightly. The smell of black tea and faint cigarette smoke filled the room. I’d only been in here once, and that was when I had come in as a freshman student to talk about a special scholarship that the dean was in charge of himself. I had walked out his office on a cloud back then when he selected me for the $20,000 creative talent scholarship.
From the grave expression on his face, I had a gut feeling that I wouldn’t be walking out with that same feeling again.
“Take a seat, Ms. Paige,” he said, breezing around me to sit at his desk. “We have something that we need to talk about.”
“Okay,” I said, sitting down in the chair across from him. I played with the strap of my backpack nervously. “I have no idea what this is all about, sir. Have I done something wrong?”
“I’m afraid there is something serious we must discuss,” he replied, scooting his chair forward to pick up a piece of paper on his desk. “We received an email from an anonymous student this morning about you and Professor Webber.”
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
“It states that you and Professor Webber have engaged in a consensual sexual relationship with one another, possibly on campus, but also off campus. There are also allegations that you stayed with or saw Mr. Webber over spring break,” he continued, looking up from the paper. “Is that true, Ms. Paige? You and Professor Webber have had a consensual and sexual relationship with one another?”
“I-I-”
“This email also states that you admitted the relationship to a fellow student. Is that true?”
Bailey.
Anger tore through me so fast that it left me breathless and utterly speechless that Bailey had gone to the dean about what I told her. And not out of concern, either. It was out of pure spite. I remembered that jealous glint in her glittering eyes when I admitted what had happened.
I sunk back against my chair with a ragged breath escaping my lips. How could she do something so low? It occurred to me right there and then that I had trusted the wrong person entirely with my friendship and life.
“Do you understand that I will have to investigate these claims?” he asked. His gaze didn’t lift once for my face. “We take claims like these very serious. We do not want relationships between students and-”
“Don’t bother,” I cut in with a trembling voice. I caught his gaze then and forced myself to keep my eyes rooted on him only. I'm sorry, Noah. I’m sorry. “It’s true. Professor Webber and I have had a sexual relationship with one another. It was consensual all the way, and I have no regrets over it.”
“I didn’t ask if you had regrets,” he said impatiently. “You signed the Code of Ethics your freshman year as a PHU student.”
“Right. I know that. I-”
“You also do understand that Professor Webber has a well-known reputation with women, right?”
I shook my head. “I don’t care about that. It wasn’t like that. It-”
“Ms. Paige,” he cut in loudly this time, folding his hands in front of him, “I’m afraid that I have to hold you to the same rules that I hold everyone. Relationships between students and professors are strictly forbidden for a reason. We cannot tolerate that type of behavior here.”
“Sir, I-”
“I’m sorry, Ms. Paige,” he said, shaking his head with a sigh, “but you are expelled from this university starting today citing your own confession to having a sexual relationship with a teacher on and off campus.”
His words washed over me numbly. This had to be some sort of nightmare. I pinched myself for good measure, but nothing happened. I was still sitting in the dean’s office with him staring at me with a sad frown that I suspected was more of a show than actual sympathy.
“You are no longer allowed on campus after leaving here,” he continued. “I suggest that you get what things you have, or have a friend collect them for you.”
“What about my classes?” I asked, tears starting to burn my eyes. “Please, sir. It’s only a few weeks until graduation. I can’t-”
“We can transfer credits to another school,” he said firmly. “You are not graduating here on the PHU campus. I wish you luck, Ms. Paige.”
I dimly gathered that our conversation was over. Slowly, I grabbed my things, and walked unsteadily down the long hallway. The secretary who had greeted me was already gone, and I stepped out into the warm evening while tears slipped from the corner of my eyes.
Four years of hard work: gone. The simple fact curled in my stomach bitterly as I walked along the pathway in the direction of the English Department. I needed to talk to Noah now that I was expelled. His job was next on the chopping block, and I needed to warn him.
Jen stepped out of the doors before I could reach them. She took one look at the tears streaming down my face before rushing down the steps to my side.
“Iris? What’s wrong?” she asked, taking a hold of my elbow. “Why are you crying?”
“Where’s Professor Webber?” The lights to his office were off, and I couldn’t remember if he had a class in the evening.
She frowned. “He just left after tutoring sessions. What’s going on, Iris? You can tell me anything. You know that.”
I teetered on telling her the whole
truth. I was already expelled. What else could happen? Bailey had betrayed me because I trusted her with the wrong information. People were already talking about it. Nothing worse could happen because it already did happen.
“I slept with Professor Webber,” I blurted out, not looking at Jen directly. I felt her stiffen beside me in surprise to hear that. “A couple of times. I stayed at his house over spring break. Everything just sort of happened, and now I’m expelled. The dean expelled me.”
“He expelled you?” Jen repeated, her eyes widening at that. “That’s not fair, Iris. You’re both consenting adults.”
I shook my head bitterly, wiping at the tears on my cheeks. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t have relationships with professors. I am fucked, Jen. All my hard work is gone and down the drain. What am I going to do?”
“It’s not down the drain exactly,” she said firmly. “I’m going to talk to my father about this, Iris. I promise that you won’t lose everything you worked hard for.”
I turned away from Jen to gaze out at the sun slowly setting in the horizon. Brilliant hues of pink and orange filled the sky. It should’ve been a peaceful spring evening. I should’ve been walking to the library to study some more, but I was no longer allowed on campus after tonight. A surreal haze fell on me, and I turned to look back at Jen with a watery smile.
“I already have,” I said. “I made the decision to be a part of the relationship. Now, I get to pay the consequences for it. That’s just how it goes.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Noah
Wednesday morning arrived quickly, much to my relief. I arrived on campus five minutes before my Freshman English class started partly because I didn’t want to face Kale after our lunch on Monday.
If people were honestly talking about Iris and me, then I didn’t want to give them anymore to talk about by reacting to it. Plus, I needed to follow Kale’s warning and keep my distance from everyone as much as possible. We needed to be more discreet, or at least keep things off campus away from passing students and staff.
I scanned the group of students standing in front of my classroom door. Iris was nowhere to be seen, but there was still five minutes left before class started. I let everyone in the classroom and went straight to my desk to pull out the stack of papers I had graded the night before. After handing them out, I held onto Iris’ paper while I glanced up at the clock above the door.
8:15. I let out a disappointed sigh. After everything that had happened on Monday, I had looked forward to seeing Iris sitting at her desk with her usual warm smile. I looked over to where Jen sat quietly in her desk, but her gaze was focused on her graded paper. I tried to read her expression, but it was impossible from how she kept her face tilted downwards.
The next hour passed by quickly. I talked to a few lingering students before exiting the classroom with the intent to check my phone in my office for any messages from Iris.
“Professor Webber?”
I stopped at the sound of Jen’s timid voice. She stood nervously outside of the classroom door and toyed with the strap of her book bag when I looked at her.
“Can I talk to you about something?” she asked, quietly. “In private?”
Dread filled me at the pointed look she gave me. She needed to talk to me about Iris. We both glanced at the open office doors, and I motioned to the back door for us to slip out and talk privately.
We walked down the path halfway until Jen was confident that no one was in hearing range or around to listen in.
“There’s something you should know about Iris,” Jen said. “She was expelled from PHU on Monday evening.”
Jen’s words crashed over me numbly at first. I stared at her, trying to discern if I had heard right, but her grave expression never changed. There was only one reason why Iris would be expelled, and it made my stomach sick thinking about it: someone had found out and told Miles.
My conversation with Kale replayed in the back of my head. He had tried to warn me ahead of time that something was about to go down.
“What was she expelled for?”
“I think we both know why,” Jen said softly. I looked away from her at that to hide the shame I felt. “I don’t think any less of you or Iris for what happened. I mean, you’re both adults. You didn’t make the best decision, but I tried to tell Iris it didn’t make you or her a shitty person.”
I appreciated those words, but it did little to comfort me. I rubbed at my forehead with trembling fingers. “Have you heard from Iris at all? Maybe I should give her a-”
“She told me after seeing the dean what happened between you two. I tried to tell her not to despair about it, but she didn’t want to listen to me. That was on Monday, and she hasn’t returned any of my calls since then.”
Anger blazed in Jen’s eyes. “From what I’ve heard, it was her roommate that sold you both out because she had been suspicious about it for a while. I personally think it was out of spite and jealousy.”
“It doesn’t matter why she did it,” I said, grimly. “Iris is expelled because of me, so I need to try to fix it. It’s my fault, the situation we are both in right now.”
It made me uneasy knowing this had happened two days ago and Miles had yet to come looking for me. Iris’ silence was understandable.
A part of me knew that her expulsion had little to do with our relationship – it had everything to do with me not accepting that damn coaching position. Nausea crawled up the back of my throat. I had ruined someone else’s life again by being selfish.
“If you see Iris, please tell her to call me,” Jen said. “I know she’s upset and embarrassed, but she’s my only friend that I really care for.”
I nodded sharply. “I’ll mention it to her if I can get a hold of her myself.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Good luck.”
“Thank you, Jen.” I caught her gaze. “You’re a good student and a talented writer. You’ll go far with whatever you decide to do.”
She smiled softly. “I had a good professor to teach me a few things,” she said, and then bid me goodbye to hurry along for her next class.
The campus was motionless with morning classes in session. I popped into the hallway briefly to tell the students waiting that class was cancelled for the morning before heading straight to the admissions office.
The secretary looked up the second I pushed the door open a bit louder than I had intended. She didn’t bother hiding the disapproval in her eyes.
“Where’s the dean?”
Her nose wrinkled at the demand. “In a meeting. Please take a- Wait a minute!” I pushed by her desk to the door behind her and opened it without paying attention to her small hands grabbing at my arms. “You can’t just go in there. He’s in a very important meeting.”
I managed to slip out of her grasp. The door closed shut on her indignant sputtering and I strode down the long hallway. The door to Miles’s office was open as I expected it to be. There was no one else in his office. He turned around in his chair when I stepped into his office and closed the door firmly behind me.
“Ah, Noah,” he said, nodding to me. “I’ve been meaning to come talk to you. I’m glad you came to my office to talk, instead.”
The blood pumping in my veins quickened to a fierce pace. I pushed aside the chair in front of Miles’s desk when he motioned a hand for me to sit. Resting my palms on the edge of his desk, I leaned down to look him directly in the eye. A small part of me laughed in pleasure to see fear flicker in Miles’s eyes briefly.
“Why didn’t you just fire me?” I asked, calmly as possible. This was a game of chess, and if I wanted Iris to be reinstated, I had to keep my cool. “If you knew what was going on, then why didn’t you just come to me and let me go? She’s a student about to graduate in a few weeks. I slept with her, and she’s completely innocent because I pursued it.”
Miles leaned back in his chair to put distance between us. “You think I didn’t know that this sort of thing was a possibility wi
th you here on campus?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m sure you thought of it a couple of times.”
“Your reputation follows you around, good and bad, Mr. Webber. I wanted you to stay on this campus to coach and bring this school much needed attention in other areas.”
“Not the type of attention I think a dean wants,” I said, coldly.
“You’re right about that,” Miles said, sighing. “I was going to come find you today anyway to talk about these allegations. The board for PHU is not happy about it.”
“They aren’t allegations. It’s the truth.”
“I thank you for your honesty,” he said casually. “I have an offer for you to consider before this conversation goes even further.”
“What offer are we talking about?” I questioned warily.
The grin on Miles’s face put me on edge. I didn’t like the sight of it, or the way this conversation was going. If confirmed my suspicion that Iris’ expulsion had little to do with our relationship.
“Rugby season is year round, as you well know,” he started, eyes drifting up to a few trophies in a glass case behind me. “If you want to keep your job here at PHU, then I suggest taking up a position as head coach for those boys. They need a former champion to help wrap up this season. We need more trophies in that case behind you.”
I gritted my teeth in aggravation. It always boiled down to rugby for Miles. The thought of sitting on the sidelines again after the past few years of swearing it off caused my fingers to curl up into fists.
This was the only tool I had to get Iris back into school, though. If Miles was that desperate to keep me here, he could reinstate Iris so she could graduate. We both could put up with the stares and whispers for a few more weeks.
“If you want me to take the coaching job,” I started, crossing my arms across my chest, “then you have to let Iris come back to school. She did nothing wrong. It was all me.”
“She told me it was consensual.”
“It was, but I persuaded her to come to me. We broke the rules, I get that, but don’t punish her for being naïve.”