by Claire Adams
My phone rang when I arrived home thirty minutes later. My stomach dropped in disappointment when I saw it was my mother calling. I let my thumb hover over the green button for a moment, unsure if I was in the mood to play mediator between my parents over some stupid fight.
I answered it anyway.
“You sound depressed, honey. What’s going on?”
“I only said one word to you,” I replied, sitting down on the couch with a sigh. “Why do you think I’m depressed?”
“I’m your mother, Noah. I can tell when something is wrong with you.”
“Right.”
“Noah,” she started in a warning voice. It was the same type of voice that instantly reminded me of my childhood when I refused to tell her the truth about something.
“I’m done teaching at PHU,” I said, wearily. “I’m going to work with Hunter until I figure out something else to get me by.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, son. Why are you done teaching?” A frown filled my mother’s calm and warm voice. “I thought you were excited over that job the last time I talked to you. Your father hates the idea of you teaching there, by the way. I don’t know if he voiced that to you yet.”
“A couple of weeks ago he made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable in his eyes. Not that I really care what he thinks about it.”
“Okay, well that confirms to me that you weren’t taking the job to spite him. You took it because you loved it, and now I want to know what happened. Tell me.”
“It’s a long story, Mom,” I said, wincing. I wasn’t sure how she’d exactly react if I told her the truth. I wasn’t in the mood, either, to be lectured about it.
“Try me,” she said. “I promise not to go crazy if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re thirty. I really can’t lecture you anymore.”
That brought a smile to my lips. “You’ll lecture me no matter how old I am.”
“Spare me the anticipation, Noah. What happened?”
I told her everything while she listened patiently on the other end of the line for me to finish.
“Oh, my sweet baby boy,” she sighed into the phone. “You just can never figure out how to love a woman the right way, can you?”
“I thank Dad for his shitty examples,” I said, bitterly.
“You can’t blame us for all the faults in your life, Noah. We’re human, too. We make mistakes as adults just like you do. I’ve always told you to settle it down and think about things before you do something that could cost you something precious.”
“In hindsight, I wish I would’ve listened to you more years ago.”
“We all wish that sometimes. You need to be honest with this woman. Iris, right?”
“Right.”
“It sounds like you care greatly about her to sacrifice your job. Give her some time to cool down before you explain what happened to her. Us women are fickle creatures.”
I chuckled lightly at that. My heart lifted ever so slightly to not hear rampant disapproval in my mother’s voice. She had always made it a point to be the supportive parent, no matter what I did.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said. “I don’t think she’ll ever calm down, though. She cared a lot about her grades. I don’t blame her for being upset with me.”
“I’m sure it will all work out in time, son. God has a plan for you.”
I grimaced. “Don’t say that. It makes it harder for me to disagree with you.”
“Then don’t. Mother knows best.”
“Not all the time.”
“Stop being so stubborn and afraid of love, Noah. You’ve been this way since a teenager. Just go out and get the damn woman if she means that much to you.”
“We’ll see,” I said, solemnly. “I’ll see how all works out.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Iris
My bags were thankfully untouched when I stepped back into the apartment cautiously Thursday morning. The only sign that Bailey had stayed the night was the pizza box on the kitchen counter along with an empty cereal bowl with milk in it still.
I resisted the urge to clean it up. I was done trying to clean up other people’s messes. Instead, I spent the next hour packing up what I could into the back of my car. The hour drive back to my mother’s house again was the last thing I wanted to do after moving, but I had to do it.
I had nowhere else to go.
“This is why I don’t trust relationships,” I grumbled out loud, closing the trunk door to my car. “Eventually, someone either betrays you, or just lets you get away without even a fight.”
That stung worse than Bailey. It was vividly clear that the dean only cared about Noah’s wellbeing out of all of it because he was famous. He already had lived a good life, and the dean wanted that around his students as an example.
Some fucking example Noah turned out to be.
I snorted under my breath as I climbed the stairs to get the rest of my bags. After grabbing a few more things, I closed the apartment door with an irritated sigh. I would have to make one more trip to get the rest of my things and risk running into Bailey again.
My phone vibrated in my back pocket as I made my way down the metal steps to the parking lot. Balancing a box on my hip, I reached back to grab it and smiled slightly to see that it was Jen calling me, not Bailey, or even Noah.
“I didn’t think you’d answer,” she said, relieved. “I’m so happy that you picked up, Iris. I’ve been worried sick over you.”
“Don’t be,” I said, fumbling with my car keys to open the trunk. “I’m fine. I’m picking up my stuff from the apartment right now.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear you’re moving out. I heard Bailey crying non-stop in the dining hall about the entire thing. She acts like she’s the one who got expelled and crushed.”
I shoved the box into the car trunk with a grunt of effort. “That’s Bailey for you. She just wants sympathy and attention.”
“She doesn’t want to be the bitch in the situation, either,” Jen added.
“That, too,” I agreed and closed the trunk to my car with a relieved breath. “What else is being said around campus?”
“I don’t have to tell you. I’m sure you already know what people are saying.”
I did. “Right.”
“I wasn’t calling to talk about any of that, actually,” Jen said. “My classes are cancelled this afternoon since, well, I’ll explain when I see you. Do you want to get some lunch? I’m tired of the dining hall food. I have some news that you’ll like.”
“I could use some good news,” I said, sliding in the driver’s seat. “Where do you want to meet?”
She rattled off a tiny sandwich shop ten minutes away. When I pulled up into a parking spot in front of the building, she was already waiting for me on the sidewalk. She gave me a warm hug the second I stepped out of the car. I inhaled the comforting scent of spring air on her clothes before she pulled back.
“Come inside,” she said, tugging me by the hand. “You’re going to love this place. They have awesome sandwiches, and lunch is on me,” she added before I could protest. “Don’t bother fighting with me about it. I asked you to come here with me.”
“Thanks,” I said, following her into the shop. My stomach grumbled in appreciation. I couldn’t even remember the last time I ate a decent meal. It’d been a few days.
We ordered our sandwiches and carried them outside to sit in the warm sunshine. Spring had officially started the other day, and the warm weather was a welcoming change. We sat together a small table in the corner of the patio away from the crowd of people in the shop.
“So,” Jen said, taking a large bite of her sandwich. “How are you doing with everything that has happened?”
I took a bite, as well, despite my stomach threatening to upchuck everything. I ignored the feeling because I felt famished. “Fine,” I said, shrugging. “I don’t know what else I can really say since it’s said and done.”
“Do you regret it at all?” she asked, cur
iously. “I mean, woman to woman, was Noah worth all of this?”
I picked at a few stray pickles that had fallen from sandwich. I didn’t know how to answer that exactly. We both had made the decision to sleep with one another. It was never once one sided, but I had fallen for him in a lot of ways I had never imagined. And, it made that hole in my heart that much worse.
Regret was one of those big words you rarely voiced out loud.
“It hurts that it happened this way, but I don’t regret it in all honesty. I never expected to be excluded from that rule. We broke it, and this is the consequence of it.”
“Still, there are only a few weeks of school left,” Jen said, shaking her head. “Miles could’ve just suspended you and told you to finish up the semester from your apartment.”
“He had other ideas on how he wanted to handle it,” I said sourly. “He needed to make a loud and clear example out of the situation.”
She lowered her sandwich back to the wax paper it came wrapped in. “Speaking of that, I talked to my dad about everything. He’s the dean at the University of Utah.” My eyes widened at that. “Don’t ask why I’m not there. Everyone always asks me that question.”
“Right,” I said. “Won’t ask the question.”
“Anyway, he said that you that you could take summer online classes to graduate there. He’ll make the transfer happen if you want. I can help you fill out the paper work and everything.”
I sank back in my chair with a pounding heart. I stared at Jen, utterly speechless at the news.
“Jen, wow,” I said breathlessly. “I honestly don’t know what to say, besides thank you.”
“That’s all you have to say,” she said, grinning at me. “You’re my friend. I wanted to help you out, and none of what has happened is exactly fair to you. You deserve to finish school like the rest of us. This way, at least, you won’t have to go longer to do it. You don’t even have to go to campus except to take final exams.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I wordlessly stood out of my chair to hug Jen tightly. She patted me on the back when I pulled away to wipe my eyes with an embarrassed laugh.
“I’m never this emotional in front of people,” I confessed.
She laughed lightly. “That’s okay. It’s nice to see it as a change. I promise that everything will work out.”
“Yes,” I said, heart lifting for the first time in a few days. “Thank you, Jen. I can’t say it enough, but I owe you big time. No matter what it is, call me. I will be there in a heartbeat.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate the gesture.”
We finished up our sandwiches thirty minutes later. Jen glanced at her phone with a disappointed sigh as we stepped out from the patio area to our cars. “Not to rub it in your face,” she said, “but I have to get back to campus and get to class.”
“Right,” I said, glancing down at the time, as well. “I better go, too. I have an hour’s worth of driving to do.”
“It’s a shame that I won’t see Noah every single day,” Jen said then, shaking her head. “Not to hit on your man, but he was certainly nice to look at. The entire female population is jealous of you.”
I stopped rummaging through my purse for my keys. I frowned at Jen when she looked back at me in confusion.
“What?” she asked.
“Why wouldn’t you see Noah every day?” I asked. “You have class with him every morning, along with other students.”
Jen gave me a strange look. “Right,” she said, slowly, “but not anymore. Have you talked to him at all since you were expelled?”
“Once,” I replied, confused as much as she was. “Why?”
“He resigned on Wednesday when the dean questioned him about it,” she explained. “The dean wanted him to coach the rugby team, but Noah refused to stay if he didn’t reinstate you. My dad said Noah walked out when the dean refused to do it. He walked out even after being offered triple the pay.”
My heart slammed repeatedly into my ribcage. Guilt flooded me when I thought back to what I had said to him in the parking lot. I had never let him answer my questions. I had just assumed the wrong thing, and he let me run away with that assumption.
“I can’t believe it,” I said, looking at Jen, who now looked even more confused. “He never said a word to me about it.”
“I don’t know why,” she said, “but he packed his things up Wednesday night, and he wasn’t in class this morning.”
“How did your dad know about this?”
“One of the professors at PHU called in a favor for Noah on an open teaching position there,” she said. “My dad called in to talk with Miles about Noah, and that sent everything spiraling downwards even more.”
I couldn’t believe it. For weeks, I caught sight of that tormented side Noah wore well when it came to relationships. He never once professed to be good at relationships. He admitted that he was the one always making mistakes, but letting a job go because the dean wouldn’t reinstate me put him high on a pedestal in my eyes.
It was me making all the wrong decisions. I was the damaged one between the two of us because I had pushed Noah away from no reason when he had tried to help me.
I needed to find him.
“Thanks, Jen,” I said, hugging her once more. “I’ll be in touch with you soon.”
“Text me to let me know how it all goes,” she said, smiling at me. “Good luck with Noah. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”
“Maybe,” I said, softly. “We’ll see.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Noah
“Well, you didn’t break anything or make it worse. That’s a good start.”
I laughed when I looked up at Hunter as he overlooked the engine he had asked me to service. My arms were coated with oil from working in the shop since 7:00 a.m., but I loved every second off it. We rarely got to see one another to catch up besides on the weekends because of our lives and jobs. It was a relief just to have him there to talk to about everything that had happened.
“I have a good teacher,” I said. “I just mainly tried to remember where all the screws went and hoped to God that I put everything back together the right way.”
“That works, too. Good job.” He clapped me on the back while stepping over to his tool box and picked up a rag to clean his hands. “Not your cup of tea, though, judging from the expression on your face.”
“It does relieve stress,” I said, glancing down at the engine. “I’ll give you that. You can’t concentrate on all your problems when you’re trying to remember how to put something back together the right way the first time.” I had barely thought of Iris since arriving to the shop.
“Why do you think I liked to spend my time here when Livvy and I fight?”
We exchanged a grin. Hunter tossed the rag to me to wipe my hands free of the oil I had practically bathed in all day.
“How is Livvy adjusting to pregnancy these days?” I asked, and tossed the rag back to Hunter. “I’ve heard that pregnant women tend to get emotional at times.”
“That part is very true,” he admitted, grimacing. “The other day I came home to her crying because none of her old pants fit her. It’s logical to me. She’s pregnant, so naturally none of her clothes are going to fit after a certain stage. To her, it was the end of the world, and she couldn’t understand why I thought she was being irrational.”
I arched an eyebrow.
“Sounds a little crazy to me,” I said. “Did she make you go get some food afterwards, too?”
“McDonald fries and a chocolate shake.”
Hunter sighed as he closed up his toolbox for the evening. I handed him a couple of the wrenches I had borrowed throughout the workday to take a few engines apart. The warm spring night greeted us both when we stepped outside after locking the doors.
“I have something to tell you,” I said, fumbling through my pockets in search of my car keys. “I love you, man, and I appreciate you giving me a job, but I won’t need it for lon
g. Hell, you don’t even have to pay me.”
“I’ll still pay you for the time you put in,” he replied, watching me with a frown. “Did you find another job that quickly?”
“Over at the University of Utah,” I said and tried to dampen my little stab excitement out of guilt. I had another job to fall back onto while Iris was still expelled from school. “I went to go visit a friend at PHU; he’s got a friend at U of U who is a professor there. He made the call, and I have an interview there in a few weeks for an advising position for graduating seniors.”
“That’s great, man!” Hunter exclaimed, hitting me on the shoulder the same we used to do in rugby to pump each other up. “I’ll keep you here until you start there. No problems with that.” His excitement faded when I didn’t return the gesture of hitting me on the shoulder. “Okay, what’s up with that attitude? You aren’t even a bit excited over it?”
“Of course I am. I just…” I trailed off, rubbing at the back of my neck. “Everything has happened so fast, and I’m already bouncing back from it, you know? I have no idea what has happened to Iris, or what will happen to her.”
Hunter stared down at the ground in contemplation for a moment. The usual sound of traffic echoed in the evening air while we stood in the parking lot, lost in our own thoughts. There was only one place I knew that Iris would’ve gone. She had no money to go anywhere else besides her mother’s house.
“You can’t put all the blame on yourself,” he said, eventually. “I know that sounds bad, and it doesn’t make the situation better, but-”
“It makes the situation worse,” I interrupted defensively. “I was the professor there. I should’ve known better. Iris…” I trailed off with my stomach twisting painfully when I thought of her unsure looks when she reached for me. “It really was my fault, and I shouldn’t even be the one that is getting a second chance.”
“Wow,” Hunter said, shaking his head at me in awe. “I never thought I would see this day with you.”