by Claire Adams
“I have to move the rest of my things out of the apartment. I don’t trust Bailey with any of my things.”
“And, I have to ask, where are you going to move all those things?”
Iris rolled back over to look at me for a moment. “Do you want me to bring my things here? It doesn’t have to be permanent if it’s too weird for you. You’ve been on your own for a very long time without some chick’s things cluttering up your house.”
“It’ll be weird for me,” I admitted. “However, I don’t want you moving somewhere else when you are always welcome here with me.”
“You’re wonderful,” she said, and she leant in to kiss me quickly. “Everything will work out for us, right?”
“I like to think that it will in time,” I replied. I reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “I have hope that it will. Things are already looking up.”
“They are. You’re right.”
Much to my disappointment, Iris rolled away from my grasp when I attempted to roll her onto her back to ease the desire rushing through me again. She grinned teasingly at me before disappearing into the bathroom to hop into the shower.
I shook my head when I thought of Hunter’s reaction to Iris moving in here with me. He'd shit himself thinking about a woman living with me day in and day out, but I couldn’t imagine it any differently now. We were both interwoven into each other’s lives so that it was impossible to look beyond each other.
While Iris spent the rest of the afternoon at her old apartment and getting registered for online classes, I cleaned up space for her in the closet and dresser. I showered in the late afternoon, and when I walked out with steam curling around me, I found Iris sitting on the edge of my bed already dressed up in a mini black dress that showed off her trim figure perfectly.
That dress, I decided inwardly, would not stay on long after our date tonight.
“How was moving?” I asked, wiping away the trails of water on my arms. “You didn’t land in jail for assaulting your roommate, so I imagine it went well.”
“She wasn’t there,” Iris said, shrugging. “And, Jen helped me with everything, too.”
“That’s good. I’ll get dressed so we can go since you’re already fixed up.”
She grinned at me as she stood from the edge of the bed. Her fingers hooked teasingly on the waistline of the towel, and tugged there affectionately. “You look happy to see me.”
“Very,” I growled, and tugged her in for a long kiss. “I’m not so hungry for food anymore.”
“Too bad,” Iris laughed, slipping out of my grasp with a laugh. “I’m starving, so get dressed.”
“Tease,” I threw at her back as she disappeared out of the room.
We arrived at the Italian restaurant I had found when I first moved to Provo. I never got tired of the delicious food, and my waistline had started to show that type of love, too. I ordered us a bottle of wine with our food order and watched as Iris sipped at her wine with a contented smile. It was the first time I’d ever seen her look relaxed. I liked the sight of that smile because it put every part of me at ease, too.
“I have to know something,” she said, eventually.
I swirled the wine around in my own glass before taking a long sip. I closed my eyes in bliss at the sweet taste. “What is it that you have to know?”
“Why did you give it up?”
I opened my eyes to find her staring at me intently. “Give what up?”
“Your job at PHU…all you had to do was coach the rugby team,” Iris said. “There has to be more to it than it being a sore subject for you. I know you were injured, but I get this feeling there is something more to it than that. You loved that sport more than writing. I can tell from the way you talk about your rugby days.”
Tracing the rim of my wine glass, I tried to keep my emotions under control as I tried to do every time I thought of what happened. I owed Iris the entire truth about why I didn’t accept Miles’ offer, despite the money. I took a deep breath before looking up at her.
“There is,” I said, quietly, “but, it’s not what you think it is. Everyone always seems to forget the part that actually drove me to retirement because they’re loyal to me, and I don’t deserve it.”
I ran a hand through my hair with an agitated sigh. After all this time, I still couldn’t shake any of the tormented feelings off.
“It was the last game before the championships, and frustrations were getting out of hand. Rugby is a personal sport, and that’s what I love about it. A player from the opposing team hit me hard on the knee.
“I didn’t realize it at the time until I looked back at the footage that the hit was intentionally done to end my season. I got better physically, but I was so angry at this guy that I planned to take him out hard the next time I saw him in a matchup.
“When the chance came up in a rematch game, I went after him, and we both ended up seriously hurt. I tore my ACL again and he-” My eyes slipped closed at the flood of unwanted memories.
“He ended up in an ambulance. I didn’t find out until later after my surgery on my knee that my hit had severed a part of his spine. He was supposedly paralyzed from the waist down, but I’ve heard rumors that he’s playing again.”
Iris’ mouth parted open in shock. “Oh my God. I’m sorry, Noah. I had no idea.”
“You wouldn’t,” I said, shaking my head. “The press hated this guy. He was a cocky ass and rude to people. They replayed him ruining my season with two knee injuries, but no one mentioned that his life was over because of me.”
“People get what they ask for,” she said, sadly. “It wasn’t your fault. You were angry and threatened. I would’ve done the same thing if someone took me out of a sport I loved.”
I shook my head. “You wouldn’t. It’s not the greatest feeling in the world to know you ruined a person’s life out of spite.”
“I’m sure it’s not a good feeling. That’s why I can’t be furious with Bailey over what happened. It’s not a nice feeling to have about yourself.” Her lips thinned. “I can see why you turned it down now. It must’ve been hard for you to walk away when you were at the top of your game.”
“It was,” I said, taking another sip of wine, “but, it wasn’t right for me to return to playing after that. Everything just felt different, and I went back to writing to cope with it all. The press was horrible. I just got tired of everyone prying into my personal life all the time. The pressure from my father about killed me.”
“Your dad has some high expectations of you,” Iris commented, taking a sip of her wine. “Athletes usually have tons of pressure on them from parents. I’ve seen it quite a bit at PHU.”
I nodded gravely. “He pushed me right to where I was at the top. I haven’t heard the end of it since I retired.”
“You aren’t a failure, though,” she said firmly. “You know how much it takes to walk away from something because you’re the bigger person. I think that makes you stronger than you know.”
“Maybe,” I said, shrugging my shoulders absently. “I just want that part of my life to end. I try to tell everyone around me to let it go, but everyone’s stuck in the past, it seems like.”
“To a new chapter, then.” Iris lifted her wine glass with a small smile. I raised mine with a smile to clink our glasses together.
Her hand slid across the table to where one of mine rested. I blinked in surprise to feel her warm fingers gripping mine strongly.
“I’m proud of you for letting me in,” she said, quietly. “Thank you for telling me the truth about what happened, despite it being painful and hard.”
I took another unsteady drink to calm my nerves instead of replying. I didn’t know what to say to that, but Iris was mindful to change the subject to something cheerful. We spent the next hour laughing over our pasta dishes before driving back to my house in high spirits. We both collapsed on the couch with food-stuffed bellies and contented sighs.
She rested her head in my lap and look
ed up at me as she trailed her fingers softly down my arm. A smile tugged at her lips.
“Thank you for everything,” she whispered, eyes growing heavy with sleep from the wine and food.
I felt sleep tugging at me, as well, while my fingers combed through Iris’ soft hair. The desire to take her back to my bedroom – our bedroom - faded away into something warm and hazy. I watched Iris’ eyes close as sleep took over.
I had fallen in love with this woman curled up on the couch with her head in my lap. I had fallen in love with Iris, despite vowing to myself that I never would be the type of man to love someone. She accepted me for who I was – the good and the bad – and not once judged me for it, even after I admitted to ruining someone’s life out of pure rage and spite.
I scooped up Iris’ sleeping form easily in my arms to carry her into bed a moment later. Having her fall asleep in my arms was something that I could get used to every single day for the rest of my life.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Iris
I could feel Noah’s fingers trailing through my hair when I stirred from a peaceful sleep. I smiled sleepily at the feeling. I would never get tired of waking up in his arms or him running his fingers in my hair.
A pair of warm lips pressed against my neck. A shiver worked its way up my spine at the simple and loving touch.
“You’re going to put me back to sleep,” I mumbled out, not willing to move quite yet. Our legs were entwined beneath the sheets and blankets with every inch of Noah’s naked body pressed up against mine.
I dimly remembered feeling Noah’s hands sliding up my thighs sensually while he wordlessly reached out for comfort and to be touched. We had made love still half-asleep and slightly tipsy with wine, but I couldn’t forget the way his breath trembled against my neck afterwards while we let our racing hearts slow down.
His chest vibrated against my back when he chuckled deeply.
“How is that a bad thing?” he asked. “We could stay in bed all day if we wanted. I certainly wouldn’t mind it.”
“Me either,” I said with a sigh, snuggling up against him with a smile. “I have something I have to do today, though, unfortunately.”
“Like what?”
I refused to let my eyes open just yet. It was my mom’s birthday today, and the past two years she had used it as an excuse to go to the few bars around town to get celebratory drinks. Last year, I had to drive down to the hospital an hour away to find her in detox and barely hanging on, at the verge of death.
And as much as I loathed the idea of leaving Noah to go take care of her, I had to go make sure she would be okay.
“I have to go check on my mom,” I said, slowly. “It’s her birthday today.”
“You don’t sound very enthused with it being her birthday,” Noah commented, quietly. His fingers massaged the back of my head tenderly. It seemed so cruel that I had to leave the warmth and comfort of his bed and arms to face something I shouldn’t be responsible for, but that was my life. I was used to it by now.
“Remember what I told you over spring break about why I failed Freshman English?” I asked, still not moving just yet.
“I remember.”
“That was my mom’s birthday. She nearly drank herself to death at one of the bars.” Tears stung the back of my eyes at the memory of that late-night phone call from the hospital.
“The staff at the bar had called an ambulance when they found her passed out in the alley and not moving. It was around 2:30 in the morning when I drove to the hospital. I missed an entire week’s worth of class to help her get through detox, and everything seemed to be okay for a few days after we returned home. That was until I found her drinking again.”
Noah’s hand clasped my shoulder gently and coaxed me to roll over onto my back. I opened my eyes to look up at him. He looked down at me sympathetically, tracing my jaw with his fingertips.
“You mother’s drinking is not your concern,” he repeated again, firmly. “It’s cost you way too much, and you shouldn’t be dealing with it on your own.”
“Preaching to the choir,” I said with a watery laugh. “I don’t know what else to do besides go down to there to make sure she doesn’t go into an alcoholic coma.”
“I’ll go with you.”
I blinked a few times as I processed the idea of Noah coming with me. I had never brought friends or anyone over to my mother’s house because of the drinking and messes. Reading the hesitance on my face, he pressed his lips against mine in an assuring kiss.
“We agreed to let each other in,” he said when he pulled back to let me breathe. “If this is part of you, then I want to be a part of it. No matter how bad it is.”
I caved at the look he gave me. Maybe having someone around wouldn’t be too bad while we visited my mother.
Still, I drummed my hands apprehensively on my thighs as Noah drove us an hour away to my mother’s house. To my relief and dread, her car was still parked in the driveway. The curtains in the living room were also open, but I knew she left them open sometimes because she was too drunk to remember to close or open them.
“Stop,” Noah said. He stilled my drumming hands with a frown. “After everything that has happened, do you honestly think this will frighten me off?”
Guilt washed over me at that. I had to give him a chance in my life instead of trying to shield him from certain parts of it.
“No,” I said. “I’m just nervous. She’s probably passed out in there, so you’ll have to give me a minute to get her up and decent.”
“That’s fine.”
We exited the car. I walked on wobbly legs up the pathway, and not bothering to knock, I pushed the front door open. Thankfully, the living room seemed to only be cluttered with empty bottles verses dirt and spoiled food, thanks to my cleaning skills last time. The smell of beer and rotten fruit still washed over me when I closed the door gingerly.
I opened the living room window to let fresh air in to combat the smell. I turned as a knock on the front door pulled me from my thoughts.
“Can I come in?” His voice brought me an odd comfort. He walked in before I could answer.
“Yeah, or you can sit outside on the back patio if you want,” I said. “It smells better outside. She’s probably still passed out in her room, and I have no idea how long it’ll take to get her up.”
“I’ll wait down here,” he replied, and picked up a few bottles from the couch to make room to sit down. I started toward him, but he held up a hand. “I’m honestly fine, Iris. Go check on your mom.”
As I expected, I found her passed out in the middle of her bed with bottles scattered all over the floor. My nose wrinkled at the smell of body odor in the air. I didn’t even want to think when the last time she had managed to drag herself into a shower.
“Mom,” I said, loudly, and poked her hard on the shoulder. “Mom. Wake up.”
She blinked a few times before focusing up at me in confusion. Grasping at her head, she sat up with a loud groan.
“What day is it?” she asked. “You keep showing up at random times. I can’t tell what month it is when you do that.”
I rolled my eyes as I help her sit up straight. “It’s your birthday today,” I told her, brushing back some greasy hair from her cheek. “You need to get in the shower, Mom. I have someone downstairs that I’m trying to keep around.”
That caught her attention, as I had suspected it would. I knew it hurt her that I never brought people home to her, but I couldn’t handle people seeing her drunk the way I saw it all the time.
“Really?” She peered at me curiously. “A boy or a friend?”
“His name is Noah Webber,” I said, and I didn’t bother telling her the details of what happened. “He’s downstairs waiting for us, so-”
I nearly toppled off the bed in sheer surprise when my mother pushed by me to head directly toward the bathroom.
“Why didn’t you call to let me know?” she demanded angrily. “I have to take a shower, Iri
s. This is embarrassing, bringing someone in on me like this.”
The shower turned on a second later. I stared at the bathroom door in amazement. Maybe having Noah around would help keep her sober, too. He certainly got her into the showering without even trying when it took me hours of endless pleading for her to just brush her teeth.
I opened the curtains to her room before venturing downstairs to find Noah throwing bottles into a trash bag. Embarrassment washed over me, and I started to grab the bag from him.
“Please don’t feel obligated to clean up after her,” I said.
“I don’t feel obligated,” he insisted, moving the trash bag out of my reach. “Go help her. I’m good down here.”
I stood there for a moment while I watched him move about the living room, throwing bottles away without even batting an eyelash. How did I end up with such a good man out of a shitty situation? Not once did he look back at me with doubts in his eyes. He looked at me as if I was the only person around him, and here he was picking up after my mother like it was something he did every single day.
The shower turned off a few minutes later. I went back upstairs to find her already dressing up in a pair of gray trousers and a simple, cream-colored blouse. While her face was still gaunt, she looked fresh and excited when she pulled her hair up into a damp ballerina bun.
“This is a nice birthday present,” she said, turning to look at me with a large smile. “I never get to meet anyone you know, let alone a boyfriend.”
I resisted the urge to say, “That’s because I never had a boyfriend until now.” My stomach fluttered at that. Boyfriend. I liked the sound of it when I thought of Noah downstairs waiting on us.
“So, he is your boyfriend, then?” my mother pressed. “I’m assuming he is if you brought him here. He hasn’t met your father yet, has he?”
“Just you,” I replied, and a pleased grin spread across my mother’s face at that. I doubted that my father would even care to meet Noah if he knew the truth about everything. He’d be disgusted and pissed about me throwing away my college career a few weeks before graduating over some man.