by K. M. Hodge
He turned his head back to face her for the first time since he had started his story.
“Alex, I understand. I do.”
His heart swelled with affection for her. How could he not love her?
A sly teasing smile greeted him. “Tell me more about this Doc of yours.”
“Well, her name is Ellie, but I’ve always called her Doc. She’s a psychiatrist, but when I first met her she was an army medic. Because of my addiction I didn’t have any friends back then. I guess Doc and Chris took pity on me. We didn’t really get close, though, until after the incident with Chuwan. I should have been shipped back to the states after what happened, but Doc fought for me and got it taken off my record,” he said, still grateful for his friend’s help.
“Doc was the one who diagnosed my problem and tried to help me out. I did the whole twelve steps and going to meetings thing when I got back to the States, but it didn’t work. Thankfully, Doc put me on some anti-anxiety meds, and suddenly I was able to function again. She’s always been there for me. She and Chris mean the world to me. They’re my family.”
“And you’re just friends?”
“Yes.” He laughed. “She has super clear boundaries in that department. Once, early on in our friendship, I got a little drunk and confused and tried to kiss her.” He felt the heat rush to his face.
“Oh?”
He rubbed his jaw at the memory of that embarrassing night. “Yea, she clocked me good... made it very clear that it was not appropriate or appreciated. I’m like her idiot little brother.”
Katherine laughed a little as she stifled a yawn. “I’d love to meet them some day.”
He pulled the blankets up and tucked them around her, then brushed a strand of hair from her face and whispered, “Get some rest. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
She seemed to relax under his watchful guard. Her eyes slid closed and sleep quickly took her away.
He lay on his back, listening as her breathing slowed and became regular.
The news of Sara’s violent death, coupled with talking about Chuwan, had been too much for his frayed mind to handle. He had been surprised that his boss at the CIA had called Doc. A part of him wondered how much the CIA knew about the nature of their friendship.
I’m getting sloppy.
Pushing all those thoughts away, he rolled onto his side and watched the love of his life as she slept. After a while, his eyelids grew heavy and the strong tide of sleep pulled him under. His last thoughts were of Sara, of how he hadn’t gotten closure... and never would.
Chapter 13
Brian Williams’ Estate
Hinsdale, Illinois
June 8, 2008
6:00 AM
~~~
Jason woke with a start. His forehead and the side of his face had been resting painfully on the keys of his laptop. He kneaded the sore indentations on his cheek with his fingertips.
He hadn’t written like that in a long time. The writing exercise had been therapeutic, even if it had been mostly garbage. He had exorcised some demons last night when his fingers danced along the keys in a fast-tempo tango, which took him through the first four chapters of what looked to be the beginning of a novel inspired by the recent events—a tragic love story.
He tapped the keyboard to wake up his computer, and scrolled through to the beginning so he could read some of what he had written.
This isn’t half bad.
Somewhere in between the dark prose and the crisp dialogue, he had written Katherine out of his hopes and dreams for the future. He loved her enough to know he couldn’t make her happy, and the letting go actually brought relief. Now if he could hold on to that and not slip back into his hound-dog ways, he could perhaps find happiness himself. He was done begging for the scraps of her love and affection.
She was in good hands. He had seen the look in Alex’s eyes when they pulled up last night. It was the look of a man lost in a woman—one he knew well. A part of him almost felt sorry for Alex.
If he left early, he could get back to Virginia in time to set in motion some of the plans that had begun to form in his mind. Things were going to change in a big way for him; it was both exciting and terrifying all at once.
After cleaning up and packing his things, he made his way down to the kitchen and poked around until he found everything he would need to make coffee. Just as he pressed the brew button, a man’s voice startled him out of his reverie.
“You’re leaving?”
He nodded, not really wanting to go into it with Alex, who looked at him with pity. Fuck him and his pity. “Yeah, I think you and Brian have things covered here just fine without me.”
“Jason—”
He held up his hand to stop him. “Don’t. It’s okay. Just promise me that you will keep her safe.”
There was no sense in letting the other man know about his broken heart. She would be in good hands with him. He’s no Charles, that’s for sure.
Alex cleared his throat and crossed his arms across his bare chest. “I will. I’ll do my damnedest to keep her safe.”
Jason leaned back against the counter, wanting to believe the man was up for the job. “Good. I know this goes without saying, but please treat her right, man. She’s been through so much already. I just want her to be safe and happy.”
Alex bit his upper lip and nodded. “We want the same thing, man.”
He reached up into the cupboard and pulled out another coffee mug. “Coffee?”
Alex nodded. “Yes, please.”
The two men sat down at the table together in an agreed upon silence, having already said everything that needed to be said. Jason did a mental run-through of the long list of things he needed to do when he got back to D.C.
He was so preoccupied that he didn’t hear Katherine come into the room.
“I don’t suppose you boys left me any coffee.” She walked over to the coffeemaker and started to poke around.
Jason was the first to break the silence. “Top cupboard to your left.”
“Thanks.” She opened the cupboard and reached up on her tiptoes to get a mug down.
Her shirt lifted, revealing bruises in the shape of fingerprints, and he forced himself to look away. When she sat down at the table between them, the tension in the room became palpable.
Brian’s wife, Betty, came breezing into the room moments later with Brian in tow. “Good morning, everyone. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to greet you when you arrived last night. I have a new showing at the gallery next week and it has just plum worn me out. Is anyone hungry?”
A cacophony of grunts and nods affirmed that, yes, everyone was indeed hungry.
Brian chuckled and announced, “I’ll start another pot of coffee.”
***
Alex changed into a gray t-shirt and a tight pair of Levi’s. He desperately needed a smoke and, remembering that Betty had been a chain smoker years ago, thought she might have a pack he could bum. He paused in the doorframe beside the stove, where Betty was cracking eggs.
“Betty, love, I don’t suppose you’re still a smoker?”
She chuckled. “No, I quit a few years ago.” She leaned towards him and added in a hushed whisper, “But I may or may not have a hidden stash in the upstairs bathroom.”
Brian turned and caught his wife’s eye, scolding her.
Alex smiled. “Thank you.” Before he left, he turned and kissed the older woman on the cheek, making her blush.
He made his way up the stairs to the guest bathroom. Just as Betty had hinted, a whole carton of cigarettes lay nestled in the closet.
Score!
He ripped into a pack and pulled out a cigarette. Lighter? Shit, it’s downstairs. Wait a minute.... He pushed aside some monogrammed towels and found a pearled lighter.
“Thank you, Betty.”
The window stuck, but after a few good shoves he had it opened. He lit the cigarette and took a nice long drag before blowing the smoke outside. Fuck, that’s good. A
s he smoked the last of the cigarette, someone knocked on the door.
“Come in.” He was surprised to see Betty push open the door and close it behind her. He chuckled. “Want one?” he offered with a wink.
She shook her head. “No, but I think I will just sit and enjoy the secondhand smoke. That way I can keep my promise to Brian.”
“You sneaky old woman, you,” he teased.
She swatted a hand at him.
Laughing, Alex lit his second cigarette and blew the smoke towards her instead of out the window.
She closed her eyes and deeply inhaled. “Oh yes,” she moaned.
He chuckled again. Their kids didn’t know how good they had it. His parents hadn’t given two shits about him.
Betty inhaled deeply the cloud of smoke he had created above them. “So, what’s the deal with you and Katherine?”
A short laugh escaped his parted lips. “You aren’t pulling any punches, are you?”
She inhaled again and smiled. “I’m too old to pussyfoot around.”
The cigarette dangled precariously between his pinched lips. “Touché, Betty.” He took a short puff and looked away from her intense gaze.
“Well, out with it already.” She impatiently waved her hand in front of him.
“Okay, all right. I don’t know what there is to tell. I like her. I like her a lot, and I think she may like me too.”
She shot him an irritated glare. “Tell me something I don’t already know, Don Juan.”
He laughed a little and shrugged. Her myopic preoccupation with his love life was amusing and irritating in equal measure. “I don’t know. This isn’t exactly the best time to be starting something with someone. Don’t you think?”
She shrugged back before handing Alex another cigarette.
“Are you trying to kill me, old woman?”
Her smile deepened as he lit up his third cigarette in as many minutes.
It didn’t matter that his stomach was starting to roll and his head was buzzing.
“If you wait for everything to be just right, you’ll never do anything. Trust me.”
He held the cigarette loosely between his fingers, and tapped the top with the pad of his thumb as he thought about what she had just said.
With his gaze still on his hands and the lit cigarette, he cleared his throat and told her the truth of the situation. “She was hurt pretty bad. I worry that she’s been too damaged by all of this to ever be ready for a relationship. It doesn’t help that I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”
Her wizened eyes looked up at him, and she placed her wrinkled hand on his knee. “The not knowing and acting anyway is part of living your life. You can’t be afraid of everything that may be lurking around each corner.”
“Maybe so, Betty.” He sat back and looked outside at the boughs of the oak tree that swayed in the breeze outside the window.
***
“Excuse me, you two. I need to go check in on my wife. I think she has inhaled enough secondhand smoke by now,” Brian said as he got up to go upstairs.
Jason finished his eggs and wiped the corners of his mouth with the cloth napkin.
Katherine cleared her throat. “You’re leaving?”
Jason nodded. “Mmm hmm, I need to get back to Washington. There are some things I need to do.”
Her heart sank at his news, but she needed to let him go. It wasn’t fair to keep stringing him along and giving him warrantless hope.
“I think you’re in capable hands.” He looked away from her towards the door, like he couldn’t wait to bolt.
“What about you? Will you be safe?”
He chortled.
It pained her to realize that her concern for him was too little too late.
He caught her gaze and let out a loud exhale through his nose. “I’ll be fine, Kat. I’m going to hand over the paper to Lisa for a little while, and go spend some time with my grandfather and do some real writing.”
She couldn’t have been happier to hear his news. He was long overdue in achieving his own dreams. “That sounds wonderful! I know how much you hate working for the paper.”
He placed the napkin on the table and put his dirty dish on top of the growing stack beside the sink. “Well, I’d better get going. I’ve got a long day of driving ahead of me.”
She stood and went to hug him goodbye, but stopped herself. Something had shifted between them. New boundary lines had been drawn.
“Goodbye, Jason.”
“Bye.” He picked up his bag and laptop, then headed out of the kitchen and out the front door.
She cupped her face with her hands and sobbed. What if she never saw him again? He needed to be free of her so that he could live his own life, but his absence created an unfillable hole in her life. It was her fault. She brought him nothing but misery and despair.
The sound of the chair across from her scraping against the wood floor brought her back to the moment. She parted her fingers and gazed at an exhausted Brian, who stared back at her.
“Katherine, there are some things we need to talk about.”
Alex entered the room and sat down at the table with them. He smelled like cigarettes.
Her eyes widened and her grip on the table tightened. Couldn’t she get a moment’s break from reality? Was that too much to ask?
“Katherine, honey....” Brain patted her hand.
She couldn’t help but flinch, a reflex born out of the trauma. When she glanced over at Alex, he gave her a half smile in return, which told her she wasn’t going to like the news.
“Katherine, hon,” Brian continued. “In the course of the investigation we discovered something surprising, something that we don’t quite understand.”
“Just tell me, already.” Her irritation over it all was rising with each passing second.
Alex reached his hand across the table, towards her. “Katherine, your father is alive.”
She gasped. That can’t be! They must be mistaken. She just stared in disbelief.
Alex left his hand just millimeters away from hers and caught her eye. “I got a tip from one of my sources in the CIA that someone fitting the description of your father was working in Detroit as a general contractor. I traveled there to see it for myself, and I positively ID’ed the man. He’s alive.”
It felt as though the air in the room had been sucked out. She pushed back from the table, struggling to breathe. “Oh God!” She rushed out the backdoor in just a few strides, grateful when they didn’t follow after her.
Chapter 14
Brian Williams’ Estate
Hinsdale, Illinois
June 8, 2008
8:00 AM
~~~
Alex walked out back to the pergola to talk to Katherine, who seemed lost in thought, staring at the garden.
He cleared his throat. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She shook her head.
He shoved his nervous hands into his pants pockets. “Okay, but we’ll have to talk soon about the plan Brian, Richards, and I have set in place to keep you safe. I’d like your input.”
She drew her knees up under her chin and hugged her legs to her chest. “I know.”
He sighed and sank into the chair next to her. “You should know that the investigation wouldn’t be where it is now if you hadn’t given Jason those jump drives. Because of you, we might actually be able to get enough evidence to prosecute and bring these people to justice.”
She tilted her head towards him with her chin resting in the crook between her knees. Her eyes squinted at him. “They were able to decode it?”
“Yeah, the CIA has been pooling its resources to make this happen, but the Attorney General still needs you and at least one other witness to testify.”
“That’s where my father comes in? You need him to come out of hiding, or whatever it is he is doing, and testify about what he knows about The Syndicate?” She brought her hand up and cupped it across her forehead to shield her eyes from the unrelenti
ng sun.
“Yeah, but that’s not going to be easy at all.” He fished out the pack of cigarettes he had pilfered from the upstairs bathroom, took one out and lit it.
To his surprise, she reached over and took it from him. As she took a short puff, his phone rang.
Frustrated, he pulled it out, answering it on the third ring. “Bailey.”
“Bailey, I need you back ASAP,” his supervisor at the CIA barked at him. “We’ve got a tactical team who can transfer her to the safe house. We’ll just need the location.”
“Sir, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I didn’t ask you if you thought it was a good idea or not. The girl will be perfectly safe. You can even review the group yourself.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Katherine watching him with interest.
“With all due respect, sir, that isn’t good enough. I’m going to stay with her at the safe house. Did you receive the paperwork from Dr. Forester and Special Agent Richards?”
“I don’t know what kind of stunt you’re pulling, but you’re never going to be allowed in the field again. Are you sure this is how you want this to play out?”
“Yes, I’m sure. She’s too important to lose.”
His supervisor continued to go on and on, but Alex had stopped listening. He caught Katherine’s gaze and held it—a myriad of emotions swam through her lipid blue orbs.
“Thank you for your concern, sir. I’ll keep in touch.” He ended the call and tossed the phone on one of the lawn chairs.
Katherine took a long, deep drag of the cigarette.
He didn’t like her smoking. It didn’t suit her. He snatched the cigarette back, took a long drag, and blew rings of smoke up over his head. Making rings always calmed him.
“Fuck!” he exclaimed to the sky.
When he looked back down, their eyes met.
Oh, what you do to me....
The air between them crackled. For a moment, he thought about kissing her, and when he pushed the urge back down, he could swear a look of disappointment crossed over her.