After a few moments, when Theo regained her composure, Lady Coghlane released her and resumed her seat. ‘To tell the truth, of late I’d suspected as much—especially when you were so adamant about keeping Charles, even after Richard’s death.’
‘You suspected?’ Theo cried, horrified. ‘Do you think anyone else might?’
‘Calm yourself, my dear. I doubt anyone who doesn’t know you well would suspect a thing. If the account of Charles’s birth was to be challenged, it would have happened when you first brought him back to camp. It’s just that I know you truly want the best for him, and knowing that, it seemed...odd for you to hold on to the child after your father’s death, when you could no longer ensure he would be raised by a gentleman as a gentleman. Unless he meant more to you than a chance-met orphan.’
‘He does,’ Theo acknowledged.
‘Why did you feel the need to reveal the secret of Charles’s birth now?’
Smiling grimly, Theo recounted her confrontation with Audley Tremaine—and the subsequent visit from Lady Hazlett.
‘Wonderful that the viscount and his lady want a relationship with the boy,’ her aunt said, after listening thoughtfully. ‘But...to take him from you, now, after more than four years? That would be very hard.’
‘Impossible. So I proposed a bargain: I marry a well-positioned gentleman, who can provide the advantages of upbringing and access to the gentlemen of society the viscount would, let them develop a relationship with Charles, and I get to keep him with me. Which is why I came: to have you work your magic, and find me someone suitable to marry. Do...do you really think you can find someone?’
Lady Coghlane steepled her fingers, pondering. ‘Nothing has changed since we last discussed you marrying. You’d insisted then that you must keep Charles. I assume, if you reached an understanding with a gentleman, you would reveal his parentage?’
‘Of course. It’s a delicate balancing—I don’t want the information to become common knowledge, but I’d never marry anyone who wasn’t fully aware of my circumstances.’
Lady Coghlane nodded. ‘Wise to proceed that way. As for who you might marry, I must give the matter some thought.’
‘Lady Hazlett seemed to think it would be difficult to find someone elevated enough to be suitable who’d also be amenable to marrying me. I’d need a “paragon”, she said.’
‘I wouldn’t have you marry anything else!’ Lady Coghlane said roundly. ‘Let me put my mind to it and see who I come up with. By the way, I’m promised to dine with the Stauntons tonight. Why don’t you come with me? As it happens, I have the gowns my daughter-in-law Lissa commissioned this spring, before she learned she was increasing. You’re much of a size; I think my maid could alter them to fit you. She’ll certainly be able to do something with that hair!’
‘Tonight?’ Panic swirled in her stomach. ‘I thought I’d have some time to...get acclimated before going into company. I knew you wouldn’t let me out of the house in my current wardrobe.’
‘Given your circumstances, I don’t think you should waste a minute,’ her aunt said frankly. ‘It’s fortunate Lissa’s gowns are to hand. It would be best for society to discover you’re in town immediately, so I can set my friends listening for the interest it generates. After all, my dear, you are an earl’s granddaughter, and very rich! After you’ve had an hour to rest, I’ll have Marston bring those gowns to your bedchamber. Choose some you’d like to wear until we can get you to my mantua-maker. Then, after I’ve spoken with my friends tonight, I’ll be better able to advise you on the likely candidates.’
Rising, her aunt came over to give her another hug. ‘Don’t worry, my dear. We shall find the right gentleman to make you happy—and keep Charles with you.’
‘As long as I can keep Charles with me, I will be happy,’ Theo said fervently.
As her aunt walked her out, Theo hoped her fairy-godmother aunt could make both circumstances come true.
* * *
Though Aunt Amelia had allotted her an hour to rest, Theo found she couldn’t. After ten minutes reclining on the bed, her mind ticking fiercely through various scenarios like an overwound clock, she bounced back up.
Driven by the imperative to marry, feeling helpless at knowing the resolution of her dilemma depended on the good will of someone she’d not even met, and writhing with frustration at that helplessness, her stomach churned and head throbbed. How could she attract a potential suitor with the correct qualifications, someone who would be so taken with her that he wouldn’t mind the added burden of another man’s child?
Until now, the idea of marriage had been only a vague proposition put forward by Aunt Amelia, no more real than a mirage. Since having to make her bow on the censorious stage of the Marriage Mart seemed so unlikely, she’d been able to dismiss the prospect. Now that taking that step was imminent, its outcome so important and the result of failure so disastrous, dread and doubt assailed her like footpads setting on a drunken dandy.
She was too old, she’d never been a beauty, and she was certainly not docile. Aunt Amelia’s maid could pretty her up, fix her hair, and dress her in more fashionable gowns. But would it be enough?
Could she learn to hold her tongue, be meek and attentive, defer to the gentlemen? Was it even fair for her to do so, when she’d be unable to sustain such behaviour for the rest of her life?
And what would she converse about, if she dared open her mouth? She knew very little of English politics, nothing of fashion or ton gossip. Would she be reduced to murmuring polite ‘As you say’s, or smiling inanely?
Prepared or not, she had to begin this very night.
Panic bubbled up, adding to the already caustic mix of urgency and uncertainty. She wasn’t at all sure she could do this.
But she had to do it. Maybe she’d better remind herself of the reason she was doing it.
She’d go see Charles.
* * *
Theo walked into the bedchamber to find Charles chatting away to Constancia. As she looked at him, her breath stopped and her chest squeezed painfully.
Now that the toddler roundness of his face had given way to a boy’s more sculpted shape, the outline of Marshall’s chin and cheekbones was readily apparent. Add to that the curling blond hair and bright green eyes, and for anyone who’d known Marshall well, the resemblance was striking. Much as she resented the dilemma Tremaine had thrust her into, she couldn’t fault him for recognising it, especially since Charles’s purported parents had both been notably dark.
Dear enough to her in his own right, Charles was also the living embodiment of a time of hopes and dreams when life awaited, a blank slate for she and Marshall to write upon it whatever they wished, their love a shining beacon lighting the way into their future.
A beacon that had kept her from succumbing to despair after her father’s death, that had forced her to move past her loss and plan a future, for all of them.
Despite the anguish of losing Marshall, the anxiety over the shame and scandal she might visit upon her family, the ever-present worry over the secret becoming known, she wouldn’t give up a day, even a second of life with Charles. If there was an ache in her heart that he would never call her Mama, as long as she had him with her, she could live with that.
He turned and saw her. ‘Miss Theo!’ he cried with delight, running over to her.
Theo buried her face in the soft golden locks and hugged him so tightly, he squirmed away in protest.
‘London is so big!’ he announced. ‘I’ve been looking out the window with Constancia, and the buildings just keep going and going and going! The streets are so skinny, and there’s no open fields. Where are you going to ride Firefly? Or me my pony?’
‘One doesn’t ride very much in the city, except at the park. The streets are so crowded and noisy, horses don’t like it.’
‘Can we go
to the park, then?’ Charles asked, picking up immediately on the one place riding was permitted.
‘I’ll take you tomorrow morning, I promise. It’s already too late today; I’m told the fashionable gather to ride and walk in the park in late afternoon.’
‘Will we get my pony then?’
Theo laughed ruefully, wishing Lady Hazlett to perdition; once promised such a treat, as tenacious as she—and his father—Charles would keep asking until it appeared.
‘We can’t get your pony at the park. I’ll have to see where we can find one in London. But I will start looking.’
‘What are we going to do in London, then? It’s too far to go to the school. I miss Jemmie and Georgie.’
Theo felt a pang; her aunt and his grandmother were right. Having had children his own age to play with since birth, now that the excitement of the journey was over, Charles missed their company. He needed to interact with others—particularly those with whom he would continue to associate after he was grown.
Avoiding the question, she said, ‘I hope we won’t be in London long. Then we can get back to Thornfield and the school. You’ll have your pony, and a tutor, so there will be many things to do.’
‘But what will we do here?’ he persisted, too intelligent to be fobbed off. ‘If there’s lots of wagons and carriages in the park, there will be lots of horses. I like to look at horses.’
‘We can do that. There should be soldiers here, too, and we can go watch them on parade.’
His face lit up. ‘I’d love to watch the soldiers march!’
Mad for the military, like his papa, she thought. Marshall had told her how, even as a second son, he’d had to fight for his father’s permission to join the army. Recalling the desolated look on Lady Hazlett’s face, she could understand why. Praise God, there would be no Napoleon waging war when her son grew up!
‘There are many activities in London, you need only decide what you’d like to try. Later, I’ll have you come to her room and say hello again to my aunt. For now, you can play with your soldiers until dinner.’
‘What are you going to do until dinner?’
‘I have to try on dresses,’ she said in a disgusted tone, making a face.
Charles giggled. ‘I’d rather play with my soldiers.’
‘So would I. How about you try on dresses and I play with the soldiers?’
‘I’m a boy, I can’t wear dresses,’ he replied in the serious tones of a child not yet old enough to recognise the facetious.
Theo pretended to study him up and down. ‘I don’t know, I think you’d look lovely in a gown. Don’t you, Constancia?’
‘Oh, yes, senhora, most beautiful in a gown,’ the maid agreed, grinning.
‘Let’s just see, shall we?’ Theo said, grabbing him. ‘Come, the dressmaker is waiting.’
‘No!’ he protested, squealing with glee as Theo pulled him towards the door. ‘No dresses, no dresses!’ he cried between shrieks of laughter.
Laughing herself now, Theo halted at the doorframe. Kneeling down to surround him with her arms, she said, ‘No dresses? Are you sure you don’t want any?’
He pulled free within the circle of her arms and straightened his shirt. ‘No, Miss Theo. You know boys don’t wear dresses.’
Theo gave an elaborate sigh. ‘I guess you’re right. But it’s not fair. I’d so much rather play with soldiers.’
‘You can come and play later, after you’re done with the dresses. I’ll let you have General Blücher,’ he volunteered, naming his favourite toy soldier.
‘What a handsome offer! I shall take you up on it,’ she said, rising. ‘Now I have to go, before Aunt Amelia comes hunting for me.’
Charles gave her a measuring glance and looked around the room. ‘You could hide under my bed.’
Already a tactician, she thought. ‘No, when duty calls, one must answer. But I’ll remember I have General Blücher to look forward to once I’ve finished.’
She leaned over to plant a kiss on his head, determination renewed. There was nothing she would not do to keep him with her. ‘I’ll save you some lace.’
Chuckling at his grimace of revulsion, she walked back to her room.
Chapter Sixteen
Later that evening in her bedchamber, Theo gazed at her reflection in the glass, while Marston peered over her shoulder, smiling. ‘You look quite a treat, miss, if I do say so myself!’
The figure staring back at her was certainly an improvement, she admitted. Her hair, cut under protest, had been washed and curled and pinned up in a seemingly careless assortment of waves. The gown, in a becoming shade of gold that picked up the shimmer of her brown eyes, was mercifully free of excessive lace and furbelows.
It did, however, feature a form-enhancing silhouette, tiny puffed sleeves, and a bodice cut so low she’d probably contract a congestion of the lungs before the night was out. ‘Are you sure you can’t add a ruffle of lace here?’ she asked, pointing to the low neckline.
‘Heavens, no!’ the maid replied in scandalised tones. ‘Half the girls in London have to pad their corsets to achieve such a full, rounded bosom. You should be proud to display it.’
‘It’s certainly “displayed”,’ Theo muttered. ‘I feel as naked as an army jolly-bag strutting her wares on a Lisbon street.’
At that moment, Aunt Amelia walked in. ‘How lovely!’ she exclaimed. ‘Marston, you’ve outdone yourself!’
‘So I’ll do?’ Theo asked, making a pirouette.
‘Splendidly! I knew you’d be enchanting, once I got you out of those old gowns and that musty habit!’
‘Are you sure it’s not an imposition to bring me when I’ve not been invited?’ Theo asked, grasping at the last available straw to delay her inevitable society début.
‘I sent a note to Jane Staunton this afternoon, telling her you’d arrived unexpectedly, and asking if she’d mind if you came along. She replied that she’d be delighted—especially since she had an unexpected visitor, too. Her nephew, in from the country.’
‘Don’t tell me,’ Theo said drily. ‘He’s a bachelor of good reputation and fortune.’
‘Quite. A widower, with three children a little older than Charles.’
‘On the prowl for a new wife to oversee his brood?’
‘Jane wasn’t sure, but Lord Sayle isn’t fond of London, so she couldn’t see any other reason for him making the journey—especially after he told her he planned to stay for some time.’
Theo tried to summon up some enthusiasm. ‘Charles would like having other children about. What does Lord Sayle do? What could I talk to him about?’
‘Well, he was never in the army.’ Theo’s hopes of finding a congenial conversationalist faded as her aunt continued, ‘He did attend Eton and then Oxford—the New School, not Richard’s college. The barony is very old; his estate is in Kent, and I understand he raises some lovely horses.’
‘Oxford. Horses,’ Theo repeated a bit desperately.
‘Besides, you needn’t worry about conversing. Ask him about his estate; after that, you’ll probably only need to nod and smile.’
Inanely? Theo wondered. Would there be opportunity to add an ‘as you say’?
Reading the anxiety on Theo’s face, her aunt said again, ‘You mustn’t worry! Just be yourself, and the company can’t help but admire you.’
‘Spoken like a true loving aunt,’ Theo said, giving that lady a kiss. ‘But thank you for trying to raise my spirits.’
Lady Coghlane shook her head. ‘Silly girl! Why someone who lived between two armies, survived advances and retreats and poor food and sleeping who knows where, could be in such a panic over a simple dinner party, I can’t imagine!’
‘I knew what to expect in those retreats and advances and billets. I don’t know anything about s
urviving the London ton.’
‘Just look and listen! You’ll soon find how to get on.’
Taking a deep breath, Theo nodded. She certainly hoped she’d ‘find how’. The consequences of failing to catch an eligible gentleman’s eye were so dire, she couldn’t bear to think about them.
* * *
A short time later, her aunt’s carriage deposited them before a handsome town house in Grosvenor Square. Her heart beat faster as they ascended a wide marble staircase to be announced by the butler to a drawing room full of people.
The room glittered with an array of chattering women whose beautiful gowns in a rainbow of hues were set off against the black coats and pristine white neckcloths of the gentlemen.
How different, the sober attire of civilians, compared to army uniforms in vivid colours with their flashes of gold braid and frogging, she thought, feeling even more out of place.
Then Aunt Amelia was introducing her to her hostess, Lady Staunton, who in turn introduced her to other guests. One of them, Lord Sayle, was the nephew in question, a distinguished-looking man greying at the temples whom Theo judged to be in his late thirties. After murmuring the proper polite phrases, she followed her aunt to a group by the fireplace. Before any further conversation was necessary, the meal was announced and their hostess led them into the dining room.
Theo dreaded the moment she would lose her aunt’s support. As one of the highest-ranking ladies present, Lady Coghlane would be seated beside their host, while the unmarried daughter of an earl’s younger son ranked far down the table.
She hoped their hostess would regale them with some of the delicacies for which she’d heard London was famed, so she might apply herself to her dinner and salvage something enjoyable from the evening. Feeling like a rank recruit who’d stumbled into one of General Wellington’s staff meetings, she couldn’t wait to escape back to Jermyn Street.
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