by Dara Nelson
“Oh. I suppose that makes sense. I’ll stay in here until you get back.”
“Thank you. I’ll be back soon.”
I turned and headed back into the hall, joining Matt and Carlos..
“Are you sure about this, Sarah?” Matt said as we headed toward the doors.
“Positive. Do you have a tape recorder? I want to record her answers. Hopefully something will give us a clue to who is supplying her information.”
Carlos smiled and handed me one from his pocket. “I had a feeling you’d want one,” he said. I smiled, “Of course you did,” I said as I tucked it into my purse. A half block from the café, I dropped their hands, “Wait here, please. And stay out of my head for now. I need to concentrate on this, not you two.” They both started to protest, but thought better of it when I glared at them. I turned and made my way the rest of the way to the café, reaching into my purse and turning on the digital recorder when I reached the door. I found her easily, sitting at the table in the middle of the room. I smiled, “Not much privacy at this table is there? Are you worried about being alone with me?”
She ignored my question, but I got my answer from her shaking fingers as she opened her notebook. “Thank you for seeing me, Ms. Pearl,” she began.
“Please, call me Sarah.”
She stared at me, with her mouth hanging open, for a few seconds. “Okay, Sarah. First question: How old are you?”
“Forty-four.”
“No, really. How old are you?”
“Really. I’m forty-four. Would you like to see my driver’s license? My birth certificate?” I said.
“They’re fake,” she spat.
“No, they’re not. I was born in Seattle, Washington on September 2nd, 1968. I was married to Robert Jensen on May 4th, 1995. Shall I go on?”
“Where is he?”
My eyes looked down. “Dead,” I whispered.
“Did you kill him?”
My head shot up, “What? Fuck, no, I didn’t kill him. Why would you say something like that? That’s a horrible thing to say. He was killed in a car accident. Look, I’m sure you’ve done your research on me and you know all this already. What do you really want?”
She stared at me for a second then took a deep breath, “Okay. Do you always get what you want?”
“What do you mean by that? No, I don’t always get what I want. Nobody does.”
“Well, you lost your son then couldn’t have more children, yet somehow you were able to conceive and give birth last year. You weren’t satisfied with just one lover, so you stole, what’s his name? Oh, yes, you stole Carlos away from, ummm, well you just stole him. So I ask you again, why are you so lucky? Why do you always get everything you want?”
I just stared. My heart was breaking. I knew exactly who was feeding the information to the reporter. Was she really that bitter about what had happened, so bitter that she would jeopardize our very existence? She had been a nurse in the clinic that we ran in our compound, a clinic for both humans and vampires. I had helped her become a nurse after she was brought to our clinic as a patient. She had to have an emergency hysterectomy. She had been engaged at the time but her fiancé dumped her when he found out that she could no longer have children. She was devastated. I helped her pick up the pieces, gave her a home and training, and introduced her to Carlos. At the time I was trying to ignore my attraction to Carlos and thought that she might be a good candidate for one of his many girlfriends. She had actually been better than that. She was the first woman that he had fallen in love with. But even that hadn’t been enough to keep the two of us apart, and she had been hurt by us.
“Where is she?” I whispered.
“Where is who?”
“Maria. Where is she? I’d like to talk to her.”
“Maria?” she said, trying unsuccessfully to cover her tracks, “I don’t know any Maria.”
“I saved her life, you know. Twice.”
She was obviously flustered. She quickly tossed her notebook into her bag and stood up, “I have to go now.”
“Please tell her I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt her.”
The reporter rushed out of the café and out into the street. I watched as Alan, one of our security officers, nodded to me and then began following her. I wanted to run out of there, but I couldn’t move. I knew Matt and Carlos were coming, but I didn’t want to face them. I knew what had to be done, but how could I possibly do it? “Sarah?” Carlos said from behind me. I cringed. How would he take this? How would he react? Suddenly I knew that I couldn’t tell him here. And I knew that I had to tell him alone. I linked to Matt. He frowned at me but let me in, ‘Honey, I need you to go back to the compound. The snitch that the reporter’s getting her information from? It’s Maria. I have to tell him alone.’
Matt tried to hide the shock, then the anger, from his face. He nodded and kissed me. “I’ll see you when you get home. But be careful, Sarah,” he whispered then he turned and walked out.
“What? Where are you going, Matt? Sarah? What’s going on?” Carlos said.
I took his hand in mine, “Take a walk with me?” I whispered.
He started to protest, but then thought better of it. Instead, I got a very leery, “Okay,” from Carlos
as we made our way out of the café. I struggled to stay slow as we moved through the crowded streets. But the moment we reached the edge of the forest, my feet began moving faster and faster. Suddenly Carlos stubbornly planted his feet. He pulled hard on my arm to stop me, “Sarah? What is this? What’s going on?”
I placed my hand on his cheek and smiled sadly at him. My lips gently pressed onto his, “I love you so much,” I whispered.
“Sarah, tell me. Please, tell me.”
“I will. At the cave. I promise. Please?”
He finally nodded and we began racing up the hill again toward the cave, but I could feel his hand shaking in mine.
When we reached the mouth of the cave, he dropped my hand, hung his head, and walked halfway inside. He didn’t know it but this was exactly where I wanted him to be. There was no chance of escape, not unless he went through me first - which he just might try, because he was going to be pissed. Angrier than I’ve ever seen him, I was sure. He turned and faced me, “So. It’s over?” he said.
“What? What’s over?” I was totally confused by his question.
“Us. You and me.”
“Fuck no,” I said and I saw him smile slightly, “Not unless you want it to be.”
“Oh, hell no,” he said as he visibly exhaled, “but, but I thought,”
“Oh honey. Why would you think that?” I said.
“Because. This is too good to be true, Sarah. I’m not used to being this happy. And with all of the crap I’ve pulled in my life, culminating with sleeping with my best friend’s wife, well let’s just say that I’ve been looking over my shoulder ever since.”
“Seriously? You’re living your life happy but expecting the worst? Jesus, no wonder you’re so fucking paranoid. You need to stop it, Carlos, stop it, because us, this happiness, you and me and Matt, it’s all here to stay,” I said as I walked toward him and wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t want to ruin this moment, but I knew I had to tell him.
“Carlos?” I whispered.
“It’s okay Sarah. You can tell me why you brought me here.”
“I know who the snitch is, Carlos.”
“That’s great, Sarah. Now we can capture them. And punish them. They know the rules. We’re supposed to be secret; it’s safer for everyone, both humans and vampires, if we are. If someone is blabbing to humans about us, they need to be stopped. Who is it?”
I turned my head and looked into his eyes. I opened my mouth to tell him, but nothing came out. I pressed my forehead into his chest. Carlos’ hand cupped my chin and brought my head up, “Sarah. For God’s sake, who is it?”
I still couldn’t say her name, it hurt too much. Instead, I blurted out, “She hates me because she thinks I stole you
away from her. That’s why she did it. Oh shit, Carlos. I’m so sorry.”
He stared for a moment, until I saw the answer flash in his surprised eyes. He gasped, “Mmm, mmmmm, Maria? No! It can’t be. She would never do this.”
I nodded, “It’s her, Carlos. I‘m so sorry.”
I saw the anger begin building in him like a volcano. Through gritted teeth he said, “Sarah. Unwrap your arms. Let me go. Now.”
“No, Carlos. I can’t do that.”
Every muscle in his body was so tight it was shaking, “Damn it, Sarah. Please do not make me hurt you. Let me fucking go right now!”
“Only if you promise to stay in here, with me.”
“You don’t want to be around me right now.”
“Yes I do.”
“Goddamn it Sarah! Get out of my fucking way!” he screamed.
I took a step back, and smiled at him, “I’m not going to do that Carlos.”
He stared me down, but I wouldn’t budge. “AHHHHH!” he yelled as he threw his hands in the air and ran to the back of the cave. He slammed his fist into the back wall, causing the whole cave to shake, and sending chunks of rock raining down on us. He lowered his head and I watched his breath go in and out. He seemed like he was done, but I knew he wasn’t. Not by a long shot. I backed up a few steps and braced myself, waiting for his next move. Suddenly, in a flash, he spun around and tried to make his escape. I dove to my right and caught his ankle, sending him crashing face first into the ground. He growled and tried to spin away, but my grip was too tight on his ankle. I scrambled to my feet and moved to pounce on him. But he was ready for me. He shoved his other foot into my stomach and sent me flying, upside down, into the wall. The sound of my head hitting the wall sent an echo that sounded like thunder rumbling through the hills. No time to lick my wounds, though. Before I fell to the ground, I put my hands down, caught myself and did a few cartwheels over to Carlos, who had just managed to get back onto his feet. At the end of my last cartwheel, I wrapped my legs tight around his mid-section, then flipped him over and sent him flying to the back of the cave again. I heard a loud crack as his arm broke when it caught the edge of a huge boulder as he flew past it. I knew it had hurt. But I also knew that it wasn’t enough to slow him down. He nursed the arm for a few seconds then turned his fury back on me. Putting his head down, he ran at me full speed. The instant his head smashed into my middle, I reached down and laced my arms through his, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to stop his momentum, but making sure that he couldn’t get free. He pushed me and we continued backwards, out of the mouth of the cave, and we probably would have gone all the way down the mountain, if he hadn’t smashed us into a two-hundred foot-tall fir tree. I gasped as the wind was knocked out of me, but I held firm. He used his good arm to try to break free, to no avail. But it was hard to keep my grip in this position. Since his head was still down, I easily spun myself onto his back, wrapping my arms and legs around him in a vise grip. He let out another loud yell as he flung himself backwards toward the wall of the cave. I braced myself for the impact. At the last second, I sent my legs back into the wall, absorbed the impact and pushed off as hard as I could, sending us sliding, face-first, into the dirt. Carlos was on his stomach and I was on top of his back. He started coughing and spitting out dirt. He fought for a moment, trying with one arm to get to his hands and knees and knock me off. But then I felt the anger and tension leave him, like the air coming out of a balloon. He collapsed onto his stomach, sobbing. “God, Sarah. How am I going to do this? She has to be found. She has to be stopped. She has to be punished. But I don’t know if I can do it. She did this because of me.”
I lifted myself up, quickly flipped him over then lay down on top of him so he had to look at me. I wiped the rest of the dirt off of his face then looked deep into his eyes, “No, Carlos. She did this because of us. Not you. Us. You don’t have to do this. We do. You aren’t a ‘me’ anymore, Carlos. You are a ‘we’. You are always going to be a ‘we’, no matter how many walls you throw me into. Don’t you ever forget that.”
He stared at me for a second then his good arm reached up, grabbed the back of my head and brought my mouth down to his. There was a hunger, an awakening, in this kiss that I had never felt from him. Every wall that had been kept up out of habit and out of fear had come crashing down. He whimpered lightly, afraid of the overwhelming vulnerability that was so new to him. I pressed myself tighter to him, comforting him. Suddenly he stopped kissing and stared at me. I saw the terror in his eyes. Never had he opened himself up to someone so completely, not even me, I knew that and I felt such gratitude that it was for me. I smiled at him, “It’s okay, honey. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Sarah. I don’t know how to do this. I’m scared shitless right now.”
I stood up off of him and held my left hand out to him. He looked from my face to my hand and back to my face again. Finally he grabbed my hand with his. His left arm hung useless by his side, and he tried not to wince when he stood up, but I saw it. I reached up and tore his shirt down the middle. “Jesus, Sarah,” he whispered. I smiled, “I making a sling for your arm because you’re not going to the clinic just yet.” I tied the loose ends at the back of his neck and helped him slide his arm inside. Then I wrapped my arm around his waist and kissed him. When I finally pulled back, I looked up. We both rose above the cave. “Where are we going?” he said. I pointed with my chin, “Just on the other side of those trees, on the backside of the cave.” I brought us down at the edge of the hot springs. “Sarah,” he whispered with a shaky voice, “Can’t we just go back home?”
“Why, Carlos? Why do you want to go home? Why don’t you want to be here with me?”
“Don’t do this. Don’t make me do this. Please?”
“What are you so afraid of, Carlos?”
He stared for a second, then I saw the anger flash in his face. He knew I wasn’t going to back down. “Getting hurt, okay? I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’ve always been afraid of getting hurt. I know I put those walls up. I like those walls. They keep me safe.”
“Safe from what? All they’re keeping you from is real love. You want to know what I’m afraid of? I’m afraid of getting in that water. The last time I was in a hot springs was when I gave birth to Jason. But you know what? I know that because you love me, you’ll help me with my fear. And because I love you, I’ll help you with yours. That’s what love without the walls is, Carlos. It’s knowing that somebody is always there, watching out for me.”
“But with you, I can’t tell.”
“Can’t tell what?”
He sighed, resigned to having to tell all now, “Look, I know that I’ve never opened my heart completely. There’s a reason for that. If I kept it sheltered, I could tell when things weren’t going great. I could tell when the relationship started to go south. So I acted first and broke up with whoever I was with. I haven’t been dumped, ever. I’ve never had a broken heart. With you, I really want to give you everything, but I’m scared Sarah. If you broke my heart, I’d never survive.”
I cupped my hand on his cheek, “I’m never going to break your heart, my love. Open up and I promise that it will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Now,” I continued as I smiled and slowly peeled off my t-shirt, “do you remember what it felt like the first time our skin touched in the limo?”
He grinned from ear to ear, “Oh, hell yeah, baby. That was incredible. I had been fantasizing about that moment for years. And when it finally happened, well, let’s just say that the best sex that I’d ever had up to that point isn’t adequate enough to describe it.”
I shook my head and took a step toward him, he reached for me but I pushed his hand away, “Uh-uh, be patient.” I moved behind him. Close enough for him to feel my breath on the back of his neck, but not close enough to touch. He shivered and I saw the hairs on the back of his neck go up. I smiled and slowly moved back to face him, “That was not incredible, Carlos. It seemed so at the time. It was amazin
g. It was hot. It was great. But it wasn’t incredible. You can’t have incredible with the walls around your heart. So brace yourself sweetheart. Open your heart to me. Let me in completely and it’s going to blow your mind, it’s going to knock your socks off, it’s going to rock your world, lover.”
I stepped up to him and pressed my chest into his. As I brought my lips to his, he gasped and said, “Holy shit, Sarah. Too much. This is too much. Oh God, I want this, but it’s too much.”
I smiled and closed my hand in his, touching our scars together, “There’s no such thing as too much with real love. You can do this, stud, of this I have no doubt.”
My mouth crushed onto his and his body responded instantly. He was shaking all over, both from fear and desire. I knew that he was terrified and wanted to go slow. But I also knew him well enough to know that slow was not the best way to get him over his fears. I kissed him harder. He groaned, “I need both my arms to hold you, damn it.”
“No, you don’t. I’ve got this,” I mumbled as I pulled him closer. I reached down, unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down his legs, his hardness springing free and pressing into my belly. As he stepped out of his shoes and pants, I quickly slid my own clothes off. I helped him into the water so that he wouldn’t hurt his arm. “Gimme a second to get the dirt out of my hair,” I whispered. I dunked under the water, worked the pieces of dirt and dried blood out of my hair, wiped off my face, then bent my knees and prepared. I shot out of the water, clamped my arms and legs around him, crushed my mouth on his and took him inside me. He gasped sharply and tried to back up, terrified that he wasn’t ready for this. But I knew he was and I held firm. “Oh Jesus, Sarah. Are you, are you sure? I can do this?” he said with a quivering voice.
I stopped kissing for a second and looked at him.
“Without a doubt, you can do this, Carlos, without a doubt.”
This time it was his mouth that found mine, “I love you so much,” he mumbled before his lips crushed hard onto mine. Our tongues swept around each other’s, seeking out every corner, every erogenous zone, until we were panting so hard that we both had to break away to catch our breath. I ran kisses down his neck as he nibbled my earlobe. Yes, he was inside me but right now this wasn’t about the sex. Now was all about the love, the passion, the respect and the trust that we felt for one another, so he moved slowly inside of me, almost as an afterthought as the rest of our bodies, minds and hearts connected on the deepest level that they ever had. His one good arm pulled me tighter and he groaned as he finally released his fears and allowed himself to love completely.