by Gill, Tamara
“Katherine, that is absurd. Stop talking about yourself in such a way. I’ll not allow it,” the duchess declared, crossing her arms about her front.
“But you will allow it because it’s the truth. The only reason why Lord Leighton and I were together was because he owed me a favour. Nothing more. I’ve come to realize that now.”
The front door slammed and within a moment the front parlor door opened and in walked Lord Leighton and the Duke of Athelby. Hamish looked wretched, his hair askew and cravat laying untied about his neck.
The duke went to stand over beside a window, looking out onto the street, and Hamish came over to her, kneeling beside her.
“Kat, I’m so sorry. I should never have allowed all that I have to happen between us, and now I’ve ruined you.”
“You must fix this, Leighton. Make this right,” the duke said, not looking at them.
“Right?” Hamish asked, frowning at the duke. “And how do you suppose I’d manage that?”
Heat bloomed on Katherine’s cheeks and she stood, walking over to stand before the fire, suddenly chilled. “He means make it right by marrying me, Lord Leighton.”
His lordship met her eyes, the horror on his features all that she needed to see to know her place. The little piece of her heart that hoped he may care for her, would wish to maybe marry her instead of continuing his bachelor ways shrivelled and died.
The shock and disappointment in Darcy and Cecilia’s gaze made her understand more than ever before that he was only ever having fun. And it was her own fault, she’d offered herself as a prize, too ugly and thin to be worthy of love, too tarnished by trade, housed too far away from Mayfair to be suitable. She should’ve let Lord Leighton have his skull cracked open that night at the Inn. She should’ve walked away, but she hadn’t. Because she’d known who he was and knew they had mutual friends, even if he wasn’t aware.
“I must go,” she said, walking to the door.
Lord Leighton crossed in front of her, blocking her way.
“Katherine, we will make this right. I shall not allow your reputation to be tarnished over something that cannot be proved.”
She shook her head, not knowing that someone who had given her so much ecstasy only hours before could cause so much pain that she physically hurt. “Go to hell, Hamish. I want nothing from you.”
“You will marry my friend, or I’ll call you out,” Cecilia said, standing and throwing her hands on her hips.
Katherine smiled in thanks, but she could never marry a man who did not want her.
“Thank you, Lia, but I wouldn’t marry Lord Leighton now even if he asked?”
“Why not?” Hamish and Darcy demand in unison.
“I don’t intend to marry at all and I can promise you that I would never marry a man who hesitated, promised all sorts of ways to fix the ruination of my reputation, all but the one way in which to fix it. Marriage. I knew when we were together from the first that it was a risk, but I was willing to take it for one night with you. I will not throw myself at your mercy, for a union with a man who does not care for me.” Katherine dipped into a small curtsy and left, only making the front steps before tears broke free and her shoulders shook in despair.
He had not been falling in love with her as she had been with him. She’d been alone in that emotion. The stone pavement shivered before her and without warning, she ran for the small hedged garden that sat on either side of the door and cast up her accounts.
A woman she’d seen at a ball stopped and looked her nose down at Katherine. She pulled out her handkerchief. If her ruination hadn’t been sealed by todays paper, vomiting in front of Lady Cavendish certainly put paid to that.
Chapter 14
Hamish returned home to his country estate, disinviting his friends to join him, friends that had rallied about Miss Martin, consoling her in her upset, her despair of being ruined. He’d left for his estate, the draw of the city no longer what it once was, and nor would it ever be again.
Katherine was lost to him, despised him, just as Marchioness of Aaron and the Duchess of Athelby did as well. With their scorn, their husbands also saw less of him, withholding their invitations to dinners at their homes.
He sat alone in his dining room and stared at the long, deserted table before him. After seeing Katherine leave him at the duke and duchess of Athelby’s home, he’d been in such a blind state of panic that he’d not chased her. Instead, he’d listened to the duke rile at him over his atrocious behaviour.
It was all he could do not to scream back. He’d been honest from the start with Katherine, had tried to make her see that he could not promise anything, that he didn’t wish for a wife or children. Other than that one time, he’d been so careful with her, not wanting her to have consequences from their times together.
All a cold comfort for the pain at not having seen her, of having no contact or knowing if she was well tore him in two. He picked up his wine and poured himself another glass. He’d thought that his time away from town, of having space and not seeing her would help him move on from their liaison.
He was a fool. If anything, his time away from Katherine only made him yearn more for her. Night after night he woke up in a cold sweat, not from want or desire, but simply concern, the knowledge that he was no longer privy to her whereabouts or if she was well. He should have chased after her. By doing nothing that day he may have severed any possibility of gaining back her affections.
Damn bloody fool! He muttered.
The door to the dining room opened and he glanced up, groaning when he realized who’d come to stay.
“Hello mother,” he said, saluting her with his glass.
His mother stormed into the room. “How dare you! How dare you throw our family into such scandal. Having an affair with the woman who ran the rebuild of your home. I’m beyond disappointed.” She whacked her gloves down on the table. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
Hamish shut his eyes and counted to ten, anything but to lose his temper. He wanted to lash out, and if his mother kept speaking to him in such a way she would be the recipient of his opinions.
“Miss Martin may not be titled or as well connected as us, but she’s a lady and was raised as one. Do not speak ill of her.”
“You know that she’s ruined, that she is no longer welcomed at any Society ball. I can expect such base actions from her, she is after all tarnished by trade, but you. You I expected much more from. To have been intimate with someone of such little connections is beyond the pale.”
Hamish pushed back his chair and stood, throwing his napkin on the table. “Do not lecture me about how I live my life. And do not talk about Katherine in that way. I ruined her, I walked away from her and let her face the costs of our actions alone. If anyone should be derided, it is me, and the society that saw fit to judge her when it wasn’t their damn business.”
Shame washed over him that he’d left Katherine alone. He was a disgrace and he’d allowed his fear of losing her to get the better of him when she’d needed him most.
“What do I care what happens to the doxy? You, my son need to marry a woman of respectable birth and untarnished reputation as soon as possible.”
Hamish knew his mother was hard, uncaring even, but this. This coldness and the disdain of others was beyond the pale. How could anyone be so heartless? “Do not speak to me of such things. I will not be marrying anyone of your choosing.”
Her eyes darkened in temper and she slammed her fist down on the table. “You will do what I say for it is plainly clear that you’re incapable of acting as a responsible adult.”
He shook his head. “No mother.”
She didn’t reply, simply glared at him a moment. “Who then? Who are you going to marry, for you had better marry someone to fix this scandalous mess our family now finds themselves in. Society will forgive you your affairs with whores, but to sleep with an unmarried woman who is under the protection of the Duke of Athelby through friendship, they will no
t.”
“I will marry Miss Martin if she’ll have me, just as I should have done weeks ago.” He would return to town and fight for her forgiveness. Even if he had to lay himself bare on her doorstep and beg for forgiveness. First thing in the morning he would return to town and secure a marriage license. He would also have the housekeeper prepare the countess’s room for their new mistress.
He would make this right again. He would beg Katherine’s forgiveness and marry her if she’d have him. The thought of how he had not said anything, simply stood in the duchess’s parlor that day like a simpleton and allowed her to walk out of his life.
“I will not allow a builders daughter to be your bride.”
Hamish started for the door. “Then I suggest you pack your things and move to the dower house, for I shall try until my last breath is spent to win back her love.” For that was exactly what it was. Love. He loved her, and he would make it right again. In this, he could not fail. He would not fail Katherine again.
* * *
Katherine heaved into the bowl on her nightstand over and over again, the sickness had come on suddenly and every day now she had the nausea as a good morning present. But no mornings would ever be good again. Tomorrow she was traveling to a cottage on the duchess of Athelby’s country estate where she would stay for the duration of her pregnancy and then after that…well, she wasn’t even sure what would happen after that.
Her father had surprisingly supported her, listened to her when she’d gone to him with her shame. He’d been a pillar of strength for her, and she would miss him when away.
A knock sounded on the door and she walked back to the bed, sitting on its side. “Enter,” she said, taking the glass of water from the nightstand and having a sip.
“It’s me, dearest. I’m sorry to disturb you, but you have a visitor.” Darcy said.
“I cannot see anyone. Send them away.” Katherine lay back on the bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin. If only she could hide away here forever.
She heard the door creak open further and then a voice she’d not expected or wished to hear again sounded at the threshold. “May I come in, Katherine?”
She bolted upright. “No,” she gasped, “Get out of my room and my life.”
The door closed, and she sighed, half in relief, half despair. In the moment when she’d needed him most three weeks ago he’d not chased after her, not tried to right his wrong the following day. Instead he’d hightailed it back to the country and left her to the wolves.
Bastard.
The bed dipped on the other side, and anger coursed through her veins when the door clicked shut. Obviously, Darcy approved of Lord Leighton coming to see her. Well, she did not so he could go the hell away.
“Katherine, while I know whatever I say will never be enough, I want you to know that I’m so sorry. I panicked. Marriage always leads to children and I could not bear that for you. Childbirth is such a risk, and I’ve already lost a sister to the vile undertaking that I could not risk your life in the same way.”
She cringed, knowing what a useless apology this was. When he found out that she was carrying his child she would watch him again hightail it out of London and this time she doubted she’d ever see him again.
“I love you. You’re everything to me, since the moment we met you’ve drawn me into your goodness, your laughter and independence.” The bed wobbled as he stood and came about to kneel at her side of the bed. He took her hands, kissing them quickly. “Marry me, please. Forgive me my sins and tell me that you’re mine and I’m yours. Please, I cannot live without you a moment longer.”
Tears prickled behind her lids and she sniffed. “You left me. You left me defenceless and alone. You turned away without a backward glance. I will never forgive you for that.”
His pallor changed to a sickly grey at her words and she shuffled off the bed, the nausea back with a vengeance. Katherine heaved and the silence behind her was deafening in the room.
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
Had the situation not been so dire, she would’ve laughed at the horror on his voice.
Katherine picked up a cloth from beside the bowl and wiped her face and mouth. “Aren’t you smart to have worked that out. Now off you go, Lord Leighton. There is the door, let me watch you scuttle away like the coward you are.”
He ran a hand through his hair, not moving.
Damn it, he needed to leave. The despair on his visage at her cutting words pulled at her emotions and she didn’t want to feel anything for him anymore. Least of all feel sorry for him! He’d played her the fool, and she wouldn’t have it, no matter that she still loved him. Loved him more than anything ever in her life, save for the babe now growing inside her.
“Please Katherine, hear me out. I couldn’t marry you for I knew I couldn’t deny you anything, even the wish to have children. I wanted to keep you safe, to spare you such a fate. It was wrong of me, I know that now. I allowed my fear, my grief to guide my reactions and I will never forgive myself for it. Please, don’t send me away.”
“Why are you here, my lord? I am not the type of woman you’re famous for having a taste for. What does it matter that a woman from Cheapside does not accept your hand in marriage? If we marry, you will soon tire of me and seek comfort elsewhere. I’m not willing to risk my heart in such a way. If I ever marry it shall be for love, and above all else loyalty and respect. You, Lord Leighton are lacking on the last two virtues.”
“Did you just admit to loving me?” he said, stepping toward her. “For if it is love that you feel for me, and love that I feel for you, then surely that is as good a place as any to rebuild our trust and respect?”
She turned away from him, hating that her body yearned for the man while her mind railed at his treachery. “No, it’s not.”
He came about and stood before her. “Yes, it is. It is exactly the right base on which to start a life together, the very best, for with love, there is nothing that can break such a bond.” He kneeled before her, looking up to meet her gaze. “Marry me, Kat. Be my wife and countess. Allow me to give you children. I cannot promise not to fuss over you, to worry and ensure you have the best doctors around at all times, but I shall try and tamper my anxiety over the condition if only you’ll be the next countess of Leighton.”
He held up a small velvet box and opened it. Inside sat a ring with the roundest, largest diamond Katherine had ever seen. Her heart skipped a beat.
“Your trinkets will not win me, my lord,” she said, wanting to look away from him and his gift, and yet, she couldn’t do it. Both were magnificent really. His lordship begging for her was something she simply would not allow to stop. Not yet at least.
“I am the complete opposite to what you desire. I’m not blonde, full figured with birthing hips. You’ll tire of me, leave me to rot in the country like so many noble women while you go about Covent Garden and spread your seed about like farmers feeding chickens.”
He grinned, and she had to admit, the analogy wasn’t the best one she’d ever thought of.
“You’re everything that I want I just didn’t know it. To me, there is no one more beautiful, of mind, body and soul. Make me a better man and say yes. Say yes to me, please.”
She raised her brow, wanting to let him stew a little, while she thought about it.
“Katherine, your answer?” he said after a time. “What will it be, Miss Martin?”
She pursed her lips, coming to kneel with him. She took the ring and pulled it out, inspecting it while her stomach did somersaults. Could she forgive him. Could she marry an Earl?
“Yes,” she said, slipping the ring on her finger and admiring it. Yes, she could.
He pulled her into a fierce hug and she laughed as he kissed every inch of her cheeks, her nose, her lips. “I love you. So much. I love you so much it hurts to think I could’ve lost you.”
She nodded, running her hand through his hair and realizing she’d missed this, missed them. “I love you t
oo.” Katherine swallowed not wanting to cry and yet, she found Hamish wiping away a stray tear off her cheek.
“We will marry tomorrow. I have a special license and then by tomorrow night you will be safely ensconced at my estate Hollyvale in Kent. And there, my dear, we will start our life together, raise our children and enjoy our existence.”
“That sounds simply perfect.”
Epilogue
The day of their daughter’s second birthday started with a thunderstorm and by afternoon the sun had come out. Much like the day of her birth. On that day, Lord Leighton had stormed about the house, yelling at everything, cursing God and anyone who came within visual contact of him, and then by afternoon, when Rose had been born, he was all calm again. The happiest and most relieved lord in all of England.
Katherine had forgiven him his outbursts that day. She knew what it had cost him emotionally to see her go through with the birth, the worry, the fear. He was not alone, giving birth to a child was not an easy thing to do, and at times she hadn’t thought she was capable of following through. But a woman’s body is a strong and powerful thing, and she had managed through it. And in a few short months she would manage it again.
She hoped it was a boy, if only so Hamish would have a daughter and son. Two perfect little cherubs that they would love and adore until their dying breath.
Katherine finished reading the little nursery book to Rose, and set her on her feet, just as her papa entered the bedchamber.
“How is my little princess,” he said, picking her up and kissing her cheek. “Happy birthday beautiful girl.”