“I’m sorry I broke down like that. I think it’s my hormones. I burst into tears twice at work. Thank goodness Clementine was there. She just shooed Jeb and Luke out of the office until I got myself under control.”
“What made you cry?”
“I was watching a video of a sloth that was carried across a road by this guy. He made him look like he was flying and they played this sappy song. It was really sentimental and stupid.”
“Why were you watching a video about a sloth?”
“Mr. Walker, you know the guy who takes in all the rescue animals? He’s getting a sloth and I’m doing a feature on him. Everyone makes fun of him, but he’s doing good work saving all those unwanted animals. And he needs donations. He’s too proud to ask, but I’m setting up a donation bank account for him.”
“That’s awesome. He is quirky, but he’s a kind soul,” Parker said. “What was the second reason for crying?”
“I couldn’t find my pencil sharpener.”
“Hunh,” Parker grunted.
“Clementine gave me her extra one.”
“That was nice,” Parker said. She didn’t meet Amy’s eye. Then they both laughed.
“Looks like I’m going to be a mess for a while. I hope you can handle it.”
“Of course, I can. Let’s get out of these clothes and go for a swim,” Parker said.
Rascal barked and ran ahead. Parker and Amy followed him out onto the dock. Parker threw his tennis ball and he dove off the dock to retrieve it. She started taking off her muddy clothes.
Amy stared at her. “What are you doing?”
“Swimming.”
“But you’ll be naked.”
“Haven’t you ever skinny-dipped?” Parker slipped off her boxers and tank top and dove in.
Amy, still fully clothed, watched.
Parker bobbed up, her head and shoulders above the water. She was smiling. “Come on. You said yourself we needed to clean off. And it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”
Amy bit her lip. “What if people see?”
“Who’s going to see? We’re miles from any other house.”
“Not Susan and Tess’s.”
“They’re at work. Come on, where’s you sense of adventure?” Parker said, treading water.
“You’re right,” Amy said, summoning up her courage. She disrobed, leaving her pile of muddy clothes on the dock next to Parker’s. She eased into the water. It felt good on such a hot day. She dog-paddled around Parker. “See, I’m not a scaredy-cat.”
“No, you’re not,” Parker said.
Rascal swam toward them. He was grinning from ear to ear.
“I used to do this all the time when I first moved out here. It felt liberating,” Parker said.
“My mother is rolling over in her grave right now. She didn’t know that my dad and I used to go fishing and I wore jeans. She would’ve crucified him if she’d found out.” She swam to Parker and wrapped her arms around her strong shoulders. “I don’t want to be like that with our child.”
“You won’t be.”
“Are you worried about being a good parent?” Amy asked.
“I am. I’m worried that the baby won’t like me. I talked to Jose about it today. He said the kid won’t hate us until the teenage years. He said they worship you until then. But we all know that deep down because we were teenagers once.”
“Let’s be sure to keep that in mind.”
Rascal swam back to the shore and barked. They heard car tires crunch on the gravel drive.
“Oh no,” Amy said, her eyes widening.
“This is unexpected,” Parker said.
“What are we going to do?” Amy asked, panic in her voice.
“Stay in the water,” Parker said.
Amy mentally measured the distance between them and their pile of clothes on the dock. She didn’t think there was any way they could reach the clothes and get dressed before being seen.
Susan walked out onto the dock and stared down at the pile of clothes. She slowly looked from the clothes to the two heads bobbing above the water. She smiled. “I’m going to assume that you’re naked.”
“You would be correct,” Parker said.
“I need to talk to you and I don’t think you’ll be able to tread water that long,” Susan said.
“I have an idea. Why don’t you turn your back and we’ll get out and get dressed?” Parker said.
“Works for me,” Susan said. She turned her back to them.
“Come on, let’s swim for the dock. I don’t want my pregnant wife drowning.”
“I’m not your wife yet,” Amy teased.
“And you never will be if you drown.”
They reached the dock and Parker was the first out. She helped Amy up the ladder. They quickly dressed, which was easier said than done since they were still wet.
“You can turn around now,” Parker told Susan.
“It’s not like I haven’t seen naked bodies before,” Susan said, turning to them.
“Just not ours,” Parker said. Now that she was clothed, she turned back into a proper hostess, asking, “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Please. I sure need one,” Susan said.
The three walked back toward the house.
“Wine or something stronger?” Parker asked.
“A glass of wine would be nice.”
They climbed the steps to the back deck. Amy and Susan sat in chaise lounges, side by side.
“Be right back,” Parker said, disappearing into the house.
Susan looked over at Amy. “How are you doing?”
“I’m hormonal,” Amy said with a shrug.
“Crying jags?”
“Three times so far today. And the day’s not over yet,” Amy said.
Parker returned with two glasses of lemonade and a glass of white wine. She set the tray down on the table, handed out the drinks, then took a seat. “Okay…What’s up?”
Susan’s bottom lip trembled. She swiped at her sudden tears. Parker quickly ran back inside the house. When she returned, she handed a box of tissues to Susan.
“Thank you,” Susan mumbled. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I’ve just had all this stuff boxed up inside me.”
“What happened?” Amy asked softly. “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.”
“It’s the reason I came over. I need to talk to someone,” she said. “I’ve already talked to Tess but she’s not of the same opinion. I need another perspective.”
“Okay,” Parker said slowly.
“But it has to be a secret for now. I talked to Clara about it and she’s said it was all right to tell you because it’ll all come out soon enough.” She wiped at her eyes again. “I still can’t believe this is happening. Part of me feels like it’s a bad dream and I want to wake up. I know it’s silly, but I can’t stop thinking that way.”
“What is it?” Parker asked.
Amy’s heart pounded. It was Clara and it involved Susan who was a doctor. She looked over at Parker’s stoic face. Parker could handle any crisis and Amy loved that about her. She made her feel safe. Was this something Parker could fix? Was that why Susan had come here?
Susan took a deep breath, then said evenly, “Clara has cancer.”
Nobody spoke. They sat still as statues. After several long moments, Parker was the first to speak. “How bad?”
“Terminal,” Susan said.
“How’s Mabel taking it?” Amy asked. She knew it was a stupid question. Of course, Mabel would be distraught. Amy couldn’t even begin to conceive of losing Parker to such a horrid disease.
Susan shook her head. “She doesn’t know.”
“But you know and now we know,” Parker said. “Why hasn’t Clara told Mabel? That’s a pretty big secret to keep from your partner.”
“And surely there’s the doctor’s appointments. How could Mabel not know?” Amy asked.
Parker said, “Clara banned Mabel from going to the doctor with her years ago.”
“Because Mabel is…” Amy searched for the polite words, but came up empty-handed.
“A firecracker dressed in polyester pants,” Parker filled in for her.
They laughed in spite of themselves.
Parker asked, “Does Clara need us to help tell Mabel?”
Susan nodded. She took a sip of wine and then another.
“Is she doing chemo?” Parker asked.
“Clara is… declining treatment,” Susan said.
Amy couldn’t believe her ears. “Why would she do that? Cancer treatments have come a long way. People survive it all the time. The FDA is putting through all sorts of drugs and the stem cell stuff where they make the T-cells attack the cancer. I read about it the other day,” Amy said.
“It’s spreading fast, and with new treatments we could buy her some time,” Susan said. “But she’s refusing.”
“I don’t get it,” Amy said. She gulped her lemonade. Her mouth was as dry as the Serengeti.
“She’s eighty-six,” Parker said.
“What’s that got to do with it?” Amy said.
“She wants her last days to be spent not puking, miserable, and mean. The doctors can manage her pain,” Parker answered softly.
“With treatment there’s always hope,” Amy said.
“She wants to go on her own terms, doesn’t she?” Parker said, looking at Susan.
“What do you mean?” Amy asked.
Parker said, “Clara wants… I mean, she doesn’t want…”
Amy got it. “She wants to end her life? Assisted suicide?”
They both looked to Susan. Susan didn’t answer immediately. “She wants all her friends to help her. But… it’s against the law.”
“So? The people with terminal cancer don’t make those laws. They’re made by healthy politicians who don’t give a rat’s ass about anything other than filling their own pockets,” Parker said forcefully.
“It’s legal in some places,” Amy said.
“No one should be allowed to tell another how to live or how to die,” Parker said with conviction. “I wouldn’t want anybody telling me I had to waste away in pain.”
“Tess is of the same opinion. I don’t agree,” Susan said.
“I don’t know that I do either. What if she could be cured?” Amy said. She willed herself not to cry.
“Is there any chance that she’ll…survive?” Parker asked.
“No. The cancer is spreading too quickly,” Susan said her voice laced with despair. She finished off her wine.
“So, you can’t save her?” Parker said.
Susan shook her head.
Parker stood and said brusquely, “Then I think Clara is the one who decides. Not us. Not the law. This is Clara’s decision. Another glass of wine?”
“Sure,” Susan said, her face puzzled. She looked at Amy who was equally confused by Parker’s cold response.
Parker took Susan’s glass out of her hand and went inside.
“What was that about?” Susan whispered.
“I don’t know,” Amy whispered back.
There was a loud crash of breaking glass from inside the house. Amy quickly jumped out of her chair and ran to the kitchen. She saw the broken wine bottle lying on the tiled floor and the splatter on the wall where it had been thrown with force.
Amy heard a car engine rumble to life. She ran to the open front door in time to see Parker speed her Porsche down the driveway. Rascal chased after the car, barking madly. He was apparently as alarmed by Parker’s behavior as Amy was.
***
Parker drove safely after her initial spin out in the driveway. She reminded herself that she was about to become a parent and a wife. Getting herself killed was not a good idea. She took deep breaths as she drove along the winding road. The trees had their full summer growth on them and hung over the road like a tunnel of green. The world was bursting with life and Clara was dying. She drove to the one place where she had most of her tough talks—her grandmother’s grave.
The flowers from Memorial Day were still gracing many of the plots. Parker had brought flowers to put on both her Gran’s grave and Amy’s mother’s grave. Amy couldn’t bring herself to visit the cemetery. Parker understood. Her mother’s death was still fresh and Amy’s relationship with her mother had been complicated. Parker’s relationship with her grandmother had been the best thing, other than Amy, to happen in her life. Coming here gave Parker solace. She parked her car and made her way up to the old cottonwood tree that stood sentry over her grandmother’s grave.
Parker sat on grass next to Gran’s headstone. She immediately began talking. “You always told me life wasn’t fair. I knew you were right. Your life had its rough patches and you got through them. You were so strong. I admired your strength. I should’ve told you that. But I’m lost here. I know that some of my friends are getting up there in years and that we’ll start losing them soon. It’s just hard thinking about Clara’s suffering and Mabel’s despair. What will Mabel do without Clara? Cancer is not a nice way to go. I know it’s not fair. I know you’d say that.”
“She would,” a voice behind her said.
Parker whirled around and saw Millie standing a few feet away. She’d been so engrossed in her one-sided conversation, she hadn’t heard Millie’s approach. It seemed Millie had an uncanny way of showing up when Parker needed her most. “How did you do that?”
“Do what?” Millie asked. She looked innocent.
“Know where I was.”
“I’ve got a LoJack attached to your butt,” Millie teased.
They both chuckled. “I wouldn’t put it past you,” Parker said.
“It didn’t take a genius to figure out where you’d be.”
“You’re saying I’m predictable.” Parker pulled at a blade of grass.
“You’re extremely predictable, which is a good thing. It means people can count on you.”
“Sounds more like I’m boring,” Parker said. She watched the sun slip below the horizon. She hoped Amy wouldn’t worry but she knew she would. It’d been selfish to run off like that. Not to mention that she hadn’t made Susan feel any better. She hoped Rascal didn’t cut his paws on the glass from the bottle.
“I threw a wine bottle and it broke all over the kitchen floor,” Parker said.
“Yes, I know.” Millie sat down on the ground beside Parker.
“Amy called you?”
“Well, of course, silly. How else would I know you came here?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you came up here to visit your husband,” Parker said, pulling at the grass again.
“I do sometimes. This isn’t one of those times. I did a drive-by tonight. He’ll understand.”
“Life isn’t fair,” Parker said simply.
“No, it isn’t,” Millie agreed. “But we do the best we can with what we’re dealt. Clara needs us to be there for her. She wants to be surrounded by her friends when she breaks the news to Mabel.”
“Is she afraid Mabel will go off the deep end?” Parker asked. She stopped picking at the grass. Gran wouldn’t want her resting place plucked bald.
“Can you see her taking it well?” Millie said.
“I don’t think anyone would take it well,” Parker said. She’d left her cell phone at home. She felt funny without it. She wanted to call Amy and tell her how much she loved her. She wanted to tell her that she’d never leave her no matter what. She wanted to apologize for running off. Amy counted on her being there and, instead, she’d left her with a mess to clean up.
“I’ll be there for Clara,” Parker said. “I’ll support her in whatever decision she makes.”
“Good,” Millie said. “It’s what your grandmother would’ve wanted.”
***
Amy saw the Porsche’s lights flash across the living room wall, signaling that Parker was home. Amy had been sitting in the dark with Rascal who’d taken up residency on t
he couch with her, his big head in her lap. He’d been sighing heavily, and Amy could tell he was as worried as she was. She hoped she’d made the right decision calling Millie; she hadn’t known what else to do. Millie, in her usual no-nonsense way, had said she’d take care of it and Amy knew she would.
Millie was the mother Amy should’ve had. She felt an instant stab of conscience just thinking that. What sort of a daughter wished for a different mother? Still, Millie had always been there for her, even when she was a kid. She was the sneaky guardian angel her mother never knew about. Her mother had been so hard on her. Amy wondered if her mother’s losing her baby brother to SIDS and being accused of killing him had changed her so much that loving Amy was no longer possible for her. Had she been afraid of loving Amy because to love also meant to lose and that would hurt too much? Luckily, Amy had her father, who had loved her for both of them. And she’d had Millie.
Amy prayed she wouldn’t be her mother’s daughter and mess up her child. She’d been examining her own behavior to see if any of it resembled her mother’s. She knew she’d have a good support system. And Parker was wonderful with children. Sam and Cece adored her. Who could ask for more? Except, as she heard the car door slam, she worried that Parker wasn’t as invincible as she had thought.
The front door opened. “Amy?”
“I’m okay,” Amy said.
“Except you’re sitting in the dark,” Parker said. “Should I switch on a light?”
“Not yet, come sit with me.”
“All right.”
The room wasn’t completely dark because the deck lights reflected off the lake and into the living room. The light was gentle and soothing to Amy’s jangled nerves. Rascal ran at Parker. He almost floored her in his glee at her return. “Whoa, boy. Down.” She pushed him away.
“Are you okay?” Amy asked.
“I am now. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what happened,” Parker said. She sat on the couch next to Amy. “It was totally uncalled for.”
“Actually, it was called for. You’ve known Clara most of your life and you love her.”
“I do. But I understand her choice.”
“I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it,” Amy said.
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