Sipping iced tea, Parker only half listened to Ruth and Steph talk shop. Parker recalled last night when she’d awoken to find Amy quietly crying. “What’s wrong?” she’d asked. Parker stroked Amy’s face, wiping away her tears.
“I’m so scared,” Amy said, pulling herself as close to Parker as she could get with her protruding belly separating them in a way they’d never been before. Baby was between them already.
“Of what?” Parker asked, into the darkness. She hesitated to turn on the bedside lamp, sensing it might ruin the intimacy of Amy’s confession. “Is it about having the baby? Because if it were me, I’d be really scared. It’s going to be extremely painful.”
“Parker, you’re not making me feel better,” Amy said, snuffling.
“Sorry.”
“I’ll get through the pain. I’m worried about us.”
“Which ‘us’ are you referring to? Us as in us or us as in the three of us?” Parker asked.
“Now, you’re confusing me.”
Parker rephrased, “Are you worried about having another person in our lives?”
Amy was silent. Parker waited. She was good at waiting. People needed time to formulate what exactly they wanted to say. Waiting got you a better answer than a rushed first thought.
“I know this sounds selfish, but I like our life. And it’s about to change big time and I’m scared. What if we don’t make it? What if we never have sex again? What if I get super cranky and you don’t like me anymore?”
“Well, we could give her away, if that’d make you feel better.”
“No way!”
“That’s what I thought.” She lovingly caressed Amy’s belly.
“You said ‘she.’ How do you know it’s a girl?” Amy asked.
“She told me.”
“Oh really? And just how did she do that?”
“She talks to me when I put my head on your belly,” Parker said.
“She’s pretty smart.”
Parker pulled the sheet up over them. Amy snuggled closer. “We’ll be all right, won’t we?” Amy asked.
“Yes, we will. We’re strong. And baby will make us even stronger. You know, we fell in love despite being surrounded by tragedy.”
“Yes, we did.”
Parker had kissed her goodnight and they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms.
“More iced tea?” Steph asked, holding up the pitcher.
Parker snapped out of her reverie. “Sure.”
“Tell me you’ve at least kissed her,” Steph said to Ruth.
“That’s rather personal,” Parker said. Sometimes, Steph went too far.
“We have and it was very pleasant,” Ruth said. She sipped her tea.
“No teeth clanking or excessive saliva?” Steph inquired.
“Yuck!” Ruth and Parker said simultaneously.
***
Driving back to her house, Ruth thought about kissing Tamika. It had been special. They’d eaten dinner at a new restaurant. Then they had gone for a walk to watch the sun set over the lake. The sun conceded the day and sank into the horizon, leaving streaks of orange, pink, and yellow bleeding into the sky. A green wooden bench under a giant oak tree presented itself. The setting was ideal for a first kiss. At least, Ruth hoped there would be a kiss. They’d hugged their hellos and goodbyes and Tamika had touched her cheek once, but it just never seemed quite right. Maybe it was because the moment for kissing always happened in front of Ruth’s house. They both seemed aware of Cece waiting in the house and perhaps looking out a window after hearing the arrival of the car.
Tamika reached over and gently took Ruth’s hand in her own. She held it and looked Ruth straight in the eye. Ruth looked back at her and did something weird. She didn’t know where it had come from or why. She’d curled her finger and beckoned Tamika closer. They had burst out laughing—it was so unbelievably corny. “I’m pretty sure that didn’t come off as suave,” Ruth said.
“Nope. It sure didn’t. I don’t fault you for trying, though. Now, I’d like to try something.” Tamika leaned in and pressed her lips to Ruth’s.
Ruth felt dizzy. She didn’t realize that she had been holding her breath in anticipation of the kiss. The kiss quickly grew deeper and more urgent. Their tongues and hands became involved. They were like two teenagers necking.
Tamika pulled away first. She took a deep breath. “Wow… you may not be suave, but you sure know how to kiss.”
“I’m a little rusty. Let’s practice some more,” Ruth said. If they hadn’t been on a bench in a public park, Ruth would have taken Tamika right there. She imagined unbuttoning Tamika’s blouse and slipping her fingers under her bra, touching her silky skin and making her nipples hard, her fingers massaging Tamika’s wonderful breasts. She’d kiss her way down Tamika’s cleavage. Many times Ruth had wanted to run her fingers down that suggestive cleavage. Tamika’s breasts looked good in any article of clothing. She had caught Ruth looking more than once. Her eyes seemed to ask, “You like?”
Oh yes, Ruth liked.
Between kisses, Ruth asked, “Do you like ear kisses?”
“My ears love to be kissed. Don’t spoil them because they get greedy.”
“What else gets greedy?” Ruth asked.
Tamika whispered, “Are we talking dirty?”
“I think so.”
They’d had to leave it at that. Unless they wanted to get arrested.
Ruth was still daydreaming when she pulled up in her driveway and ran over her plastic trash can, popping a plastic wheel off, caving the rest in, and high-centering the jeep.
Whoopsie.
She tried backing her Jeep up, but the can wouldn’t budge. It was stuck under the car. She felt like Steph, who had once been so busy thinking about the food pyramid that she backed into a wall in her own garage.
Ruth put her car in park and got out to look.
Cece and Millie came out. The three of them stared at the squashed garbage can.
“Did you mean to do that, Mommy?” Cece asked, getting down on her knees to look under the car.
“No,” Ruth said, trying not to sound curt. This wasn’t how she anticipated her perfect evening ending.
“You really have to watch those big, green trash cans. They move around when you’re not looking,” Millie said.
“Very funny.” Ruth leaned down. “How am I going to get that out of there? It’s wedged in tight.”
“This looks like a job for Bernie,” Millie said.
Millie whipped out her cell phone. She punched a button and after a moment said, “Bernie, we need your help. Ruth ran over her garbage can and it’s wedged in there tighter than a virgin on her honeymoon. Bye.” She clicked off.
“What’s a virgin?” Cece asked.
Ruth grabbed her daughter’s hand, saying, “C’mon, baby. It’s time for bed. I’ll read you a story while Millie takes care of this.”
Chapter Eleven
“It was love at first sight,” Clara said. She gazed lovingly at Mabel. “How could it not be? She was so cute.”
Mabel’s cheeks reddened. “Aw, shucks. I couldn’t have looked all that cute sprawled under a car.”
Amy could just see them, dressed in hippie garb, brightly colored peasant blouses and corduroy bell-bottoms, beads and bangles hanging from their wrists. Clara and Mabel had been in San Francisco in the days of Harvey Milk’s running for office. There were protests, police brutality, and Anita Bryant harping away on the television about the perversity of homosexuals as they tore away at the very fabric of America.
“What were you doing under a car?” Amy asked.
“Hiding,” Mabel said. “The fuzz were rounding gay people up and putting them in paddy wagons. The ones that resisted got a good smack upside the head with a billy club. Didn’t even matter if you were a woman or not. We were all social deviants to them.”
Amy was sitting in the kitchen of Clara and Mabel’s house. After finishing her article on sloths, she had called them and asked i
f she could come over and interview them.
“From my vantage point, I saw Clara’s feet. She has the sexiest ankles. I reached out for one and she screamed. I called up to her and told her to get down before the police got her,” Mabel said.
“Imagine my surprise when I bent down and saw my Mabel,” Clara said.
“I wasn’t your Mabel yet. I just wanted to be.”
“After her marriage dissolved…”
“Dissolved? I shot the bastard,” Mabel interrupted. “Then he had the nerve to divorce me. My aim wasn’t as good as it is now.”
“Like I said, after her marriage dissolved, I looked under that car and saw my future flash before my eyes,” Clara said.
“Your future?” Amy asked.
Clara nodded. “I always knew Mabel and I were destined to be together. I was just waiting for her to realize it, too.”
“It hit me upside the head like a ton of bricks one morning. I woke up and told myself, ‘I love that woman and I’m going to go get her,’” Mabel said. “I bought a one-way ticket to San Francisco. I didn’t care anymore what society thought. I was going to follow my heart. Society be damned.”
Clara nodded, amused by Mabel’s take on their love story. “It was different back then. Coming out was scary. We hid our true feelings from others.”
“In some cases, we even hid it from ourselves,” Mabel said.
“San Francisco must’ve been liberating,” Amy said.
Mabel said, “Not really. Even gay men treated us badly. You’d have thought we’d all be united against the establishment and its unfair rules, but no, the boys didn’t want the lesbians.”
“Neither did the feminists,” Clara added. “They thought people would think all feminists were lesbians. Our inclusion would be a stain on the whole movement. It seemed like no one wanted us in the fight for rights. It seemed to me lesbians were the ones in most need of civil rights. Besides we were role models on how to live without men. We were doing our thing and surviving just fine. Thank goodness for butches with tools, though.”
“And pistol-packing mamas,” Mabel added with a wink.
Clara adjusted herself in the kitchen chair. She did an admirable job of hiding her sickness, but Amy could tell she was fading. She’d gotten paler and had trouble getting around. She moved slowly and pain registered on her face when she thought no one was looking. Amy wondered how long she’d be able to remain at home.
“Let me take a break and we’ll continue,” Clara said. She got up, took one step, and crumpled to the kitchen floor. She landed on her shoulder, rolled onto her back, and looked up a Mabel. “I love you,” she said. She closed her eyes.
Mabel fell to her knees and placed Clara’s head in her lap. “No, no, no, not yet,” Mabel cried.
Amy quickly dialed 911.
***
Steph and Ruth arrived first in the fire truck. Amy was in the front yard. Steph and Ruth jumped out of the truck. “We heard the call. We got here as soon as we could. What’s happened?” Steph asked.
Amy quickly filled them in on what happened as they raced into the house and toward the kitchen.
“Cancer?” Steph asked. “Since when?”
Ruth knelt beside Clara and began taking her vital signs.
Amy said, “For a while. It’s terminal. She was going to tell you.”
Steph was dumbfounded. Ruth snapped her out of the trance, “Steph, get the oxygen going. I’ll hang a drip.”
Mabel, shaken to her very core, begged, “Don’t let her go. Please, bring her back to me. It’s not time!”
Steph followed Ruth’s orders, but said, “She should be in the oncology ward.”
Mabel snarled at Steph, “She should be at home with me! That’s where she belongs!”
Steph took a step back. Her eyes met Mabel’s for a beat before saying, “I’m sorry, Mabel. You’re right.”
“She’s opening her eyes,” Ruth said.
Mabel looked down at her lover and gently stroked her cheek. Clara’s eyelids fluttered. “Honey? Can you hear me?” Mabel asked softly.
Clara opened her eyes and blinked several times. She seemed surprised to see all the faces staring down at her. “Well, look at all this fuss,” Clara said. She tried to sit up.
Ruth gently pushed her back down. “Just stay down until the EMTs get here. We’re going to take you to the hospital and get you all checked out.”
“Mabel, honey.” Clara removed the oxygen mask and reached out her hand. Mabel took it.
“Don’t go, not yet. We have to tell Amy our stories,” Mabel said.
Clara gently wiped away one of Mabel’s tears. “I’m not going anywhere, honey, not yet. Don’t you worry.”
At that moment, the EMTs came in the house, rolling a gurney. On the count of three, they expertly lifted Clara onto it.
Steph’s radio crackled a message, “Accident with injuries on County Road seven eighty-four. Three teenagers. Car flipped in the ditch.”
“Right, we’re on it,” Steph said. “I’ll be at the hospital as soon as I can,” she told Amy and Mabel.
“We got this,” Dan, the EMT, said. He was a burly guy who looked like a giant teddy bear with his bushy hair and beard.
Steph and Ruth ran from the kitchen.
Dan said, “Clara, we’re going to take good care of you.” He looked over at Mabel. “You want to ride in the back?”
“Of course. I’ve never been in an ambulance. Do we get the siren?” Mabel asked.
“If you want,” Dan said.
“Mabel, that’s not really necessary,” Clara said.
“Where’s your sense of fun?” Mabel said. “You only live once.”
“Oh, all right,” Clara said with a tiny smile. “Let’s blare some sirens.”
***
Amy watched as the ambulance pulled away. This was the beginning, she knew it. They all knew it. Clara was getting weaker and would require more palliative care. According to Susan, Mabel could do some of the duties, but she would need help.
Amy pulled out her cell phone and called Parker.
Before she got a word out, Parker said, “I’m on my way. I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to the hospital together.”
“Thanks,” Amy breathed.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“We need to be strong,” Parker counseled.
“I’ll get it together. I promise.”
“I know you will.”
Amy waited in the empty house. She wished Millie were here. As if she’d channeled her desire, her cell rang. Millie’s familiar voice soothed her. “We’re coming now,” she said.
“Thank goodness. Clara looked better after they loaded her up.”
“She’ll fight it out,” Millie said, with some authority. “Clara’s not ready to go just yet. Mabel isn’t fully trained. That’ll keep Clara going.”
Amy laughed. “She’s been trying to train Mabel for years.”
“We all have to grow up sooner or later,” Millie said.
“But who’ll keep Mabel on the straight and narrow when Clara’s passed on?”
“Why Edna, of course.”
She hadn’t thought of that. Since Mabel and Edna had settled their feud, they’d become close friends. Mabel would need that.
“Don’t worry, Mabel’s not a quitter either. She’s got too much spunk and she won’t want to let Clara down by making her worry.”
“You’re right.”
Millie said goodbye and clicked off. Amy cleared the table of the tea things and washed them. She put the peanut butter cookies away in a tin box that had dancing reindeer around the sides—a holdover from Christmas. The tin reminded her of Steph and Rosa’s Christmas wedding. Would Clara be around long enough to attend her and Parker’s wedding? Or see their baby? Losing a loved one was difficult enough but knowing that there would be so much they would miss seemed worse.
Parker knocked at the door, then entered. Amy flew into her arms. Pa
rker whispered, “I’m here now. Together we’ll get through this.”
“I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Amy sniffed, willing herself not to cry. Mabel was allowed to cry. The rest of them needed to comfort her, not exacerbate the situation. They were all losing Clara, but Mabel was losing her entire life. Everything changed for her. When a friend lost their partner, it was hard not to empathize and feel the shadow of loss fall over your own relationship. Amy slapped away the selfishness she felt for only thinking of her and Parker’s life.
“You’d get through just like Mabel will,” Parker said. She kissed Amy’s forehead. “Let’s go.”
“Where’s Rascal?”
“At home and not happy about it. I’m pretty sure he’s not allowed in the hospital.”
“But he’d be such a help.”
“To the hospital administration, he’d be an insurance risk and in the way,” Parker said. She switched off the kitchen lights and took the extra key that hung on a plastic hook stuck to the side of fridge.
Only Parker would think of a detail like that, Amy thought. She wanted to leave the house in a state of rest, as if Clara and Mabel had simply gone on a trip and they were taking care of the house for them while they were away. They looked around the kitchen to see if anything more needed to be done. Satisfied, Parker opened the door and they walked out into a seemingly different world. The fragrant smell of Clara’s flower garden felt oppressive and overly sweet. Death would reach its fingers deep into all their lives now.
***
They drove in silence to the hospital. What could they talk about that didn’t seem trivial? The Porsche’s top was down and the breeze was full of summer smells. Charcoal from the barbeque grills mixed with the honeysuckle bushes in full bloom. Wisteria crawled up trellises and the sides of fences, growing where it wanted in its quest to take over the open spaces. Everything seemed so normal, Amy thought. Except it wasn’t. Life would be different from this moment forward. She looked out her side of the car and clandestinely wiped a tear. Parker reached over and took her hand, seeming to understand Amy was trying her best.
Cross Your Heart Page 14