Standing Outside the Fire

by Jillian Neal

  It was against regulation to answer a cell phone when you’re on a dispatch. Jamie gave no fucks. When his buzzed in his pocket he yanked his headset off and answered. All he could think was that it was Charlie calling to assure him that she was fine. “Tell me you’re okay,” he demanded.

  “We’re fine, son. Gave us quite a scare, though.”

  “Dad? What the hell are you talking about? Where are you?”

  “I’m putting the ranch fire trucks away. I would’ve called you, but there wasn’t time.”

  “Called me about what?”

  “The fire. The old shed between your house and Wes’s went up in flames. I have no idea how long it burned before the field caught. Thank god the grass is still damp. It didn’t spread as quickly as it could’ve. It took us some time to get it out. I had to get to Wyn to make sure he wasn’t burning early and had let it get away from him. But once we got the field under control, I saw the smoldering shed.”

  Jamie’s heart pounded out an SOS against his ribcage. “Is Charlie there with you?”

  “Not that I’m aware of. I haven’t seen her today. I’ll check with your mother. Maybe she went up to the house. I can hear the sirens. Where are you heading?”

  “The nursing home. They called in all available units. We should be there in ten. I think she might’ve gone there to try to get her job back. I have to find her now.”

  “All right. Listen to me. I’ll go by Reverend Tilson’s house. She’s probably still there. You go do what you do. Try to keep a clear head. If she’s in the nursing home, I know you’ll get her out. If she’s somewhere in my county, I’ll find her and bring her there to meet you. I promise you that.”

  “Dad…what if Ed? The fire?”

  “We have no proof of that, but I should’ve let you beat the piss out of him last night. If I find out he did this and he’s anywhere near her, I’ll put him behind bars and I will keep him there. You have my word. Be careful, son. You know we love you.”

  Jamie ended that call and touched Charlie’s name on his caller list. It rang four times and then he got her voicemail.

  “Get that headset back on, now,” the chief barked.

  Charlie answered her phone as she sped toward the fire station but didn’t take her eyes off the road to look at the screen. “Hello?” She pulled into the empty parking lot. The engines weren’t in the bays. Climbing out of her car, she walked toward the station. The uniforms that normally hung in the open shelving right beside the trucks were missing. Everyone was gone.

  “Charlie, it’s Trisha.”

  Jamie was probably back at the ranch. She tried with everything she was to believe that, but she knew the man she loved. If he’d been there when they’d gotten a call, he wouldn’t have let them go without him. He was duty-bound to protect. It was in his blood. And as much as it terrified her, she loved every part of him, that one included.

  “Uh, hey. I was going to stop by there today. I need to talk to Ms. Billingham.” The phone filled with shouts and sirens. “Is everything okay?”

  “The home is on fire. I’m so worried. We’re trying to account for every resident as they’re brought out, but some are missing. Do you think you could come help? The fire is spreading so quickly. We don’t know how it happened. I don’t think we’ll ever get everyone out.”

  The world around Charlie slowed while her heart flew. She heard herself say, “I’ll be right there,” but she barely recognized her own voice. The line went dead, and she stood frozen on the gravel. Move, Charlie. You have to move. They need you. Every step back toward her car was just as uncertain as the one before. The ground shifted and rolled under her feet. Could she come help?

  A thousand cowardly thoughts fought a sharp sense of bravery for dominance in her mind.

  Sweat dewed on her forehead. Her side ached from the memories alone. She instinctively pressed her inner arm close to her ribcage to cover her scars.

  That’s where Jamie was. He would go without question. Without fear. Without doubt. That’s who he was. He’d go because the nursing home meant so much to her.

  And she was going to be his wife. If he was there, she could do this. She could stare down the smoky demons that haunted her past. She’d do it for him.

  Chapter Forty-One

  “Charlie?!” Jamie bellowed as he leapt out of the engine. He scanned the gathered crowds, but she wasn’t there. Chaos ruled supreme as other engines arrived on scene from Odell fire departments dispatched to help, and nurses and attendants tried desperately to keep the evacuating residents safely away.

  He pulled on his turn-out coat and brought his headset to his lips. Strapping on a tank, he shouted, “Lieutenant Chief Holder, ladder truck one. We’re on scene and going in.”

  “Godspeed, Lieutenant,” chirped in his ear.

  “Engine 4 three minutes out.”

  “EMT unit 42 on scene.”

  He should’ve waited for backup. Should’ve waited for a plan. For command from the chief. For every protocol he was breaking. But this was Charlie, and he couldn’t lose her. How the hell was she back in another fire? Had the first one not taken enough?

  Funnels of smoke billowed along the ceiling as it rained down on him. Hypnotic waves of heat and smoke encased him.

  “Jamie!” Kincaid grabbed his shoulder, but Jamie shook him off. “Dammit, Holder. We don’t even have hoses out yet.”

  “She’s in here!” He didn’t need anyone’s help. He’d get her out on his own.

  “Then we’ll find her, but we aren’t losing you in the process.” He lifted his arm toward a room to their right, engulfed in smoke. “There’s someone in there.” They dropped to their knees and crawled through the wall of heat.

  A patient was in the bed trying to scream for help. Her wails were consumed by the smoke. Kincaid lifted her into his arms. “Holder, you come with me,” he ordered.

  “No. I’ll check the next room.”

  Jamie crawled along the melting linoleum feeling along the wall until he reached the next doorway. He felt his way around the room, but it appeared to be empty.

  He moved on down the line, staying low and straining to hear above the roar. The sprinklers rained down on him constantly, but they didn’t seem to be enough to quell the flames. They burst through the wall room after room.

  The oxygen lines. Jamie realized as a spray of sheetrock crumbled beside him. How the hell did someone light the oxygen lines and where was the shutoff?

  Charlie’s cell rang as soon as she saw the smoke. She was still a half mile away. Her entire body trembled. “Uh…hello?”

  “Charlie!” It was Jamie’s dad. Oh god. Why was Barrett Holder calling her unless…no. Please, please no. Please. She prayed to God even though she’d been angry with him for years. She should never have told him she loved him. “Are you all right, sweetheart? Just tell me where you are. I’ll come get you.” Barrett’s deep soothing voice boomed in the middle of her prayer and for a split second she wasn’t certain which father was reassuring her.

  “What?”

  “Where are you?”

  “Is Jamie okay?” The words stirred the ashes in her throat.

  “He’s fine.” Her previously stalled heart restarted, suddenly making her woozy. “Where are you?”

  “I’m almost to the nursing home. They need my help.”

  “Brave girl. Listen to me, if this is too much for you it’s okay to tell them no.”

  “I want to help. Jamie’s there. I know he is.”

  “He is there, and I’ll be there in just a few minutes.”

  “I need to go. I’ll find Jamie.”

  She ended the call and raced out of her car and toward the rolls of flames and smoke pouring from the western wing. Flames shot out of the roof and consumed the siding. That smell. Oh god the smell of melting carpet tiles gut punched her. She raced to the bushes and vomited out the smell, the memories, the horror.

  Firefighters raced around her, some rolling out hose. “Bust out those
windows,” someone shouted. Two firefighters raced by her with axes.

  The scream of the sirens internalized in Charlie. They echoed in her chest so loudly she wasn’t certain if they were coming from her mouth or from the living, breathing monster of fear housed deep inside of her. It clawed at her vocal cords and cinched its claws around her throat. She’d been here before. How could déjà vu be so cruel?

  “Ma’am, we need you to get back,” another insisted but she couldn’t focus on her face long enough to really see her.

  Chief Riggins was opening the hydrants. Someone somewhere was screaming about the power lines and some kind of shutoff valve. Where was Jamie?

  The rhythmic metallic strum of water brought the hoses to life and the scrapes of ladders on the cement clawed against her skull.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Flames had eaten through the elevator shaft. The patients on the second and third floor would have to be gotten out with ladders. Charlie’s office was on the first floor, so Jamie continued his crawl. He searched every inch with his hands.

  Suddenly he ran into someone else crawling towards him. They gripped his shoulder. “Help. Please,” wheezed from the elderly man. “My wife.”

  “Where is she?” Jamie shouted.

  The man, with his waning strength, tried to pull Jamie farther down the hallway.

  “I’m getting you out first. I’ll come back for her. I promise you.” He wrapped his exterior coat around him and guided him toward the entrance. When the man could no longer crawl, Jamie lifted to his knees and hoisted him into his arms. Remaining hunched forward, he cradled the man in his arms and raced for the entrance.

  Brady met him a hundred feet away, gave Jamie back his jacket, and took the man from him as more search and rescue joined him in the rapidly disintegrating corridor. “We’ve got to shut off the oxygen lines,” Jamie shouted. “That man’s wife is in a room down here.”

  “They’re working on the oxygen. The new director can’t remember where the shut-off valve is located.”

  The director would be losing her job if Jamie had any say at all. Flames licked at the walls. He crawled back toward the inferno as the sprinklers continued to rain down water-soaked sheetrock on his helmet. He couldn’t see through the visor. The flames devoured the insulation, and the fire fueled itself.

  Charlie tried desperately to see the names on the sheets attached to the clipboard Trisha had shoved into her hands. The letters swam across the page. She was supposed to check off names as patients were brought out and then check them against the sign-out sheets families filled out when patients left the facility for any reason.

  But she couldn’t think. She couldn’t even breathe. Kane Kincaid raced out next carrying sweet Mr. Clawson. “Kane!” Charlie all but attacked the poor man. “Is Jamie in there?”

  “Yeah, but he’s looking for you. I thought you were in there.”

  He’s alive. He’s alive and he’s fine and he’s going to come out of there and everything will be fine. Her heart thundered in her throat. “Obviously, I’m right here. I was never in there. I have to go get him.”

  “You’re not going in there,” Kane corrected her as he handed Mr. Clawson to an EMT to be loaded on a stretcher. “I’ll tell him you’re out here, but you stay back.”

  Charlie felt a steadying hand on her shoulder as she watched Kane race back into the flames. She turned to stare up at Barrett Holder with tears in her eyes. “I shouldn’t have come here,” she finally admitted. “I’m no help. I can’t read the names on this paper,” she thrust the clipboard in his face. “I can’t see. I can’t think. I can’t get over what happened when I was little. I’ll just…always be afraid.”

  Barrett gave her a kind fatherly hug. “Sweetheart, I promise you that you are not the only one who’s afraid. You’re awfully hard on yourself, did you know that?” He swayed her back and forth until she felt a little of her sanity return. “When I was a little boy, I went riding with my father. He…well, he didn’t always make the best decisions when it came to me and my brothers. I was only five at the time. He told me to get my horse to follow his. I did as I was told and followed him along a river back up in Montana. He’d been planning to purchase some land up there.

  “Anyway, the path between the water and the mountain beside us continued to narrow. I was terrified, but I was also afraid to say anything for fear of ridicule. So, on we rode. And the water continued to rise and rush at me until it was deep inside my boots. When we were waist deep, my father pressed on despite protests from his horse. But the next rapid that crested over a boulder cluster swept me off my horse’s back. The only thing I remember is that I couldn’t tell which way the air was. I’d been tossed and turned so many times. I’ll spare you the most gruesome parts of the story and just say that eventually he managed to pull me out. But I’ve been afraid of water ever since then. I made up excuses not to swim when I was a teen. Always steered clear because that feeling that I didn’t know which way was up stuck with me.

  “And then Sara and I had kids, and one day I saw Jamie’s horse buck and he went ass over end into our creek headfirst, and he didn’t come back up. I nearly lost my mind with panic. I don’t think he was in there more than ten seconds before I was neck deep in the creek with my little boy safely in my arms. Because I wasn’t afraid when it mattered. I’m still afraid of water, rivers especially. Fear is always with us. It’s never going to go away. It’s a useful emotion at times. You don’t have to master fear, sweetheart. You just have to decide when it’s okay to give into it and when it’s not. I’ve known you most of your life, and I’d bet my entire ranch on the fact that if my son needed you right now, you’d race into those flames to get him. Fear be damned. You know that fear will always saddle up with you. You just can’t hand it the reins.”

  Ed’s shouted voice slithered over Charlie. Both she and Barrett turned to stare his direction. “It’s probably Mr. Graham. He’s been sneaking cigarettes even while he’s on his oxygen.”

  Ms. Billingham’s voice drowned out Ed’s. “I’m sorry. I just don’t remember where the shut-off valve is. I don’t think the old director ever told me. Do you have the blueprints yet?”

  Charlie lifted her head. “What shut-off valve?”

  A firefighter from Odell answered, “To the main oxygen lines. That’s what’s on fire and we can’t put it out until we shut that down.”

  “I know where it is.” Charlie had taken special care to learn every single safety measure the design team had installed the year before. She knew every exit strategy from every floor. “Come with me.”

  “You see there,” Barrett smiled, “when it matters.”

  She accepted an extra jacket from one of the trucks and put on a mask. Then she raced toward the flames pouring out of the building.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Jamie pulled off his helmet and then yanked his mask up over his head so he could lay it over the woman’s face. The ceiling from the floor above splintered and fell across her bed. He lifted her up and had her in the doorway just before the entire thing collapsed.

  He couldn’t see a clear path to any entrance. There was nothing but smoke and flame and the putrid scent of melting plastic drenched with wet sheetrock. Unable to breathe without the mask, the entire world spun. He couldn’t quite recall which way was up.

  Sinking to the floor, he found it nothing but a heap of incinerated rubble. He had to get them out of there. He had to find Charlie. But he couldn’t go on.

  Suddenly, he was being hoisted in the air. Someone took the patient from his arms. Jamie was aware enough to detect the steady bounce of his rescuer running. “Charlie’s outside. She’s waiting on you,” Kincaid shouted. Abject relief was the last sensation he remembered feeling before the world went black again.

  He woke to the sensation of someone strapping another oxygen mask on his soot-covered face and to the steady roll of the stretcher. Water hit his face. He blinked his eyes open and there she was. Her tears washed
his face clean in a steady baptism of her love.

  “Stop.” He pulled at the mask, but no one listened. “I’m fine.”

  “I’ll have them strap you down,” Charlie warned him in that no-nonsense tone that under any other circumstance he would’ve found sexy as hell. But her voice quivered, and his heart summarily shattered in response.

  They weren’t gentle when they loaded the stretcher onto the ambulance. He jerked and lurched as they locked it into place. He couldn’t have complained if he wanted to. He swore his throat burned hotter than the flames he’d just been pulled out of. Charlie climbed on the ambulance with him. “He’s going to tell you he’s fine even if he isn’t, and he needs a bronchodilator shot to widen his airways.”

  The EMT smirked. “Yeah. We’ve got it.”

  * * *

  That evening two massive IV bags hung on the pole beside Jamie’s hospital bed, and a nasal cannula was strapped to his nose. That was going to get old quick. At least he could talk as long as he took sips of water between every few words.

  “Do you want some more hot tea?” Charlie asked for the tenth time in the last half hour. Both of his parents were seated in the room, but they were letting her run the show, which Jamie supposed he appreciated. His brothers and his cousins were in and out with frequency. Currently, Meridian and Dalton were leaned up against the wall trying to get Jamie to laugh on occasion.

  “I’m fine,” Jamie tried not to cringe from speaking. “I just want to hold you.” He downed another slosh of water from the massive hospital cup. She was already sitting beside him on his bed, but he wanted her closer.

  Charlie leaned down and brushed another kiss on his cheek, working her way around the oxygen tubes.

  “How long did they say I have to keep this in again?” he asked.