by Linda Turner
The front door slammed then, and they both turned to see Meredith walk in from taking the boys to school. Dressed in a simple cotton dress and sandals, she looked rested and almost like the old Meredith Austin remembered from his childhood. Then she saw him and she immediately stiffened. “You’re an early bird this morning. What’s going on?”
She made no attempt to hide the hostility she felt for him, but Austin didn’t take it personally. If he’d been in her shoes, he probably would have felt just as hostile. Someone had tried to kill her husband, and all the detectives investigating the case could talk about were their suspicions of her and the rest of the family.
“Austin just came by to give me a report on the case and say goodbye,” Joe replied before he could say anything. “He’s going back to Portland.”
“Goodbye?” she repeated, turning to Austin with widened eyes. “Did something happen while I was in Palm Springs? I didn’t realize you’d found the shooter.”
“I haven’t,” he said, “but something’s come up in Portland that I’ve got to take care of, and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to work on the case again.”
“I was just thanking him for all his help and wishing him a safe trip home,” Joe added. “The case will still be here when he gets back.”
“But what about the shooter?” she asked worriedly. “He’s still walking around. What if he tries something again?”
“If someone’s going to kill me, they’re going to do it whether Austin’s here or not,” he retorted. “That’s just a chance we’ll have to take.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Austin told them both. “Whoever the shooter is, he’s not an idiot. He knows the police are still on the case. You can bet he’s not going to do anything until things quiet down again, and that could take months.”
“So don’t get your nerves in a twist,” Joe told Meredith pointedly. “You don’t need to run off to Palm Springs again. Everything’s fine.”
At any other time, Patsy would have sent him a murderous glare, but not today. Oh, no, not when she was feeling so good. Let him have his condescending attitude, she would have the last laugh. Austin was giving up! He might claim he had an emergency, but he wasn’t fooling her. He was running back to Portland with his tail between his legs because he didn’t have a clue who the shooter was and knew he never would.
If she wouldn’t be giving herself away, Patsy would have laughed right in his and Joe’s faces. They’d both thought they were so smart. Joe had gone on and on about Austin and what a terrific detective he was—he was smarter than the police. He’d find the shooter. Yeah, right. He hadn’t done squat! And she was thrilled. Now if the police would just drop the case, too, she’d be home free.
Not that she was worried, she assured herself smugly. Thaddeus Law was an idiot—she didn’t have to worry about him or those bumbling jackasses he worked with. They didn’t suspect a thing about the poison—or who she really was—and she was going to make sure things stayed that way. Her new friend, Mr. Pike, would take care of that sniveling little brat, Emily, and then there’d be only one person left in the entire world who could ruin things for her.
Meredith.
Sweet, wonderful Meredith, she thought bitterly. Everyone had always thought she was such a little angel, so kind and giving and loving. They’d never seen her for what she really was—a selfish bitch who didn’t care about anyone but herself.
Fifteen years, she raged silently. She’d lost fifteen years of her life, her baby daughter, Jewel, and the childhood she hadn’t been able to share with her, and any chance for happiness in the future. All because of Meredith. And now, God only knew where her sainted sister was. If there was any kind of justice in the world, she’d gone completely batty after she’d been released from the St. James clinic and was now living on the street out of a shopping cart.
Stark images flashed before her mind’s eye at the thought, and it was all Patsy could do not to laugh in triumph. Revenge really was a wonderful thing. And she wasn’t through with her dear sister yet. Oh, no. Not by a long shot. It might take him awhile, but Edward Garrison would find Meredith for her. And when he did, she’d have another little job for Mr. Pike to take care of for her. Then she would finally be safe and no one would ever be able to hurt her again.
That’s the day she would celebrate with the finest bottle of champagne in Joe’s wine cellar. In the meantime, she hugged the thought to herself and once again played the role of sweet, loving, concerned Meredith. If she nearly choked on the part, no one had to know that but her.
“It isn’t that my nerves are in a twist. I just don’t like the idea of a nutcase walking around with a gun. But if Austin’s not concerned, then I don’t need to be, either. After all, he’s the expert.”
Pasting a deliberately cheerful smile on her face, she gave Austin a hug that didn’t hold an ounce of true affection. “Well, I’ve got to go—I’ve got a hair appointment. Have a safe trip home, and make sure you call when you come back to town. Joe sleeps better when he knows everything that’s going on with the investigation.”
And so did she. But for completely different reasons than Joe. She didn’t like surprises. But now that Austin was definitely leaving, there wouldn’t be much chance of that. Feeling like she’d just won the lottery and didn’t have to share it with anyone, she wished Austin a safe trip home and sailed out to her hair appointment, laughing all the way.
“Martha, thank God you’re back!” Rushing into the therapist’s office, Louise hugged her and found herself on the verge of tears. “I’ve been frantic to talk to you!”
“So I’ve heard,” she said, returning her embrace. “The minute I came in this morning, Julie told me you’d called to move up your appointment. What’s going on? We were going to meet at your house on Friday, weren’t we? What’s happened?”
Not surprised that Martha had jumped to the conclusion that something was wrong—very little had gone right over their last few months of therapy—she smiled tremulously, her brown eyes shining. “Nothing’s wrong. At least I don’t think there is. I just went out with Lucas and…”
“What? It was a success? A disaster? What?”
“I remembered him.”
Thanks to all their sessions, Martha didn’t have to ask who. In all the times she’d been Louise’s therapist, there had always been only one “him.” Without a word, she shut the door to her office so they could talk undisturbed, then waited for Louise to take a seat on the chaise lounge that often helped patients relax. “Tell me,” she said quietly.
Louise needed little more encouragement than that. It seemed like she’d waited a month instead of just the weekend for Martha to return from Chicago, and the second she sat down, the words just came tumbling out. “There’s no name. No face. I know that must sound silly to you, and I can’t tell you any more about him than I did the last time we discussed him.”
“But you can tell me more about you, can’t you?” Martha said with a small, understanding smile. “That’s why you’re so excited. You don’t know the details, but you’ve remembered another piece of the puzzle, haven’t you? You remembered more of who you are?”
Just that easily, she described exactly what Louise was feeling. “Yes! I knew you would understand. If I’d known where you were staying in Chicago, I would have called you immediately. It was wonderful and terrifying and so incredibly sad. He’s out there somewhere, Martha. I can feel him.”
Her gaze drifted to the window, where the slanted blinds allowed a glimpse of the bright summer morning that seemed so alive with promise. “I don’t know how to describe it,” she said softly. “It’s like an ache in my heart that won’t go away. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel his arms around me, holding me tight against him, as if he’d never let me go.”
Blinking back sudden tears, she turned her gaze back to her friend and therapist and choked, “But he did let me go, and I don’t know why. Do you have any idea what that feels like? It
’s tearing me apart. Did he let me go, or did I just walk away? Why would I do such a thing when all these years later, I still miss him so much? Help me, Martha. Help me find him again. I don’t know how we lost each other or why, but I know I have to get him back. I need him. I need what I had before. I can’t take this any more.”
Martha couldn’t have agreed more. In all their sessions together over the years, as Louise struggled to find herself and her past, one of the things that had been the most difficult to watch was her loneliness. She was a kind, caring woman who shouldn’t have been going through life alone. She had to belong to someone, somewhere. The question was, who? The answer was locked away in her own mind, and until she was ready to face her past, it would remain there.
Settling back in her own chair, she studied Louise through calm, steady eyes. “How are the nightmares?”
With a single shrug, Louise said more than she could have with a dozen words. The nightmares that haunted her nights continued to be a problem. “But I still think it’s time to try hypnosis again,” Louise said earnestly. “Once I remember everything, the nightmares will go away.”
She was, in all likelihood, right, but it was the migraines, more than the bad dreams, that worried Martha the most. There was no doubt that there was a direct correlation between the increased severity of Louise’s headaches and the recent progress she’d made under hypnosis. She was barely able to tolerate the pain now, even with medication. And it was for that very reason that Martha had stopped the hypnosis in the first place. Louise had been through so much, all of it painful. How could she possibly endure more without chancing a complete mental breakdown?
“You know my reservations on this,” she replied quietly. “I can’t put you at risk.”
“But I already am at risk,” she argued. “Can’t you see that? I’m at risk every time I close my eyes at night and the dreams start. I’m at risk every time I hear a child laugh and I look around for one that looks like me. And what about when I step into my house at night and I’m met by the aching loneliness for a man I can’t remember? Do you know what that does to me? How it rips me apart and threatens to destroy my soul? I can’t go on this way, Martha. I have to remember…even if it kills me.”
Martha liked to think that as a therapist, she was ruled by her head, not her heart. It was that mental clarity that gave her an edge with her patients and the distance she needed to do her job well. It had never been that easy with Louise, however. Right from the beginning, there’d just been something about her that had touched Martha’s heart. As much as she continued to try, she couldn’t keep her emotions at bay when she was dealing with a friend.
“I just don’t want to put you in jeopardy,” she told her, a worried frown sitting heavily on her forehead. “Not when your memory may return on its own eventually, if we’re patient.”
“But it’s already been nearly ten years! How long am I supposed to be patient, Martha? How much longer am I supposed to live without my family? How much longer are they supposed to live without me? This has to end.”
Put that way, Martha had no choice but to agree. If she’d been in Louise’s shoes, she’d never had been able to wait this long, not without going quietly out of her mind. “Close your eyes and relax,” she said quietly. “Breathe easily and think of the fountain in your garden. You can hear the water. So calm. So peaceful. Just the sound of it takes you back to another garden that you love.”
“I can smell the ocean. I forgot how much I loved that.” Her eyes closed and a soft smile curling the corners of her mouth, Louise breathed quietly for a few minutes, then took over the session from there. “He’s here, sitting in the sun, watching me tend my flowers. I can feel him smiling.”
Taking notes, Martha stiffened slightly with excitement. In all the sessions that they’d had, Louise had spoken of “him” before, but she’d never come close to describing him. Would today be the day that she finally saw his face? Martha wanted to ask, but she’d learned in the past not to be too eager. The memories would come at Louise’s pace, not her own.
“And you’re smiling, too,” she said gently. “You’re happy to have him there with you.”
“Oh, yes,” she sighed, content. “From the moment we first met, we just clicked. We weren’t like other married couples who grew tired of each other over the years. We grew closer. We just had so much in common. There were the children and the foundation and business, of course…”
Suddenly realizing what she was saying, she frowned and pressed a trembling hand to her temple. “M-my head h-hurts. I must have hit it. I don’t remember. Why can’t I remember?”
Agitated, her happy memories now gone, she shifted in her seat and Martha could almost see fear overtaking her. Hurriedly, she moved to soothe her and bring her out of the trance. They’d gone as far as they could today. “Listen to the fountain,” she said softly, gently. “You are relaxed and comfortable and in a safe place. Nothing can harm you. Take a deep breath and slowly release it. That’s right. You’re safe, Louise. When I count to three, you will open your eyes and there will be no fear, no tension, nothing to be afraid of.”
On the count of three, Louise slowly opened her eyes, and for a second, she was as calm and at peace as Martha had hoped. Then memories of the session came flooding back. Horrified, she lifted stricken eyes to Martha. “I have a husband. We have children. And I can’t remember any of them. What kind of wife and mother am I?”
That, unfortunately, was a question neither she nor Martha could answer.
From the ranch, Austin drove straight to Rebecca’s school, telling himself all the while that he was making a mistake. This wasn’t the time to talk to her. She was working, and he had to catch a ten-thirty flight to Portland. He had all of thirty minutes to spare before he left for the airport, and a man needed a hell of a lot more time than that to tell a woman he loved her. At least, he did. Especially when the woman was Rebecca. She deserved candlelight and roses and all the romance he could give her, not a quick, “Luv you, honey,” as he was running for a plane.
So what the hell was he doing? he asked himself with a scowl as he pulled into the school parking lot. What did he hope to accomplish in thirty minutes?
The answer eluded him, but he didn’t care. He just knew he couldn’t leave town without telling her he loved her—even if he had to say it in front of a whole classroom full of third-graders.
Grinning at the thought, he strode into the school and stopped at the office to check in. If Richard Foster had still been working there, Austin didn’t doubt that he’d have refused to let him go anywhere near Rebecca. The older woman who was temporarily in charge while the school district searched for a new principal, however, seemed happy that Rebecca had a visitor.
“She’s in the middle of a literature class right now, but I’m sure she can talk to you for a few minutes,” she told him with a smile. “She’s in the last room at the end of the hall on the right. You can’t miss her.”
His footsteps echoing as he walked down the hall, Austin had to smile at the older woman’s words. She didn’t know how right she was. From the moment he’d sat down to dinner with her at the ranch his first night back in Prosperino, there’d never been any chance of him missing Rebecca. She’d been in his thoughts every time he turned around. And even when he was grieving for Jenny and what might have been, it was Rebecca he’d turned to. It was Rebecca he dreamed of, Rebecca he laughed with, Rebecca he loved. And if everything worked out the way he hoped, it was Rebecca he would share his future with.
Not too long ago, the very idea of that had scared the hell out of him. Now, he couldn’t imagine his life without her. Smiling at how quickly things had changed, he stopped in front of her closed classroom door and knocked softly. The future started today.
He was the last person Rebecca expected to find standing at her classroom door. “Austin!” Her heart expanding at the sight of him, she wanted to step into his arms and kiss him, but twenty pairs of very young eyes watched
her every move. “What are you doing here?” she asked in a low voice that wouldn’t carry to curious ears. “Is something wrong?”
“I need to talk to you about something. Can you take a few minutes?”
Surprised, she nodded. “Give me just a second.” Shutting the door, she turned back to her students and wasn’t surprised to see Suzie Harper madly waving her hand. In another life, she surely must have been an investigative reporter. “Yes, Suzie?”
“Is that your boyfriend, Miss Powell? He’s cute!”
“He’s a friend, Suzie,” she said, not daring to crack a smile. “And we have something very important to discuss. So while we’re doing that, I’d like all of you to start reading chapter three in Harry Potter.”
Thankfully, the third Harry Potter book was everyone’s favorite, including Suzie’s, so they were all willing to be distracted. Rebecca, however, didn’t fool herself into thinking that she’d escaped all of Suzie’s questions. There would be more later.
In the meantime, however, everyone hurriedly dug out their Harry Potter books, and with a sigh of relief, Rebecca slipped out into the hall and quietly shut the door behind her. “Okay,” she said with a smile, “all clear. So what are you doing here? I was going to call you after work to see if you wanted to come to dinner tonight.”
“I’d love to,” he replied, “but I can’t. I’m catching a plane for Portland this morning.”
After everything they’d shared over the weekend, that was the last thing Rebecca had expected him to say. Stricken, she could do nothing to hide the hurt that flashed in her eyes. “You’re leaving?”
“Not because I want to,” he assured her quickly. “But I got a call from a friend in Portland who needs my help, so I have to go back. I couldn’t leave, though, without talking to you first.”