Jimmy’s words were meant to reassure her, but they frightened Bri to her core. If Jimmy was right and Cole did love her, she couldn’t return his feelings. She had been wrong to think that they could be together and no one would get hurt. Fear and panic threatened to consume her, but she swallowed it back down.
“Thanks Jimmy,” she forced a smile for him. “How much do I owe you for the oil change?”
“It’s on the house. Do you know what Cole would do to me if he found out I let his girl pay for an oil change? Trust me, it wouldn’t be pretty!” he laughed.
Bri smiled and sat down to wait for her car, but her mind wouldn’t stop spinning. How had she allowed this to happen? She should’ve seen this coming and distanced herself from Cole before his feelings for her grew too deep. But somehow she’d missed it. And now she was going to break his heart and she didn’t see any way to stop it.
As she drove her no longer ticking Mazda home, Bri came to a decision. The only way to possibly spare Cole’s heart was to put some distance between them. She need to pull back before his feelings got any stronger, and maybe if they weren’t spending so much time together his feelings would fade. It wasn’t something she wanted to do, but it was what she needed to do. There were only seven weeks left until graduation. Bri needed to start preparing herself, and Cole, for their ultimate end and separation.
So, feeling incredibly sad but determined, that is what Bri did. She drew back from Cole. She was distant with him at school, and avoided him when she could. And she used the excuse of too much homework to avoid him after school. At least that wasn’t a total lie. Her AP tests were in a week, and all her teachers were trying to cram in as much last minute information as possible.
Cole was confused, and a little frustrated by Bri’s sudden change of behavior. It hurt her to know that she was upsetting him. But, it was better that she let him down gradually, and that he pull away from her, than to outright break his heart when she couldn’t return his feelings. So, even though it pained her that Cole was growing more and more distant with her, Bri was glad that her plan seemed to be working. It was just a lot harder than she thought it was going to be to let Cole go.
And so, the last week of April arrived, and with it Bri’s AP tests. She had her Biology test on Monday, her Calculus test on Wednesday, and her English test on Thursday. The week passed in a blur of facts, formulas, and examples that Bri hoped she had kept straight. She was fairly certain she’d done well enough to pass her Bio and Calc tests, but she really hoped she had done well on her English test. It was her future major after all.
As she made her way to her locker after school on Thursday, she wasn’t surprised to find Cole waiting for her. He had continued to walk her to class, eat lunch with her, and meet her after school, even though they didn’t say much when they were together. Her stomach twisted in pain and guilt, but she reminded herself that it was better that he hate her, than she destroy him.
“Hey,” she greeted him dully, not looking at him as she opened her locker.
“Would it be okay if I walked you to your car? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Fear clenched Bri’s heart at his formal, detached tone, and her eyes darted up to his. Was this it? Had she finally pushed him too far away, and he was ready to break up with her? Cole’s grim, determined face threatened to break her resolve, but she managed to hold herself together. She nodded and they walked silently out to her car.
She unlocked the doors and climbed in. Cole sat in the passenger seat and took a deep breath before he turned to face her. The sadness and pain in eyes stole Bri’s breath.
“Look Bri, I know you’ve been busy and stressed with all of your AP tests and everything lately. I just wanted you to know that it’s okay, I understand. This was a big deal for you, an important part of your future that you didn’t want to screw up. But, I’ve missed you, Bri.” He reached out and brushed his fingers up her cheek and into her hair.
Bri’s eyes closed involuntarily, and she leaned into his hand. She had forgotten how good his touch felt. Well, not forgotten. It was more like she hadn’t allowed herself to think about it, afraid she wouldn’t be able to keep herself away from him. And she had been right. One touch and her determination and resolve were gone. She wanted nothing more than to climb over into Cole’s lap and let him hold her.
Cole leaned closer, and Bri’s heart began pounding.
“I just wanted to make sure you were still coming to my art show tomorrow night?” He looked at her, pleadingly. His dark hair had fallen into his eyes. Bri’s hand reached up on its own and brushed it off his forehead.
“Of course I’m coming tomorrow.” She gave him a small smile, unable to resist, her plan to let him go completely forgotten.
A beautiful smile spread across his face, and it nearly stopped her heart. In that moment she never wanted to do anything to cause that smile to fade.
As Bri smiled back at him, Cole’s eyes sparkled and he leaned into her. His lips touched hers softly, hesitantly, and suddenly Bri felt right again, whole again. She hadn’t realized how wrong she’d felt the past couple of weeks. But as she gently kissed Cole back, she felt just how wrong things were between them.
As Cole deepened the kiss, Bri could sense the depth of his feelings for her. He couldn’t say it, but he was trying to show her how much he cared for her. How much he did love her.
Guilt tore through her, and Bri pulled back, not wanting to give him hope for something she couldn’t give him. He smiled warmly at her, but she could see the disappointment in his eyes. He wanted more from her, but he wasn’t going to push her.
“I know you’re probably exhausted, so I’ll let you get home and rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cole brushed a quick kiss on her lips and got out of the car.
Bri watched him walk away, her heart torn in two. Part of her rebelled against the thought of letting him go, and wanted to jump out of the car and run after him. But, the other part of her knew she had to let him go. If she didn’t, it was just going to be that much more painful for Cole.
On Friday evening, Bri parked her car in the school parking lot and let out a sigh. Despite her best intentions, she had dressed up for Cole tonight. She wore a coral dress, with her brown leather, jacket and leopard print heels. While she knew she needed to keep Cole at a distance, she couldn’t help wanting to look nice for him on his big night. She walked into the school feeling nervous, not sure what to expect. Her body and mind were giving off mixed signals, and she wasn’t entirely sure which of them was in control at this point.
The senior art show was held in the art wing. The classrooms had been cleared of desks and tables, and partitions had been setup to display the artwork and move people through the rooms like a museum. As she walked in, Bri was surprised at how many people, parents and students, were there. This was a bigger deal than she had thought. She walked around a minute, looking for Cole. She hadn’t told him when she’d be coming, and when she didn’t see him anywhere, she decided to go in and find his display.
She meandered through the exhibit, taking in the various displays of the other students. Cole’s display was the very last one, and it took up the entire wall. When Bri turned the corner and saw it, she froze.
It was her.
She filled the entire wall. Bri stood there in shock as her eyes swept over her many renditions. Some were small, some were large. Some were painted in color, some done in black and white, and some were just sketches. At first it seemed like a random collection, but then she realized what Cole had done. Mortification spread through her.
Up at the top were pictures Cole had done of her when they first met. She even recognized one of the drawings from the sketchbook she’d found in his room. There was always a distinct sadness and loneliness in her eyes, on her face. The pictures progressed through when she and Cole had started hanging out, and then dating. Cole appeared in a few of these. Through these pictures, the sadness and loneliness began to fade and were r
eplaced by a growing happiness and lightness. And in some pictures, desire.
Bri’s heart stopped, and her cheeks flushed a deep red, when she came to a picture of just her face. She knew Cole had drawn it from that night in the back seat of Layla’s car. In it, Bri’s eyes were full of desire, but it was the open, vulnerable, expressive look on her face that had the real Bri dying of embarrassment. She had let her guard down that night, and obviously Cole had capitalized on it. Moving quickly past that picture, Bri watched in horror as love bloomed in her eyes and on her face in the remaining pictures. She came to the last picture, and literally couldn’t breathe.
It was the two part painting Cole had had hanging above his bed. The two pictures of her and Cole looking lovingly into each other’s eyes, happy and content in the security of their love for each other. It took all her strength not to collapse to the floor.
She couldn’t believe what she was looking at. All of her most private emotions were painted all over that wall. And then, her mind slowly began to realize that she wasn’t the only one seeing it. She hadn’t noticed the large crowd standing in front of Cole’s display through her shock. But now she was painfully aware of them, and the way they were staring at her.
Some smiled at her in pity, while others were whispering and laughing discreetly at her. But the worst were the adults who smiled knowingly at her, like they knew everything about her now. It was all too much.
Not knowing where to go, but needing to escape, Bri pushed through the crowd and ducked behind the partition holding Cole’s display. There was a reception area with refreshments set up in the adjoining classroom, but she could not go in there and face those people. So she stood, her back to the wall, desperately trying to get some air into her lungs, and fighting to keep her tears at bay.
Then, the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened.
“Oh. My. God.” Serena’s voice, from the other side of the partition, cut through Bri like a knife. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing, or am I hallucinating?”
“No, I’m seeing it, alright,” Trey’s voice answered, sounding as shocked as Serena did.
Perfect. The two people Bri would’ve rather died than have seen this, were here. Her stomach twisted, and for a moment she thought she was going to throw up.
“Wow. Can you say obsessive? Seriously, this is borderline creepy,” Serena huffed.
“Yeah, like if Bri ever disappears or turns up dead, you know Cole did it, kind of creepy,” Trey snorted.
“You know, I don’t get it,” Serena sneered after a minute. “Seriously, what is so damn appealing about her? I don’t get what he even sees in her.”
“Right,” Trey scoffed, not believing her. “You just don’t want to see it, because then you’ll have to admit that there’s someone out there better than you!”
Bri could feel the glare she knew Serena was giving Trey.
“Besides,” he continued, mockingly, “how could you want to ruin such a sweet little love story?”
Bri’s stomach bottomed out, and her heart stopped.
“What?” Serena asked.
“Don’t you see it? Look. Bri starts out as a sad, lonely, pathetic excuse of a human being, and then she meets Cole. He warms her, pulls her out of her sorry excuse of a life, makes her feel things she’s never felt before.” The sneering, mocking tone of Trey’s voice caused tears to form in Bri’s eyes. “And then, they fall in love, and live happily ever after. Cole saves Bri from her sorry, pitiful existence.”
“Oh, my god! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before,” Serena practically squealed with glee. “She’s his project! Something he needs to fix up and save. Now that I totally see.”
“Yes, and somewhere along the way, the fell in love,” Trey mocked in a falsely sweet voice. “How pathetically sweet!” He and Serena both laughed.
“That is not love. That is obsession,” Serena snorted. “And soon it’ll wear itself out, and Cole will move on. And poor little Bri will be right back where she started, sad and alone.” Serena laughed happily. “Come on, let’s get out of here. These pictures are freaking me out.”
As Serena and Trey left, Bri’s humiliation overcame her, choking her. Tear threatened again, but she refused to let them spill. Anger seeped into her, and slowly began to build, helping to keep her tears at bay.
How could Cole do this to her? How could he put her on display, and expose her like that?
Her anger at him mounted, until it consumed her. She was a writhing mass of fury, and she longed to be able to unleash her wrath on him. She didn’t realize she was about to get her wish.
“Bri? What are you doing back here?”
Chapter 28
Cole stepped up beside her, and Bri had to work really hard to keep her rage in check. She knew that if she exploded, everyone on the other side of the partition, and in the reception room next door, would be able to hear everything. And she’d had enough public humiliation for one night. If she and Cole were going to fight, she did not want an audience.
“How long have you been here?” Cole asked softly, oblivious of the raging inferno in front of him.
“A while.” Bri kept her voice low and flat, refusing to look at him.
“Oh. Did you seen my exhibit?”
Her anger spiking, Bri finally turned her eyes to him.
“Yes. I’ve seen it.” She couldn’t mask the anger in her voice.
“Dang it, Bri, why didn’t you wait for me?” Cole was hurt and frustrated, but Bri was beyond caring. “I wanted to be there when you saw it. I wanted to be with you, to see your reaction.”
“To see my reaction?” Bri’s eyes narrowed as her anger bubbled over. “You wanted to see how humiliated and mortified I was to have all of my most personal and private feelings plastered all over a wall for everyone to see? Or maybe you wanted to see everyone else’s reaction when they found out what a hero you are, saving me from my poor, miserable life, and finally giving me a reason to live?”
“What? Bri...”
“Are you sure you didn’t want to see how everyone else reacted to me?” Bri cut him off. “Watch as they laughed and whispered about me? Or worse, how they pitied me and felt sorry for me?”
“What?” Cole looked horrified.
“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you missed it!” Bri turned and stormed off through the reception room as quickly as she could without drawing too much attention to herself. She didn’t turn when she heard Cole call her name, or acknowledge him as he chased her through the halls. In fact, she didn’t stop until she was outside the building. She moved over into the shadows, away from the door, and rounded on Cole.
“What? What more do you want?” she yelled at him.
“I want you to stop and talk to me,” Cole huffed back, equally confused and frustrated.
“You want me to talk to you? Fine. Let’s talk. Maybe we should talk about how completely mortified I am right now. How I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to show my face at school again. Or maybe you want to talk about how I can’t believe you would put me up on display like that. Or how I’m so angry right now, I don’t know what to do with you!”
“Bri, I’m sorry! I didn’t think you’d get so upset!”
“So tell me, Cole, how did you think I would feel?” she asked dangerously.
“I don’t know,” he sighed. “Happy maybe? Flattered?” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
“You thought I’d be happy?” Her anger boiled over. “You put me up on display like some sideshow freak! You made me look like I’m some lost, broken person you needed to fix. You assumed you knew how I felt, and then put it out there for everyone to see and laugh at. I am the farthest thing from happy right now! I feel totally exploited and betrayed! I feel violated! Hell, I couldn’t feel more exposed if you’d had me up there naked! What were you thinking? What was even the point of all this?”
“I was trying to show how love changes us, makes us better,” he sighed, sounding defea
ted.
“Love?” she scoffed. “And what would you know about love?”
Cole glanced up at her, sharply.
“I know more than you think. I was also trying to show you how I really feel about you, how much I really care about you.”
Bri just shook her head, cynically.
“I love you, Ambria,” his eyes pleaded with her. “That’s the point. That’s what I was trying to show you. I love you. I love you so much, I can’t even think straight! I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything!”
Bri was so shocked and astonished by his declaration, she couldn’t speak. She hadn’t expected to hear those words from him. For one blissful moment, she let his words, and what they meant, rush through her. But then, reality came flooding back. She felt something twist in her heart, before her anger kicked back in.
“That,” Bri pointed back to the school behind her. “That is not love. It’s obsession.” Serena’s words echoed out of her mouth, and Bri felt sick. Cole looked like he’d been slapped in the face.
“You betrayed me, Cole,” she said softly. “You violated my trust, and my feelings, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you.”
“Bri, no!” Cole’s eyes widened in fear. “I don’t know how I screwed this up so badly, but I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Bri! I’ll do anything to make this up to you, to make it right. Just, please, give me a chance!”
“I’m sorry, Cole, but it’s too late.” She moved to walk past him, but he reached out and grabbed her arm. He gently, but firmly, turned her to face him.
“No. I love you. I’m not letting you walk away that easily. I understand I made a mistake. But, it was a mistake, Bri. I didn’t do this to hurt or humiliate you. I just wanted to show you how much you mean to me. How I can’t imagine my life without you.”
A lump formed in Bri’s throat, preventing her from speaking.
“Yes, I see now that the way I chose to prove this to you was wrong. Believe me, this all played out very differently in my head when I planned it. It was a very, very bad idea. I see that now. But to say that you can never forgive me? Why? Why are you fighting...?” he trailed off, looking at her like he’d just figured something out. “You’re scared,” he said softly. “That’s why you’re pushing me away.”
Beautiful Mess Page 34