by Leaona Luxx
“You did find it. I’ve been worried you didn’t. Do you like it, Thayer?” Hardy’s face softens when he captures my gaze again.
“I love it, thank you. You didn’t have to do it.” My words are barely a whisper.
“You love it? Do you love everything, hun?” There he goes with that hun, shit. Pushing off him, I straddle his lap.
“First, don’t call me hun, it’s ridiculous. Second, you’re not in any position to question me about what I love unless you can handle the answer, big boy.” Bracing my hands to get off him, he wraps his arms around my wrist holding me to him.
“I can handle it, can you? Can you say, no matter what comes with me, you’ll be okay with it?” Conviction laced in his words gives me a little more insight into this crazy, beautiful man.
“I’m stronger than you think. I know all of this is sudden. I should’ve talked to you before we got to the point where we weren’t dressed. I’m sorry. But I’m here, Hardy. We’ll be okay, together.” I stroke his beard that’s grown out this week. “Why haven’t you shaved?”
“No reason to without you. I didn’t want that girl. I want you, Thayer. She was a poor substitute. Please know, I didn’t sleep with her. I can’t.” His hands on mine again, he brings them to his lips and kisses them.
“Good, cause that would have hurt. Now, let’s go to bed.” Tugging on him as I rise, he comes willingly.
“Okay, but we’re not having sex yet. Understand?” I’m puzzled but go with it anyway.
“Okay. Kick your shoes off, I’ll grab us some water.” Turning to the kitchen, I come up short. Hardy has my hand still. “Can I have my hand?”
He stares at our hands and then responds, “No. Never again, at least not until One kills me.” Dragging him to the kitchen, I hand him the water. Then I stop by the laundry room where I still have One’s clothes from last week. I walk him into my bedroom.
“One’s basketball shorts and t-shirt. You change while I go to the bathroom.” I had forgotten what I was wearing when he got here. I slip off my robe, sliding on some shorts and a tee. Hardy’s lying on the bed when I return. A smile spreads across his face, it’s perfect. I lay beside him.
“Thayer, I’m trying to be the man you deserve, but damn, woman. What the fuck do you have on?” His eyes traveling my body makes me feel so sexy.
“Boy shorts.” His eyes snap back to mine.
“Boy shorts? Hun, no boy could do for those shorts what your ass does for them. Fuck, this is going to be a helluva dating trial.” Hauling me to his side, I tuck in next to his chest. Thankfully, he left the shirt off.
Hardy reaches down, grabs me by the knee, pulling my leg across him. I’m seriously comfortable. I melt into him, happily. Just before I feel his thick cock laying against his stomach—fuck, he’s hung—I squeeze my thighs to dissipate the need in my core.
“Hun, you’ve got to calm down. I’m trying to do the right thing here.” Leaning in, he kisses my head.
We fall asleep with him holding me.
Lying next to her, all I can think about is my adoration for her. She’s strong and loving. Taking my drunk ass in last night was more than she should have ever done. Why would she do that? Most women would’ve sent me packing, not Thayer. She may well be a better person than One, if that’s possible.
One, now there’s another problem. He is not going to approve of this at all. He may be my best friend, but even he doesn’t know everything about me. I’m not sure if our friendship will withstand it either. Although I’m not sure about a lot lately, I know I need to be honest with Thayer. About everything.
I just can’t do it today, not like this. I need time to decide how to tell her, what to tell her. Do I tell her everything? Yes, of course. What if it freaks her out and she says she can’t do it or doesn’t want to be with me? Either way, I run the risk of losing her. Now the question is, will I be okay if I do? I’ve got to get out of here until I can figure this out.
Sneaking out of bed, I grab my clothes on my way out. They’re One’s clothes, I’ll just sneak them back to him. Besides, Lulu’s home alone, and I’m sure she has needs. Cranking my truck, I pull away from Thayer’s place. Determined to figure this clusterfuck out.
She’s all I think about on the ride home. How to tell her all that needs saying, hoping she’ll understand. I never dreamed a person as good as Thayer would want me. I’ve hated who I am for most of my life, only the last few years has it changed, and it’s because of One. I’m so afraid I’m going to lose him.
Turning down my drive, I’m surprised to see a truck waiting by my house. Fuck, what does he want? There’s only one reason he would be here, and as always, it can’t be good. He’s the exact reason I’m worried about Thayer; he’ll make it a living hell for her. Cutting off my ride, I slip from the seat, turning to stare at my uninvited guest.
“Brother, how are you? Been a long fucking time.” Never offering to shake my hand or a pat on the back.
“Eric, how are you? It’s been quite some time.” Standing my ground, I cross my arms over my chest. Eric looks the place over, including me, as he talks.
“Looking good, man, looks like you’ve bulked up more. I see you just about got that car ready to roll. Sweet.” Leaning against my truck, he looks out over the ocean.
My house was a fixer-upper. I got it for nothing with One’s help. My first home since I was seven, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. That and Thayer. Having Eric show up is rattling my resolve of telling her everything. Getting her involved may not be the best idea.
“Yeah, she’s about there. So what brings you around?” Eric side-eyes me, and I brace myself; shit can’t be good.
“You got something going on, man? You in a hurry? Cause, I let Lulu out, seein’ how you’re just getting home.” He’s been in my fucking house, goddamn it. He’s robbed me blind I’m sure. “Security alarm is cheap, might want to fix that.”
“What the fuck are you doing? You can’t go in my home, Eric,” I say, adjusting my stance because I’m tired of this shit.
“Chill, dude. Besides, what are you going to do about it? Call your richie-rich friend? Oh, wait. You’re going to call that nice piece of ass you carried home a few weeks ago, aren’t you? Did you really think you could come all the way down to Clemson chasin’ ass and me not find out?” I drop my arms to my side. I’m going to say my peace and tell him to leave. Or I’m going to beat his fucking ass.
“Don’t. You have no clue. You need to watch your mouth. You’ve broken into my home; you’ve insulted someone you should leave alone. Now, if there’s a problem, tell me now. If not, you need to go.” I flex my hands as I finish.
“Calm down now, I was just being good family, taking care of the dog and all. And since when do I need a reason to visit family? I didn’t know you wouldn’t be home. Did you stay the night with her?”
“You usually have a reason to visit.” I’m over this shit. No way will I discuss Thayer with him.
“Well, I’ll be around. I’ll think about telling you some time, maybe next visit.” Eric turns to walk away, throwing his hand up when he climbs in his beat up Ford. “See ya soon, bro.”
Son of a bitch. I’m never going to get away. How many more times can I fuck things up? I can’t tell Thayer all of this shit, she’ll never forgive me. She’ll think I’m a monster. The person I was when I was younger is not who I am now, but how can I explain that to her? Even if I do, I’m not going to bring all of this shit into her life.
Slamming my front door, I fire up my laptop to get my security system upgraded. I’m hoping when One finds out what I’m about to do to his sister, he’ll not fire my ass. If it comes down to it, I’ll tell him. Once he knows, One will be fine with me walking away again. No way will One want his sister in the middle of this shit storm.
Thayer, on the other hand, will never forgive me. She’s let me get away with too much shit already. Mother fucker. Do they think I’ve forgotten? I’ll never forget the day it happened. Why it happe
ned. Do they think they’re the only people to lose something? I lost. By God, I lost everything that damn day.
Am I not allowed to move on? No one, and I do mean no one, can make me feel worse than I do. No one lives with it on their mind or in their heart the way I do. I have to learn to live with myself every day, all over again. Looking at myself in the mirror every morning and live with the incredible fucking piece of shit I am every fucking day.
I know I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve love. To have a family or a future. To have lived a minute longer is more than I ever deserved. Living my life alone is the price to be paid for who I am. Nothing but death and destruction have plagued my life, sorrow and guilt are my companions.
Pouring myself a glass of Jaeger, I take care of my security system. Walking out on my deck, I text One about our job tomorrow, hoping it’s not with Thayer. Knowing she’s already awake and ticked as hell, she’s going to be out for blood when I walk away. I have to, it’s what’s expected.
Come to think of it, I haven’t heard from her yet. It’s noon, surely she’s up. Fuck it, I don’t need to care. All I need to do is steer clear of her until I can get her outta my head. Both of them. Now, how to do it. If anyone heard me talk about Thayer, they’d say I’m crazy. I’m crazy about her, so yeah, I’m fucking insane.
My phone vibrates with an incoming text, it’s One. Good news for a change, we’re working on Lea’s house. Seems as though he and Lea are getting closer. I need to catch up with him. My head’s been so far up his sister’s ass, I haven’t even talked to my best friend. So much for sharing war stories.
Another text comes in. One again, he’s coming over. Just what I need. Wonder if he’d like to know I want to fuck his sister into next week? Nah, I don’t think so either. I shoot him a quick text to say come on over and hit the shower. I smell like Thayer’s perfume. I wanted that to last a while, but what the fuck ever.
After taking care of my wood in the shower, I towel off quickly, throw some sweats on, and grab a beer. One should be here anytime. No sooner do I think it, I get a text. Bet he’s bailing on me for that Lea chick. Jerking up my phone, pissed as ever, I look at it. It’s not from One. It’s Thayer. Oh, hell no.
Nice. I’m done.
Three words. Not the three I want to hear from her, but I guess that’ll never happen again. Goddamn, what the hell am I supposed to do? Throwing my phone, it rockets across the room and shatters when it hits the front door. One opens the door, looking around when his eyes hit the shattered phone on the floor.
“Is it safe, man?” he asks before he takes another step.
“Shit. Sorry. Yeah, come on in.” I squeeze my eyes shut to silently curse myself for doing it. Not because of the phone. Because he’s gonna want to know why. Fuck.
“So where is she? Or better, who is she?” he says, smirking as he crosses the room to where I stand in the kitchen.
“Fuck it. It doesn’t matter, she’s done. My own fault, I’m too much of a fuck up.” Reaching for the Jaeger, I pour two fingers and offer it to One.
“No, thanks. Listen, you’re not the man you once were. You paid for your mistakes, so stop allowing it to dictate who you are.” Sitting across from me, his words are as sincere as the smile on his face.
“You would think that, One. I may not be the man I once was, but I’m not the man I could be. A fact I prove every day, especially to those who mean the most to me,” I say, grimacing as I swallow the amber liquid.
“Who the hell told you that shit? You know better, asshole. You’re a good man. Who is she? Who is it that has you so fucked up, you can’t see who you’ve become? Through all the bullshit, you’re a good man.” His jaw clenches as he says it.
Contemplating whether to tell him, I think of Thayer’s words on my phone. What good will it do now to tell him the truth? Nothing he can say or do will fix this clusterfuck I’ve gotten myself into. I’m not even sure he won’t be pissed. I mean, I’ve hurt his sister.
“We’re over. She sent me a text, she’s done. Honestly, it’s on me. I’ve let everything come between us. She’s amazing, I don’t deserve her.” Shaking my head as I pick up my phone, I see the screen is shattered.
“Well, now I understand the flying phone. You know I’ll listen if you need me, I’m here.” There’s only one person kinder than him, and it’s his sister.
“It’s all good. I’ve just never hurt like this over a woman.” Pouring myself another two fingers, One nods in agreement.
“Tell me about it. Lea has me in knots. I can’t do a damn thing right. But every fiber in my body wants her, you know? People scoff at the thought of love at first sight, but I believe it’s possible. I know for a fact you can feel something deeply for someone you’ve just met. It goes beyond understanding, the connection was instantaneous. I want her, I love her,” he says matter of factly.
“I’m there, man. I don’t think I’ve wanted someone more. I know I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’m not worthy of her, but I’d damn sure try to be.” I down my drink and slam the glass on the counter.
One hangs around for a few hours while we lick our wounds. Women and work dominate the conversation and the fact that I need to hit up the phone store first thing in the morning. I’m pleased to say I dodged a bullet where his sister is concerned; I never once gave up her name. He seemed pleased I was interested in someone but still curious. Good thing Lea has him crazed or he would’ve pushed a lot harder.
By the time I hit the bed, I still haven’t heard any more from Thayer. With my phone trashed, I’m not surprised, but it doesn’t make it sting any less. I keep telling myself it’s for the best, for some reason, though, I’m not feeling the best about it.
Time. Time heals all wounds, or at least I hear it does.
The Jaeger helps me to fall asleep, and my dreams are all on Thayer.
Waking to the radio telling me, I love her, I want her, I need her, makes me want to go find her and make her mine. Why do I insist on torturing myself?
Throwing on my favorite khaki shorts and a t-shirt, I brush my teeth and feed Lulu before hitting the road. First, I need to make a quick trip to buy a new phone. That’ll hurt my wallet. I’m such a dumbass. Who breaks their fucking phone over a text?
New phone in hand, I head over to Lea’s. She lives right around the corner from me, so it’ll be a short drive home. Parking in the drive, I can see Thayer’s crew has finished their work. I’ll not be seeing her for a while, and that hurts like fucking hell.
“No, One. I’m busy and can’t run it over. Where are you? Why would you leave the sample? Fine, I’m coming.”
Damn it. I really don’t want to run into Hardy. It’s like One knows and wants to make me miserable. Then again, maybe I just need to do it, get it over with. Like a band-aid, rip it off.
Hardy’s jerked me around so much, I feel as though I have whiplash. The shit he pulled Saturday finished me. I’ve whined and cried long enough. He’ll never get over his aversion of One being my brother. What the fuck ever.
After picking up the paint samples for One, I drive over to Lea’s. We’ve gotten to know each other lately, and I like her a lot. The more time I spend with her, the more I love her. I can easily call her my friend. I’d like nothing more than for her to become my sister-in-law. Lea would be good for One, so much better than his ex-wife, Montgomery. She was such a cunt.
Taking the final turn before Lea’s house, I throw up a silent prayer. If at all possible, my heart can do without seeing Hardy. Parking my truck, I take a much-needed breath before getting out. Quickly scanning the area for him, I see One through the front door.
Thinking I’d spend the day in the office ordering supplies for my next job, I didn’t dress up. An old college t-shirt and cut off denim jeans with my old, ratty Chuck’s is the attire for the day. My hair is piled high in a messy bun.
Speed walking to the porch, I take the steps two at a time. Glancing around, I don’t see either of them now. Another minute a
ffords me the chance to hear them, she’s giggling. It’s sweet, helping to bring a smile to my face thinking of One. Meandering the path to the back bedroom, I finally find both One and Lea.
After making lunch plans with Lea, I dispense some much-needed advice to them. Smug in my accomplishment, I’m leaving in a fog when I trip over something. Throwing my hands out in front of me to try to catch my balance, I’m surprised when I never hit the ground.
Massive arms are wrapped around my waist, hauling me upright. By the warmth spreading through me, I know before looking it’s Hardy. Mother fucker, I want to be angry. Why can’t I be mad as hell?
Instead, I throw my elbows wildly until I land a couple. “Mother fucker, get your goddamn hands off me, you prick.”
“Calm the fuck down, Thayer,” he growls in my ear as he somehow wraps my flailing arms with his.
His chest unyielding against my back, so much so our bodies begin to meld. Hard as my mind says fight, my heart won’t let me. Wanting to be right here, in his arms, feeling him this close to me, is all I need. The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention when he leans closer to whisper.
“You’ll never understand how sorry I am.” Then he releases me as quickly as he says it.
Pushing off of him, I whirl immediately, pinning him with a glare of death. I’m not sure who I’m angry at, him or myself for wanting it. Fisting my hands, I swing without thinking it through. He catches the first punch, dodging the second. When he does, his head catches the corner of an exposed board.
“What the fuck, Thayer. Shit. Calm the fuck down,” he demands as his hands grip my wrists. Above his left ear, blood trickles from his hair. I feel like shit.
“Oh, God. Hardy, I’m sorry. Come here.” Pulling him slightly, he hesitates, then finally relents.
“Come on, we’re drawing attention. I have tissues in my truck.” Letting go of one hand, he loosens his grip on the other.