Table of Contents
Copyright
Doctor’s Orders
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Doctor’s Orders: The PMS Investigators, Book 2
By Amber Gillet
Copyright 2013 by Amber Gillet
Cover Copyright 2013 by Ginny Glass
The author is hereby established as the sole holder of the copyright.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold, reproduced or transmitted by any means in any form or given away to other people without specific permission from the author and/or publisher. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to the living or dead is entirely coincidental.
Also by Amber Gillet
Family Affair: The PMS Investigators, Book 1
Doctor’s Orders
The PMS Investigators Book 2
Amber Gillet
1
“Mom have you seen my hat? I’m going to be late!”
I had given a one month notice on my meter maid job with the hopes that my newest endeavor of being a fully fledged and legal Private Investigator would start to bring home at least some bacon. But in all honesty, I was struggling to get myself out the door each morning because I could see the end in sight, the end where I could once again dress like a civilian.
“Yes dear, I put it in the donation bag at the bottom of the stairs. If you hadn’t brought the rest of that god forsaken polyester outfit in the bathroom with you when you were showering, the whole uniform would already be down at the Goodwill box on the corner!”
“What kind of person do you think would buy that from the second hand store? Besides, I have to turn that in on my last day! Are you trying to get me fired before I have the chance to walk away with dignity?”
“I would be doing you a favor. What difference is one month going to make? Really Paula, what if Dr. Tom Kirby calls and you aren’t there?”
Alice was dead set on making sure Dr. Tom got himself on my client list, and although I wouldn’t admit it that was one of the few visions we shared that were in sync.
“Mitexi is covering the phones until my shift is over, she mentioned something about her mother driving her crazy and needing to get out of the house. I can’t imagine what she is talking about.” As I gloated with my best ‘you can’t see me smiling grin’ while standing behind her, she dug my hat back out from among old winter coats and a fine looking lime green pantsuit I hadn’t seen her wear since 1989. “Can I borrow that?”
“You listen here missy, don’t think for one second that I don’t know you are mocking me! You just don’t realize what mothers put up with!”
“Okay! Okay! Sorry mom, please just give me my hat so that I can get out of here.”
“Not until you eat breakfast and that is an order!”
“I am really going to be late!”
“Then I will drive you.”
“Great, I will be delighted to explain to my supervisor that my mother wouldn’t let me leave until I ate the most important meal of the day and then she drove me in. Do you have any plans to allow me a single shred of self respect?”
“I’m sure Mr. Meter Maid Boss has a mother too, he’ll understand.”
I sighed and retreated to the kitchen, knowing this was one battle I would never win. As usual, the Surgeon General’s case was much stronger than mine.
Alice delivered me a festive plate stacked with silver dollar pancakes surrounded by orange slices to resemble the sun accompanied by a side display of halved strawberries that had perfectly placed seeds on their backsides.
“What are these supposed to be?”
“Lady bugs.”
“Are they getting a tan? Is that why they are next to my sunshine landscape and their spots are light brown?”
Alice’s next started to get blotchy, she sure seemed edgy today. “They are shelled sunflower seeds! You need to make sure you are getting enough folate.”
“For what?”
“A healthy pregnancy!”
“Am I having a baby? You haven’t been slipping sleeping pills into my supper and then trying to artificially inseminate me at night have you? No wonder I am so tired in the morning.”
“Well you can make fun of me now, but someday you’ll be thankful.”
“Do I get to know whose baby it is?”
“With any luck it will be Dr. Tom’s. Now finish up, I am going to mix an avocado and banana smoothie for you to take and enjoy during your break. We want to keep those ovaries in fantastic shape!”
Okay she had officially lost her mind. Now don’t get me wrong, he was kind of cute and he was a doctor. I would be lying if I denied ever imagining us in some kind of fantastic entangled position together. But had I dreamed of me bent in half while the anesthesiologist poked the needle of relief into my back while I eagerly awaited our first born? No way. Alice was miles ahead of me on that fantasy.
“Yes ma’am Nana Stone, yes ma’am.”
2
“PMS Private Investigators, ready and available to track down your darkest secrets; this is Mitexi. Can I help you?”
“Please tell me you haven’t been answering the phone like that every time someone calls? By the way, has anyone called?”
I was really hoping the doctor had checked in. I had left a message two days after our introduction, but still hadn’t received a response. I was stressing out over the possibility of losing my first potentially credible client and having to disappoint Alice’s anticipated plans if the deal fell through.
“Of course I haven’t! I saw your number on caller ID so I thought I would take a stab at putting you over the edge but the tone of your voice tells me you’re already there. And no, the doctor hasn’t called.” Mitexi always knew what was on my mind. “I was certain that no one wanted him to reappear more than Alice, but now she has competition. Are you so concerned about him because you want the work or you are hoping for something more? If you are just looking to get laid then how about we get you a man for hire?”
“You mean like a hooker?”
“Well sort of, I guess it would be more of a man-escort.”
“What kind of state would our business be in if I was busted paying for love?”
“Love?”
“Okay, simulated love is more appropriate. But I definitely do not need any more charges added to my criminal record, no matter what kind of temporary satisfaction is tempting me.”
“Actually, escorts are legal.”
“I think that is only if you really use them to escort you, and last I checked that cover is pretty similar to a mob boss owning a trash company.”
“Alright, be difficult if you want, but I am starting a ‘Get down with Paula’ fund, just in case you have a weak moment and we need to bust out the Yellow Pages fast. I think it has been way too long since you’ve walked around with a contented look on your face.”
“I love that you always have my best interest at heart, but don’t worry I’ll be fine. And just for the record, I was only asking about the doctor because I am eager to get a case rolling.” I felt my ears burn like they always do when I lie, Alice could vouch for that. But realistically, if my life didn�
��t pick up in the personal department soon, it was likely that I just might break down and embezzle from Mitexi’s desire fund with the enthusiasm of a drug addict in a pharmacy.
“Well just remember, there is more than one way to kill a horse.”
“Um, I think you mean skin a cat.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“You definitely need some pumped up sex therapy; you’re starting to ramble like that nutty lady from the park who hangs out with the squirrels.”
“Maybe, but right now I’ve gotta go! Some moron just double parked so he can catch the school bus before it takes off.”
We disconnected as I made a bee line, ticket book in hand, for the sleek black Porsche Cayenne that was violating the rules of street order that I so passionately abided by these days.
A large group of elementary kids were waiting on the corner as doting parents attempted to fix collars and straighten back packs while the children pulled away from them and shuffled up the stairs of the bus, disappearing into a sea of bobbing heads.
The folding door had just began to close as the future recipient of the large fine I was about to hand out, hollered and ran toward the stalling vehicle, carrying a small boy with a fair complexion under his arms to keep their pace swift. After depositing the child in the doorway, he quickly nodded to the driver as if to thank him and stepped back. He leaned down with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath, and suddenly I had the strangest sensation that we had met before.
“Excuse me sir! You can’t park right there, we do have rules you know!” I felt official as I reprimanded my first score of the day, thankful to be on the delivering side of punishment for a change.
Then he straightened himself out and I realized it was Dr. Tom; established Pediatrician and potential legitimate first client for the PMS Private Investigators. My knees felt shaky and before I could turn away or pretend I was yelling at someone else he squinted back as if to focus solely on my stupid outfit.
“Ms. Stone?”
My pounding heart crept into my esophagus as I quickly entertained the idea of bolting right past him praying he’d think it was a case of a mistaken identity. Unfortunately, my legs ignored any pleading from my brain to get my ass in gear.
“Dr. Kirby…I mean Tom. How are you?” I extended a shaky hand in his direction.
“Wow! At first I wasn’t certain it was you, you really take this Private Investigating profession seriously! I had no idea that you dressed for the part if necessary. I am really, really impressed!”
“Um yes, well doing what it takes for the job is important to me. I aim to please!”
“For a second there, I was worried I was in for an expensive fine!” He laughed heartily at the joke he thought we were both enjoying. “Actually I had planned on returning your call today; I do hope you’ll be able to help. Please accept my apologies for not getting back to you sooner.”
“That is fine, no problem at all. Why don’t we talk later when you are not so busy?”
I turned swiftly on my heel to get away and hide the curse of embarrassment this uniform had bestowed upon me once again before he could respond, when suddenly he reached for my arm; his unusually soft hand demonstrated a gentle, yet firm grip that steadied me.
“Is everything alright? Oh my god, I didn’t screw up your stake out did I?”
“Of course not! I was just practicing for when I nail the culprit who has been evading the real Meter Maid for so long. I think I have dust in my eye. Was that your son?” I rambled incessantly as if I had no control over the gaping hole in my face.
“Let me take a quick look.” With both hands on my chin, he tilted my face upward and pulled down my bottom eye lid, the one that had no make-up on it because I didn’t see the point to glam up while making sure the meters had enough time left on them. “I don’t see anything, but you seem a little delirious. Are you diabetic?”
“Nope and my ovaries are in great shape.”
“You must be so proud.” He stepped back a few inches as if he was worried that he might catch my insanity.
“I am thanks.” I sucked in my breath as he made the final decision on whether I was in fact crazy or just sincerely caught off guard; while being a Private Investigator of course.
“Okay, well as long as you’re certain.” He paused before continuing. “What time will you be returning to the office? My nanny retrieves Zach from the afterschool program today, so I could pop in around 4:30 if that works for you?”
“Zach?”
“Yes, to answer your earlier question…that was my son.”
Great, another anti- wedding ring wearer like Perry! Alice is going be pissed when she finds out her grandchildren belong to another woman. “Mrs. Kirby doesn’t pick him up?”
“There is no Mrs. Kirby. I adopted him when he was a baby, I adore kids, which explains my choice of professions, but on a personal level there was a lot of uncertainty on where my life was going and to be honest, the idea of waiting until I was beyond midlife age to start a family freaked me out a little. So I went through the process and here we are today!”
“Really?” I giggled with an obnoxiously high pitch.
“You don’t think I am lying do you?” His expression retreated back to the earlier skepticism regarding the status of my blood sugar.
“Absolutely not! I’m just really looking forward to doing business with a focused and driven man like you.”
“I appreciate your kind words. Alright, I’d better get moving, I’m still double parked and the real meter maid could be coming around that corner at any second.”
I nodded in agreement. “She might even be closer than you think.”
3
Although primping at home would have been my preference, there was no way I would have time to make it there and back to the office by 4:30, so against my better judgment I placed a call to Alice and requested that she drop a care package off with Mitexi. My intention was to grace the meeting with Dr. Tom and look as if this morning never even happened. Unfortunately, endless pleading seemed to have little effect on convincing my mother to keep the outfit casual, no matter how many times I reminded her that this is a business relationship. Formal is more appropriate Paula, you can’t just be fertile you know, he has to be attracted enough to want to find out for himself. She had really taken this whole procreating obsession to a new level. After hanging up, I secretly prayed that she didn’t pack my old prom dress which looked eerily similar to the twin rosebud comforters in my room. I was fairly confident that looking like a ruffled bed was a deterrent to most suitors.
In approximately a half hour the scheduled bus was to roll up and deliver me across town so I stopped at Marty’s Miracle Meals on the corner of Bartlett Street and ordered my absolute favorite: the always soggy meatball sub paired with a no name brand soda. I had my suspicions that the drinks were brewed in an abandoned basement somewhere and then poured back into empty cans from the recycling warehouse after the real labels were removed, but I always took extra caution not to not to ponder too long over the origin of the meat, eating in blissful ignorance was perfectly okay with me. Marty claimed that the Miracle reference on his sign was because no other vendors’ food tasted nearly as good, but my theory was that it had to do with the fact he was still open for business.
After stuffing the last saturated remnant of that sandwich into my face, I dropped to the bench and waited patiently on my favorite mode of public transportation while dialing Mitexi to give her a heads up that I’d be arriving shortly.
“PMS Private Investigators, this is Mitexi.”
“You sound unusually normal, what’s wrong? Has there been a break in and you’re being held? Do we have a codeword and I can’t remember it? Blink twice if you are in trouble!”
“I only wish I’d been taken hostage, it is much, much worse than that! Anyway even if I was, how do you figure you would save me if I blinked twice since we are on the phone? Time to loosen up that sil
ly hat you wear; I think that elastic band has left one deep dent too many in your forehead.”
I ignored her typical harassment that I’d grown so used to. “What do you mean much worse?”
Mitexi spoke softly. “I mean lice-aay tone-say.”
“There is a China man there? Did you not have enough cash to cover the delivery?”
“No you fool, that was pig Latin! Your mother is here and she won’t leave! “
“Are you messing with me? Wait, did she bring my clothes?”
“Oh yes she did! Yes she did.” Whenever Mitexi repeated herself slowly I dreaded the outcome. “She says she wants to be here when Dr. Tom arrives, so she is reading a magazine in our very tiny, so called waiting area. She is so close to the door he may have to step over her just to get in.”
“No!”
“Yes! And she brought a huge Tupperware container full of black beans. Is your iron low or something?”
“Could be! I woke up this morning and found out I was having a baby. Who knew?”
“What?”
“I’ll explain later. How bad is the outfit?”
“I refuse to comment on that, but she insists that it is what you asked for.”
I was overcome with panic. My instructions simply stated casual, but not something specific. “Good God, I’m on my way!” After disconnecting, I hurried to the edge of the sidewalk hoping to nab a front seat on the bus. Where was that big blue vessel?
An elderly African American woman on my left had been watching me closely, so I engaged her. “I need a different mother.”
Without any hesitation she responded. “What you need is a napkin and a new outfit; leave your mother out of this.” She motioned toward the sauce on my face and then gave me a once over and shook her head.
“Oh that is it! I am calling Mr. Meter Maid Boss!” After four flustered attempts, I finally succeeded in dialing the number correctly on my always reliable but painfully basic cell phone. “Bob? Yes this is Paula, today is going to be my last day, sorry for the short notice. What? I can’t do that!” My neck pulsated with fast thumps as my blood pressure rose. “So you’re telling me if I don’t return my outfit this afternoon, you will deduct $49.75 out of my last check? That will leave me with well…not much, but that is beside the point!”
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