The first few days after the event, he had been so worried and loving and attentive. And the attentive part was the best because we had talked. I was pretty sedated, but in that place between sleeping and awake, we had each other. We started off slowly, tentatively, but then we seemed to move along at a warp-speed rate.
Once those gates opened for me, I just didn’t stop. I told Diego things that I had never shared with anyone, some of them not even with Claire. I told him about how hard I had worked to get into nursing school, and how one sad case then another then another had broken my heart. He got very quiet then and listened hard. At one point, the pain etched over his face was so deep I thought it might crack him in half, so I veered away from that subject quickly. I thought he was feeling that for me, that he didn’t want me to relive those days of witnessing the interminable sadness of it all.
So because I was too self-involved, I didn’t ask him about it. I didn’t prod or question or gently lead him to full disclosure. I didn’t ask and I should have. I really, really should have. Maybe it would have made a difference. Maybe not. But I wish I had asked.
Diego shared too. Not all of his story, not the whole of it. Not even the most important parts of it. But he shared. He told me that he had first patched in with the Nevada Chapter near Pinky’s house, which is why he had known the brothers up there. He told me some funny stories about Prosper and Pinky’s wedding day. I probably enjoyed it more than I should have when Diego told me about the hazing they had put Reno through before patching him in.
But it wasn’t all about the MC.
Diego told me about places he had visited and places he still wanted to see. He talked about how much he loved being on the open road and his first bike. He said he missed the hot, dry heat of the desert and told me about a trip he took once through Mojave National Preserve.
I told him about my obsessive love of maps and all things geographical. How I had gotten a world globe one year for Christmas and had studied it and researched each country one by one until I could name all the countries in Africa and Asia.
Including their capitals.
In alphabetical order.
Then I named them for him. Diego smiled at that and just shook his head.
In between that place of sleeping and waking, when everyone else was dreaming, Diego and I became more than lovers. We became friends.
CHAPTER 54
Moving day. We were moving in to the mostly finished lake house.
While Claire, Glory, and I had spent the last few weeks recuperating, recovering, and regrouping, the brothers had been renovating. They had been clearing out and hammering and nailing and reinforcing and cutting and drilling and notching.
And they were good at it.
Glory had decided to stay. We still knew nothing about her. She never shared. She never slipped after a third glass of wine. She never blurted out a name or a place when she had her guard down. Maybe her guard was never down. I didn’t know. I don’t even know if she ever really even made a conscious decision or just rolled with it. There was no discussion. And on our part, we never questioned, we never asked, we never made it hard for her or uncomfortable for her to be with us.
So she just stayed.
Just her, with us.
With only the clothes on her back. She just stayed.
Like a whisper in the wind, sometimes she was barely there. Her voice hadn’t completely come back yet and maybe never would. The raspy tone of it belied the pedigree that her light complexion and pale blue eyes spoke to. She had beautiful bone structure, and her new pixie cut showed it off even more. She was a beauty, our Glory. We were learning that her spirit was as lovely as her looks.
But Glory could also get down and dirty if she needed to. Like the way she stepped up to Gino and “oh daddied” him literally to death. Where that came from in her, God only knew. I looked up at her as I was handing her some painting tape and I wondered for the millionth time how she had ended up with Gino. But then again, she probably wondered the exact same thing about me.
We had each picked out a bedroom. The house had been fully furnished, but we still needed fresh bedding and some other stuff. Since none of us had felt like venturing out yet, we bought what we needed on the Internet and had it all shipped. The porch was filled with a litter of boxes from Amazon, Crate and Barrel, and several linen stores.
I felt someone grab me from behind and lift me off my feet.
“Babe.” Diego was nuzzling my hair.
He turned me around in his arms, put his big hands on either side of my face, and laid one on me. God, I loved his kisses. But, Jesus, in front of everybody?
I laughed and tried to push him back, blushing.
“Going pink on me, Babe, is not gonna stop me. Makes me hard.” He grinned against my ear.
He draped his hand around my shoulder and called out to Reno, who was on a ladder hammering.
“Gonna take Raine outta here for a bit. You got this?” It was not a question.
“No problem, Brother. Where ya going?” Reno whacked at a nail.
“Threw some sandwiches and shit together. Nice day. Thought we’d take the bike out an’ stop somewhere to eat ’em.”
“Yeah?” Reno was talking around some nails he had placed in his mouth as he hammered. “Go take your woman out on your damn picnic. I’ll be sweating my balls off in here.” He grinned.
“Ain’t no fucking picnic, Brother. I don’t do picnics,” Diego grumbled.
“You got food. You got drinks. You taking that shit on the road.” Reno was still hammering.
“Yeah, so what? We get off the bike, we grab some chow and eat it.” Diego was frowning.
“You taking a blanket?” Reno hadn’t broken his hammering stride.
“You got to have some shit to sit on,” Diego explained.
“Then it’s a fucking picnic, man.” Reno still hammering.
“Ain’t going on a fucking picnic; I don’t do fucking picnics.” Diego was looking wary.
“Hey, Ma,” Reno called for Dolly.
“Yeah?” Dolly answered from the other room where she was hanging curtains.
“Diego’s taking Raine out on the bike. He packed some food and shit. Is that what you call a picnic?”
“Is he taking a blanket?” Dolly yelled from the other room.
Reno stopped hammering and raised his eyebrows. Diego ran his hand through his hair.
“Fuck me,” he said under his breath.
“You tell anybody about this shit, I am gonna kill you, Reno. You feel me?”
“Secret’s safe with me.” Reno was grinning wide open.
Diego grabbed my hand and said, “Come on, Babe. Let’s go on a fucking picnic.”
I laughed all the way to the bike.
CHAPTER 55
It was another perfect summer day. We rode under an indigo sky dotted with big, white, frothy clouds suspended in amazingly beautiful formations. The wind whipped through my hair, and I had my arms wrapped around my man. Tight.
After a while we pulled into a wooded area. There was a heavy chain across the dirt road and a sign that said “No trespassing.” Diego pulled up next to it and reached in his pocket. He produced a key to the huge, heavy lock attached to the bulky chain.
I raised my eyebrows at him.
“My land, Babe,” he said as explanation.
The road continued for about a quarter mile then turned into a path. After we had cleared the gate, the path pretty much was a slow and steady incline with a wooded area all around. After a short while we broke into a large clearing. It was beautiful. The land sat on the edge of a rolling hill in a pretty grassy knoll.
I just stood for a minute and took in all the wonder. On the edge of the natural clearing, someone had begun taking down trees. There was a chainsaw case and a felling ax sitting on a pile of freshly chop
ped wood. The smell of the timber joined with the pitchy smell of sticky pine trees. I could hear the rushing of water coming from somewhere. There was a flurry of startled birds fleeing from the trees.
I turned to Diego. He was pulling the blanket out from the bike.
“It’s beautiful,” I said to him.
“You’re beautiful,” he said to me.
Then he grabbed me by the hand and we walked in silence for a little while. I was in awe, taking in all the natural beauty and wondering again at this man beside me.
He stopped by a stream that was flowing fast with cold, clear water dancing over smooth river rock.
He spread out the blanket and turned to me. He began to pull my shirt over my head. Suddenly Diego was all hands and mouth.
Broad daylight and he wanted me naked.
He had never seen me buck naked in the blinding light of day. Blinding light of day.
I stood in front of him with my nipples pushing up past my demicup bra that was just a little too small for my semilarge breasts, but it was frothy white lace and I had loved it. Then I covered them.
“Diego . . .” I began.
“Babe, you gotta stop this shy shit with me. You’re mine. I’ve been in you, had my mouth on you. I have tasted every single square inch of your beautiful fucking tits. I know what your ass looks like better than you do. I know that you have three freckles on the back of your left knee and I know that after I finger fuck you, it takes exactly five times of pulling on your clit with my mouth to make you cum. Then you spasm so hard all that sweetness sucks my tongue right in.”
“Five times?” I croaked.
“Exactly.” He held my gaze. “Now get your beautiful hands off those big tits that you know I love and come here.” He stepped into me.
He stood before me and pulled his shirt at the back of the neck to yank it off. I never ever got tired of looking at his body. Diego seeing me in the bright light of day meant that I got to see him too. I drank him in. The way the muscles danced under his skin when he moved. The scars, the large intricate cross tattooed on his chest, the way his hip bones made a V pointing to the area of my greatest pleasure.
I took my hands away, reached back, and unhooked my bra. My breasts fell heavy against me, and Diego reached in and kneaded them with his beautiful, rough hands.
“Pretty bra, Babe. But you’re not wearing that shit with me. I want easy access to your tits. I want to feel them soft against me when you’re on the back of my bike. I want to be able to reach over and pull your shirt up and look at them. Lick them and touch them whenever I want. I want to be able to lay my hand on your skin and feel your heart beat.”
How could you argue with that?
I reached down and unzipped him. I yanked off his jeans and boxers until they were a pool around his ankles. Then I did the same to myself.
And there we stood. Facing each other in the beautiful brilliant light of day. He dropped me to the blanket and when his body moved to cover mine, I flipped him on his back. He went down with a surprised grunt, and I smiled at him. Then I proceeded to cover every inch of his chest with my lips, my tongue, and my mouth. I licked and sucked and kissed him until his nipples were puckered and his cock was rock hard. Then I straddled him and grinded into him.
Totally uninhibited, I pushed away all thoughts of shyness or risk or fear. It was just him and me and sunshine and light and the perfect sound of clear, fresh, swiftly running water. I arched my back as I built. I felt myself tighten around him and moved faster. His hands on my hips guided me, pulling me back and forth and tighter to him. I pulled back just a little only to tunnel him deeper inside me. I did that again and again, feeling that sweet tension build. I loved feeling Diego’s thighs rise on my ass and his muscles grow tighter. When I could not hold back any longer, I rose one more time and settled hard on his cock, stretching my body. I took all of him inside me then. I arched my back and raised my outstretched arms in welcome to the sun. The sky and the clouds and the love came radiating down from the heavens and fell in the space between us. And I gave thanks.
We lay totally naked in the warm sunshine wrapped up in each other. Diego was lying on his side with his legs draped over mine. He had one arm wrapped around my waist and the other cradled my head. I was still throbbing from the thrill of having him inside me.
Diego had stopped using protection right after the Ellie thing. He had gone for a blood test to make sure she hadn’t “left him with any of her shit” and he had gotten the report he was clean. I hadn’t asked him to do it but was glad he had. I had been on the pill and continued to be on it so we were protected. It was something I was pretty religious about. I may have forgotten a couple of days in between the chaos when the Gino stuff went down, but we weren’t really active then anyway.
Diego was a little obsessive about making sure I took it. So obsessive that it kind of hurt my feelings a little bit. I guessed he just didn’t think I was mother material or didn’t want any kids with me. Or maybe any kids period. Or maybe any permanent me period.
And I went on like that sometimes.
Because honestly, my biological clock was beginning to tick. I was going to be twenty-nine my next birthday. I sometimes looked at mothers with babies, and I thought I would like that. But I wasn’t sure Diego was the right baby daddy for that.
Actually, I would probably be crazy to think he would be the right baby daddy for that. He was a Hells Saint through and through. No denying that. He was an outlaw man. I knew that the things he did for the club were not legal or lawful or even moral. I grew up with two hidden loaded guns in my house for Christ’s sake and my dad hadn’t even been patched in. But I also knew that Diego was a good man in the way Prosper was a good man. Loyal, dedicated, raw, and flawed. After the Ellie thing, Diego only had eyes for me. He never came to me smelling of another woman, and he never came to me drunk or with a raised fist. Yet. Not yet. Time would tell.
So I took my birth control pills, and we fucked like rabbits and all was well. Until it wasn’t.
CHAPTER 56
You’re a fucking nurse! How fucking stupid can you be, Raine?”
He made a fist and slammed it hard, right through the sheetrock over my head.
Diego was breaking my heart. And he had been breaking it for the last twenty minutes.
Breaking my heart into tiny irreplaceable pieces. Humpty Dumpty and his great fall didn’t have a thing on me. Nothing. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men stood not a chance at ever putting what was broken in me together again.
Me and Humpty. We were fucked.
He was still yelling at me. How could he still be yelling at me? Couldn’t he see he was shredding me apart?
“You do this. You do this alone. I want no part of it. Nothing! You don’t put my name on the fucking birth certificate. You don’t send me fucking birthday pictures. I got nothing to give, want nothing in return. You Goddamn stupid little girl! How the fuck did you think this was gonna play out, Raine? You think we gonna buy a fucking minivan and get a house in the suburbs?”
I pulled myself so far in he started fading away. I stopped hearing him.
“Oh no, you fucking don’t. You do not do that, Raine. You look at me and you listen and you listen good. You do not hide from this.”
And he grabbed my chin and pulled me hard to meet his eyes. He was hurting me. I tried to focus. Tried to come back from that place because if I did, if I let him punish me enough, maybe he would go away, and I would never ever have to see the bastard again.
Yeah. I was back. Damn right, I was back.
I pulled my chin out of his hand and gave him what he wanted.
And because the screaming and yelling of his repetitive bullshit wasn’t enough for the past half hour, he felt he had to say it one more time. I guess he must have been thinking that if I was stupid enough to get myself knocked up, I wasn’t
smart enough to understand the fact that he wanted out the first five goddamn times he said it.
“We are done. This is over. There is no hope for that fucking picket-fence-and-happy-family bullshit. It ain’t gonna happen. Not with me! So you decide to do this, you do this alone. Doctor visits, that ultrasound shit, fucking childbirth classes. That guy ain’t me. That guy ain’t fucking me. You do this, you do it without me.”
“You said that, Diego.” I hated him.
“Yeah, I said it! I said a lot of things. Like ‘Did you fucking remember to take your pills?’ How many fucking times do you think I said that, Raine?”
“I did take them, you stupid jackass. How many times do I have to tell you? I TOOK THEM.”
Glaring at him, I continued.
“Except for when I got a little messed up after the Gino thing. I was down for those few days. But we weren’t doing it then. And you knew I didn’t take them because you were with me every damn minute for three days.”
I was exasperated and exhausted and heartsick and done. So the rest of it I said with a sense of resignation that I absolutely totally felt.
“Maybe it was the meds that Jules gave me. Maybe the stuff he gave me interacted with the pill. But I get it. My fault. My fuckup. You don’t want a kid. You don’t want a pregnant me. No name on the birth certificate. No birthday pictures. No happily-ever-after. I get it, Diego. I do this, I do this on my own. And the fact that you felt you had to say it five different times in two different languages helped me to get that you are pretty clear on that. So me and this baby. My baby. We are on our own.”
I slumped against the wall. I was feeling dizzy. My vision blurred as I heard the sound of my own heart breaking. It was a clean, jagged sound, like the crackling of ice. I was afraid that when it stopped, I would fall straight through and drown in the sadness of it.
Raine Falling (Hells Saints Motorcycle Club) Page 21