Raine Falling (Hells Saints Motorcycle Club)

by Marinaro, Paula

  Well, join the club, I thought. Join the goddamn club.

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “I mean you look okay, but better than okay. You look uhhh . . . you look uhhh . . .” Diego was looking at me from head to toe, his eyes lingering on my rounded belly.

  “You look uhhh . . .” Diego was still stuck.

  “Pregnant. Diego. I look pregnant.” I thought I would help the idiot out.

  Then I walked past him. Again straight past him.

  Then my girls got up and walked straight past him too.

  Crow scrubbed his hand over his face, slapped D hard on the shoulder, and said, “Jesus, D. You look . . . uhhh? What the fuck was that?”

  “I was gonna say beautiful,” Diego said, watching Raine walk away.

  “Yeah, well that probably would have been a fuckload better.” Crow was watching Raine walk away too.

  CHAPTER 66

  Yup, and do you know how much a good car seat costs?” I was sitting at the kitchen house with Jules, munching on my third piece of French toast. I was looking through a baby-store sale pamphlet and was circling my wish list.

  “No fucking idea, honey.” Jules was rigging his fishing pole. Crimping the leads, choosing the lures, tying the hook.

  “Another piece, please.” I pushed the syrupy plate towards him.

  “Coming up, fatty pants.” Jules moved towards the stove.

  “Twenty pounds so far. And all of them due to your French toast, Jules,” I said, rubbing my baby belly.

  “So maybe gonna have to name the kid after me. Jules if it’s a boy.” Jules was dipping the bread in the egg wash.

  “And if the baby is a girl?” I asked smiling.

  “Julia. Julie. Jewel. Something along those fucking lines,” he said totally seriously.

  “I’ll consider it,” I said laughing. “Just keep that French toast coming.”

  Just then the door opened and Crow, Reno, and Diego walked in.

  Shit.

  I had been doing pretty well at the “looking through him” stuff. I had been where he was several times since the party. I was becoming very good at letting my eyes dance on the heads of the brothers without ever quite landing on Diego. But every time it took a little more out of me. Every time I saw him, every chance he got, Diego would find a way to be near me. He would comment on the weather or tell me a little about his day. Where he was going, what he was doing.

  The weather. Really. Like I gave two shits whether or not it looked like rain.

  I had no idea what he thought he was doing.

  So I would nod politely and get away from him as soon as possible.

  He never asked about the baby. After that first embarrassing encounter, he never blatantly looked at my baby belly. But a couple of times out of the corner of my eye, I would see him watching me, and his eyes seemed to be fixed on my stomach.

  There were days I could deal and days I just didn’t want to have to. Today was one of the days I didn’t want to have to.

  So I grabbed my purse, regrettably leaving the fourth piece of French toast on the counter. I nodded to the boys and walked past them out the door. I was at the car when I heard my name called. Diego was coming at me at a run. I turned and tried to put the key in the lock fast but he was faster.

  “Hey, Raine.” He was standing right behind me.

  “Hey.” I was still fumbling with the keys so much that I dropped them. When I went to bend down to grab them, I got a sharp pain in my belly that took my breath away.

  “Hey, baby, you okay?” Diego had bent down to retrieve the keys.

  Oh no, he didn’t.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. But I really have to get going.” I put my hands out for the keys.

  Diego palmed them.

  “Yeah, well maybe you shouldn’t be driving if you don’t feel so uhhh . . . if you are . . .”

  Jesus. He was stammering again.

  “Baby. Diego. It’s the baby. B . . . A . . . B . . . Y.”

  Maybe if I spelled it out for him . . .

  “Sometimes he kicks and surprises me, that’s all.” I was exasperated.

  “He?” Diego was looking down at my belly.

  “No, not he, or maybe he. I don’t know yet is what I mean.” I was getting flustered.

  “You don’t know yet?” he repeated.

  “The baby. I don’t know the gender of the baby.” I took a breath and let it out in a whoosh.

  “Don’t want to know.” Diego was looking at me.

  Pain clouded my eyes and I said, “Yeah, I got that a few months back.”

  Diego looked confused, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Shit, no, honey. No. That was a question. As in, you don’t want to know?”

  “Oh,” I said uncomfortably.

  I held out my hands for the keys. Diego looked at my hand as though he was confused.

  “Keys?” I said to him.

  “Why don’t you want to know, Raine?” His voice was strained and those worry lines were creasing his eyes.

  “Why?” I was looking at those new creases of worry.

  “Yeah, the uhhh . . . the uhhh . . .” Damn if his voice didn’t trail off again.

  “The baby. Why don’t I want to know the sex of the baby?” I asked.

  Jesus. We had been reduced to the verbal communication of third graders.

  “Yeah. Is something wrong? Are you worried?” Diego stepped in closer.

  “Worried?” I backed up into the car.

  “Yeah, are you worried the baby won’t make it? Is that why you don’t want to know?” His voice cracked when it stopped on the words won’t make it.

  Oh, my God.

  “Jesus, Diego, of course not. No. No. Everything is fine. Everything is fine.”

  I put my hand on his arm to emphasize my point. Then when I realized what I had done, I went to pull it away.

  His big hand covered mine.

  “So you are okay? The . . . the . . . the . . . baby is okay?” He put pressure on my hand.

  “Yeah, everything is okay.” Right then the baby kicked hard.

  I made a pained face and rubbed my belly where the little foot had kicked hard at his mamma.

  “Ouch,” I said and despite myself, smiled reassuringly at my archenemy and the father of my baby.

  Diego grabbed my elbow and tried to steer me towards the picnic tables.

  “Are you okay? Come on over here and sit, Raine.” He was leading me away from my getaway car.

  “Stop it, Diego, I am fi . . .” and I felt the whoosh of a hard kick again.

  I put my hand over my stomach and rubbed again.

  “Raine, you are freaking me the fuck out.” Diego was by my side looking pale.

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake. Here.” I grabbed his hand and put it on my stomach. “It’s the baby kicking.”

  I realized what I had done too late. The baby kicked his daddy again hard. Diego’s hand jumped as the baby pushed against the warmth of his big hand. Diego had such a look of pure wonder and joy on his face, for a moment I forgot all the horrible, terrible heart-wrenching things he had said to me.

  But just for a moment.

  “Wow. Strong little ass-kicker.” Diego was smiling down at me.

  At that minute I really wanted to be anywhere else but here. Because that smile made me realize everything I could have with him and this baby and everything I wouldn’t have. Everything he didn’t want. I wasn’t sure what this momentary lapse was, but I was pretty sure he hadn’t changed his mind about wanting us. And even if he had, I wasn’t sure I could ever want him back.

  “Yeah, well . . .” I said eloquently.

  “That stuff in the paper you circled. You need that stuff?” He was standing close again.

  “What stuff?” I was walking back towards
the car again.

  “That baby seat and shit.” Diego had caught up with me.

  “Yeah.”

  Damn it.

  “I mean no.” I mean not from you.

  Then I had had enough. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to him.

  “What are you doing, Diego?” I asked him.

  “Trying to figure out what you need, Raine,” he answered heavily.

  “I’m going to get what I need for the baby. I have a job and the money I still have left from savings. Glory, Claire, and I all pitch in for the rent at the lake house even though Prosper doesn’t want to take it . . .” I trailed off, not really understanding why I was telling him any of it.

  “I’m trying to figure out what you need, Raine.” He moved his big body closer to me. “I’m trying to figure out what I need to do to get you to the place where we can at least talk. I am trying to figure out what you need to get to that place where you stop looking right fucking through me.”

  “Why?” I demanded.

  “Why what?”

  “Why does it matter? Why do you care?” I heard the crackle of my heart breaking.

  He looked at me like I was crazy. “You’re carrying my baby, Raine.”

  “Are you kidding me right now, Diego? Are you fucking kidding me?” I could not believe this. “Now? Now I am carrying your baby?” I was not going to cry. “What happened to not happening? What happened to you do this, you do this alone?” I threw his words back at him.

  “Well, I made a mistake,” Diego growled. His eyes hard. His arms bulging tight against his chest. Standing there in front of me like he had every right to.

  Oh, no. Oh, no he was not.

  “A mistake?” I was fuming. “Diego, have you really no clue? Really? A mistake?”

  His arms crossed tighter and he widened his legs. A muscle clenched in his cheek.

  “Yeah, baby. I made a mistake.” His eyes on me.

  “A mistake? Is that what we are calling it now? A mistake?” I hissed.

  “Forgetting to pick up the clothes from the cleaners is a mistake, Diego. Paying too much for milk is a mistake. Picking the wrong shoes to go with the wrong goddamn dress is a mistake. What you said to me? What you made me hear coming out of the mouth of my baby’s father? That was more than a mistake. That was a blunder of epic, epic proportions, Diego. It was mean. It was hurtful. It was unforgiveable. Un-fucking-forgiveable!”

  And there it was. I was crying.

  “Raine.” Diego moved his hand to the car and his body to the left of it, boxing me up against the hot fiberglass.

  “Jesus. No. No. No. No. You hurt me, Diego. You threw me and this baby away. You stood in my house and punched two holes in the wall to emphasize your point. And you left them there. You left those holes there. Just like the holes you left in my heart.” I was wiping the wet off my cheeks.

  “You broke my heart.” I was heaving. “Look what you’ve done to me.”

  I moved my hand to my left breast. “You have broken my heart.”

  Then I started to really sob.

  “Raine.” I heard his voice through my heaving.

  Goddammit. I had not wanted to do this in front of him.

  “Diego, give me the keys. Just give me the keys.” I was beside myself.

  “Crow, follow me up to the lake house? I’m gonna need a ride back.”

  Through the blur of my tears, I saw that Crow was now standing near the kitchen house door. Just what I needed, another witness to my shame. Could this day get any worse?

  “Got that, Brother,” Crow called out, his voice ladened with concern.

  “Get in the car, baby. No way am I letting you drive this upset.” Diego was evidently back to bossing me around.

  I got in the car. Not because I was back to letting him, but because he was right. I was too upset to drive.

  CHAPTER 67

  It wouldn’t start. Her goddamn piece of fifteen-year-old shit of a car would not start. Jesus.

  Then on the third try it turned over. Goddammit.

  Diego heaved a sigh and counted to fucking ten before he put the ancient tin can in gear.

  Was there anything that worked in his life right now? Anything?

  Raine was sitting next to him holding a tissue in her tiny hands trying to stop crying, but the wet kept coming down her cheeks, and she was doing this little hiccup thing. Her face was towards the window, but he knew she was still fighting those tears. And his beautiful woman was losing the battle.

  When had he become such a prick?

  He had lost his shit when she had told him about the baby. Lost. His. Shit.

  When had he become such a fucking coward?

  Janey and the baby. That was bad. That was earth-shattering, tear-your-guts-out, lose-the-will-to-go-on sad shit.

  But he had gone on. He had moved on. He had chosen to go on. After that first attempt at blowing his brains out, he could have tried again. He could have walked away from his brothers, from his life, and in the privacy of his own home, done the deed.

  But he hadn’t.

  And it had taken a long time. A very fucking long time. But he was glad he hadn’t.

  The unbelievable true love he had for Janey was that of a boy on the brink of manhood. When they fell in love they had been just kids. When it ended he had barely begun to shave.

  The love he felt for Raine. That was all man. That was the love a man felt for his woman.

  He was no kid anymore. He was a big, hard, tattooed outlaw. Afraid of nothing, game for anything. He was a tough sonofabitch who had seen it all, done most of it, and regretted none of it. He had balls of steel and a backbone to match.

  Except when it came to her.

  This little black-haired, blue-eyed beauty sitting next to him. When it came to Raine, Diego came undone. It had started when she walked into that filthy little kitchen and put herself between her sister and that loaded gun, and it had never stopped. Everything about her fascinated him. Her courage, her sense of humor, her loyalty to friends and devotion to family.

  She would have taken a bullet to save her sister, of that he had no doubt. That kind of courage was something the brothers knew and respected. Jules had seen it when Raine walked into the clubhouse. Prosper . . . well, he had seen it when she was a little tiny bit of a thing. Crow had seen it too, and he had been willing to go up against his brother for a chance at owning that.

  And the rest of them. He lost count of how many fucking times he had to lay claim to her in Nevada. Jesus, the brothers may be a bunch of dumb fucking badasses who had made more than a few bad choices in their lives, but they all fucking knew quality women when they saw them.

  And Raine wasn’t the only one they were sniffing to get a chance at. Jesus, if Claire and Glory knew how many of his brothers were lying in bed jerking off at the thought of getting them in their bed, on the back of their bikes, and under their hard bodies, they would have gone running towards the hills.

  Come to think of it, maybe they did know. You never saw one of those chicks without the other. Never caught them alone. Now that he thought of it, Claire and Glory didn’t even fucking really talk to anyone but Dolly, Pinky, or Prosper. They weren’t snotty bitches, no noses-up-in-the-air kind of thing. They just didn’t make themselves available for the smooth rap of the boys. Reno and Jules were the exception. Where that shit would lead was anyone’s guess.

  But nah, these three women, Raine, Claire, and Glory, they were different. Definitely different from the pieces that hung around the club. They looked different. They weren’t half-dressed all the time, for one thing. It was a rare occasion when you would see one of them without a pair of jeans and a tee shirt on. Their skin was smooth and unmarked. No tramp stamps on any of them. Most of the bitches who hung around the club smelled like tobacco and cheap perfume. The two sisters and Gl
ory smelled like flowers or vanilla.

  And they were natural fucking beauties.

  Raine and Claire.

  Copper-skinned, dark-haired, blue-eyed beauties. Claire had a small smattering of brown freckles across her nose. Her hair was wavy where Raine’s was straight, and Claire wore it a little shorter. But the resemblance to each other was amazing.

  Glory.

  She looked like a fucking angel.

  Her eyes were a light glacier-blue that Diego knew could turn to ice in a split second. Her hair was silky and almost white. It was beginning to grow out a little from the rad short hair that Gino’s fucking actions had caused. She had a long, thin neck and was taller than both the Winston sisters. She had long legs and, by the looks of it, perfectly formed tits. Her vocal chords had been permanently damaged from the beating they had taken when Glory had tried to scream her way out of the clutches of that dago lunatic. So her voice was low and raspy and throaty. She always sounded like she was just getting up out of bed.

  And she was wide-eyed. Glory looked lost and scared most of the time. It drove the brothers crazy. At the party, a couple of the brothers from Nevada told the boys that they had seen Glory or someone that looked a hell of a lot like her dancing in a titty bar. When the brothers heard that, they all had looked in Glory’s direction where she was dishing out mac and cheese and instantly got wood.

  Glory was a puzzle that had the brothers standing in line to solve. Claire was a challenge that more than a few brothers were up to taking.

  But aside from how it affected his woman, Diego didn’t really give two fucks about all of that.

  What he cared about, who he cared about, was the woman sitting crying in the seat next to him.

  He was going to make this right. He had to. Had to make it right for her. For himself. And for the baby they were going to have.

  And he would.

  But first he had to figure out how.

  Then he had to convince Raine to give him another chance.