Tina saw he wasn’t even looking at her when he said that. He was looking past the checkered squares of her window into the street. Tina could swear if she followed the direction of his gaze, she would get to Maxine’s house.
She still didn’t understand how David and Maxine had gotten so close that he had to ask her out. She and David were far closer.
“Why did you ask her out?” she said.
She was scared at first when she said it but she pushed Timid Tina aside. She needed Bold Tina right now.
“I liked her, I still like her. And it was obvious she liked me.” he answered, still refusing to remove his gaze from the window.
“It’s obvious a lot of girls like you. You just choose not to see it.” she replied. She was pained by this train of discussion, her voice showed it but she was refusing to let it go just yet. She had to understand.
She saw David remove his gaze from the window and look at her, then he averted his gaze to her neat red wooden floor. She saw his head shake a bit, just a slight movement to the right then to the left.
“I don’t see most Tina. But I saw some.” he replied.
He was talking about her. He had to be.
“So what else did she have that the others didn’t?” she asked him.
“I don’t know Tina.” he answered, his voice breaking.
The air felt humid now, it was summer and windy but Tina felt hot air. It felt difficult for her eyes to see through the air to David, easier just for her gaze to drop short and not see him. It felt even easier to look elsewhere.
“She is beautiful. She’s popular. We got close after some time. She’s Maxine, Tina. I don’t have a concrete reason.” he replied
Tina didn’t respond. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. David stood up and walked to the end of the bed that she was. He sat very close to her, too close. Tina didn’t look up, now she had even more reason to. If she did she could see the color of his eyes, the black depth of them. She would see his flaring nostrils, with the white scar dividing at the tip. She would see each strand of his hair. She would see him.
“I saw the others too.” David added, speaking with a measured pace as if he was counting the words.
“And I saw some that wouldn’t work.” he said.
Tina looked up now, her eyes bristling with anger.
“How did you know they wouldn’t work?” she asked. Her voice had gone up a note, anyone outside the room’s door could hear what she said now. But she didn’t care, she was angry.
“How do you know, what will and will not work?” she asked, daring him to match her gaze. He didn’t.
“We wouldn’t have worked Tina. I like you and I felt you liked me too. But we were too close. I didn’t want to create awkwardness in our friendship by doing that.” David responded.
He sounded weary. He sounded relieved too. He sounded as if he had been keeping that on his chest for a very long time.
Tina didn’t know how to respond to his answer. He had gone straight to the point. There was no need speaking in the third person anymore.
“We would have, you should just have asked.” she replied.
“We were too close already Tina. I, you and Charlie were best friends, more so you and Charlie. But I had a special relationship with you, I didn’t want to do anything to sabotage that.” he answered, his voice appearing smaller even though the weariness was gone.
“Well you did sabotage it, didn’t you?” Tina answered, folding her arms across her chest.
“I didn’t tell you simply because I was scared you would react this way. And I knew it’ll be weird but I thought the alternative would have split the three of us.”
“It wouldn’t.” Tina insisted. She saw his nails, they were clean and shapely and pink. They reminded her of the insides of clean meat.
“Look at Charlie and Ronda, we’re so cool with them. How do you think we would have fared if that was you and Charlie?” he argued.
“Charlie and Ronda is a very different arrangement David and you know it.” Tina answered.
David didn’t respond. He just stared back down at the floor.
“Maxine noticed your coldness.” he said, when he spoke at last.
“Let her notice, I don’t care.” Tina replied.
“She likes you but you are too acerbic to see it.” David answered.
“Well, I don’t like her. I never did, even before you went and showed your silliness.” she replied him.
“I am sorry Tina.” he said.
Tina looked up when he said that and met his waiting gaze. There was no hidden smile behind those eyes, no grin pasted to his face, David was serious. He held her hand, first one then both of them. She wanted to wind back time, so she could let him know it would have been okay to ask.
“I am sorry. I was scared you would say no and then we wouldn’t remain friends any longer.” he said.
Tina still said nothing, preferring to drown herself in the pitch darkness of his eyes. She drew closer to him and felt him draw near too. She saw the lighter roots of his hair, the pimples scattered all around his foreheads like stars in a cloudless night sky. They were brown and red, browner and redder than his skin but they weren’t blemishes. There was a cuteness they added to him. She saw his chubby cheeks and the tiny cleft in his jaw, like Superman. Then she saw his mouth, the perpetual slight turn downwards. There was no smile in the set of his lips, the upper one quivered. It shook just a bit. She felt his breath on her before she saw his mouth draw closer. She saw herself move closer too, move closer until his mouth met hers.
There was a small pop in her head, an excitement that sent tingles all around her body. She shut her eyes, scared to open them and see it was all a lie. His lips meshed with her, opened up a bit to allow his tongue to roam. Tina kept her mouth shut, refusing to allow the tantalizing intruder in, satisfied in the perfect union of their mouth. She felt the intruder retreat. There was a small sucking sensation on her lower lip, then the intruder was back. This time she let him in, she felt as it fenced with hers and won. She felt David take a deep breath and opened her eyes. She saw his retreat before she felt it. He drew back. For a moment Tina could swear he was about to kiss her again, then the light went out of his eyes. His eyelashes lowered and he drew back to the middle of the bed.
“I am so sorry.” he said, getting up and shaking his head.
Tina couldn’t believe he just said that.
Sorry? What are you sorry about?
She said nothing only watching as David looked around for something he didn’t drop. He realized he didn’t put anything down after some seconds. He tapped his pocket to confirm his phone was there. She knew he never brought it out.
“I am so sorry Tina.” he said again and left.
Tina heard him bound down the stairs. The middle step shouted more than creaked under the weight of his impact. Tina heard her mom curse.
The creak must have startled her.
She saw him go out of her compound through her checkered window. One of the check lines was in her line of view; she only saw his head when he took off in a run.
CHAPTER 7
HER OVER ME
T
ina got to school in a very good mood the next Monday. She was smiling and laughing to Charlie’s jokes. She laughed normally but now she was laughing to everything he said, even Charlie noticed.
“Tina is something up? You seem very happy today.” Charlie asked her.
Tina shook her head.
“Nothing.” she answered.
“Let’s go to school.” she said, nudging him out of his house.
There was something different about Charlie today. He looked very different; Tina just couldn’t place her finger on it. She looked at him again from head to toe. His face still had that open look, like a bible placed on a preacher’s pulpit. You could always read Charlie, you could see every passing emotion. She saw he was happy now, and when he looked at her his eyes still held that quiet inquisition.
He wore a black round necked top on washed jean pants. He wore a pair of sandals.
“Sandals, sandals.” Tina thought.
That is a sign of Ronda’s influence.
Tina was not sure that was what made him look different but she stopped looking for it after seeing the sandals.
It probably is.
When they got to school, Tina searched for David with her eyes. She found him five minutes later. He was talking to Maxine, they looked engrossed in their discussion and didn’t even notice for a while when Tina stood beside them. Maxine noticed first.
“Tina, you are here. How was your weekend? David said you guys are working on a History project together.” she said.
Tina looked at her, she looked surprised to see Tina. Only surprise, there was no other emotion in those eyes. David hadn’t told her. She looked at David but he was looking at Maxine. She waited for him to look at her, for his gaze to meet hers but it didn’t. David didn’t even look sideways.
“Yes, Maxine. He was at my place on Saturday.” Tina replied. She looked at David’s eyes again after saying that, hoping her last statement got his attention.
David didn’t even flinch. His gaze had shifted off Maxine’s flawless face to behind Tina’s head. Tina looked back to see what he was looking at.
“Nothing, there isn’t anything there.” she thought as she turned back.
His gaze was still behind her. Tina became sure David was avoiding her gaze. He refused to look into her eyes. He refused to acknowledge what they had shared. She heard Maxine answer her.
“He says you have the presentation next week. You can ask me for help if you need any.” Maxine said.
Tina wondered what help she could offer given, she wasn’t taking history. She held her lip pursed though, disturbed more by David’s awkward behavior.
She coasted through classes, hearing her teachers speak but not listening to what they were saying. When it was lunch time, she got to the table last. Ronda, Charlie, David and Maxine were already there.
“Hey, why are you so late?” Charlie asked. Tina looked at his face again and could have sworn something in him was different, there was a striking difference she couldn’t put her finger on.
“So Curly, am we still allowed to call you Curly?” David said.
Tina looked at Charlie again, this time she knew what to look for. Charlie had cut his curls. They no longer danced in front of his eyes. There was no strand of hair dipping into his hair. He wasn’t exactly close shaven but his hair had been reduced.
I should whip myself.
“Do you know I have been looking for what is different about you today? I just couldn’t place my finger on it.” Tina said to them but especially to Charlie.
She saw him smile back.
“I noticed. You were looking at me in a strange manner at a point. I guessed you noticed but didn’t say anything.” Charlie replied.
“More like I noticed but didn’t register it in my brain.” she replied.
Ronda and Maxine laughed at that. Ronda’s laugh was deep and throaty. Maxine had a slight laugh; it started out as a small squeal before amplifying to a sound that produced a skipping sound found her.
“I thought you said you would never cut it.” Tina said.
Charlie looked at Maxine with accusing eyes after Tina reminded him he said he wouldn’t cut it. Tina guessed this had something to do with Ronda. She remembered Charlie adored those twirling strands of hair and changed her mind.
It had a lot to do with Ronda, everything in fact.
“I didn’t do anything.” Ronda replied at the accusation Charlie made with his eyes.
“You did everything.” Charlie replied.
“What did she do?” David asked.
Tina noticed his hand entwined with Maxine’s. He hadn’t looked at her all day. Tina could feel herself get angry.
What is David doing?
“She called my hair unsightly. Her exact words were unsightly twirls.” Charlie replied, looking very much angered.
Everyone burst into laughter upon hearing that. Ronda looked innocent; she wasn’t even looking at Charlie. She looked at her food, a bemused expression on her face.
“I didn’t force you to cut it.” Ronda replied, placing her hand over Charlie’s.
Tina felt a pang of jealousy at seeing the intimacy between Ronda and Charlie. She was the odd one out of the group of five. Ronda had Charlie and Maxine had David. She felt herself get angry. She focused on her food, taking huge bites and swallowing down.
They had stopped laughing and were now looking at Tina. Tina stopped munching and raised her eyes. They were all looking at her as if expecting her to say something, all of them except David.
“Am I missing something?” Tina said when it became awkward.
Charlie slapped her on her shoulder, the slap making a small thud where his palm met her shoulder pad.
“Where have you been all day? You have not been yourself since I have seen you. You were giddy in the morning and now you look …..” “saddened.” Maxine completed the sentence for him.
“Really, nothing is wrong.” she replied making sure her eyes were focused on her food.
“Then answer my question.” Ronda said.
“What question?” Tina asked, she was a bit confused.
She heard a small sigh from all of them on the table.
“Where are you guys at, you and David, in your history project?” Ronda asked. She said it in a way that showed Tina she was repeating the question.
“We’ve not really started. You can ask him maybe he would answer better.” Tina replied, deflecting the question to David.
She looked at David now as everyone’s gaze shifted to him.
“We started on Saturday but we haven’t gone that far. We only decided what topic to present on.” he answered. His voice was calm, normal David. He even managed to answer without looking at Tina. His gaze was on Ronda then rested on Maxine when he finished.
“Well, while you guys were working on your project, my girlfriend was putting my hair to the sword. And the worst thing is she seemed delighted to do it.” Charlie whined. He bit into the sandwich with furious power as if the sandwich had something to do with cut hair.
Maxine and David laughed again.
“Who wasn’t tired of those curls anyways because I was?” Ronda looked around the table looking for someone to reiterate what she said. Her eyes were wide open and Tina saw a brown spot in the white of her eyes. She hadn’t seen that before.
When no one responded, Ronda shrugged.
“Since no one around agrees with me,” Ronda said, looking at Charlie “honey, it is safe to say you did it for love.”
Tina found herself laughing at that but wishing David would just look at her once.
*******
Tina found it very hard to concentrate in school all week. She had not spoken a word to David since the past Saturday and he didn’t even look interested in looking at her, so talking to her must be very distant on his mind. Charlie kept asking what was wrong with her every day. As Tina was coming to school on Friday, she saw Blaise’s car park beside the school. David got down from the front seat and walked towards the school. Blaise drove off. Tina guessed he needed to get somewhere.
This is my chance.
Tina quickened her pace, rushing to meet David before he got too far. She met him just as he got to his locker. She looked around. Maxine wasn’t in the area.
“What are you doing David?” she asked when she got beside him. Her voice held all the urgency she felt. She hoped it didn’t transmit the panic she had been feeling too.
David slammed his locker door and turned to her with a menacing look.
“I think the better question would be, what are you doing?” he said to her. Tina noticed he said it as if it was her that was doing all the wrong things.
“What are you talking about? You refuse to even loo
k at me. You behave as if Saturday didn’t happen.” she replied. Her voice seemed strained to her ears.
David looked at her for the first time since Saturday. Tina didn’t see love or longing in those eyes. There was no eagerness to meet her gaze. There was only anger.
“Nothing happened on Saturday.” he replied.
Tina noticed after some seconds that she had left her mouth agape in surprise. He wasn’t even going to acknowledge it.
“Nothing I am happy about happened.” he corrected.
Tina didn’t know which to be happier about, that he claimed nothing happened or he wasn’t happy about what happened. She realized the kiss had meant nothing to him. While it was her first kiss, he had probably had tens. He didn’t feel the electricity she felt. He didn’t want to dig his hands into her like she had felt like doing. He didn’t want to remain in that embrace till …, till his mind went blank. He didn’t feel anything.
Tina was distraught. She looked at David with naked hurt, she didn’t try to mask the pain she felt.
“I have a girlfriend Tina, and she’s your friend. She’s our friend. I betrayed her by doing that. I am sorry about that and I am even more sorry I have to sit in front of both of you and pretend as if nothing happened. But it is what I have to do.” he said, his hand moving up and down his neck as he said it.
“So it meant nothing to you.” Tina said. She could hear her voice crack; there was a biting sensation in her eyes. She was holding herself from breaking down.
“What meant nothing to you?” a voice behind David said.
Tina and David looked behind him to see Maxine. She was just getting to school and she looked brilliant. Her African braids, an obvious work from Ronda, looked fitting with her natural face. David smiled when he turned to face her.
This guy is such a sleaze ball. What a pretender.
Tina couldn’t take it anymore. She walked away and broke into a run five steps into moving away. Hot water came down her eyes. It streamed past her cheeks, flying around as she turned the corner.
“David, what is wrong with her?” she heard Maxine ask before she went out of earshot.
After All This Time: What She Wished Page 4