by Clay, Verna
Trent said without preamble, "After what I did, you should have killed me all those years ago."
Sudden anger swelled Rush's heart and he jerked around. "Yeah, that would have solved everything! You dead and me in jail."
Trent said quietly, "Just so you know, I died when Katy and the baby died. I've been a walking corpse for twenty years."
"You think my life has been any better?"
A tear dripped onto Trent's cheek. "I'm sorry for sleeping with your wife while you were in Kansas. I'm sorry she died birthing my child." His voice rose in volume. "But I'll never be sorry for loving her."
Rush studied his brother's face and suddenly the wall of resentment he'd harbored since the day Katy had disclosed her infidelity and love for Trent, shattered and scattered into the wind.
Turning back to Katy's grave, he said, "How does one fight one's own heart? You loved her. I loved her. She loved you. If a finger could be pointed, it should be pointed at me. I knew the baby was yours. I knew she loved you and you loved her, but I didn't care. I wanted her so much I was willing to forgive her infidelity and force her to stay with me." He turned and faced his brother again. "But I was wrong. In a million years I couldn't have made her love me. I don't know if she had feelings for you before we married, or if it was something that just happened between the two of you, and neither do I want to know, but the truth of the matter is, you owned her heart—and I'm no longer mad. You're my brother and I love you. If I could have one wish, it would be that you would release the guilt that haunts you." He swallowed thickly. "I want my brother back."
By now, tears streamed down both their faces and Rush stepped close enough to pull his only sibling into a rough hug.
"I'm so sorry, Rush," Trent choked.
"The past is the past and can't be undone. Let's not waste the rest of our lives living in animosity. It was an impossible situation with no easy resolution."
After their tearful reunion, the brothers each said a quiet goodbye to Katy and the baby, smiled at each other with equal parts sorrow for the past and happiness for new beginnings, and mounted and trotted their horses back to the main house. Rush felt a lightness in his spirit he hadn't experienced in years and had an overwhelming desire to find Lilah and reveal something of what had just transpired. He dismounted and followed Trent toward the porch. Pearl opened the door before they reached it and her expression sent dread through his heart. "What's wrong?" He looked past her into the house. "Where's Lilah?"
Pearl said, "I just got the second sight. Somethin' terrible's goin' on. She said she was goin' fer a walk 'bout a half hour ago."
Rush knew Pearl's visions were always right on. If his father had listened, he might still be alive. "Do you have any idea where she was going?"
"I'm seein' water."
Trent grabbed his arm. "Rush, you go downstream and I'll go up."
Rush responded, "I'm on my way. He mounted Rio and galloped toward the path leading to the river. Trent followed on his own horse.
* * *
Lilah sat on a boulder watching the ripple of currents and heard a rustle in the trees behind her. A foreboding raced up her spine in the form of a shiver and she twisted around in time to see the insolent cowboy who always made her skin crawl, lunge toward her. She opened her mouth to scream, but only a squeak escaped before he clamped his smelly hand over her mouth and banded her arms against her sides with his other arm. In terror, she had a flashback of the train kidnapping and tried to twist herself from his grasp, only to have his vise-like grip make breathing even more difficult.
"Keep struggling and I'll crush your ribs," the cowhand said low against her ear.
She gave a last effort and his arm tightened so much that she saw white specks. She stopped struggling.
"That's more like it." He laughed wickedly. "You ain't so high and mighty now, are ya." He stepped backwards, pulling her toward the trees. "If you treat me real nice, I might not slice yer face up too bad."
The man was insane, more so than Cecil, and Lilah knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he intended to kill her after making her suffer. With a surge of renewed strength, she twisted, jerked her fist into his privates, and broke free when he loosened his grip, howling in pain. Running like a gazelle she headed upstream berating herself for not strapping Brutus to her thigh.
"You bitch, you're gonna die slow for that!" he shouted.
Screaming at the top of her lungs, Lilah skirted boulders and beelined for the path leading to the house. Rather than look behind her to see how close her tormenter was, she focused only on reaching the spot where the trail met the river, hoping one of the ranch hands would be nearby.
The cowboy easily overtook her and grabbed her shoulder. Twisting, she escaped his hold only to fall into the river. Flailing her arms, she tried to swim out of his reach, but he moved in front of her, taunting her with laughter. Her skirt grew heavy and wrapped around her legs, pulling her down. The cowboy grabbed her upper arm and painfully yanked her upward. His eyes went black when he said, "You're not goin' anywhere. You're–"
He suddenly stopped talking and a questioning expression crossed his features, followed by one of abject horror, and he released her arm. Lilah had a feeling something terrible had happened but she didn't know what. Suddenly the water surrounding the cowboy turned red and an alligator's huge tail slapped the surface as he dragged the man by his legs into deep water. The cowboy screamed and struggled against the gator; his efforts pitiful motions against the jaws of death.
Lilah's mind, at first numb, suddenly shouted a single thought. Get out of the water!
Struggling against the weight of her skirt she could barely move. Frantic that another gator, or even the same one, would claim her next, she tried to rip open the buttons of her dress so she could remove it. She could neither remove the dress nor swim away. Panic worse than anything she had ever experienced clawed at her as she struggled to keep from fainting. Through a haze she heard voices, but when something grabbed her by the waist, she screamed and fought with her last ounce of strength, waiting for the inevitable blood to surround her.
That "something" was pulling her from the water and she wondered if alligators dragged their victims into the trees. She felt her face being held and then saw Rush's visage only inches from her own. His mouth was moving and she tried to understand his words.
"Lilah! Lilah! You're safe! You're okay!"
Finally, Rush's presence penetrated her panic. For a second she stood motionless and mute, and then she lunged and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, molding her body to his with her head jammed under his chin and the front of her face flat against his chest. She never intended to let go.
Chapter 17: Moving Forward
Rush glanced beyond Lilah to his brother wading from the water. Trent shook his head and Rush knew the cowhand had met his fate. The gator was gone and there was nothing they could do to save the man. Trent uncocked his rifle and walked the short distance to his horse to return the weapon to its scabbard.
Lilah made soft whimpering sounds and Rush didn’t attempt any movement. He just held her tightly. When she quieted, he moved his mouth to her ear and said, "Darlin', you're safe with me." Even as he said the words, guilt plagued him that once again he had failed to keep her from harm's way.
She stuttered, "D-did the g-gator get him?"
"Yes."
"H-he tried to hurt me." A fresh sob erupted and she squeezed his neck tighter.
"He'll never hurt anyone again, honey." Rush smoothed his hands over her wet back for a few seconds and then said, "Lilah, if you're ready, I'm going to lift you onto my horse."
She sniffed and barely nodded. "Okay, I'm ready." But even though she said the words, she did not loosen her grip.
Trent led Rio over and Rush said to Lilah, "I'm putting you on the horse now." He reached his hands and encircled her waist, gently setting her slightly away from him. "Grab the pummel, honey."
With shaking hands she obeyed and Rush lif
ted her sidesaddle onto the horse, her clothes dripping rivulets of water. He had intended to lead the horse by the reins back to the ranch, but Lilah trembled so much that he mounted behind her, pulling her tightly against him.
Trent mounted his own horse and led the way back to the ranch. When they came within sight of it, they saw Pearl pacing the length of the porch. She ran to meet them and as soon as Rush dismounted and helped Lilah down, she enfolded her in a hug, disregarding her soaked clothing, and gently walked her toward the house.
Rush walked beside them and bent to whisper in Pearl's ear. "She was attacked by the cowhand Trent fired yesterday and they ended up in the river. A gator got the cowboy."
Pearl's eyes widened as they stepped onto the porch and Rush hastened to open the door. Inside the house, while Pearl led Lilah to her bedroom, Trent said, "That was a close call." He whooshed air. "I never imagined Frank would attack a woman."
Rush hung his head. "I’m a helluva piss-poor protector. That's the second time Lilah's been attacked. I think I'm going to have to sew us together at the hip because we've got a lot of territory to cover before reaching Oregon."
Trent placed a hand on Rush's shoulder. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You couldn't have known."
"Maybe not, but when you fired that guy, I should have been alert to the fact that something could happen with a disgruntled cowhand. If Pearl hadn't had one of her visions…" He shook his head.
"Well Lilah's safe and there's no use dwelling on what didn't happen."
An hour later, Rush peeked into Lilah's bedroom to see her sleeping peacefully. Hell, she's still recovering from her previous trauma, and now this. Guilt ate at him.
Supper was a solemn occasion. The ranch hands had already been advised of the day's happening and then asked to be on the lookout for any remains of Frank's body. After Trent said the blessing and reached for a plate of fried chicken to pass around, Lilah stepped into the dining room. Looking ashen, she attempted to smile as all the men jumped to their feet. Rush hurried to pull out a chair for her. She acknowledged him with a nod and a soft, "Thank you."
A tightness hovered over the table and no one seemed to know what to say. Finally, Pearl said, "I ain't heard no compliments on my fried chicken. Well, is it tasty or not?"
The man holding the platter selected a thigh and chomped a bite, even as he passed the plate to the cowboy next to him. "It's as tasty as ever, Pearl."
The men seemed relieved to have a focus for their attention and attacked the fried bird with gusto, slinging compliments into the air like a ball from one man to the next to catch and toss again.
Rush glanced at Lilah and his heart melted at the tiny smile tugging the corners of her mouth. The mood lightened and no one mentioned the sad event of the day. Mostly, they talked about all the different ways to prepare chicken and the best and worst they'd ever tasted. After supper, Pearl served buttermilk pie, and that became the topic of conversation. Although Lilah had not spoken throughout the meal, her color returned and she appeared at ease. Rush breathed a sigh of relief.
When everyone left the table, Lilah began clearing the dishes with Pearl, and Rush was about to suggest she rest, when the old woman gave him a look that warned him to keep his mouth shut. At first he frowned, then decided she was right in keeping Lilah busy.
Trent touched Rush's arm. "Do you think we could go for a walk? There are some things I'd like to discuss with you."
"Of course."
Rush followed Trent outside and along the path leading away from the river. At an outcropping of boulders where the brothers had often played as boys, Trent leaned against one and viewed the ranch house and outbuildings. He said, "This has been a day I will never forget."
"You got that right."
"I just want to say again how sorry I am–"
Rush interrupted. "Brother, like I said before, the past is over. We both made mistakes that we can't change. You never have to apologize to me again. But if you do, I'll just turn around and apologize back to you."
Trent removed his Stetson and placed in on top of the boulder next to him. "In a few weeks it'll be hotter n' hell here."
Rush lifted his own Stetson, ran his fingers through his hair, replaced his hat, and said, "Yep."
Trent dug his heel in the dirt. "I've been thinkin' 'bout what you said regarding the squatters and I might take your advice. They're good families and the land I'd lease that would eventually become theirs, wouldn't put a dent in what we own. It would be incentive for continued loyalty, but more important, I think it would make Pa and Ma proud."
Rush nodded.
Trent continued, "I know you have obligations with Miz Lilah, but after they're done, I'd sure like for you to return and take up your rightful half ownership of our ranch."
Rush couldn't swallow for the lump in his throat. Never had he expected a reunion with his brother. For years he'd hated him and then he'd hated himself for hating his brother. It wasn't until about five years ago that he acknowledged the truth of his own misconduct concerning his wife. He'd tried to force her to love him when her heart belonged to Trent. Sure, their actions had been immoral, but what does one do in such a situation. He didn't know. All he knew was that you can't force someone to love you. Shaking his head slightly, he focused on what Trent was saying.
"…think that's something you might do? Return to the ranch?"
Rush laid a hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's a right nice offer and to tell you the truth, I'm tired of traveling. I've felt lost for years and being here has given me a new perspective."
Softly, Trent said, "You've found your way home, and even though I've lived here for years, I've felt destitute of a home. I've found my way home, too."
The lump in Rush's throat had grown to the size of a mountain. With a quick motion, he pulled his brother into a hug and said, "I'll return soon."
* * *
Lilah woke the day after her attack with a heavy heart. Thinking over her life, she wondered why she always attracted the wrong men. Her sister Hallie had been married twice and both men were upstanding and trustworthy. Although she'd never met Cooper Jerome, Hallie's letters practically made him into a saint.
Lilah sighed. Why didn't men like Rush Garrett see her as being wife worthy? Because you're a fallen woman. Her accusing thought made her feel even more morose.
During breakfast the men continued their conversation about food, this time telling stories about the biscuits they'd eaten, some as hard a rocks, others as fluffy as clouds; the latter usually cooked by Pearl.
Lilah listened to the playful banter and felt such a sense of loneliness that she almost excused herself to go cry in her room.
Pearl caught her attention and said to no one in particular, "Me and Lilah is gonna bake a supper fit fer a king tonight. You boys better be hungry!"
The six hands all got big grins that stretched from ear-to-ear.
Sam said, "Are you makin' chicken agin, Pearl?"
"Nope."
"I bet it's steak and tators," said Waldo.
"Not that either. And even if you guess, I'll not admit to it."
The banter continued with Rush and Trent joining in and Lilah couldn't help but laugh.
When the men left the table, Pearl said, "I'm glad to see you laughin'. You gots to fight depression 'cause it's always lurking, tryin' to find a way into the heart. Years ago, when I was runnin' from the slavers, it almost made me give up and want to die. But I fought it. When the boys' ma and pa found me, I was almost dead, but it sure weren't from the depression. Nope, I wasn't gonna let it win."
Lilah fingered a tear. "I'm trying, Pearl."
Pearl patted her shoulder, "I knows you are, honey."
Lilah smiled and it didn't feel forced. "What are we cooking for supper? I'm on pins and needles wanting to know."
Pearl laughed loudly. "We's gonna make steak pie like my mama taught me. It's got jus' 'bout ever-thing but the kitchen sink in it—carrots, potatoes, turnips, onions, and whateve
r else I can scrounge up. And fer dessert, my goodness, but we's gonna make this bread puddin' with so much butter the bread floats." She grinned wide. "Honey, you jus' put that apron on and let's git started. This is an all day affair."
Throughout the remainder of the day Pearl told stories that made Lilah laugh—sometimes so hard she had to wipe away tears of mirth. By suppertime, the women had cooked themselves into exhaustion, but the happy faces on the cowboys and the praise given, made Lilah forget everything but the joy around the big table.
Afterwards, while Lilah and Pearl washed the dishes and the men finished evening chores, Rush stepped into the kitchen. "Lilah, I was wondering if we could go for a walk."
Pearl spoke up. "'Course she can go fer a walk. Honey, you give me yer apron and don't worry 'bout the kitchen. We's 'bout finished anyways."
Because she was feeling so thankful to Pearl for the kindness she had shown her all day, Lilah gave her a quick hug before joining Rush on the porch. He touched her elbow and led her on the path winding away from the river. While they strolled in the rosy waning light, he said, "I've decided it would be best to leave in a couple of days. The weather is only going to get hotter and we need to reach San Antonio to catch the stagecoach to Dallas. Once we arrive in Dallas, we'll be back on the original route."
Rush paused beside some boulders and Lilah said, "Okay. I trust whatever you think is best."
There was a long silence and then Rush said, "Lilah, I'm so sorry about what happened. I let you down–"
She interrupted, "Nonsense. I don't want to hear any apologies for something that wasn't your fault."
Rush sighed, but didn't respond. Finally, he said, "I love watching nightfall. I used to lie atop these rocks when I was a kid and dream about running this ranch."
Lilah glanced from the pink-streaked sky to Rush's shadowed face. "Are you coming back after returning me to New Orleans?"
He met her gaze. "I am. Although nothing will change the past, my brother and I have decided we want to forgive more than we want to hold a grudge. We should have done this years ago, but we didn't have the maturity then."