Chapter Twenty-Four
Lena glared at the sexy man gnawing on a barbequed rib. Devin winked at her and took another bite. The rest of the slab—the full rack—was reduced to a pile of bones on the plate in front of him. A few baked beans clung to the sides of the big serving bowl to his right. In the other dish, only the chunks of celery remained from the potato salad. He’d picked those out while he complained that food shouldn’t be green. To his left, a gallon of milk sat empty but the ear of grilled corn next to it was untouched.
“How can you eat at a time like this?” Because if she ate, she’d heave it all back up. Her gut churned and she couldn’t stop the tremors racking her body. Her damn hands kept shaking and she hated it. She hated everything about this whole situation.
They still hadn’t heard anything about Gwen, Molly refused to shift back and Lena’s emotions were all over the place. She couldn’t handle it all. She felt as if she were about to snap. Everything irritated her, including the man who’d become more important to her than any other.
He ripped a hunk of meat off, chewed and swallowed. With the fancy cloth napkin, he wiped his mouth and fingers then flashed a lopsided grin. “I was hungry.”
Her gaze flicked between the picked-clean bones and his kaleidoscope eyes. “I can see that.”
He dipped his head and peeked at her from under long lashes. Her lips twitched. A three-hundred-pound man who could shift into three of the biggest cats walking the planet should not look cute! But he did. And the surge of happiness his smile brought annoyed her more. She shouldn’t find anything amusing nor should she get aroused so easily. Damn if she could stop the reactions. She wavered between wanting to stare at him with stars in her eyes, to pulling his cock out of his pants and fucking him, to wanting to curl into a ball and cry. None of those responses were appropriate.
“You wore me out, baby. I have to rebuild my energy reserves if I want to be able to satisfy my woman later.”
Heat swept through her body with those words. His nostrils flared and the lopsided smile morphed into a grin. “Oh yeah, you’ll be needing lots of attention. I better tell Maggie to put on another pot roast for dinner just for me. I’ll need the calories.”
She tugged the collar of her shirt away from the throbbing bite mark. “Stop, Devin. I’m in no mood.”
Devin pushed his plate away and slid his chair back. He patted his thighs. “Come here, my female.”
She nibbled on her lower lip as she eyed the inviting spot. His hard thighs offered a perfect place to rest, but the bulge growing between them betrayed what he wanted from her. She shook her head.
“Not with that look in your eyes.”
He blinked at her. “What look?”
“That hungry, sex-starved look.” She waggled a finger at him. “We are not having sex while you eat lunch.”
Desire flared in his eyes. “I hadn’t thought of that but I like the idea. A lot.” His gaze dropped to her stomach. “Yeah, that flat belly of yours will make a perfect plate. Then when I’m done with dinner, I can move onto dessert.”
He focused the space between her thighs and licked his lips.
She ignored the answering spark in her womb. “Seriously, Devin. I’m not in the mood.” She thumped her chest. “No ache. I’m good.”
He took her hands and gave her a gentle tug until she conceded and took the spot on his thighs he’d pointed to a moment ago. With her legs hanging off to the side, he cradled her against his chest and said…nothing. He just held her. The tautness in her limbs slowly eased, the steady rhythm of his heart soothing her. She relaxed into his embrace.
“I’m trying to distract you.”
She squeezed her eyes tight. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He nuzzled against her cheek. “I feel your pain, taste it on my tongue. Gods, baby, it’s killing me because I don’t know how to ease it.”
“Unless you can bring Gwen home and make Molly shift back, you can’t.”
His weary sigh hurt her. She wanted to ease his pain as well. She toyed with his hair knowing he enjoyed it as much as she did. His purr confirmed it. She sighed and admitted, “I never was very good at relationships.”
“Tell me about them.”
She tensed. “I don’t want to.”
Devin petted her—actually petted her. His big hand smoothed the loose strands of hair with sure, steady strokes and she calmed. Wow. She shook her head at the absurdity of her reaction. Who was the shifter here?
“I want to get to know you, Lena. Please, tell me.”
He had to say please, didn’t he? She blew out a frustrated breath and turned so she partially straddled him, one leg bent across those tree-trunk thighs and the other dangling over the side. Instead of looking at him, she continued toying with his patchwork hair, wrapping locks around her fingers.
“First there was Rick.” She nibbled her lip, debating whether to tell him everything, but knowing she couldn’t hide it. It’d come out eventually. She blew out a breath. “He was a single-shifter assigned to my stepdad’s unit. We dated for a year. He proposed. I accepted.”
Devin snapped his teeth together. “You were going to marry a shifter?”
“Yeah, I was.” She let the warning show in her eyes. Growls rumbled Devin’s chest, but he remained quiet. She cleared her throat. “A few days before our wedding, he introduced me to his buddy.”
He tensed. “Vader.”
“Vader.” She still remembered the guilt she’d felt over her instant attraction for him. “He and Rick got into a huge fight. My dad got involved afterward and put Rick on probation. He lost the promotion he’d been expecting and then…then I’m left standing at the altar.” She shrugged. “No biggie.”
Fangs filled Devin’s mouth. He snarled and she pressed her hands to his shoulders. She was under no illusion she could physically stop him. It was an automatic ‘please just wait’ response.
“Don’t even think about hunting Rick down. It’s over and done with.”
He panted hard but finally nodded. “And Vader?”
She stared into Devin’s swirling eyes and told him the truth. “Vader stripped me out of my wedding dress, got me drunk and fucked me all weekend long.”
He gripped her hips, the bite of his fingers just short of hurting. “You lied to me!”
Eyes narrowed, she stared at him. She hadn’t discussed Vader with him before. Had she? Maybe when she’d been delusional with fever? “I didn’t lie to you.”
His nose wrinkled, the look of disdain clear as he mapped her face. “You said you never allowed a male to mark your womb.”
He started to shove her off his lap. All her fears and anger mixed. He wanted the truth but couldn’t handle it. She slapped him then covered her mouth to hold in a gasp. Devin slowly turned his head and she came face-to-face with an enraged feline shifter. Blood dripped from his lips and full fangs filled his mouth, not the modified ones that dropped whenever he was excited. These were the ones she suspected his enemies saw before they died, the ones she’d seen before he clawed her stomach.
She glanced from those enlarged canines to his eyes to judge his mood. His cats stared back at her. Specks of brown, blue and green swirled in bright yellow eyes. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. She didn’t understand why he was so upset but hitting the man who already delivered a near-death blow to her wasn’t the smartest thing she’d ever done.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have slapped you.” More of that intense staring made sweat trickle down between her breasts. “But you were being ridiculous.”
“You said no male ever marked your womb.”
“And no other man has. I didn’t lie to you.”
The swirling in his eyes slowed and his nostrils flared—scenting the truth in her words, no doubt.
The rough grip eased and gentle hands slid to her bottom and massaged. “But you allowed a royal into your body.” His gaze dropped to her belly. “More than once.”
She caught the
distinction between Rick and Vader, knew there had to be some significance behind it, but let it go as her irritation mounted. She ground her teeth. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we always used condoms.”
He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek on his bite mark. A long moment passed before he sighed. “I’m sorry if I frightened you. I shouldn’t have allowed my jealousy to rule me. I just want to be special to you. I want to hold a spot in your heart no male has held before.”
Damn the man. He already held that special spot and it frightened the hell out of her.
Before she could say anything, he snuggled closer, his grip tightening. “Being the first male to mark a womb is symbolic in my world. It wouldn’t have mattered if you had allowed another male to possess you that way. As a human, you wouldn’t have known. I really would’ve understood, but I…” He blew out a rough breath. “I wanted it to be a first for both of us, something that we alone shared.”
She twined her arms around his neck and massaged his scalp. His chest rumbled with a contented purr.
“If it didn’t matter, why did you get so upset?”
“I want to trust you.”
Not, he did trust her. He wanted to trust her. But could she really blame him? She’d already lied once to him when she’d run to Vader, the lover who seemed to bother him the most. Maybe because they’d remained friends?
“I’m sorry you thought I’d lied to you but you can’t expect me to know the rules of your world.”
“I know.” He lifted his head and met her gaze. “I’ve never been in a relationship before. This is hard.”
She ran a finger down his cheek before slipping it between his lips to toy with the shorter fangs she’d became so used to seeing on him. He nipped her finger then swirled his tongue around it, easing the sting. A hazy look of desire slid over his face. She loved seeing it on his face, but sex wasn’t the answer to their problems. Communication and honesty were, no matter how much she didn’t like hearing the truth.
She dropped her hands to his shoulders. “Especially when it’s one built on guilt and obligation.”
He tensed. She resisted her first instinct to take the words back. Their relationship was progressing too quickly for her to ignore the big issues. If they had any chance at all, their issues had to be addressed. And yeah, she wanted that chance. Crazy? Yep. But trying to keep him out of her heart was proving impossible.
“That’s not true.”
She just raised a brow and stared at him. After several minutes of the battle of wills, he ordered, “Kiss me, Lena. I won’t let you win this game.”
And she didn’t want to fight, not this time. She held his gaze as she pressed her lips to his. He growled, the sound betraying his passion. With a hand cupping the back of her head, he took control of the kiss. Her groans matched his and as he made love to her mouth, she admitted the truth to herself.
Devin wasn’t just another lover. He was the one.
No other would ever take that special place in her soul. He owned it and the thought of not having this confusing, sexy man in her life scared her.
The realization stripped all her barriers away, left her feeling raw and more vulnerable than she’d ever been.
She broke the kiss by turning away. Devin continued to worship her, kissing his way down her neck until the edges of his hair teased her shoulder and sent whips of electricity to skip across her skin.
He started to stand. “Need you.”
She shook her head and fisted his shirt. “No, stop.”
He paused, studying her from inches away, before sitting.
She rubbed her thumb over his down-turned lips. “I need you too, but this is important. Can we just talk?”
With heavy-lidded eyes locked to hers, he took her hand, brought it to his mouth and placed a kiss into the center of her palm. “Okay, as long as we can have sex afterward.”
She blew out a shaky breath. The man was sex-starved. “You know I can’t resist you.”
He grinned at her admission. “Then how about we…”
She pressed a finger to his lips, stopping his words before she gave in. He could make her forget everything when he smiled. He was too beautiful for his own good. “If we want this to work, we have to be honest with each other. That’s the only way we’ll ever build trust. Without that, we have nothing besides sex. And yes, the sex is amazing but when the hardships of life find us, it won’t be enough.”
His expression changed from lust to wariness. A long sigh fell from his lips. “What do you want to know?”
She took a deep breath for courage. “You barely know me. Yes, I understand instincts drive you, but can you look me in the eye right now and tell me that you love me, Lena Burnett, for who I am, not because I smell like what you think your mate should smell like?”
This time he didn’t break eye contact. She got to watch the sadness creep into them. “You won’t like the truth.”
She figured as much. A day ago, she’d have used this conversation as a way to end things. She’d have twisted his words until hate festered between them and walked away feeling proud of herself. Not so much anymore. Her priorities had changed sometime between Devin walking into Vader’s apartment and this moment. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Family still came first, except now she wanted to include Devin in her inner circle. Hell, she wanted to make him the rock she built hers on.
“I don’t like broccoli either, but I still eat it,” she teased.
The lighthearted comment eased the tightness around his mouth. “Have I told you today how amazing you are?”
“No,” she paused to blink back more tears, “but maybe you should start off every day with a declaration of my awesomeness.”
“Oh, Lena, I…” She held her breath while he sucked in a rough lungful. Time stretched. Finally, he glanced away and cleared his throat. “You should eat something.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
He reached behind her and scooped a forkful of potato salad from the plate he’d made for her before he’d inhaled the rest. “I’ll answer if you eat.”
Her belly no longer churned, hadn’t since she’d sat on Devin’s lap. She ignored the suspicion creeping into her brain over that realization and said, “Fine.”
She reached for the fork but he pulled it back.
“Uh-uh. I will feed you.”
“I’m not a child. You don’t have to feed me.”
“You are my female. I’d be a poor mate if I didn’t see to your needs. Now open.” He held the fork between them.
She did only because he floored her with the sweet display and didn’t know how else to respond.
Once she swallowed, he mumbled, “No, I can’t say that I love you.”
This was the conversation she’d pushed him for. So why did she suddenly want to talk about the weather instead?
She cleared her throat, the lump there making it hard to breathe. “I was a mistake.”
“Yes and no.” He placed a finger to her lips. “My mistake was in hurting in the first place. I…I have issues. Memory lapses. Blackouts, I guess you might call them. Gods, baby, I wish I could do it over.”
She fisted his shirt, wanting to shake him, hit him, throw him to the floor and make love to him. She settled for glaring at him. “Because then you wouldn’t have made me your beloved human.”
His jaw clenched. “No matter what I do, I keep messing this up. Dammit, Lena. Cut me a little slack.”
He ground his teeth so hard she wouldn’t have been surprised if one of his fangs didn’t get snapped off. “Your scent calms me. Being with you has allowed me to feel normal. The rage, the delusions, the hopelessness…gone.” He laid a hand against her cheek. “You’re my sanity, sweetheart.”
“Oh.” Really, Lena. That’s the best you can do?
“When you left me alone at your house,” he swallowed hard, “I had…I had a meltdown.”
The image of Devin standing in the elevator at Vader’
s apartment with her stuffed jaguar surfaced. My scent. The toy smelled like her. That’s why he’d clutched it so desperately.
She stroked his hard jaw, the soft skin under her fingers warm. He leaned into her touch and she snuggled closer.
“I didn’t know.”
“Why would you? A normal male wouldn’t destroy his girlfriend’s house because she walked out on him.”
Girlfriend? The word made her heart knock against her rib cage but then the rest of his statement clicked. She stared at him, open-mouthed. “You destroyed my house?”
“I didn’t touch your library or any of Molly’s pictures. The rest?” He shrugged. “Yeah, that’s all shredded.”
“My brand-new oak table?”
He nodded.
“The couch?”
“The first to go.”
“Why?”
He gathered her close and buried his nose against her hairline. “Because I need you. I didn’t lie to you. I honestly don’t think I can live without you.”
I need you.
Those three words weren’t the ones strong unions were formed on. Still, it was a start. If he needed her, he might come to love her too.
Before she could say anything else, Maggie flung the door open. She pointed toward the windows.
“They’re back.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “But Gwennie isn’t with them.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Devin followed the older human down the hall, but gently grasped her wrist and tugged her to a halt. He stepped in front of the women and flung open the door. A steady cold rain fell, the wind whipping through the yard. Unfazed by the storm, Dante and Xander walked naked across the yard. Devin took in their angry, tight features and the guilt rushed up. Another female lost. His fault too. If he hadn’t screwed things up so badly with Lena, she wouldn’t have lied to him or run to an ex.
Gods, how many damn mistakes could one male make?
Lena shoved a pile of clothes at him. He took the sweats and tossed them onto the porch. She tried to squeeze past him, but he tucked her face first against his chest so she didn’t see the other males’ nakedness.
Beautiful Mistake: 2 (Royal Pride) Page 30