by Paula Cox
“Thank you for seeing me,” I said as I slid into the booth.
“What do you want, Alex?”
“I just want to talk to you, that’s all.” I didn’t like the change in him. Before, every time I saw him, he was neat and upbeat, but tonight he was sullen and he looked, vaguely, out of sorts – slightly rumpled and rough around the edges.
“Well, here I am. Say what you have to say.”
I was a bit put off. I expected him to be glad to see me and I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of what he wanted to do for me. “First, I want to say I’m sorry. I really am. I had no cause to treat you as I have.”
He stared at me a moment, then gave me a ghost of a smile. “Pregnancy hormones must be a bitch. Apology accepted.”
I was looking at my hands when a plate of beignets, two coffees, and a water arrived. I looked into his eyes as the waitress turned to leave.
“I still wanted to try these,” he said. “I’ll share if you want one.”
My mouth began to water at the thought of them, so I picked one off the serving plate, took a nibble and my stomach didn’t rebel. But I wasn’t quite ready to try the coffee.
“Thank you,” I said as I placed the beignet down on the small plate in front of me.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Us.”
“Us? What about us? I think you made it pretty clear there is no us. So I will do what you want. I will get out of your life. But there is one condition.”
“What?” I wasn’t questioning the condition, but I had totally lost control of the conversation and it was going in a direction I didn’t want it to go. “No. That’s not—”
“If you don’t want me around, I guess I can accept that, but I will be damned if I will let my child be raised like I was. So if you want me out of your life, fine, but you are going to have to accept my financial help. You can put the money into a college fund if you don’t need it. But I am sending it, and you are going to cash the checks. This is non-negotiable. If you don’t like it, tough. Otherwise, I’ll see you in court for custody.”
“Are you threatening me?” I hissed as I leaned across the table. This is not how I thought this conversation would go at all!
“It’s not a threat, Alex. It’s a promise. You want me out of your life? That’s the condition.”
“You think you’d be a better parent than me? How dare you!”
He leaned in and placed both hands flat on the table. “I don’t think that at all. If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, but you don’t have the first fucking idea what is going to happen. How are you going to work? Are you going to keep working at The Cat’s Claw after you start to show? What’s your boss going to think of that? I think having a pregnant chick working in a bar that is known for its very personal service is going to be bad for business. Then what are you going to do? Do you want to continue to work there with all the second-hand smoke? What are you going to do when a customer wants to buy you a drink? Are you going to tell him no, that you can’t, because you’re pregnant? What about daycare? How many daycares do you think are you going to have to choose from with you working all night like you do? I don’t think you are an unfit mother, because if I did, nothing on this earth could stop me from taking my baby, but I have a responsibility to this child and I will do anything, and everything, I can to make sure it has every advantage that I never did. You need my help, Alex, whether you believe it or not. I’ve seen this play out before, and I won’t have it happen again…not to my baby. So if you want me gone, I’m gone. But I’ll not let you drag my child down with you.”
He shoved the plate of beignets toward me as he slid out of the booth. He hadn’t even touched them. “Enjoy your beignets.”
I grabbed his hand as he started past. “Cain! Wait! Please.”
He stopped and looked down at me a moment before he returned to the booth.
“You’ve really thought about this,” I said quietly. The thing was, so had I, and if I were honest with myself, I didn’t have any answers to the questions he asked. All except one. I knew how my boss was going to react. The moment I began to show, I was out of there. I had seen it before.
“Yes I have,” he said. He looked at the plate of beignets before he picked one up and took a bite. “These are good,” he said hefting one in a small salute as he chewed.
“I’ve thought about these same things.”
“And?”
“And, I don’t know. Everything is moving so fast.”
“All the more reason you need my help. I don’t know what you make in a week, but I can send you something. Enough maybe to help you through.”
“Cain… I don’t want your money.”
“You say that now. But the time will come when you may need it. I’m telling you, Alex, and you need to listen to me; your entire life can change in a blink. It happened to my mother. If you don’t want the money, fine, put it into a savings account for junior. But it will be there if you do. And you will.”
“You’re so sure I can’t make it without you?”
“I’m not willing to take the chance. I want my kid to have a different life than I did. I don’t want him eating rice every day because that is all you can afford. I don’t want him dressed in secondhand clothes. I want him to get something other than socks and a candy bar for Christmas. I want him to go to college and be somebody – a doctor, maybe, or an engineer. And even if you can make it on your own, I still want to feel like I contributed. It’s our child, Alex. Ours. I want to be there when he is born. I want see him grow up.” He paused as he looked at me and sadness filled his eyes. “But mostly, I want him, or her, to know who their father is.”
Tears flooded my eyes and I wiped at them.
“But if you can’t give me that, then at least I will know that I did all I could to take care of them, to make sure they have every opportunity to succeed that I didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Cain.”
“Yeah, I know. We’ve been over this before.”
“No. I mean I’m sorry for the way I have treated you. You’re right. You should be involved.”
He blinked at me a couple of times. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, everything you said is true. But…I worry about what you do. How can you do all these things, how can you be here for me and for our child if you are dead or in jail?”
“I won’t be. Come to Dallas with me. You’ll see.”
“Cain… I can’t. This is my home. I told you that. My grandparents live here and they need me. I can’t leave them.”
He stared at me a moment and I could see him thinking furiously. “Then give me some time. Let me work out something with the Hounds. Maybe I can move here.”
“You would do that? You would leave your club behind?”
“Let me try to work something out first, okay? I am down here practically every month anyway. Maybe I can start a new charter.”
I thought it over. It was something, but it wasn’t enough. He was trying, I knew he was, but it bothered me that he was still so tightly linked to his club. “You won’t leave your club?”
“Alex… the Hounds are my family. Just like you won’t walk away from your grandparents, I can’t walk away from the Hounds. Not until I have no other option. Can’t you give me at least that little bit? Give us a chance to meet on common ground? Let me try to work something out.”
I thought about it. I wanted to meet him halfway, but his club still worried me. It was the uncertainty that hung over all of this and prevented me for going all in with him. And I wanted to go all in. I wanted him to be with me. I wanted to know that he was behind me to help me if I should falter. I wanted that sense of security that Christy had, knowing that there was someone there for her and she didn’t have to face all the responsibilities of raising a child alone.
“It’s hard, Cain. It’s so hard.”
“I know. But, Alex, it’s what I do. If I were to leave the Hounds, I would have n
othing – no way to support you. I need time, time I don’t have right now. Please, Alex, trust me on this. I will be here for you. I’m not going to jail. I’m not in danger of being shot…especially now that I won’t be sleeping with other women anymore,” he said with a slight smile. “If I were to leave the Hounds now, you would be worse off than you are now, because you wouldn’t have my income to help you. I’m sorry, Alex; I can’t leave the Hounds. Not now.”
I stared at the beignet in front of me. “Then we are right back where we started.”
Cain rose from his side of the table and slid in beside me. “No. Alex, I want you to trust me. I only want what is best for you, for you and the baby. Let me prove it.”
“How?”
“I have to leave for Dallas tomorrow. I’m already late getting back. I had…some unexpected…news to deal with first.” He smiled briefly at me. “But I will be back. And when I am, we can work something out. All I’m asking is for you to give me a chance to prove to you that you can trust me.”
I looked into his eyes and I could see the sincerity there and I wanted to believe him. I did believe him. I believed that he would do everything he could for me and our child, but sometimes fate had a way of interfering. Just like it had with my parent. All the good intentions in the world couldn’t stop a bullet with your name on it, or a warrant for your arrest.
“I’ll try. Take me home?”
He smiled and I allowed him to kiss me. He slid out of the booth, dropped a twenty on the table to cover our bill, and led me out. He escorted me past his motorcycle to my car then held his hand out and I dropped my keys into them.
“What about your bike?”
He opened the passenger door and I slid in. “It’s just a motorcycle. It can be replaced,” he said before he shut my door.
Chapter 10
We rode in silence, an uneasy truce between us. As the houses drifted past my window, I thought about what he had said. I saw that he was concerned for his child and, by extension, me, but it still bothered me that I didn’t know what he did. His refusal to tell me told me everything I needed to know. What he did, no matter what he said, was illegal. I desperately wanted to trust him. And I did, but only so far. He could say he was in no danger of going to jail, or of being killed, but he had no way to know that.
On the other hand, we both could be killed tonight, on the way home. He was right about that. There were no sure things in life. It’s funny how your priorities change once you became responsible for another life. I never understood moms driving their huge SUVs, but over the last month, I had become keenly aware of just how small my little car was. Before I was concerned about looking good behind the wheel. Now, I concerned about being safe.
I was still musing over life, and the choices we made, when Cain stopped my car in the drive so I can get out, before putting it into the garage.
I was standing behind the car as he struggled out of it, the tight garage making the task even more difficult. When he finally shut the door he looked at me and grinned crookedly. “You need a bigger car.”
“I like my car,” I protested.
“Well, then, you need another one, so I can wear one on each foot.”
I giggled at him as I slipped past, but he made no move to follow. I stood at the top of the two steps into my house and looked at him. “Stay with me tonight?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes.”
He looked at me, his eyes narrowing. “Why? The last time you kicked me in the nuts.”
I felt my mouth pull down in a pout. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just so…confused. I want you, but, at the same time, I’m afraid of you.”
“You have nothing to fear from me,” he said as he moved toward me.
I opened the door and led him into my house. “Not from you, but from what you do. I’m afraid to…get involved with you. I’m afraid to let you into my life, and if I do, I’m afraid that one day you just won’t come home.”
He moved in close and took me into his embrace, holding me snuggly, one hand around my back, and the other on my head. It was a very loving embrace and I relaxed into it. “I promise you, Alex, nothing can keep me from you. I want to get to know the mother of my child. I want…”
“What?” I asked when he didn’t continue.
“I want…a chance to fall in love with you.”
I felt a smile form but otherwise I didn’t move. “Why? I was just a one night stand for you.”
“Yes you were. And now you are the mother of my child.”
“Does that make a difference?”
“Only the difference between night and day.”
“Why?”
“Because you have a part of me inside of you. Now, I want to find out if I can win a piece of you for inside of me. Your heart. Everything happens for a reason. Despite all the precautions, you got pregnant. Maybe that means we are supposed to be together. Maybe this is fate’s way of bringing us together.”
I muscled my way out of his embrace. “Do you believe that?”
“I don’t know,” he replied, his eyes meeting mine. “I just know that you are an amazing woman, and any man would be lucky to have you. I’m just asking for a chance, Alex. Won’t you please give me that chance?”
I thought about Granny and Grandpa, and how she had to take the leap of faith for him. I wanted to make the leap for Cain, but I stood rooted, unable let go of my fears. As I stood, trying to let go of my reservations, trying to accept him into my life, he took my face in his hands and gently, softly, kissed me. I melted into him, my arms going around his neck, pulling him into the kiss. I wanted him. I wanted him in my life. I wanted to give him a chance to fall in love with me, and me with him. I wanted to fall in love with the father of my child. I opened my mouth and offered my tongue, our tongues touching as they wrapped in their own embrace, relaxed, then wrapped about each again.
He picked me up as if I weighed nothing at all and carried me through my house to my bedroom where he placed me carefully in the center of the bed. He pulled back and simply looked at me, his eyes taking me in as if seeing me for the first time, his expression making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
I didn’t move, allowing him to look at me as I warmed with his gaze. I could feel the first tenuous connections forming between us and I smiled. Perhaps we were meant to be together. I held my arms out, offering myself to him, and his smile touched me. Not the smile of a man taking something he had won, but the smile of a man that was receiving a cherished gift.
He leaned in and took my lips as his fingers drifted along my cheek, his touch gentle, as if he were handling the most delicate flower. He slowly undressed me, removing my button down blouse, jeans, and sneakers, his lips never long removed from my skin. I had managed to unbutton his shirt, but nothing else, and I wanted to feel his flesh against mine. I pulled him up by his arms and he came, his lips finding mine. I pushed his shirt over his shoulders and he allowed it to fall as I began to work on his belt.
He allowed me to open his pants and I reached inside, taking his hardness into my hand, each beat of his heart a pulse in my hand. As I held him, he kissed me with intent, a kiss as erotic as any I ever had, and it practically took my breath.
“I want you,” I whispered as I stared into his eyes.
His smile returned and he beamed at me as his face softened. “I want you,” he whispered in return. He moved away from me and removed his boots and pants as I curled into his back and kissed him on his neck. As his pants hit the floor, he turned to me, taking me by the shoulders and guiding me back to the bed. He followed my slow tumble and began to kiss my neck, his tongue and lips busy as he slowly worked his way under my jaw and down the valley of my breasts. He paused to suckle at my nipples, his tongue caressing the hard little points until I began to squirm and gasp from the sensation. Just when I thought I could stand it no more, he moved on, kissing his way down my body.
I shuddered softly in anticipation of the
pleasures to come, well aware from our first encounter of what he could do down there. I lay still as his lips danced across my stomach, soaking in the pleasures like a sponge. As he moved between my legs, his breath on my most intimate area was warm and erotic and I whimpered softly. I drew my legs up as he wrapped me up, my ankles hitting him on the back of his arms as he reached through the triangle of my legs and placed his hands on my hips to hold me in place.
He started out slowly, his tongue touching me lightly as he teased with anticipation. My hands found his head and I pressed him down, needing to feel the sweet release that his kisses were promising me. I looked down and met his eyes, his smile as he probed me with his tongue causing his eyes to crinkle. I watched, unable to look away, as his eyes held me. The orgasm bore down on me in a rush and my eyes closed as I curled up, panting my way through my release. I was surrounded in a warm blanket of pleasure as my climax roared through me until, finally, I swam up from the depths of my orgasm and opened my eyes, suddenly aware of his lips on my inner thigh. I released a great cleansing exhale then moaned loudly in delight.