by Zoey Derrick
All his resolve to leave washes away. He’s happy yet scared, concerned and excited. I watch as the idea of what I’m offering him overwhelms him and he falls to his knees before me.
His hands fall to his sides, but his eyes never leave mine. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he breathes. I take a step forward, toward him. “If you keep coming closer to me, I won’t be able to hold back,” he warns me. His eyes are wild with fire and I can see his hands twitching with a need to touch. I step forward again.
“I can’t stop,” I say softly and his eyes meet mine. “I need this, I need to know.”
He cocks his head at me. “Know what?”
“I need to know whether this is real.” Another step forward. “Or if this is just lust.” I need to take two more steps and then he can touch me. Two more steps and I can be in his arms. “I have to know.” One step…two. “I’ll give you one night,” I repeat.
His arms come around me, holding my naked body to him, his head resting against my stomach. The sharp stubble of three days of growth scrapes near my belly button. I run my hand through his hair and the tension in his body starts to fade away. I pull back from him slightly and he looks up at me. I gently grab his arms, pushing them off of me. His eyes go wide in fear that I’ve changed my mind. His vulnerability is evident. He’s afraid.
I lower myself onto my knees. “Show me you want this, even if it’s only half as much as I do. Just show me,” I breathe and he claims my head in his hands and my lips are on his with gusto. He wastes no time in prying at my lips with his tongue, desperate to be inside me anywhere he can be and I let him in, moaning into his mouth.
My hands go to his shoulders and down along his sides, going for the hem of his shirt. When I get there, I start to tug upward and he smiles against my lips. “Eager much?”
“There’s something that I’ve been dying to do to you,” I whisper and he pulls back, allowing me the access I need to pull off his shirt. He lifts his arms over his head and I quickly toss it aside.
“I’m all yours,” he says in a rush and I start first at his shoulder, licking and kissing and sucking my way to his arm and down the tight skin of his bicep. Finding those little blue veins and licking and kissing them until I’m even with his chest, I kiss my way across, careful to capture his nipple with my tongue and when I do, he groans. Spurring me on, I suck it into my mouth and nip at it gently with my teeth. He hisses and a rush of fluid drips from my sex. “I can smell that sweet cunt,” he breathes against my ear and I shiver. “You’re getting wet for me, aren’t you?”
I nod my head and continue licking and sucking my way along until I find the other nipple, licking it first then sucking it into my mouth. I feel him tense up, anticipating the nip but I lavish it with my tongue and he relaxes.
As soon as I know he’s distracted, I bite again and he growls at me. The sound is so intoxicating and erotic that I shiver with need and my nipples burn to be touched, to be licked and sucked into his mouth. He moves to reach for my pussy and I hold him back with a gentle shake of my head and he whines. I move off of his nipple and onto his other bicep, repeating the process until I reach his neck where I keep kissing my way to his jawline.
The sharp pricks of his growing beard bite into my tongue and I tremble again. Gently rubbing my lips against the grain, feeling it, tasting it until I find his lips once more. His hands are instantly in my hair, holding me to him, sucking my tongue into his mouth and I moan. His hands tighten into fists in my hair, pulling and tugging me backwards and I release his lips and I’m trembling with an urgent need to come. “You like that, don’t you, princess?” I nod and smile seductively at him.
He adjusts his hands to take more of my hair in one hand. When he’s settled, he wraps it around his hand and tugs my head back so that I’m looking up at him. He’s so much bigger and taller than I am that my head back is the only way he can truly claim my mouth with his and he does. Fire ignites across my skin, sending sparks of pleasure straight to my core. “Ahh,” I cry out and his mouth goes to my jaw and down my neck, leaving a blazing trail in his path as he makes his way further south. Finally, he’s almost there. My nipples ache. I can feel every inch of the barbell running between them. “Please,” I beg.
“Please, what?” he says with a commanding tone in his voice that makes me shiver again.
“Please, suck.” I can’t say anything else. On the verge of completely losing control.
He obliges my request by sliding a fat wet tongue from the bottom of my areola to the top, his hand tightens in my hair as he does. I whimper. He blows across my nipple in the sweetest torture of warm and cold I’ve ever experienced in my life. “Ah fuck,” I cry out.
“Oh yeah,” he moans, releasing my hair and he pulls away from me completely.
“No,” I whimper.
I hear him stand and slowly I open my eyes. The perfect height. I reach for the button of his jeans and he pushes my hands away with a shake of his head. I pout prettily at him, giving him the saddest puppy dog eyes I can manage. He leans down and whispers, “Your begging, while sexy as fuck, isn’t going to work. I owe you an orgasm or three.”
“Please,” I beg. He smiles and shakes his head. I sulk.
He laughs. “Come here, sweet girl.” He holds out his hand for me to take. His nickname of sweet girl is enough to send my heart soaring onto another planet. The other night he called me names like sweetheart and baby and I wonder idly why he isn’t calling me those names tonight. I take his hand and he pulls me up before leaning down for another kiss on my forehead. “Bed,” he commands and I find myself turning into the bed. I decide that two can play at this game so I climb onto the bed and stick my ass in the air as I do.
That’s when I feel a playful smack on my ass. “On your back, princess.” I smile to myself and roll over.
Somewhere along the way and my playful teasing as I climbed onto the bed, he’s shed his pants. He’s standing at the foot of the bed gloriously naked and I moan in pleasure at the glorious sight. His cock really is as big as I thought it was. Pushing close to 9 or even ten inches but it’s also wide at the base and tapered to the tip. I can’t stop staring and he knows it. He takes his cock in his hand and he starts to stroke it. I moan and writhe on the bed, my hand immediately diving into my folds and finding my clit.
I’m so slick that I can barely find purchase against it, frustrating me, but I do my best not to show it.
“Whatever you do, do not come,” he says, once again the authority is back in his voice. “Your orgasms are mine for tonight,” he growls as he continues to stroke his cock.
I shiver, my legs start to twitch, desperate to defy his request and desperate to come, I don’t know if I will be able to stop.
“Shit,” I moan as my orgasm crests. “Fuck, Dex. I. Can’t. Stop. It’s too. Fucking. Good.”
With that he’s on the bed in a flash, his mouth even with my sex. “Move your hand,” he says with a look in his eyes that promises exquisite punishment if I come without him, but my hand moves and his tongue immediately replaces my fingers and he starts licking and sucking at my clit. My orgasm is right there, ready to explode.
“Ahh. Fuck!” I cry out. Then he stops completely, pulling away from me, right there. I look at him, probably a murderous glare on my face, and he slinks back slightly. “Why did you stop?” I whine. “I was right there.”
“I know.” He gives me a knowing smirk.
“Assholian,” I grumble and bring my hand back to my pussy, but he smacks it away with a smile on his face.
“Oh no, you don’t.” That’s when I see it in his hand. A black foil packet and I moan watching him put it between his teeth and ripping it open.
I writhe, trying to scissor my legs, desperate for relief, but he’s there, in my way. I watch as his long fingers quickly slide the condom on. “I fucking hate those things,” I groan.
“Sorry, sweetheart, but…”
I nod, understanding. Though I wish he wouldn’t,
I see the condom as his own little barrier of protection, keeping me in line with all the others. Briefly a moment of shame washes through me as I catch one of his old nicknames. Then realizing and understanding the significance behind the condom. It’s his separation, his way of detaching himself from me so that I can be that one-night stand. So that when he’s satisfied and done, he can walk away. I’d resolved myself to that fate, to being able to let this happen for one night, indulge in the fantasy and then just let it go. I was willing to suffer the emotional consequences of my decision because I knew an opportunity like this would never present itself again. Take it, run away with it, indulge, purge and move on. You can do this, Raine.
Vowing to let my temperamental mood drop, I watch him as he’s looking at me, absently stroking his cock. “Stop torturing me,” I whine and he leans down. “Just go slow,” I say softly. He’s fucking huge. He’s going to tear me apart and the look in his eyes tells me that it won’t just be physical. He’s checked out in some way, detached himself from the situation, confirming what I suspected. “Dex?”
He doesn’t answer. He’s kind of frozen in place. I watch him carefully, and I slowly watch the fog fade from his eyes and he returns to me. Though he’s still distant and likely unaware of what I can actually see in his eyes. I feel him run the head of his rubber covered cock against my sex. Spreading my juices along my entrance, allowing the condom to be coated. Then he lines himself up and slides inside of me, slowly, but there is a warmth, a desire that spreads over me immediately. Unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. A sensation that I can only describe as being earth shattering and soul crushing at the same time.
When he’s found his way inside as far as he can go, he adjusts me so that my legs are higher, bringing my ass into the air, changing the angle, making him slide in just a little deeper and I moan as his head rubs against that special ball of nerves inside. “Ahh, fuck,” I cry out and close my eyes. Men have the wonderful pleasure of hiding behind a rubber barrier, separating themselves from their sexual partner, women on the other hand have no choice but to be speared, spread wide open both emotionally and physically.
He pushes in a little harder, a little deeper, the thickest part of his shaft toward the base is pressing inside and I feel a burning sensation that doesn’t last, but it’s enough to know that he’s stretching me beyond limits I knew I was capable of. “Don’t stop,” I cry out and he starts to slide in and out faster. I close my eyes, concentrating on the overwhelming feeling, trying to block out the act itself. It doesn’t work. I open my eyes and meet the closed eyes of Dex Harris, drummer and fantasy man. I moan again. My orgasm is simmering just below the surface. I writhe. My back arches, shifting the direction and angle just enough that he slips in further. A small stab of pain and my legs lock down, my body explodes and my mind soars into orgasm.
My own cries are matched by Dex as he grunts and grinds out his orgasm.
Slowly my breathing returns to normal. Dex doesn’t extract himself immediately and that’s okay. My fear and shame rattle around in my veins. I reach up to touch his cheek and as soon as my fingers make contact he blurts out, “I can’t.”
He backs off, slipping out of me. “Wait, what?”
“I can’t do this.” He slides off of the bed, pulling the condom from his still rock hard erection, tying it off and throwing it in the trash can.
“What the fuck?” I’m so embarrassed, sitting here completely naked having given myself to him and he’s completely shut down. I get the impression that this, for Dex, is normal. I grab a pillow and hold it in front of me, holding it to me like a barrier, a lifeline. I sit cross-legged on the bed. “What did I do?” I ask in a whisper.
“I fucked up. I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be…” He doesn’t look at me as he pulls his pants back on.
“Dex, stop.”
“I have to go.”
“Dex, don’t.”
“Too late.”
“Don’t walk out that door. I can’t promise to…”
“I don’t need promises from you, doll face. I don’t need promises from anyone. I don’t fucking deserve this or you. I fucked up,” he says as he storms out of my room, slamming the door behind him. I start crying into the pillow I’m wrapped around.
After he left, I somehow managed to get myself under the covers, not caring, not giving a shit about what just happened. Fuck him. I knew when I agreed to this that I was never going to be able to detach myself enough and I convinced myself that what happened wasn’t going to hurt like a bitch. It does.
I wanted to indulge in the fantasy and I got my chance and it was glorious. But what I didn’t expect was the aftermath of feeling wholly and completely rejected. I don’t know what it was that I was expecting when he’d gotten off, but it certainly wasn’t him running out the door like a scared cat.
I punch the pillow next to me. I shake my head. So fucking stupid.
As I lay there, in a piss poor attempt to fall asleep, I come to a decision. I’ve done it, I got what I’ve wanted for years, a night with a rock star and with that, I resolve myself to going about my job. Doing what it is that I need to do in order to do the best possible job I can do, regardless of the obstacles in my way.
About two hours later, I woke up, it was really early in the morning, and the sun hadn’t even come up yet. I decided that I needed to get out of my room, clear my head a little bit, but short of going wandering around NYC with a security detail, I could only think of one place to go. Rusty nearly had a heart attack when I told him where I was going and that no one was to go with me. I convinced him only because it was the roof and there wouldn’t really be anyone up there when I climbed up the ladder to sit atop the stairwell and watch the sunrise.
While I was up there, I made several decisions for myself. One of which is that Dex, though a force to be reckoned with, at some point was just going to have to slide out of my system. No pun intended of course. I needed to put on my professional hat, like I’ve done many times regardless of what was bothering me, and do the best job I can do while I’m here in New York. Once I can get back to California, away from him, away from the band, I know that I can better deal with this.
In just a few days, we will be so busy with appearances and appointments that thinking about anything other than what’s going on at that moment will be nearly impossible to do and I take comfort in that. I decide then and there that I will take as much stuff off of Addison’s plate as I can and allow her the time she needs to grieve.
Inevitably my thoughts always wander back to Dex. You know, all assholes have a past, and it’s usually pretty haunting. A reason for why they are the way that they are and I wonder idly if I ever found out that reason, if it would change the way I see him. Yes, he’s a dick, an assholian, king assholian if you want the truth of it, but there has to be a damn good reason why. Unfortunately, there is no way for me to find out, without asking the assholian himself and that is a task no woman wants to undertake voluntarily.
While I stew around in my head, I curl up and watch the sun rise over the city and listen to the sounds of the street below. The hustle and bustle of New York City never slows, but in this case, it certainly picks up.
Walking out on a woman I’ve just slept with has never been harder than that just was. I knew I was losing my grip on myself, especially when it comes to her. I knew that in order for me to snap the strings clean off I had to walk away and not look back.
So why the fuck do I feel so shitty about it?
I’ve walked away from countless women after getting myself off and I’ve never, ever, thought about them again. Except maybe in an unguarded, stroking my cock moment. Some girls’ eyes just never leave you, but their names, faces, those are things that never go away. I’ve been haunted by Raine’s eyes for two fucking days now and I can’t seem to shake them off.
You know her name, that’s your fucking problem, asshole. If you hadn’t bothered to learn it, you wouldn’t be tripping about it. I finally
get into my room, strip off my clothes and climb into the shower. I can still smell her cherry chocolate scent on my skin and I don’t want to wash it away. I want to bathe in it, enjoy it, and who the fuck knows, but it’s so sweet and… stop it, you fucking pansy ass.
I grab my body wash and scrub it away. Scrub her away. Though I wish all it took was some body wash to scrub her out of my fucking mind.
When I’m done, I fall into bed, or on top of it rather, and pass out.
I’m getting ready to leave the bar area downstairs after grabbing a late breakfast when my phone vibrates in my pocket.
“What’s up, T-man?”
“Dex, Addison’s in the hospital.”
“Shit! What happened?”
“All the shit with Kyle, she hasn’t been eating and I’ve been shit at making sure she does. They’re keeping her overnight, giving her fluids and all that good stuff.”
“Damn, man, what about the babies?”
“They’re fine from what we can tell, nothing indicates otherwise.”
‘Okay, good, want us to come down?”
“No, no. Stay put, I don’t want to draw a bigger crowd. Listen, can you let the rest of the guys know? Mills, Tori and Rusty are taking shifts at the hospital, so if you go out, you’ll need to work with what you got. And…have you heard from Kyle?”
“No, T-man, I’m sorry I haven’t.”
“I called him around ten, when they were taking her to the hospital, but I haven’t heard back. He wouldn’t do this to her. I’m worried that something’s happened. Or about to happen.” I watch as Raine approaches looking fucking gorgeous in a pair of jeans and a cute t-shirt that just says rock ’n roll in bold font across her chest. My insides tighten. I don’t know what to say to her, not after last night. But Talon has given me the out I need.