Tina's hardly touched her grilled cheese and seems suddenly somber. "After I've spent time with a band and the show is over, I get After-Show Depression. When everything is going on, the music, the excitement, it touches my very essence. And then they leave and I feel empty afterward."
Does she feel her real life is boring? "My daughter enriches my life so much, but if it weren't for her, I'd be pretty dragged down by the same old routine of school, work, and internship. When you're with a band, for that moment in time, you're sharing something incredibly special. You're intimate and close-you get a piece of them, and they get a piece of your soul."
I pay for the mediocre food and walk out into the pre-dawn, arm-in-arm with Tina. "I'm really psyched right now because there are three good concerts coming up in the next couple of months," she says joyously. "Kid Rock, L.A. Guns, and INXS! When I first saw the new INXS singer, JD Fortune, my heart melted and I was weak in the knees. He's not just good looking; he is breathtaking. I've had crushes on rock stars, but never this bad. I feel like I know him, and the fact that he's a vegetarian is very rare. Amber even knows who he is now and loves his song, `Pretty Vegas.' It's the cutest thing, when I play his video, she says, JD! JD!' and points at him saying, `Dada.' I say, `No, that's not Dada, sweetie. JD is a lot cuter than Dada."'
I've been back home for a few weeks when I get an e-mail from Tina, laden with animated happy faces, saying that she needs to talk to me. Debbie answers the phone and tells me that Tina is out shoveling snow, so I take the opportunity to ask how she feels about her daughter's groupie experiences. "It's OK with me. If that's what she wants to do, more power to her," Debbie says. Then speaking quietly, Debbie adds, "Did Tina tell you that she gave JD Fortune a blow job? She sure did. She said, `Come here, JD,' then whispered in his ear, `How would you like a blow job?' and the manager took her on the tour bus."
Another dream came true for Miss Tina King.
I congratulate Tina on her most recent conquest, and she is giddy with delight. "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would happen. Kid Rock is the most famous one I've been with, and I didn't think lightning would strike twice! It was even better because I really didn't have a crush on Kid Rock, though I thought he was hot. But following JD's story every week on TV? It felt like I knew him already."
Tina found out when INXS would be at her local radio station and lay in wait in the lobby. "Then, BOOM, there he was, wearing his `I Love PETA' T-shirt," she squeals. "I've met forty or fifty bands over the years, since first meeting Whitesnake in '85. I've never been starstruck, I just call them by their names and treat them like human beings. Of course, some want to be worshipped. They want the big brouhaha, because it's an ego trip for them. So with JD, I gave him this great big hug and lifted him off the ground. He's 6'2" and weighs about 145 pounds. He laughed and said 'OK, OK!' then I put him down and said, `Somebody please take our picture!' While we were getting our photo taken, I reached back and grabbed JD's ass. He started laughing and said, `Oh my God, she just grabbed my ass!"
After the "phenomenal" concert, Tina took her place by the bus. "I was the only one there because I left after the first encore. I knew I had to be right there so I could get to him, pronto. Here came JD and I yelled, JD, JD! I have a flower for you!' Everybody was pulling him this way and that, like a ping-pong ball getting tossed around. As he was about to get on the bus, I said, JD, hurry! I've got to tell you something.' He came right over, leaned in to me and I whispered, `Do you want a blow job?' He gave me a big smile and said, `Yes!' I was speechless, thinking, `He's just trying to be nice because he's a sweet guy, and I'm sure he gets asked this all the time. OK, stay calm, stay calm. Breathe, count to ten.' One minute later, the tour manager grabbed me by the arm and put me on the bus. It was surreal. Ever since I first laid eyes on him in episode one, I wanted to give him a blow job, and now it was happening! I walked by the backup singers and said, `Hey, ladies, great show!' JD was at the very back of the bus, exactly like Kid Rock. There was an assistant pulling down the blinds, emptying cigarette butts, then she walked out and closed the door. JD said, `Did you really mean what you said out there?F 'Hell, yeah, I meant it. Let's do it!' He looked like a kid in a candy store and a little bit nervous. I pushed him down onto the couch. He seemed to be thinking, `She's assertive. I'm liking this.' Then, of course, he pulled his pants down and I started sucking his dick, but it wasn't getting hard. I was thinking, `I've given a lot of blow jobs and I've never had any complaints. Am I getting rusty?' So I mentioned it to him, `Honey, it's not getting hard, you're going to have to help me out here.' He said, `Well, baby, I just got done performing for two hours, you know.' I'd never heard that if somebody gives a really physical, emotional performance, it could cause him not to get a hard-on. I was thinking, `I'm just rusty and he's obviously had a lot of excellent blow jobs: So he helped me out by masturbating while I was sucking his dick. Then he said, `This isn't a good position for me.' He stood up and turned me around, real assertively, pulled my pants down and started fingering me. I wanted to have sex, but didn't ask because I was so nervous. Then he said, `I want to look at your beautiful tits.' I took off my hoodie and was bare chested. He played with my titties and sucked on them, then I went back to giving him the blow job. I said, `Do you want to give me a facial?' He said, `Yeah!' So that's what happened. He came all over my face. There was tons of come, too. It was on both cheeks, my chin, everywhere except my eyes. Then, he said, `Oh, that was hot!' I asked for a towel and he started wiping my face, really gingerly, so daintily and sweetly, and so considerate. He stood up and put his clothes back on, and said, `Oh, damn, that was hot. Your tits are beautiful.' I said, `Thank you,' then he said, `Let me walk you out,' and like a dumb ass, what did I do? I just took off. I was so freaked out, I didn't say goodbye or anything. I'm so upset with myself, because I wanted to ask questions that aren't on any of his Web sites. I wanted to know when he became a vegetarian and why. He's a member of PETA, which I've been a member of since 1990. But I didn't get to tell him any of that. I wanted to find out how it feels to suddenly be extremely famous: from being homeless, living in his car, to this. I wanted to talk to him as a human being. I wanted to know what makes `Jason' tick, what touches his heart and soul, but I didn't get any of that. I got the sexual part, but it left me wanting more. I'm wondering what he's thinking of me. He probably thinks I just used him, or that I do this all the time. If I'd stayed and talked to him, I could've said, `Hey, you want to go to a vegetarian restaurant and talk?' INXS is touring Canada for two months, and I'm all ready to go. I told my mom, `Just so you know, we're going to Canada.' She's not gung ho about it. She said, `Amber and I have to go with you.' They're more than welcome to come, of course, but they're not going to the concert with me."
A few days later I got another e-mail from Tina.
Attached in my email you will find some video footage of JD performing fellatio on his mike stand in Minneapolis, the very night I "Tasted IT" & it sure "Tasted SWEET!" I want seconds!
Love,
Tina (aka Penny Lane)
(aka Mrs. Fortune)
CA_~d~,X odG~u~s
Let Me Stand Next to Your Flower
obert Plant had just dazzled the upscale crowd at the Santa Barbara Bowl and was weaving his way through the incrowders gathered backstage to pay him homage. I was nibbling melon balls with Catherine James, while we grabbed our oneon-two moment with the veteran rock lord. As we reminisced and reveled in our long friendship, I noticed a tall, wide-eyed brunette watching us, agog with delight. When Robert turned to greet another well-wisher, she approached and nervously asked me to sign her vintage leather bag. "Sign next to Robert's autograph," she gushed. "I can't believe I'm meeting Robert Plant and Pamela Des Barres in the same night!" She had read I'm with the Band and compared her recent adventures to my own long-ago romps. We got into a lively conversation and I instantly recognized a music-crazed kindred spirit in Amanda Milius.
When I learned that the twenty-three-year-o
ld groupie (and proud of it) had joyously discovered Gram Parsons through my books, I suggested she come to my boyfriend Mike Stinson's upcoming gig, as he is cut from the same hand-embroidered, honky-tonk cloth. She arrived decked out in a pioneer-girl dress very reminiscent of my purple gingham Burrito sister squaredance frock. It was my birthday, and we danced all night to Mike's true country tunes. As she bopped and swayed, Amanda's glowing face seemed lit from within.
It's been such a pleasure coming across a doll after my own heart. And even though most of her conquests aren't household names (yet), her adoration for her unsung heroes is all-consuming and very familiar.
Like many self-proclaimed outcasts, her love for classic rock and roll saved Amanda's sanity and self-worth throughout her sad, disturbing childhood. Raised in stately SoCal mansions, mainly by a Guatemalan housekeeper, Amanda was neglected and barely tolerated by her reclusive, egomaniacal mother. Her daddy, screenwriter John Milius, enthralled the public with films such as Apocalypse Now, Clear and Present Danger, and most recently, the HBO miniseries Rome. Unfortunately, he fled the family's Bel-Air digs when Amanda was still in the womb, dump ing her mother for a bit player in his film Red Dawn, whom he later married. These days, Amanda has made wary peace with her dad, declaring that their relationship is "friendly" rather than "parental."
A year ago, Amanda returned from a long stay in New York, where she completed her student films and philosophy thesis at Eugene Lang College. One of her many goals is to make `°70s era-inspired psychedelic road movies, westerns, and California noir." While in Manhattan, she spent several months as a livein rock gal pal, alongside Sune Wagner from the Danish band the Raveonettes. She was also a constant and integral part of the vibrant alt-country bluegrass scene and had some unforgettable, swoony nights with one of her heroes, Greg Garing, a downtown Nashville legend (now playing guitar with Hank Williams III). While photographing bands for a music festival, she met her current beau, Richie Eaton, singer/guitar player for the upstart loud and rowdy Anaheim band the Willowz.
Amanda wears her long, dark hair parted evenly down the middle, and very little makeup, preferring the unfettered, au naturel look to blatant eye-catching dazzle. Her scrubbed clean innocence, however, neatly belies the holy terror she regularly morphs into. Amanda admittedly teeters on the edge, drinks a lot of liquor, and brazenly acts out at clubs. She dresses like she's on her way to a love-in and is on a constant search for vintage boutique hippie garb. She speaks quickly and energetically, as if there might not be enough time to share all her antics before dashing off to one more show. We somehow fit our conversation in between gigs and parties and her oddball odd jobs.
"I remember crawling around my parents' big stone house. It's kinda sad-I was alone a lot," Amanda tells me. "I didn't see my dad much until I was seven, and we finally started talking when I was thirteen. We're more like buddies; he thinks I'm a total fuckup but he likes it because he was a total fuckup. I think he enjoys that I'm the only child of his getting arrested repeatedly and kicked out of schools."
The first memory of her stepmother still sends a prolonged shiver down Amanda's spine. "She's the banshee on the hill. I try not to think about her ghoulish, white, screaming face. In my childhood mind she represented a primordial sense of evil. I remember going to Dad's house when I was four and she told me if I made any noise, the witches upstairs were going to eat me. I have two half brothers, but I grew up with my mom. Her name is Celia Kay and she was in Island of the Blue Dolphins. But more frequently it was just me and my housekeeper, Mema. My first word was `agua,' Spanish for `water.' I'm still close with her. I don't care what my parents think of me. Mema's the only person I'm afraid of disappointing. She instilled the only morals I have. She's very nunlike and wanted me to be nunlike, but it didn't happen."
Amanda says that her "teenage problems" actually began when she was in grade school. "Things went sour with my mom so early. I made a conscious decision at about eight: `These people are crazy. If I'm going to grow up to be the person I want to be, I'm never going to depend on anybody or be afraid of anything."
She remembers blanking out to the Doors, leaving grief and chaos behind. "My mom and I fought viciously and I was in a constant state of unrest. Anything that blocked out the sound of the world was important to me. I had the swimming pool and I had my Walkman. I'd stay underwater as long as I could because it was silent down there. I'd press the Walkman against my ear and lose myself in the Doors, the Rolling Stones, Guns N' Roses, Led Zeppelin."
With so much time unattended and unrestricted, imaginative Amanda turned her first boyfriend into her own living, breathing rock star. "Matt was older than me and the embodiment of Jim Morrison because he wrote poems and played music that sounded like the Doors. I glorified the past and still do, so modern musicians have never intimidated me. I was aware that they were just people I could hang out with. The greats were gods, but it was easy to talk to mortals. Since I didn't have anything to say to anyone at high school, it seemed artists, musicians, and general L.A. weirdos were the only people I made sense with."
One of the most horrendous conflicts with her mother began when she spotted muddy footprints on Amanda's windowsill the night she lost her virginity. "But I never regretted sleeping with Matt for a second. He wrote the most beautiful poetry and love songs. He was a perfect teenage dream and such a bad boy. I loved him, but he got me really into drugs."
By using a fake ID, or charming the doormen, Amanda started haunting the Whisky, the Troubadour, and the Roxy. "I told stories up the wazoo about leaving my wallet at my grandmother's house. I just wanted to be on the Sunset Strip. It didn't matter who was playing, I wanted to be near the music."
Excerpts from Amanda's diaries convey her desolate state of mind:
11-20-96
Got in another fight with my mom and she sat there like a dumb bitch while one of her boyfriends screamed at me, threw stuff and hit me. I hate her so much I wanna kill them both. I'm so full of sadness and anger I'm going to end up killing myself if I stay here. Dad won't call me back. He is in Texas shooting a movie. I want to die. I'm not crazy.
4-12-97
Kara's Flowers played at the Alligator Lounge tonight. They think they are the Beatles. They light candles and sing like it's the '60s. I don't feel awkward at these places. I feel better in bars than in real life. [Kara's Flowers went on to become Maroon Five.]
4-15-97
I was reading the encyclopedia of serial killers under the bleachers at assembly and this boy said it was a terrible thing for a young girl to read. Whatever. There is so much I want to do. I want to figure out what my writing style is before it is tainted by the Brentwood English department. They are robots. I don't care if I never get a good grade or have any friends, I will never be boring and normal like them.
9-4-97
I hate 9th grade. I got stoned and went to the Whisky. Some drunk guy tried to dance with me and asked for my number. If he calls I'm going to tell him I'm a lesbian.
9-22-97
I met a guy named Matt and I love him. He is Jim Morrison I think. He doesn't live anywhere and he's 19, rides a dirtbike, wears a leather jacket, and smells like beer and cigarettes. I had to sneak out and it was really foggy and I saw him standing under the streetlight.
12-5-97
I just got back from the KROQ Christmas show. Jane's Addiction was really great. Art Alexakis from Everclear asked if I wanted to go back to the dressing rooms and I got freaked and told him I was 14. He was shocked but left me alone. Marilyn Manson invited us to go to a party with him in his limo!! (what kind of party would that be?!) but Lisa was too nervous. I'm so pissed we didn't go. I will never not do something because of my parents.
1-29-98
Being 15 is amazing. Last night I snuck out to see Matt and the moment I saw him I knew I would love him forever and he would never be mine. I don't care. He makes meth in a bathtub and sells it for a living. I don't mind. I want him to be the first person I have sex with.
He makes me a different person, more like a god. He's like a god.
1-30-98
I had sex with Matt last night and I'm so glad I did. We went driving on Sunset and he bought some acid at a 7-11. Then I snuck him in my window and we had sex. The only light was coming from my stereo. "Light My Fire" was playing. I wish I could have crawled into his brain.
7-30-98
Life is getting intense. I'm going to boarding school in the fall. I saw Ringo Starr at the Roxy last night. I called Matt and a girl answered and said he was in jail.
9-24-98
Boarding school fucking sucks, it's fucking cold. I took acid and called my mom and the phone was dialing itself and I couldn't stop laughing. My mother is an idiot. My roommate had a bad trip and almost got us caught. A senior girl talked her out of it, she's an old hippie. She likes the Grateful Dead.
11-7-98
I had some meth sent from CA and everybody loves it. Now I have a ton of money to buy acid in town. I stole my dad's credit card numbers and have accounts at all the stores. I'm gonna save money and run away back to L.A.
Acid notes:
Bacchus is lying on top of me. Ray Manzarek was an asshole. The inside of your lungs are basically the same as trees. Slash is my Dad. I'm reborn in guitars.
Let's Spend the Night Together: Backstage Secrets of Rock Muses and Supergroupies Page 34