“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Dante looked up, surprised by the question.
“What do you think I mean?” he answered. “I mean, I’m guessing you’re not spending the night round at her place.”
“Of course not, you’ve met her mum. She’s a nutcase.”
“Yeah, no wonder Charley don’t want to be around her. She’d do anything to get away from her, I know I would. That’s where you come in, mate.”
“You think she’s using me just to get away from her mum?” Bolton asked, incredulous, torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to slam his fist into Dante’s face.
Dante shrugged and picked up the rolled-up fiver.
“I wouldn’t put it past her,” he said, putting the fiver to his nose and lowering his head. “Girls are sneaky like that. When you’ve bedded as many as I have, you get to know how their minds work.”
“You trying to tell me you’re an expert now?”
“I’m just telling you how I see it,” Dante replied, snorting the line. “That girl ain’t no good for you. It’s a fact.”
“It’s your opinion,” Bolton corrected him. “And it’s not like you know what you’re talking about.”
Dante raised an eyebrow.
“Come on,” Bolton sighed. “How many girls you got knocked up?”
“None, because I ain’t stupid. I keep mine wrapped.”
“And how long has it been since your last girlfriend chucked you?”
“Months, and that’s the way I like it. I’m not a one girl kind of guy. I like options, you know that man.”
Bolton rolled his eyes and Dante caught him.
“It ain’t a joke, mate,” Dante said, pushing the packet of coke towards him. “You let a girl in and she’ll take you for everything you got.”
“Charley isn’t like that,” Bolton said. “She’s a good girl.”
“There ain’t no good girls round here. There are just bad girls and the girls who want you to think they’re good.”
Bolton eyed the cocaine and wondered whether he had time to have a few lines and calm himself down again before he had to be home to meet Charley.
Dante smiled, sensing his indecision.
“She’s got you under her thumb already,” he said, shaking his head.
“No she doesn’t,” Bolton said.
“Then what’s stopping you?” Dante asked. “Look, if you don’t want none then just tell me. If you do, and I know you man, then don’t worry about Charley finding out. I won’t tell her.”
Bolton felt his resolve wavering and Dante pressed his advantage.
“It’s great stuff,” he said, nudging the packet closer to him. “And it was a gift from Uncle Jasper. He’d want you to try it out, he wouldn’t have given it to us otherwise.”
Bolton sighed and reached for the packet. He cut himself a line and took the rolled-up note from Dante’s outstretched hand. Dante grinned.
As he snorted the line, Bolton heard his phone beep. It would be a text from Charley, making sure he remembered that she was staying over.
“She needs to get herself a life,” Dante said, guessing who the text was from. “Ain’t nothing attractive about a clingy girlfriend, I know that from personal experience.”
Bolton ignored him and sent her a reply, before cutting himself another line. He didn’t have to meet Charley for an hour yet, and it was only a ten minute walk back home from Dante’s house.
“That’s my boy,” Dante said, lounging back on the sofa, as Bolton put the note to his nose and had his second line.
* * *
Asher paid the bill at the counter and waited whilst Diane collected her coat. They had drunk three bottles of wine between them and Asher was feeling relaxed and mellow. Diane was tipsy and clutched his arm as they left the restaurant.
The cool November air whipped around them and Asher hoped that the sudden burst of fresh air wouldn’t sober him up before he had bid goodnight to Diane.
They walked a few blocks, huddled close against the wind, and Asher found himself thinking longingly of Carl. He imagined being on a date with him and the expectation of what would follow when the meal had finished. He wondered if Diane was expecting the same and shuddered at the thought.
Diane stuck her hand out and a taxi slowed down beside them. Diane scrambled into the back seat and motioned for Asher to follow.
Asher stood still, debating his options. Diane was waving him inside and the taxi driver was waiting for him, looking bored and impatient. He wanted to say goodnight and escape back home, but he couldn’t find the right words and climbed into the taxi beside Diane. She seemed pleased and linked her arm through his as she gave the taxi driver the address of her apartment.
Asher was relieved that the taxi was warm and he retreated back into the alcohol haze in his mind, only vaguely aware of his surroundings and Diane leaning against him, her cheeks flushed from the wine.
A few minutes later, the taxi slowed to a halt outside an apartment block and Diane fumbled for her handbag. Asher dug into his pockets, waving off Diane’s offer to pay, and handed the taxi driver the money.
“Keep the change,” Asher said, only half aware of how much he had tipped him, and climbed out of the backseat. He went round to the pavement and opened the other door for Diane. She climbed out and clutched the front of his jacket for support.
“Do you want to come in for coffee?” she asked, her face inches from his.
He wanted to say no, but he found himself nodding and she took him by the hand and led him through the entrance to the building. They travelled up to the fourth floor in the lift, both quiet, Asher wondering when he would be able to leave and how he was going to go about making his excuses. Perhaps he could pretend to get a phone call.
When the lift doors opened, he followed Diane down the corridor and waited whilst she searched for her keys and then unlocked her front door. She went inside, flicking light switches as she went, and Asher followed, his uncertainty rising.
He followed her into the lounge and paused when Diane turned to face him, a smile playing on her lips. She licked her lips and stepped forwards, closing the distance between them in two strides, pinning him against the wall.
Before Asher could say anything, Diane leaned in and kissed him, her mouth hungry. Asher kissed her back, wanting to pull away but knowing he had taken things too far and that he had to go. He wouldn’t be able to satisfy her because he wasn’t attracted to her.
“You don’t know how gorgeous you are,” Diane purred in his ear, her hands sliding down his chest and fumbling with his buttons. “You’re just delicious.”
Asher tried to open his mouth to make his excuses and leave, but Diane’s hands were wandering too low and he reached up to stop her. Diane slapped his hand away, smiling and swaying slightly.
“I’m in control now,” she said, her voice flirtatious and slurred. “You just relax.”
Asher was far from relaxed, his pulse quickening as panic filled him. He wanted to push her away and run but his body wouldn’t move.
“Now let’s get you out of these clothes,” Diane said, giving up on his shirt buttons and fumbling with his belt.
Asher remained frozen, wanting to stop her but unable to. Diane finally managed to unbuckle his belt and unzipped his trousers. Asher opened his mouth to tell her he was leaving but the words caught in his throat and he took a sharp intake of breath as Diane’s cold hand slipped inside his boxers.
CHAPTER TEN
“Stop, Diane.”
Asher knew that his voice had risen a few octaves above normal as he nudged her hands away from him and fumbled to do up his trousers.
Diane looked affronted for a moment before she crossed the room and sat heavily on the red couch, sighing in resignation.
Asher finished buckling up his belt and wiped the beads of cold sweat off his forehead, wondering whether he should make his exit.
“I’m sorry,” he said, already worrying about the r
umours that would start at the station after tonight. “I’m just not in the mood, you know.”
He hoped his voice sounded casual, but Diane looked at him and a half-smile played on her lips.
“There’s no need for you to apologize,” she said, leaning back against the cushions and kicking of her high-heels. “It was just wishful thinking on my part.”
“How do you mean?”
“I could tell you weren’t interested, but I was kidding myself that I still had a chance with you.”
Asher remained quiet and sat down on the adjacent couch, wondering whether he was overstaying his welcome. Diane glanced at him but didn’t say anything or ask him to leave.
“Do you want some more wine?” she asked.
“I don’t mind.”
“Well I could do with some,” Diane said, rising to her feet and leaving the room. Asher waited, fidgeting as he waited. Diane was still talking, her voice raised so he could hear her from the kitchen as she uncorked a bottle of wine, “I don’t normally embarrass myself on dates, you know.”
“You didn’t embarrass yourself,” Asher said, hoping he looked sincere as Diane returned to the room, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands.
She laughed and put the glasses on the coffee table and poured them each a glass.
“What else would you call it?” she asked, taking a long drink. “I just wanted to clear it up for you, before you go telling the guys at the station and I become a laughing stock.”
“I won’t tell anyone, you don’t have to worry about that.”
“I’ve heard that before. I know what the guys are like, they gossip more than girls do in that locker room.”
Asher knew that she was right. But he wouldn’t tell anyone, he knew that much. The thought of people, especially Carl, discussing what had transpired tonight was almost too much to bear.
He wondered if he should have let Diane do her thing and spent the night with her. It would have been easier to go along with it all, but he knew that it would never have worked. For a start, he couldn’t get it up for her. Not just her, but any woman.
“I wouldn’t even blame you,” Diane said, taking another drink. “I mean, I like a laugh about some hot piece of gossip just like the next person. I guess it’s different when the subject is you.”
“I was being serious before, I won’t tell anyone about tonight.”
“Even when your mate Carl asks how things went?” Diane asked, sounding doubtful.
“You don’t have any reason to be embarrassed,” Asher said. “It’s me that should be embarrassed.”
“Don’t be stupid. I knew you weren’t interested when you turned up but I still went ahead and tried it on with you. Maybe I’ve had too much wine.”
“It’s not your fault,” Asher said, trying to reassure her. “I just couldn’t, you know, go through with it.”
“I’m not that unattractive am I?” Diane said, sounding amused. “Jeez, I’ve heard some excuses but no one’s ever told me they couldn’t get it up for me before.”
“It’s not you, it’s –”
“Me?” Diane laughed. “Damn, I didn’t have you down as the type of guy who came out with lines like that.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s true. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. You’re an attractive woman, but I’m just not interested,” Asher said, feeling brave and irrational from the wine. He took another drink, aware that Diane’s eyes were on him now. “It’s because I’m gay.”
* * *
Charley waited at the entrance to Bolton’s block of flats and checked her phone for the tenth time since she had been standing there.
There were no texts and she was feeling impatient and pissed off. Bolton had agreed to meet her at ten, and it was quarter past and there was no sign of him. She thought of ringing him but she had already sent a text and left a voicemail message, and she was beginning to wonder whether she should just head home and put up with Toni’s ranting at how late she was coming in.
As she put her phone back in her handbag, she saw Bolton round the corner and walk under a streetlight. Her anger melted away, replaced by relief. He hadn’t stood her up, as she had feared he would.
“Where have you been?” she asked as he hugged her close to him. “I’ve been here twenty minutes. I sent you a text and left a message for you.”
“Sorry, babe,” he replied. “I was at Dante’s place and you know what he’s like.”
Charley sighed. She had known he would be spending his evening with his best mate, but that didn’t make it any easier to swallow. She knew he didn’t like her and yet she wasn’t sure why. He might be jealous of their closeness, but that seemed irrational because it wasn’t as if she were taking Bolton away from him. It was up to Bolton how he spent his time, and she couldn’t be blamed if he’d rather spend time with her than with him.
“You have a good night then?” she asked, as they let themselves into the block and made their way up the stairs, trying to hold their breath as the stench of urine overwhelmed them.
“It was fine,” he said, taking out his keys and unlocking the front door to the flat. “We just had a few cans and chilled out for a bit.”
They went quiet as they made their way to Bolton’s bedroom, careful not to wake his mother. She was fine with Charley staying over, but they didn’t want to push their luck by waking her up and putting her in a bad mood.
When they were ensconced in Bolton’s bedroom, Charley closed the door and drew the blinds. Bolton kicked his trainers off and threw his jacket onto the floor.
“Your mum’s going to go nuts when she sees the state of this room,” Charley said, sitting down on the bed and taking her own shoes off.
Bolton lay down beside her and stretched out, resting his head against the pillows, pulling her against him.
“She says she doesn’t like it, but I don’t think she minds too much,” he said, resting his head against hers. “It’s her way of checking up on me, cleaning up in here.”
“Maybe you should hide your condoms,” Charley said, “Or does she not check in your top drawer anymore.”
Bolton’s eyes narrowed and his lips twitched.
“She won’t find them,” he said, his lips hovering inches above hers, his eyes melting and his body tense. “But we could always use them up now, just in case.”
Charley smiled and leant in to kiss him. His pupils were small dots in his dark eyes and she wondered whether he had taken anything other than just a few cans of beer. She knew that Dante would encourage him, the bad influence that he was. And it wasn’t exactly a secret that he had experimented with drugs. Hell, even she’d experimented with some weed and coke.
As Bolton’s tongue explored her mouth and his hands slid down her stomach and into her knickers, all her worries evaporated and Charley groaned in pleasure and anticipation.
* * *
Asher watched Diane for her reaction, but her expression was unreadable. She took a long drink and placed the glass down on the coffee table.
“You aren’t just saying that to make me feel better?” she asked, her voice level but the amusement gone.
Asher shook his head, wishing he could say that it was. That would make his life so much easier.
“I guess it makes sense,” Diane said, lighting a cigarette and offering Asher one. He declined the offer, and Diane continued, pulling smoke deep into her lungs. “I mean, you never flirt with any of the girls and I’ve never seen you bring a girlfriend to work parties. And it explains why you nearly jumped out your skin when my hands went down, well, down there.”
Asher blushed and raised his glass to his lips, savouring the taste of wine. Diane was still scrutinizing him, but her body had relaxed and she seemed to have gotten over the embarrassment of a few minutes before.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” she asked, the amusement back in her voice now. “It would have saved a helluva lot of embarrassment on both our parts.”
“I guess I was scared,�
�� Asher replied.
It felt good to be telling the truth. He had never told anybody about his secret desires, the fear of reprisals or exposure always ensuring his silence. It was bad enough that people judged him based on the colour of his skin, always weary of him, assuming him to be a macho-male type determined to cause trouble. The last thing he wanted was to give people another reason to treat him differently.
And the thought of his mother’s reaction if she ever found out was enough to make him shudder. She would be furious, blaming him and herself and God, unable to understand that his sexuality wasn’t a choice; it was how he had been born. After all, why would he choose to make his life so difficult?
“Scared of how I’d react or scared that I’d tell everyone?” Diane asked, raising an eyebrow and sounding genuinely interested.
“Both, I guess.”
“You don’t have to worry, I’m not one to judge,” she said, smiling at him, and Asher relaxed for the first time since he had met her this evening. “Hell, if I was a lesbian it would probably make my life a lot easier. Then I wouldn’t have to put up with the whole chauvinistic world of the police force. And as for telling anyone, I won’t do it. It’s up to you when you come out, and you can count on me to keep a secret.”
“Thanks,” Asher said, taking another drink. “You’re the first person I’ve told.”
“Really? So you’ve never slept with a guy then?”
“Once,” Asher admitted, remembering the encounter with a mixture of embarrassment and excitement. “Just some guy I met online. We hooked up at his place and messed around, then I left and we never met again.”
“And women?”
“No, and not for lack of trying. When I was younger I thought I could ignore it all and get myself a girlfriend, hope it all went away. It was just a mess, the whole thing. She didn’t call me after that, and I didn’t want her to if I’m honest.”
“Life’s never as easy as you’d like it to be,” Diane said, refilling their wine glasses.
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