“You’re pathetic,” Asher said, pulling his shoes on and checking his pockets to make sure he wasn’t leaving anything behind. “We both know that your marriage to Clare is a joke. And whatever you say, you wanted me last night.”
Carl listened to him without speaking, his eyes on the countertop in front of him.
“Don’t worry about it,” Asher said, heading for the front door. “Your secret’s safe with me. I won’t tell anyone what happened.”
“Thanks,” Carl said, his voice quiet and still not meeting Asher’s eyes.
“It’s for my own sake,” Asher said as he opened the door. “I don’t want people to think I’m so desperate for sex that I’d sleep with a married man who can’t even admit to himself that he might be gay.”
“I’m not gay,” Carl said. “It was a mistake, I don’t know what got over me.”
“Don’t even bother making excuses,” Asher interrupted him. “You’re not fooling me and you can’t kid yourself. You can’t trick your body into being straight. I’ve tried it, and believe me, that’s not how it works.”
Carl opened his mouth to speak but Asher stepped out of the flat and closed the door behind him. He felt frustrated with Carl, not just for his behaviour and his denial, but because he couldn’t even be honest with himself.
Poor Clare, he thought. He let himself out of the building and strolled down the street, wondering what excuse he should give to Toni for being out all night. No doubt she would be full of questions when he got home.
* * *
Bolton returned home and found Charley waiting for him in the lounge, her head resting against some cushions and the television blaring.
“I’m back,” Bolton said, standing in the doorway. “And the guns will be gone by tomorrow.”
Charley looked up at him, her expression unreadable. He had been telling the truth. Uncle Jasper had rung him as Dante drove him back, with news that they had finished negotiations with the buyer and the transaction was scheduled for later in the evening.
Bolton moved further into the room, and when Charley didn’t protest, he sat down on the sofa and looked at her. He still regretted sleeping with Sapphire and felt the urge to confess all to Charley, but he knew that it would break her heart.
“I’m sorry about last night,” he said, reaching for her hand.
Charley was unresponsive but she let him wrap his hand around hers.
“Are you all right?” he asked, as the silence continued.
Charley turned to look at him, her eyes swimming with tears.
“I’m sorry, too,” she said, shaking her head. “I hate when we fight.”
Bolton shifted uncomfortably but pulled her close against him, stroking her hair. She softened in his arms and he knew that he could never tell her about his one-night stand with Sapphire.
“There won’t be any more fighting,” he said. “I promise.”
Charley nodded and Bolton knew that he was forgiven.
He turned his gaze to the television and they sat comfortably together, wrapped in each other’s arms, but his stomach continued to churn in discomfort.
He had made her a promise and he wasn’t sure he could keep it. Things might have gone back to normal, but he knew that there would be more fights between them. It was inevitable when he had a job she disliked and a best mate that she despised.
Worse than that, though, he had betrayed her and he knew that if she ever found out, both of their hearts would be broken. He thought of the promise he had made to her, and their baby, months ago when he had first been told about her pregnancy. Now he couldn’t help but think he had already broken that promise.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It was Christmas Eve and Toni trudged through the spattering of ice and snow across the estate, wrapped up in gloves, scarf and coat. She had said she was going to the shops and had slipped out of the flat, none of her children paying any attention to her except for perhaps sighing with relief that they could get up to mischief whilst she wasn’t there to supervise.
The streets were busy with people laden with shopping and Toni was relieved that she had already done hers. She had bought gifts and food, all wrapped and ready for tomorrow. She had thrown out Charley’s gift, knowing that she would not be there to collect it and with no intention to get across town to get it.
She saw the cafe at the end of the road and crossed herself. She was going against everything she held dear in meeting with Nathaniel Okoro. He was a bad man, as far as she was concerned, and she had no intention of prolonging their meeting any longer than she had to.
Pushing her way through the shoppers, she made her way into the cafe and looked around the small room with its cluttered wooden tables and flimsy chairs. She saw him before he noticed her. He was much the same as she remembered him, except for twenty years older. He still had a dangerous edge about him. He no longer wore crisp suits, but a fading raincoat and his trimmed facial hair was now a bushy beard that made her shudder.
He caught her eye and held up his hand. Bracing herself, she made her way through the jumble of tables and sat down across from him. The waitress came over but she didn’t order anything and waited whilst Nathaniel ordered a coffee.
“I’m glad you showed up,” he said, leaning forward and surveying her. “You haven’t changed much. Still a formidable force of a woman.”
Toni closed her eyes and prayed for the strength to get through this.
“God can’t help us,” Nathaniel said, smiling, showing a golden tooth amongst the yellowing ones. “Not after what we did. In case you’d forgotten.”
“I never forgot,” Toni said, remaining straight-backed in the chair. “And God will forgive me. I’ve paid my dues and repented.”
“I’m sure you have, but it isn’t as easy as all that.”
Toni glared at him but remained quiet as the waitress returned with a mug of coffee. She placed it in front of Nathaniel and he thanked her, wrapping his hands around the mug and sighing.
“I don’t have much time,” Toni said, determined to assert her authority over the proceedings. “What did you want to meet me for? I hope it wasn’t just to exchange pleasantries, because I don’t have time for that.”
“I think we both know why I’m here,” he said, blowing on his coffee. “I know I’ve been gone for a long time, but I want to change things. I’ve moved back to London.”
“It’s too late to change things. You’ve been gone for too long.”
“It’s never too late,” Nathaniel said, trying his coffee. Toni watched him, noticing a scar on the side of his face that she didn’t remember from before. “The Bible taught me that.”
“You can’t pick and choose which parts of the Bible you follow,” Toni said, shaking her head, feeling indignant. “You’re not a changed man. You still think that words alone are enough. Actions speak louder than words, remember that.”
Nathaniel considered her for a few moments.
“I know that this isn’t easy for you,” he said. “Seeing me after all these years must be hard. I didn’t mean to upset you. That’s why I sent the letters first, to try and pave the way for a meeting. I don’t want to cause distress for you, but you know why I’ve got in touch.”
“I won’t allow it,” Toni said. “No, I won’t allow you to do this.”
“I have a right. I want to see her.”
“The feeling isn’t mutual,” Toni said. “She’s never asked after you. She doesn’t want to know. We don’t want you in our lives.”
“I find that hard to believe. That she’s never asked about me, never wondered or wanted to get in touch. Unless you’ve told her your version of what happened.”
“I didn’t have to tell her anything,” Toni said, shaking her head. “Like I said, actions speak louder than words. You’ve told her all she needs to know just by staying away.”
“I want to make things right.”
“You’ll never be able to do that,” Toni said, getting to her feet. “Now I�
�m going home, and I don’t want to see or hear from you again.”
“Sit down, Toni. We haven’t finished talking yet. I’m not leaving until you’ve heard me out and you’ve agreed to let me see my daughter. I want to see Charley.”
Toni looked down at him, considering him for a moment. She remembered him as a young, alluring man and now she saw him as an older, perhaps wiser, man sat before her. She hated both.
“You’re dead to her,” Toni said, her voice loud and sharp, causing a few heads to turn in her direction. “If you want to do the right thing, don’t get back in touch. You’re not welcome.”
With that, she turned and hurried out of the café, leaving him at the table, hands wrapped around the mug of coffee. It wasn’t until she reached the end of the street that Toni realised she had been holding her breath. She breathed in deeply and shuddered.
If God loved her, that would be the last time she would ever see Nathaniel again.
* * *
On Christmas Day, Charley woke up and found Bolton in the kitchen, making her breakfast. They had overcome their recent argument, but Charley knew that there would be more. Their relationship was at a turning point. They both had things they wanted to say to each other, but neither one had spoken.
Bolton smiled when he saw her and slid the plate along the kitchen counter to her. Charley sat at the stool and picked up her knife and fork.
“This is a nice surprise,” she said, smiling. “Is this my Christmas present?”
Bolton laughed.
“You’ll have to wait until later for that,” he said with a wink.
After breakfast, they watched television and made the obligatory phone calls to friends and family. Charley was frustrated that Toni seemed to be in a bad mood, even on today of all days, but felt grateful that unlike her siblings, she wouldn’t have to put up with it. She chatted to Leigh-Ann for over an hour, until Leigh-Ann’s mother insisted they end the conversation so that Leigh-Ann could sit down for lunch.
Charley tried her hand at making the dinner, but Bolton took over, worried that she would burn the turkey and overcook the potatoes. Charley didn’t mind and took a glass of wine into the lounge, where she flicked through the channels and listened to the Christmas songs on the radio.
When they had finished dinner and done the dishes, Bolton covered Charley’s eyes with his hands and led her through to the bedroom. Charley was relieved that the guns were no longer in the flat. He had told her that there would be no more here, but something in his tone gave her reason to doubt him. She had deduced from this that Bolton would continue running the guns, he just wouldn’t store them here. The thought did little to relieve her worries, but at least they would no longer be in the flat to give her an unwelcome surprise when she went through the wardrobes.
“Is this my present?” she asked, as Bolton stopped her and told her to keep her eyes closed. She did as he instructed, curiosity and excitement building inside her.
She heard the wardrobe door open and close.
“Okay, you can open your eyes,” Bolton said.
Charley opened them and found Bolton standing in front of her, a hanger in his hand. An elegant red dress with silver lining hung on the hanger, sinking to the floor. It was beautiful. Charley put a hand to her mouth and gasped.
Bolton’s smile was infectious and she laughed.
“I don’t think I’ll fit into it for a few months,” Charley said, taking the hanger from him and turning the dress so she could see it from all angles.
“I got it specially made just for you,” Bolton said, impressing Charley with his thoughtfulness. “It cost a bit extra, but it’ll be worth it when you wear it on New Year’s Eve and outshine all the other girls.”
Charley beamed.
“It’s amazing,” she said, feeling emotional. This was the Bolton she had fallen in love with, not the argumentative boy who ran guns, but this sensitive and loving young man. “I guess this is the right time to give you your present.”
Bolton looked at her expectantly and Charley stifled a smile. She dropped to her knees and fumbled under the bed for the box she had hidden from him. Leigh-Ann had helped her choose the design, with a little help too from Bolton’s mum. She clasped it in her hands and stood up, handing the box to him.
He thanked her and flipped the box open. A large silver Rolex watch glistened on a velvet cushion.
“It’s great,” he said, pulling it out and adjusting the strap to fit around his wrist.
“Read the back,” Charley said, turning the watch over in his hand.
They both looked down, where a small inscription was engraved into the silver, the writing small and elegant.
“‘To Bolton. Together forever. Love Charley’,” Bolton read it aloud, smiling.
“Do you like it?” she asked.
Bolton nodded and pulled her against him. Charley felt him stir against her and kissed him. Bolton deepened their kiss, his hands running over her curves.
“I’ll show you how much I like it,” he said, his eyes melting as he guided her to the bed and lay her down. “And we don’t have anywhere to be for the rest of the day.”
* * *
Toni served out Christmas dinner and took her seat at the kitchen table. Asher sat on her right, looking downcast but forcing a smile as his mother offered him the knife to carve the turkey. Torey sat across from him, sulking because Toni had taken her phone off her and informed her that she wouldn’t get it back until after dinner.
Huw sat opposite Toni, excited by the festive spirit and singing along to Christmas carols on the radio, waiting with excitement to pull the crackers.
Toni tried not to think about yesterday’s confrontation with Nathaniel, but it seeped into her every thought as she wondered whether he would leave them alone. She had made her opinions clear but she knew what he was like and that made her worried.
He was a far cry from her children, whom she had a measure of control over, even if they did disobey her. She had no influence over Nathaniel. There was a time when she had, but she tried not to think about the past. She had been able to click her fingers and watch him come running. Now they were both older and wiser, and Nathaniel had a mind of his own and his desires were in direct opposition to hers.
He wanted to see Charley. Toni knew that he had every right to want a relationship with her. He was her father no matter how much Toni wished it wasn’t the case. The fact that Nathaniel had played no part in her life made no difference. Toni knew them both too well. If Charley found out he was in London, she would want to meet him. She was too curious and too hell bent on causing trouble for herself and her mother to do anything else, Toni thought.
She sometimes wondered if her difficult relationship with Charley stemmed from her dislike of Nathaniel. No, she told herself. Charley was a troublemaker, that was why they were so often at each other’s throats. Nathaniel had no effect on her anymore, other than to make her worried.
Asher finished cutting the turkey and dished it out around the table. Toni smiled around at her, receiving a grin from Huw and a look of disgust from Torey, who was still annoyed with her.
At least for now, everyone was safe from Nathaniel’s corrupting influence. Toni had spoken to Charley earlier and could tell from her voice that nothing had changed. Nathaniel had not found out where Charley was. Perhaps he still thought she lived here.
Toni took a bite of turkey and wondered at her own cooking. She had learnt from her mother, and wished that she had a daughter worthy of passing her recipes on to. Maybe she would pass it on to Asher’s wife when he got married. She would surely be a worthy woman, if Asher had chosen her as a bride. Charley and Torey were too stubborn and disinterested to appreciate the art of cooking.
With everyone busy eating, Toni felt herself relax and the tension began to lift. Carols filled the room from the radio, and she began to feel herself getting into the spirit of the holiday. She smiled at Asher, and he smiled back.
Yes, she told herself.
Nathaniel would go away now, and everything would be fine.
* * *
Nathaniel Okoro sat in his small bedsit and ate the remains of his Chinese take away from the night before. Crumpled cans littered the floor of the kitchenette, but he was used to the mess. Never married and without a steady job, he was used to small and cramped surroundings.
He flicked through channels on the television and wondered what his daughter was doing. He expected she was with Toni. He didn’t know if Charley knew he was back, but he didn’t think she did. He knew Toni well, and he knew that she liked to keep her cards close to her chest. She never shared a problem and was resolute in her determination to ignore things.
He remembered her as a young woman, when he had first met her. She had been attractive and fiercely independent. She had been large and short, but she carried it well and her personality had won him over. She had fought back when he had started an argument and she wasn’t averse to raising her hand to him if he did the same to her.
They had shared a fiery relationship but like all similar romances, it had burnt out. Perhaps because the fire had been too strong between them, but Nathaniel liked to think that it just hadn’t been the right time and that, if things had been different, maybe they would have married and their relationship could have lasted.
As he finished his meal, he shook himself out of his memories. There was no good to come out of reminiscing. It was too late for him and Toni, but it wasn’t too late for him to build a relationship with his daughter, no matter what Toni said.
Something told him that Toni had not been entirely honest about Charley not wanting a father figure. Everyone wanted a father. Especially young girls. They wanted their father to walk them down the aisle and give them away on their wedding day. And Nathaniel wanted to be there for her. He regretted not being there for her so far, but he had just followed Toni’s wishes and kept his distance. Now he was tired of keeping his distance and wanted to take action.
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