It had caught her eye because the address was handwritten and that meant that it was personal, not the printed addresses on bills. She had opened it at the kitchen table and sat open-mouthed as she read it.
The letter was from her father. Nathaniel Okoro. She had never met him and her mother had never told her about him, especially not that he had recently returned to London and that they had met up at a cafe on Christmas Eve. The thought both angered and disappointed her. Her mother had kept quiet about him being back in the area, but she was sure that her mother had good reason. Maybe she had kept her in the dark for a good reason.
He had told her little about himself in the letter, just that he had been away from London for a long time and that he was sorry he had never been in touch with her. He said that he wanted to make up with her and try to build a relationship, but only if she wanted to as he accepted that she had a life of her own and that he hardly had a right to expect a warm welcome after so much time had passed.
Charley stopped her pacing and sat on the bed, hugging her robe closer to her. She felt uncertain and caught off guard by the letter, but she also knew that she wanted to meet him. As a young girl she had often wondered what her father was like, and had held out hope that one day he would swoop in and rescue her from her mother and all would be forgiven.
She knew that this changed everything now. Her mother would not be happy that she was in touch with her father, but Charley wasn’t concerned. She just wanted answers from her as to why she hadn’t been told that her father was back in London and had, according to him, been in touch with Toni for a few weeks.
She also knew that her siblings would be affected by the surprise reappearance of her father. Torey and Huw saw their father at increasingly infrequent times and Charley wondered if they would feel jealousy or compassion for her. Asher, whose father had died when he was young, would be the most affected.
Charley liked to think that she and Asher had bonded over the fact that neither of them had a father, and she had felt a strong connection with him as they were left at home with their mother whilst Torey and Huw spent time with their own father. Now that was changing and Charley hoped that Asher would not feel betrayed by her desire to reconnect with her dad.
She briefly considered how he had gotten her home address, but that was hardly the most important thing to consider. She wanted to tell Bolton and ask for his advice, but with things still so rocky she didn’t want to disturb him at work, or wherever he was, and further alienate him.
Instead of ringing Bolton, she picked up her phone and dialled her mother. It was time she got some answers from her and let her know she wanted to meet Nathaniel Okoro.
* * *
Bolton lay back in bed and lit a cigarette. Beside him, Sapphire lit one for herself and picked up the ashtray, placing it on the damp sheets between them.
Since New Year’s Eve, and the argument with Charley, Bolton had become increasingly involved with Sapphire. He felt an increasing isolation from Charley, and he knew that he was as much to blame as she was. Their relationship was filled with pressure and responsibility, and he wanted to run a mile but knew that he couldn’t desert her and leave her to raise his child as a single mum with no support from him.
He still loved her, and he knew that he always would. That didn’t mean, though, that he wanted to spend all of his time with her. She was quite happy to sit at home and wait for him, but he wasn’t made like that. He needed excitement and the home life that Charley desired didn’t appeal to him.
With Sapphire, there was no responsibility and no strings attached. She was fun and likeable, and even if she wasn’t the thinnest or most attractive girl on the estate, she had a nice face and the sex was great.
Neither of them was expecting a long term commitment; or any commitment at all. Bolton just needed a way to let off some steam and a break from the monotony and responsibility of life with Charley. Sapphire, for her part, wanted sex whilst her boyfriend Chris was banged up in prison and unable to fulfil her needs.
They were both clear that when he got out, their liaisons would come to an end. Bolton was fine with that. He didn’t want Sapphire as a girlfriend and he didn’t want to finish things with Charley. He was quite happy to balance both his family life and his single lifestyle, so long as they didn’t intertwine. That was when problems would start to arise.
A car backfired outside and Bolton glanced out of the window. He was expecting Dante to pick him up soon. He had been doubtful when he had learnt that Bolton and Sapphire were spending so much time together, but Bolton had insisted that they were both aware of the nature of their liaisons, and Dante had come around to it, mainly because he knew it would piss off Charley if she ever found out. Bolton checked his watch. They had to collect a shipment of guns, which they now stored at Bolton’s mum’s house, and drive them over to where the buyer had arranged to meet them.
The business deals were bringing in a lot of money and Bolton was enjoying himself. He had enough money to pay all of his bills and still flash the cash about. The risks were high, but Bolton was beginning to forget about them. Making money was like an addiction, and the more he made the more risks he wanted to take in pursuit of the next earner.
His phone beeped from the pocket of tracksuit bottoms, which lay in a heap on the floor, kicked off in a rush of adrenaline and lovemaking.
“That’ll be Dante,” Bolton said, pulling the sheets off him and jumping out of bed, putting his cigarette out in the ashtray. “I’d better go, we’ve got some big orders today.”
“Be careful,” Sapphire said, watching him dress from the bed.
When he’d dressed, Bolton considered her for a moment.
“I’ll come around tomorrow,” he said, and Sapphire nodded.
He let himself out and found Dante waiting in the car outside, tapping his hand on the steering wheel in time with Tinie Tempah’s latest song, blaring out of the speakers.
“You ready?” Dante asked, lowering the music as Bolton climbed in beside him.
“Let’s go make some more money.”
* * *
Charley walked into her mother’s kitchen and found her sitting on a stool, a folded newspaper in front of her. She looked up as she came in, a weary look on her face.
“All right mum?” Charley asked, sitting down.
Toni nodded.
“Where is everyone?” Charley asked, noticing how quiet the flat was.
“Huw and Torey are at school and Asher’s back at work,” Toni replied. She got up and filled the kettle, not meeting her eyes. “You said on the phone that you wanted to talk?”
“Yeah, I got a letter this morning,” Charley said. At the counter, Toni’s back stiffened, but Charley pressed on. “It’s from my dad.”
“Really?” Toni’s voice was calm, but Charley knew it was forced.
“He says he’s been out of the country but now he’s back in London,” Charley said. She waited for Toni to say something, but she had busied herself pouring two mugs of tea and kept quiet. “He said he’d been in touch with you. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Toni paused, before she picked up the mugs of tea and brought them to the table. She put one in front of Charley, before taking one for herself and sitting back on the stool.
“There was nothing to say,” she said.
“So you did meet up with him on Christmas Eve then?”
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Charley asked.
Toni took a sip of tea and looked at her, shaking her head.
“It wasn’t a good time,” she replied.
Charley felt her frustration mount. She had come here for answers but she wasn’t getting anywhere, and she began to wonder why she had thought it would be a good idea.
“How long have you known he’s been back?” she asked.
“He sent me a letter a while ago.”
Charley shook her head, pieces of the jigsaw falling into place.
�
�That one you hid from me? I asked you about it and you said it was nothing,” Charley said. “Why didn’t you just tell me then?”
“I didn’t realise he’d keep trying,” Toni said, drinking more tea.
“I still had a right to know,” Charley said. She looked at her mother, but Toni didn’t seem to want to talk anymore. She took another drink and looked down at the table.
Realising she wasn’t getting any answers, Charley pressed on.
“What happened when you met him?” she asked.
“It was a short visit.”
“I need a bit more than that, mum,” Charley snapped, her temper flaring. She hated how she was losing her cool whilst her mother sat there, unmoved and unconcerned. “Did he ask to meet me?”
“He said he wanted to see you and I told him it wasn’t a good idea.”
“Why?”
“I just didn’t think you’d want to see him,” Toni said. Her expression was hard to read, but Charley knew that she was being defiant.
“You should’ve asked, not just assumed you knew what I was thinking,” Charley said, slamming her hands on the table, making the mugs of tea jump. Toni looked at her in surprise, but Charley continued. “You don’t know everything, mum.”
“I thought it was for the best,” Toni shrugged. “Anyway, I see he didn’t listen to me.”
“And if he had, you’d have just let me think he’d never tried to see me, wouldn’t you?”
“You’ve never shown any interest in him before,” Toni said, holding up her hands.
“Only because you cut me down whenever I asked about him. In the end I just stopped asking, because I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere.”
Charley felt her hands shaking from the stress of trying to get the truth from her mother and took a sip of tea, clasping her mug so that Toni wouldn’t see the affect she was having on her. Toni considered her before speaking.
“I had my reasons,” she said.
“Like what?” Charley asked. She looked at Toni, willing her to give her some information, but Toni remained still as stone. “Come on, mum. You owe me some answers.”
Toni sighed and Charley was surprised to see how agitated she looked.
“I just don’t think you should meet him,” she said.
“Why not?” Charley pressed.
“Just take my word for it.”
Charley groaned.
“Is he dangerous, is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Charley asked, leaning forward, her eyes wide. Toni looked at her and bowed her head. Charley watched her for a moment, and a thought struck her. “Oh, I get it,” she said, shaking her head in disgust. “You just don’t want me to have a relationship with him, do you? You’re pathetic, mum.”
She rose to her feet, her chair scraping loudly on the tiles, and grabbed her handbag.
“You’re just like him sometimes,” Toni said, watching Charley without moving. “You do what you want with no care for anyone else.”
Charley snorted.
“And you don’t mum?”
She turned to leave, when Toni spoke.
“It’s a bad idea,” she said.
Charley turned around and looked at her mother, still sitting down, hands wrapped around the mug, looking supremely unconcerned and defiant in her posture.
“I don’t care,” Charley said, shaking her head. Her mind had been made up. “I want to meet my dad, and I’m going to.”
* * *
“Wait a minute, Ash.”
Asher stopped at the edge of the car park and turned to face Carl. He waited whilst Carl walked towards him, looking frustrated and nervous.
“What do you want?” Asher asked, hands in pockets. “I’ve got to get my train home.”
“I know, this is only going to take a minute,” Carl said, stopping a few feet from him and shifting his weight from foot to foot. “I just wanted to check there were no, erm, hard feelings or anything.”
Asher looked at him contemptuously.
“Why would there be?” he asked, trying not to sound too hurt. “It’s not like anything happened, right? I thought that was what you wanted, to forget the whole thing?”
Carl glanced up at him and Asher saw the worry etched onto his face.
“I did,” he said, “I mean, I do. I just wanted to make sure that we’re still cool.”
“Still cool?” Asher repeated.
“Yeah, I mean, we’re still mates, right?”
Asher shook his head, hardly able to believe his ears. He turned on his heel and began walking down the road towards the tube station. He heard footsteps behind him.
“Please,” Carl said, following him. “I’m sorry about the way I acted before, I just didn’t know what to do.”
Asher stopped walking and turned to face him.
“Look, you made it clear you’re a straight guy,” Asher said, shrugging. “Just go back home to Clare and forget anything happened. It’s no skin off my nose.”
He felt his palms sweating in his pockets and couldn’t quite meet Carl’s eye.
“I just thought we should talk,” Carl said, his voice uncertain. “Maybe we could grab a pint or something down the pub.”
“There’s no need,” Asher shook his head. “We both know where we stand.”
He turned to go but Carl took a step forward.
“Please, I don’t know what else to say,” Carl said.
Sweat was forming on his forehead and he wiped it away, running a hand through his hair and Asher sensed his discomfort. He felt sorry for him, but he didn’t want to get hurt again.
Carl looked at him, waiting for him to say something. Asher kept quiet, not wanting to make it any easier for him, whatever he was trying to get off his chest.
“Right, I know I messed up,” Carl said, agitated. “I just thought we could clear the air, but if you don’t want to, then I guess not.”
He paused, looking like he wanted to leave. Asher sighed.
“What is it that you’re trying to say?” Asher asked, his tone softer. “Just be honest with me, because I’m getting confused. One minute you’re ignoring me because I kiss you. Then you’re kissing me and we’re in bed together. Then you’re telling me you’re straight and it was all a mistake, and now this. I’ve heard of denial, but this yo-yo shit is messing me up.”
Carl looked at him, his eyes clear, trying to find the words. Asher waited, almost holding his breath as he waited to hear what he was going to say. It was time for the truth, no more messing around.
“Come on, Carl,” Asher said, feeling exasperated. “Let’s just get this sorted now. This isn’t doing anyone any good. Just be honest, and then we’ll be getting somewhere.”
“I was confused,” Carl said, talking quietly, so that Asher had to listen hard to hear him over the traffic. “I mean, I knew things weren’t right with Clare. We married fresh out of college before either of us knew what we really wanted. Then when you kissed me, I don’t know, something clicked.”
Asher listened, not wanting to interrupt, holding his breath.
“I didn’t know what to do or what to think,” Carl continued, shooting anxious glances at Asher. “That’s why I was ignoring you. I needed to sort some shit out in my head. Then at the party, I don’t know, I’d had a bit to drink and I couldn’t stop myself. When I woke up, I panicked. I mean, its one thing thinking about stuff like that, but actually doing it is something else. And I just freaked out, I wasn’t sure what to do and that’s why I acted like a jerk.”
“So what happens now?” Asher asked, when Carl fell quiet, lost in contemplation. “Now you’ve had some time to think. What do you want to do?”
Carl was silent for a few moments.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s so much to take in. I mean, I’ve got a wife and nobody knows. No one even suspects, you know?”
“You think I’m out and proud?” Asher asked, taking a step forward. “The only person I’ve ever told is Diane. Everyone else is waiting for me to
bring home a wife.”
Carl looked at him, confusion in his eyes.
“But that’s not going to happen,” Asher continued. “I couldn’t do that to myself or her. It wouldn’t be fair. Not when I know that I’m gay.”
“You mean like what I’ve done?” Carl asked, shaking his head. “I’ve been such an idiot. I thought that if I married Clare, maybe had a couple of kids, the feelings would stop.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” Asher said. “But at least you’re starting to admit it to yourself. It’s just up to you what you do next.”
“You mean if I stay with Clare?” Carl asked. “Stay with her and keep pretending to be something I’m not? I don’t know if I can do that, not anymore.”
Asher fell quiet, watching Carl battle his emotions.
“I can’t keep on like this,” he said. “Not after being with you, not now I’ve got all these other feelings. It’s like you let them all out, and now I can’t get rid of them.”
“But it’s up to you what happens now,” Asher said, trying to be gentle with him, not wanting to scare him off. “You’ve got to take the next step and make a decision.”
“I already know what I want to do,” Carl said, taking a deep breath. “I’ve known for a while, I was just too scared to admit it to myself. I want to be with you.”
Asher felt his breath catch in his throat. Carl looked up at him and their eyes met. A smile played on Asher’s lips, his heart soaring.
“I want to be with you too,” he said, taking a step forward and putting his hands on Carl’s shoulders, looking into his eyes. “I love you, Carl.”
Carl nodded, the agitation easing from his face.
“I think I love you too.”
* * *
Charley opened her eyes and took a moment to adjust her eyesight to the dark room. She heard the front door of the flat close and footsteps in the lounge. She closed her eyes and kept her breathing soft, not wanting to let Bolton know that she was still awake.
It was midnight and she wondered whether he had been at work until this late, or if he’d been out partying with Dante and his mates. She listened as Bolton stripped down and a beam of light played across the room from the ensuite bathroom.
The Goldsworth Series Box Set Page 58