by LJ Bradley
“Claire.”
On a roll now, she ignored Mason’s warning tone. “You told me you liked her and wanted to ask her out,” she went on. “I said you were too old for her, too experienced, too everything. You promised me you’d leave her alone—so now what? Three years later those promises suddenly mean nothing?” She must have realised the exact moment she’d made a mistake because her mouth clamped shut and her eyes darted across to mine.
Mason wouldn’t look my way, but his thumb swept over my hand like he wanted to soothe me. My breath caught. My face grew hot. I could barely process what I’d heard let alone take comfort from his touch. Three years? Three years. All this time and neither of them had said a thing?
My eyes burned as I looked from Mason to Claire. When neither of them seemed to know what to say my gaze shifted to Andy. He offered no comfort other than a sympathetic smile.
So, he’d been in on it, too.
I felt like a fool, the butt of a joke I didn’t understand. An unfamiliar rage welled inside me, rising and gaining momentum until it took everything in me not to yank my hand from Mason’s and dive on Claire.
Why hadn’t anyone told me? My sister, the one who supposedly only ever wanted the best for me, had made a choice on my behalf like my opinion didn’t matter. She’d taken something from me that would have made me happy. And Mason. Why hadn’t he told her to back off and stay out of his love life? One request from her had been enough to put his feelings on hold, kind of like they weren’t important enough to withstand the pressure in the first place.
“I can’t believe you all just—” My voice broke and I paused to swallow and try again. “Why would you do something like that? I’m not a child. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, Claire. None of you do!”
Mason turned to me. “Sadie, honey—”
“Don’t call me that.” The tenderness behind the endearment only made me want to cry. “Don’t be nice to me. Don’t say anything at all.” I slipped my hand from his and blinked away my tears. If I’d been one for public scenes I would have stomped my foot and screamed out my frustration to the world, but I refused to let myself go there. “I can’t handle this right now. I need to be on my own.”
One of my sister’s friends shouted from the kitchen that their shots were ready. Claire closed her eyes for a moment and rubbed her forehead. “Look, I have to go,” she said, throwing me an apologetic glance. “Can we talk about this tomorrow?”
At my hard stare, she sighed in defeat and headed over to her friends. Andy squeezed my shoulder then took off to check on the other guests, leaving me alone with Mason.
With a sinking stomach I turned to face him. Looking up at him now only reminded me of the years we could have had together, and I had to swallow to ease the ache in my throat. Despite knowing about their secret agreement, the pathetic, enamoured girl in me still wanted to seek comfort from him. How sad was that? “I’m heading home,” I told him. “I guess I’ll just see you when I see you. I mean, if Claire lets you.”
He raked a hand through his hair, his expression so heartfelt I immediately regretted my jab. “Stay. Come back to my room with me.”
Diving into the private world we were immersed in only a short time ago would have been the easiest way to deal with the situation. I could have pushed aside what I’d just learned or found a way to appreciate the fact that for whatever reason they’d both thought they were doing the right thing for me. If I didn’t stand my ground now though, I’d only be showing them it was okay to walk all over me. “I don’t want to talk. I want to get out of here. Alone.”
I still lived at home, but my parents had gone to Fiji to celebrate their thirtieth wedding anniversary, leaving me freedom to blubber in private without anyone around to ask questions or feel sorry for me.
Mason stared at me with a torn expression for the longest time. When it reached the point that I began feeling lost and hopeless and desperate for the security of his arms around me, he pulled me closer and engulfed me in a hug that pushed the breath from me. My eyes welled with tears and I tucked my face against his chest to soak up his warmth one more time.
“Don’t let this change how you feel about me,” he said, pulling back to gaze down at me. Seeing the concern in his face nearly broke me, and I looked away to keep hold of my composure. “I’ll call you later. We’ll talk, okay?”
I shook my head and glanced past him to the kitchen where Claire still stood with her friends, knowing I’d have to head over there at some point if I wanted to collect my bag. Better to get it over with now rather than dragging it out any longer. “Don’t worry about it,” I told him. “I’ll be going straight to bed.”
Instead of trying to convince me, he stroked his fingertips down my arm and pressed a kiss on my forehead. With an inward sigh I steeled myself against the shiver that ran through me and stepped away from him. As I prepared for my next encounter with my sister, Andy called out my name. I looked up to find him walking toward me with his brows raised and my bag dangling from his fingers.
I smiled and made my way over to him.
At least someone had my back tonight.
CHAPTER TWO
Mason
Before Claire and I became friends, we were only aware of each other in that way you were whenever you shared the same space, exchanging a few words here and there, a smile if we happened to make eye contact. I didn’t know much about her other than the fact nearly everyone in our grade had a high opinion of her, including the teachers.
It was on day two of our school camp to the Macedon Ranges when things between us changed. A guide had split our class into teams so we could rotate through activities that were supposed to teach us about leadership and how to work as a team, the kind of stuff ten-year-olds generally reacted to by groaning. Claire and I were put in the same group, our first activity a hike along a trail that followed the winding river for a while before it ascended into the mountains.
She was several paces in front of me walking beside a friend of hers, the two of them talking a mile a minute while they completely ignored their surroundings. The boy behind them, Jamie, was the kind of kid who’d needed round-the-clock supervision or he’d find some pretty novel ways to make trouble.
During the first fifteen minutes of the hike he kept to himself and didn’t say more than a few words to anyone. I couldn’t put my finger on why it bothered me or what made me want to watch him instead of what was going on around me. I just remember knowing something was up.
When he looked at Claire’s feet then switched his attention to the stick in his hand, it all clicked into place.
Unfortunately, the little shit moved too fast for me.
We were passing through a narrow section where rocks were embedded in the gravel and a couple of fallen tree trunks bordered the path. When Claire jumped over one of the bigger rocks, Jamie picked that moment to strike. During the split second she spent mid-air he shoved the stick in her direction, smacking her foot with enough force to send her flying. She had nowhere safe to land, nothing to stop her fall. His laughter and her scream filled the air, then she hit the ground with a thud so hard it made me flinch.
I didn’t grow up around brothers or sisters and at that age I’d had no experience with the ways kids could sometimes torture one another. The sight of her pulling herself to a sitting position while she cried and held her bloody nose sent a white-hot rage through me. I was torn between trying to help her or pummelling the kid who’d caused her pain.
In the end I figured I could do both if I was quick enough.
While Jamie stood there, eyes wide with fake innocence and hands in the air, I rushed him and dragged him to the ground without even a second’s thought. Some of my punches missed the mark and others connected, but I kept on going until someone yanked me off him far too soon.
As the teacher reprimanded me and the guide took care of Claire, she watched me through tear-soaked eyes, staring at me like I’d just done something incredible. I re
member my chest puffing out under all the attention, and it felt so good I hadn’t given a crap about missing out on the other activities as punishment. I would have done it again if it meant helping Claire.
When I finally got to catch up with her later that day, the event that brought us together created an instant connection, and it didn’t take long for me to figure out why everyone liked her. She treated me like a friend right from the start, and although it was a while before I discovered just how hard she could be on herself, she rarely pushed those same strict standards onto anybody else.
My interest in girls had still been a couple of years from kicking into high gear at that point, so we’d started as friends and stayed that way, neither of us ever tempted to try for more.
We may have encountered some challenges in the time we’d known each other, but we’d always found our way through them.
Time would tell if we could work our way through this one, too.
It took Claire all of ten minutes to clear everyone from the house, her excuses ranging from tiredness to noise complaints from the neighbours. She ushered each person out the door with a smile worthy of an Oscar, then grabbed a garbage bag as if she wanted to strangle it and dived into cleaning up like a woman possessed.
Andy disappeared straight after the last guest, announcing he was heading off to bed to give the two of us a chance to talk. Asshole knew exactly what he was doing. Not only did it mean avoiding the whole clean-up process, he’d also passed the job of pulling his fiancée from her shitty mood on to me.
Now the place was quiet it would have been the perfect time for Claire to start talking but shooting glares my way seemed to appeal to her more. The last scowl as she stalked by pushed my patience to its limit.
I shifted one of the couches back to its usual position, waiting while she bent over the coffee table to shove some cans and paper plates into the bag. An angry action followed every one of her movements, like she needed a form of physical punctuation to keep reminding me how much she hated me. It probably would have made me smile if I hadn’t been so pissed.
“Claire.”
She grabbed a napkin and threw it in with the other crap, but it mustn’t have made a satisfying enough sound because she kicked the bag against the leg of the coffee table. When no answer came, I spared the ceiling a glance and blew out a sigh. The silent treatment had always been a major downside to having a girl for a best friend.
Just as I opened my mouth to try again, Claire dropped the bag and sank onto the edge of the sofa. She threw me a look over her shoulder then groaned and hid her face in her hands. Her blue dress dipped low in the back and her bent position highlighted all the bumps in her spine. She looked fragile now rather than fierce, and the sight had any anger I’d been feeling toward her disappearing.
With a loud breath, I stepped around the couch and took the seat beside her. She’d pulled her hair into a knot on top of her head, and a few loose strands had got tangled in the catch on her necklace. My palm came to rest between her shoulders, my thumb flicking the blonde wisps free.
As time ticked on and the silence continued, it became increasingly obvious she wouldn’t be the one to speak first.
I wanted to ease her mind, make her understand everything between Sadie and me would turn out fine, even if we didn’t make it as a couple. There were only a handful of people in my life I’d do anything for, and she’d been at the top of that list for a long time now. Being with her in my room earlier had only solidified those feelings, especially now I knew they weren’t one-sided.
“I love her,” I finally said. Sadie should have been the one to hear those words first, but I needed to get through to Claire and make sure we were on the same page. “I’m in love with her. Have been for years.”
She pressed her fingers to her closed lids and let out a moan that came from somewhere deep down. “I know.”
My hand froze as I stared at her profile. Even though I’d told her about my interest in Sadie, I’d never gone into detail about how strong my feelings were. “How?”
“I’ve seen the way you look at her. It’s always when you think no one’s watching and every time it just… it makes me want to go into a full-scale panic attack.” She pulled her hands from her face and straightened, chewing on her lower lip the same way Sadie did whenever something bothered her. “She feels the same way about you. I’m guessing you already know that.”
“She already talked to you about this?”
“No.” Claire gave me a fleeting smile. “She sneaks looks at you as well. It’s so pathetically romantic I can barely stand watching the two of you.”
I frowned and tried to get my head around what she’d told me. If she could see how much we cared for each other it should have made her happy not anxious. “If you know all this, why are you so against us being together?”
She shot me a direct look then shifted her attention to blank screen of the TV. “Because she looks at you the same way I looked at him.”
Her comment didn’t require further clarification. I knew she was talking about the idiot she’d had a thing for back in high school. Spiked black hair, leather jacket, and a shit-eating grin came to mind, along with the familiar urge to punch his weasel face. The combination of Justin and Claire had never made sense to me, but I’d given up trying to figure out what teenage girls were thinking back when I was a teenager myself. “Right. You never told me why that ended. You were together one minute and then just… nothing.”
As soon as they stopped seeing each other Claire refused to talk about him. She avoided looking in his direction at school, stayed away from the areas he normally hung out. He’d been all she could focus on for months, then the guy slipped off her radar and ceased to exist as far as she was concerned.
“Funny that.” Claire gave me a tight-lipped smile. “I got pregnant.”
“What?” A jolt went through me as I scrambled to process the information. How the hell could I have missed that? I thought the breakup had been initiated by him and she’d gone quiet to protect herself. I was sixteen. My thoughts revolved around girls and sports. There was no way it would have occurred to me to ask if he’d got her pregnant. “How did I not know that? Why didn’t you tell me?”
She squeezed my forearm and tried to smile, but it only came off looking pained. “I didn’t want to dump my problems on you. I knew how you felt about him. I told Justin. He was the only guy I slept with, but he turned out to be an embarrassing cliché and said it could have been anyone’s. He wanted nothing to do with me after that. Wouldn’t even look at me.”
She couldn’t disguise the hurt in her voice. It might have happened over ten years ago, but it didn’t stop my hands from clenching into fists now. “You should have told me. It would have given me a good excuse to beat the shit out of him.”
Her mouth turned up on one side. “You were always looking for a reason.” She glanced down at her hand, spinning the engagement ring around her finger. “Two weeks after I found out, I started cramping during last period at school. It got worse on the way home, and I lost the baby that night. I cried so much my parents didn’t know what to do with me and couldn’t go back to school for the rest of the week. I loved Justin. I thought he felt the same way about me, and that maybe, I don’t know… maybe we could have found a way to make it work.” She drew in a long breath and let it out slowly. “I was such an idiot.”
I took her hand and threaded my fingers through hers. “He was the idiot.”
She shook her head and sighed, like nothing I said could convince her. “My parents were the only ones who knew. We told everyone else I had the flu. You even came over on the second day and made me eat the chicken soup my mum had been trying to force on me all afternoon—then you sat with me on the bed and told me funny stories until I snorted it out my nose.”
With a smile, I thought back to that day. The moment I’d turned up to check on Claire, her mum had dragged me into a hug and held on like she didn’t want to let go. Then s
he sent me a long look and told me how lucky her daughter was to have a decent guy like me for a friend. Her tears and words had seemed overly sentimental at the time. Not so much now. “You should have told me.”
“I couldn’t. If I’d said anything you would have only ended up defending me and getting into trouble. I didn’t want anyone else dragged into my mess. Sadie didn’t even know. She still doesn’t.”
“Does Andy?”
Claire swept her hair from her forehead and dropped her hand into her lap. “I told him not long after we got together. He’s been great, Mason. I’m really lucky to have him in my life.”
I slanted her a look, wishing she could take credit for good decisions just as easily as she could blame herself for the bad ones. “Nah, not luck. You learned from what you went through with Justin and picked a better guy the next time around. Some people never figure it out and keep repeating the same pattern.”
“I guess.”
I heard the shrug in her voice but the strain in her features remained. Her secret must have been weighing heavily on her all these years, but she didn’t appear any lighter for having shared it. Her eyes kept flicking away from mine, like she couldn’t bear to look at me for more than a split second. It set my nerves on edge.
“What else?” I asked.
She focused on her thumbnail polish, picking at a minor chip until she’d turned it into a bigger one. The silence grew more intense, and I knew without asking that whatever she needed to tell me wouldn’t be anything I wanted to hear.
“Spit it out, Claire.”
With a groan of protest, she rose from the couch and smoothed the hem of her dress. Her hands twisted in front of her and she sent me a look filled with hope, like I might suggest we take a break and pick up the discussion again another time. Not a chance. I needed this finished so I could get out of here. There was only one place I wanted to be right now.