by Paula Weston
About a dozen of Tommo’s closest mates have turned up for his send-off. I recognise most of them: Pan Beach’s best and brightest. The girls are all in short skirts and tight tops, showing off their toned bodies. Maggie still stands out, in tiny denim shorts and the silk halter top she tie-dyed in our laundry. I’m wearing the skinny jeans she made me spend almost a week’s wages on last month. They look good, but they’re not easy to sit down in, so once I get comfy on a blanket, I stay put, listening to the chatter and letting the beer drain the tension from my body.
Simon arrives as the light fades. Everyone except Tommo left their car at the gravel car park out of sight around the bend, but Simon rides his motorbike into the clearing. The gathering gives him a cheer when he pulls up, engine rumbling. He kicks down the stand and takes off his helmet, scanning the group. He doesn’t always show off his tatts, but tonight the ink is clearly visible. One of his upper arms has a tiger and the other a koi fish. He’s got a huge dragon on his back—apparently. I’m yet to see it. Simon registers me, salutes Maggie and heads for the keg.
My thoughts stray to Rafa. Where is he right now? What if he’s so pissed off he’s left town? What if I never see him again? I take a sip of beer, not sure if it’s relief or anxiety flooding my chest.
The music gets louder, alternating between heavy metal and dance tracks, depending on who gets to Tommo’s car first. Almost everyone is dancing around the fire now, including the man of the hour, who’s cheerfully grinding against his girlfriend. She throws her head back and laughs, her fingers laced around his neck.
I’ve reached comfortably numb. Maggie and Jason are next to me, distracted.
‘Refill?’ Simon is standing over me.
‘Shouldn’t you get the night off?’
He shrugs. ‘A barman’s work is never done.’
I hold out my hand. ‘It’s okay, I need to wake up my backside. Give me a hand?’
‘To wake up your backside?’
‘To help me up.’
The fire is behind him, so I can’t see his face as he helps me to my feet.
Maggie breaks away from Jason to smile, bright and encouraging. I follow Simon to the keg, where he fills our cups.
‘Your brother’s mate still in town?’ he asks as we move away from the others.
I shrug. ‘I’m not his keeper.’
Simon clears his throat. ‘I just thought…’
I can see his face now. Its strong lines. His hair is mussed from his helmet, and it looks cute. He turns to me, the firelight catching the contours of his arms. Above us, the darkening sky rumbles again, closer now.
‘I don’t want to talk about him.’
‘Oh, so you’re not…?’
‘No.’
He glances at me, and then studies the fire, waiting for something—probably an explanation for my behaviour in the bar.
‘So he’s all yours if you want him,’ I say.
He bites back laughter.
‘And there was a time I thought you were sweet…’ He smiles.
I go to bump him with my shoulder, but I end up leaning against him. His arm comes around my waist and I hold him to steady myself. He smells citrus-fresh. No trace of sandalwood.
I have to stop thinking about Rafa. But that kiss, and how he held me when I fell to pieces, I can’t get it out of my head. I need to.
I tilt my head back. Simon is watching me closely. He’s not leaving town with Tommo because his university is only an hour away, which means he’s home most weekends. Maybe what I need is—
Simon kisses me. His lips are cold from the beer, and his touch is gentle, uncertain. He draws back a fraction, checking he hasn’t misread the situation. If it was Rafa, he’d have me pinned against Tommo’s car by now, hands in my hair…I give Simon the hint of a smile. Our lips meet again.
‘Come with me,’ he whispers, and keeps his arm around me as we walk out of the firelight to the forest edge.
‘Tommo says you’re trouble,’ he says. His lips brush my collarbone.
I close my eyes. ‘You have no idea.’
He strokes my cheek with his thumb, so close his breath warms my skin.
‘You’re so beautiful, Gaby.’
I kiss him before he can go on. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think.
This time I find Simon’s tongue, and the connection lights a fire in him. He pushes me back against a tree and leans into me, his breath coming quickly. My body reacts to his touch, even though I’m vaguely aware it’s not him I’m responding to, but the memory of another set of lips and hands. I don’t care; this is my entire world right here. His hand drops to my breast and he runs the back of his fingers lightly over my t-shirt, lifting his face from mine to watch my reaction. Then he’s kissing my neck and the ecstasy of it almost buckles my knees. I forget whose lips they are for a moment.
He slides his hands under my shirt and brings his leg between mine. My hands are on his back, pulling him to me. He can do what he wants; just let me stay lost in this sensation.
And then he’s wrenched out of my arms.
I hear a grunt as he hits the ground. ‘What the fuck—’ He jumps to his feet.
Rafa moves in front of me.
‘Back off, arsehole,’ Simon says. ‘She’s with me.’
Simon runs at him, and Rafa collects him with two palms to the chest. He hits the ground again. Harder this time.
Rafa turns on me and I can feel the anger rolling off him. ‘What the hell are you doing out here?’
‘Enjoying myself.’ My heart is still racing.
‘You enjoy getting felt up by the barman?’
‘What’s it got to do with you?’
Rafa checks to see if Simon is getting up again, but for the moment he’s not moving. The music from Tommo’s car is loud. No one has noticed the scuffle.
‘Do you have any idea what’s at stake?’
‘Yeah,’ I say and wish I’d had less to drink, because that glow I was enjoying so much a moment ago is putting me at a severe disadvantage now. ‘But there’s nothing I can do, so I’m pretending I’m normal.’
‘You’re not normal,’ he says. ‘And being out here is reckless. Jude would kick your arse for this, and I’m tempted to give you a lesson myself.’
I step forward. ‘Do it! I don’t care anymore. About any of it.’
‘What about Jude?’
‘You mean the brother I don’t know? Even if he’s still out there somewhere, he’s not my Jude, so what’s the point?’ My fingernails bite into my palms. I didn’t want to share that.
‘For fuck’s sake, Gabe, you’re acting like a child!’
‘And you’re acting like someone who cares about me.’
Rafa checks on Simon again. He’s gone. Can’t blame him really. I’m not worth the hassle.
Rafa moves in closer, blocking out the fire. ‘Get your shit together; it’s not safe here. And do up your pants.’
I’m about to tell him to grow up when I check my jeans and find them undone. He’s good with his hands, Simon, I’ll give him that.
Rafa gives me no privacy while I get myself sorted. ‘So, what, you like the barman?’ His tone is prickly.
‘Simon’s a good guy.’
Rafa leans in. ‘Does he kiss like me?’
I ignore the heat that flares at his nearness. ‘No. Like I said, he’s a good guy.’
‘So good he got your pants undone without you noticing. You really know how to get that testosterone firing.’
‘Would you just leave it—’
‘Gaby!’
I stop. It’s Maggie. Something’s wrong.
‘GABY!’
I push past Rafa. Everyone is watching something on the other side of Tommo’s car. I’m running now, searching for Maggie. Jason is staggering to his feet, a hand pressed to the back of his head. I clear the car, and that’s when I see it: Taya leading Maggie into the trees, her arm around her. Maggie is straining to look back over her shoulder, not putting up
a fight. Taya must have a weapon.
‘Hey!’ I rush towards them, trying to give Rafa time to do something. But Taya is deep in the forest now, out of sight of the others. She sees me and smiles. And then she disappears, taking Maggie with her.
THE SECRETS WE KEEP
‘Bitch,’ Rafa says under his breath, catching up to me. He grabs my elbow. ‘Act like it’s a prank, or this is all going to turn bad, real quick.’
‘She took Maggie.’ My heart is smashing against my ribcage. I might also be hyperventilating.
‘And we’re the only ones who can get her back. We don’t want the cops here.’
Jason and Tommo reach us at the same time.
‘What just happened?’ Tommo looks Rafa up and down. ‘And who are you?’
Without Maggie, I’m completely exposed. ‘This is Rafa. He’s a mate of my brother’s.’ But Tommo is more interested in an explanation for Maggie’s departure, so I say the first thing that pops into my head. ‘That girl was Jason’s ex.’
Jason blinks.
‘Wow.’ Tommo turns to him. ‘What’s her drama?’
Jason doesn’t miss a beat. ‘Not enough attention from her parents.’ He’s already got his car keys out.
‘Yeah, but—’
‘Seriously, this is what she does. She tried this with my last girlfriend too. I found them at the pub half an hour later trading stories about me.’
Tommo looks back at the track where they disappeared. ‘That didn’t look like she was inviting Mags for a drink.’
‘It’s all show. She’s just making sure I got the message.’
Tommo tosses the dregs from his plastic cup. ‘I’d call that overkill.’ Someone calls out to him. He half-turns towards the fire.
‘We’ll sort this,’ I say. ‘Leave it with us.’
Rafa catches my eye, nods in the direction of the forest. ‘I’ll go this way, see if I can catch them before they get to the car park. You should come with me.’
Yeah, because I’d trust him right now not to shift with me, and leave me on the other side of the planet.
‘I’ll go with Jason.’
Rafa mutters something I don’t catch and then veers off into the trees.
Tommo stews for a few more seconds, then nods and goes back to the party.
On the way to the car, I look around for Simon. He’s sitting by the fire, watching me. Hurt. Angry. I look away.
The music is muffled as soon as we slam the doors.
‘What the hell happened?’
Jason jams the key into the ignition and starts the car.
‘We had our backs to the trees. She came out of nowhere.’ He drives onto the dirt track and guns the engine. ‘I think she hit me with a rock.’ He holds his hand out to me; his fingertips are covered with blood.
I dial Maggie’s number. ‘Straight to voicemail.’
‘What are we going to do?’
‘I’ve got a few ideas,’ Rafa says from the backseat.
I nearly jump through the windscreen. Jason jerks the steering wheel, and gravel sprays up from the tyres. Trees loom dangerously close. He brings the car back to the centre again and glances at Rafa in the rear-view mirror.
‘How on earth can you do that in a moving vehicle?’
‘Practice.’
I twist around in my seat. ‘Where have you looked?’
‘Your place, mine and the park. Nothing.’
‘She shouldn’t be caught up in all this,’ Jason mutters.
I shake my head. ‘Neither should you.’
‘I told you being out here was reckless,’ Rafa says. ‘If you’d stayed with me none of this would have happened.’
‘Bullshit,’ I all but spit at him. ‘Taya could have grabbed Mags while she was asleep. The end result’s the same.’
The black forest falls away as we reach the bitumen. Jason puts his foot down and we’re at the bungalow in minutes. I know Rafa’s already been here, but I still check everywhere, calling Maggie’s name. I leave her room till last because I know she’s not in it. Her bed and work table are strewn with bolts of cloth and half-finished projects. An unfinished scarf is draped over her chair. Cherry red. A sketchbook is open on the floor next to a dirty coffee cup and a chewed pencil. Pages alive with fuchsia and gold, summer dresses and skirts. I haven’t seen these designs before. I flick the page. Men’s clothes. A lightweight suit. Colour swatches are stuck to the page. Notes made neatly. Then, in a messier hand as if she’s revisited the page later, there are wings drawn on one of the models. Rough, beautiful wings. My breath catches.
In the kitchen, Jason is in Rafa’s face. ‘Where is she?’
‘How would I know? I’d take a step back, Goldilocks, if you don’t want to bleed some more tonight.’
Jason holds his ground for a few seconds, his chest rising and falling. And then he steps away.
‘How about an educated guess?’ I ask Rafa.
He shrugs. ‘Somewhere sanctioned by Nathaniel.’
‘The Sanctuary?’
‘Probably.’
Sheet lightning momentarily flares in the roiling sky. The storm is almost on us.
‘Then go there.’
He laughs without humour. ‘To the Sanctuary? No chance.’
‘Why not?’
A large rumble shakes the house.
‘I haven’t set foot there in ten years, and I’m sure as hell not changing that now.’
‘Then take me.’
‘No.’
I stare at him. ‘You’re a selfish prick, you know that?’
‘And you’re naive. You don’t even know what the Sanctuary is, do you?’
‘Well, here’s a thought: explain it to me.’
His fingers flex. Almost a threat. ‘It’s an old monastery,’ he says. ‘In the Piedmont mountains. It’s got a dozen buildings and hundreds of rooms over three floors. If she’s there, she could be anywhere. I wouldn’t know where to look.’
‘You could ask someone. You must still have some friends there.’
His eyes harden. ‘I’d never give Nathaniel the satisfaction. I’m not grovelling to him—or anyone else.’
‘Then what are you going to do?’
Rafa pushes off from the bench. ‘You two stay here. I’ll be back.’
‘Don’t you dare disappear or I’ll—’
He’s gone before I finish my threat. ‘Shit!’
I throw open the kitchen window. A gust of cool air hits me, and the smell of rain. It’s close by. This time the lightning is forked, and the thunder that follows rattles the plates stacked on the sink.
‘Taya wants me, not Mags. She won’t hurt her.’ I’m trying to convince myself as much as Jason. I tap my fingers on the dish rack, my mind racing. ‘Daisy!’
Jason is right behind me. ‘You have her number?’
I’m already scrambling to get my phone out. The call goes straight to voicemail. I tell her what happened, leave my address and then hang up.
‘That’s it. I’m out of ideas.’ I collapse at the table.
Jason goes to the sink, drinks a glass of water and comes back to the counter. Then he moves past me to the door. Then back to the sink, then the counter and the door again.
‘That’s not helping.’
He nods, and pulls up a chair next to me.
‘I can help,’ he says.
‘What are you talking about?’
He swallows. ‘Give me your hand.’
I blink. ‘Why?’
‘Please, just give it to me.’
He guides my fingers under his hair to the nape of his neck. To the shape of a crescent moon.
OFF BALANCE. AGAIN
‘I can go after her. I just need to know where the Sanctuary is. Exactly where it is.’
I open my mouth. Close it. Try again. I’ve got nothing.
Jason lets my hand drop. ‘I wasn’t found with the others. No one knows I exist.’
I vaguely remember Rafa saying something about the possibility of ot
her offspring.
‘But you can shift?’
‘Not with as much precision as the others, but I get by.’
I stare at him. Really see him for the first time.
‘Why did you come to Pan Beach?’
‘To find you.’ He holds his palms up by way of apology. ‘I’d heard about you and your brother and—’
‘What do you want from me?’
‘I’m just looking for my father like everyone else.’
‘You lied.’
‘No. I don’t tell anyone what I am. I’ve hidden from Nathaniel for nearly a century and a half because I don’t want to get dragged into his apocalyptic politics. But if it means getting Maggie back—’
‘You used Mags.’
‘No, it’s not like that. I didn’t know I could still feel this way about a woman.’ He rubs his hand over his eyes. ‘This is a mess.’
I let him stew.
‘You’ve never been to the Sanctuary?’ I finally ask.
He shakes his head. ‘I’ve heard about it, and know roughly where it is, but it’s difficult for me to shift somewhere I haven’t physically been.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘If I get somewhere normally—plane, train, whatever— I can shift there again. It’s like I bookmark it.’ He shrugs. ‘I’ve been able to shift blind over small distances if I know enough about the location. If you can get Rafa to give you details about the Sanctuary, I’ll go there myself and bring her back. He doesn’t need to know.’
‘What about Taya? Can you fight?’
‘Not like them. I wasn’t raised and trained with the others. I’ve kept to myself—’
‘Are you even a lawyer?’
‘Among other things. I’ve had time to pick up some qualifications over the years.’
Something’s still missing here. ‘How do you know about the Fallen and the Rephaim then, if you never joined them?’
‘My mother told me about my father—’