I knew he was telling me goodbye. Not the kind of goodbye, like I would be seeing him around. He was closing the doors back up. “You need to know that you’re a beautiful woman. If things were different, maybe I could have showed you the way you deserve to be treated.”
I kept shaking my head as the tears fell down my face. “I know what you’re doing. Don’t shut me out, Ramsey. I want to be your friend.”
He looked away, perhaps to think of what to say without having to hurt my feelings so much. I closed my eyes, realizing that I was in no control of what his decision was going to be. I felt his hand brush across my face and wipe away the tears. “Don’t cry on my account. I’ll never hurt you again. Just tell the kid that I got a call. He’ll think it was cool and let you off the hook about it.” He moved me out of the way and finally got into his truck. With the ignition started, he turned and looked down at me. “I’ll never be what you want me to be, Vessa. I’m broken and there is no way to be fixed.”
He backed out of the driveway and left before I could say anything else to him. I didn’t understand what had gotten into me. He was just a man. I barely knew him. Sure, I knew more than he thought, but was it really enough to get myself all worked up about? Was I crying because I failed at being his supportive friend?
Maybe he hated me for asking him to kiss to me.
For someone that wanted to avoid men, I’d gone and gotten myself infatuated with one.
After the devastation wore off, I was left standing in my driveway alone. I ran into the house and called the bar.
She must have recognized the number as her house.
If you’re calling to yell at me, save it. I’m too busy right now.
Why did you let Ramsey take Logan today without my permission? I knew I shouldn’t have told him about Gavin last night. I need to keep my mouth shut.
I really hope you weren’t too hard on him. I had to really beg him to take the child this morning. He was completely against the idea.
What do you mean? It wasn’t his idea?
Of course it wasn’t. Think about who were are talking about here. Ramsey Towers doesn’t volunteer to be sociable, well, not unless it means he gets a meal out of it.
Oh no!
What do you mean, oh no?
I have to go. I’ll see you tonight.
I didn’t wait for her to ask for details. My aunt, who also thought she was a matchmaker, had been the one to set everything up, not Ramsey. I’d chewed him out and accused him of being drunk when he’d been doing something out of the kindness of his heart. It was no wonder that he wanted nothing more to do with me. I was so ashamed.
Of course, I couldn’t leave the children unattended and Ramsey finding out that I knew where he lived wasn’t going to go over well. After running down the street, I managed to talk the teenager two doors down to babysit for me. Her family attended our local church and she had volunteered her services when I first moved in. I gave her my cell phone number, kissed the kids, ordered a pizza and ran out the door.
I don’t even remember driving to Ramsey’s cabin, but as I pulled in, I realized that I had no idea what to say to the man. As soon as I climbed out of my car, I heard his porch door opening and saw him coming out of his house. His shirt was unbuttoned, but from the look in his eyes, I knew he didn’t care. “Vessa, what are you doing here? How did you find where I lived?”
I played with the keys in my hand, afraid to look him in the eyes.
He walked right up to me. “Nobody knows where I live. Tell me how you found me.”
I refused once more to look at him. He took his hand and reached for my chin, forcing me to look at him. “A couple nights ago you came into the bar in bad shape.”
“What are you talking about?”
This was it. I had to tell him the truth. I couldn’t keep it from him anymore. “Can we go inside and talk?”
He hesitated before waving his hand in the direction of the porch. Once inside, I sat down on the couch. He stood over me, like a pissed off dad when you broke curfew. “Vessa, you need to start explaining how in the hell you found me and I don’t want some made up story.”
I put my hands on my knees and looked down at the floor, while taking a few deep breaths. It wasn’t like we were vested in a relationship. Ramsey had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with me. I had nothing to lose. “You came into the bar already intoxicated. We were slow that night and I couldn’t let you drive yourself home. I managed to take your keys and eventually you were able to show me where you lived. Once we arrived here, I got you situated in your bed and straightened up for you. Then I had my aunt pick me up so you wouldn’t be mad at me and accuse me of prying. I swear I was just trying to help you. You were in no shape to drive.”
He took his hat off and threw it on the chair beside us. “You know don’t you?”
I caught him glancing at the stack of papers that had been in his truck. He looked back at me and I was sure all the color left my face. “Yes. I saw them in your truck that night.”
Ramsey put his head down. There was no expression on his face. It was like he was dead. “You need to leave.”
I stood up and walked toward the door. With my hand on the doorknob, I turned around and saw him standing in the same position. “Did you think that I would act different if I knew the truth?”
“Vessa, don’t do this. I appreciate you taking me home, but we can’t be friends, not now, not ever.”
I pushed the door shut and walked back toward him. “What are you so afraid of? I just want to help.”
“You can’t help me. No one can. Don’t you get it? Nothing can change what happened. Nothing can bring them back.” He picked up a wooden duck and threw it against a wall.
It terrified me, but for some reason, I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me. For probably what was the first time, he was letting his feelings out. “I’m not leaving!” I plopped back down on the couch and watched him giving me a dirty look.
When he wouldn’t look at me anymore, I picked up one of the papers and started rereading the article. He walked over and grabbed it out of my hand like it was sacred. “Please just leave, Vessa.”
I stood up and approached him from behind, reaching my arms around him. He stood there still and when he tried to pull away, I held him tighter. Try as he may, I continued to hold him. Finally, sensing my intentions, I felt his hands covering over mine. Quiet sniffles filled the room, and his body began to shake. I knew what was happening, so I stayed still, letting my head rest on his back as he let out what he’d been hiding from the whole world. For a few minutes he would play with my fingers and then he’d keep them still for a few more.
After some time had passed, he turned around, forcing me to let go of my hold on him. His eyes were red and his face was soaked with his emotional breakdown. He said nothing, so I grabbed him by the hand and we sat down on the couch side by side. I could tell that he didn’t want to talk. I kept his hand in mine and put my other hand over it.
Ramsey caught me off guard when he started talking. “It was cold that night. We’d just left a party at one of our new neighbors houses. The snow was falling when we left, but I was certain that I could get us home safe.” He paused and wiped his face again with his opposite hand. “I promised Katie that we could build a snowman in the morning. We were talking about decorating it, and in a matter of seconds, they were gone. They were right next to me, Vessa. I cried out to them, over and over and they wouldn’t answer me. My body was pinned down and I couldn’t see them. I told the people to save them first. I told them to let me go.” He began to cry again. “I killed them Vessa. My wife and daughter died because of me.”
“It’s not your fault. Ramsey, it was a terrible accident. You can’t blame yourself for what happened that night.”
He looked up with eyes full of tears. “They died because of me. Katie never got to build that snowman.” He stood up and kicked the table. “All she wanted was a fucking snowman.” Ramsey’s knees g
ot weak and he sat back down beside me. This time, I pulled his head into my chest and let him cry. I could feel his warm tears running down my skin.
To be honest, I’d never seen a grown man so overcome by emotions. Gavin had cried the first time I wanted to separate, but it didn’t compare to this situation. I ran my hands through the hair that I had fantasized about for weeks, except it was for comfort instead of a turn on.
Once he had finally calmed down enough. He got up and went to the bathroom. When he finally came out, he leaned against the wall and looked right at me. I’d folded my hands and was just sitting there, wondering what in the hell had got me to this very moment. “Are you okay?”
He shrugged.
“I’ve been better.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I knew. I wanted you to tell me yourself.”
“That probably would have never happened, especially since I said I never wanted to see you again. The thing is, you were bound to find out. It was only a matter of time before Sue found out and told you. Word travels through small towns.” He sat back down next to me, but looked forward. “I didn’t want to your pity. I know what happed that night. I just can’t hear one more person tell me how sorry they are. They have no idea what it’s been like for me. I couldn’t face it. It’s why I moved out here in the first place.”
“I won’t tell anyone. The news will blow over anyway. In a few weeks there will be some teenager knocked up by the pastor’s son, or something.”
An air filled chuckle escaped him. “Maybe. They will still know though.”
“Did you really think that you could live out the rest of your life without anyone knowing?” I reached out for his hand, but he pulled away.
“Honestly?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
“For the longest time, I didn’t want to live. I didn’t get why God was punishing me, keeping me here. I mean, how could he let them die and keep me alive? They were so innocent. They didn’t deserve to die.”
“My mother died a while back. She was my very best friend. It wasn’t an accident that took her. It was cancer. Anyway, the reason I am telling you this is because, right before she died, I said the same thing. She told me that this life on earth was just a test for us to go to heaven. She said that the true at heart die young because they don’t need to live the trial like others. I thought it was just her medication making her say things, but after she passed, I looked around the hospital at all of those young children battling cancer. That’s when I understood what she was saying and started to believe it myself. I don’t know what you believe, Ramsey, and maybe saying this might make you hate me even more, but I have to believe that your girls are in a better place. They’d want you to be happy in this life, for however long you have it. You’ll see them again one day and all the time that has passed will mean nothing.”
He smiled, but remained quiet for a moment. We sat in silence.
I was pretty certain he was going to pick me up and carry me outside to my car.
Instead, he grabbed my hand and started playing with it. “You’re the first person that I’ve talked to about this. Your mom sounds like a great woman. I can see how her and Sue were sisters. They have a way with people, don’t they?”
“That they do.”
“Can I ask you something?”
I smiled and watched him playing with my hand. “Anything.”
“Was last night our first kiss?”
I felt shamed again. He was starting to remember little details and of course, that was one of the first to come back to him. “I think you know the answer.”
“I don’t remember much. I went into work that morning like every other day. When I found out that the paper had printed that article, I left and bought every damn copy that I could find. That’s when I started hitting the bottle so hard. Please tell me that I didn’t make a fool out of myself. Did I hurt you or try to do something that you didn’t want to do?”
I almost laughed out loud. “Of course not! It was wrong of me to let you think I was your wife. I know you never would have kissed me otherwise. You were just so messed up and I didn’t want you to get upset. I had no idea how you would react. Besides, do you really think I would have wanted to kiss you the next day if you hurt me in any way? Ramsey, I …I just want us to be friends. I like you…more than I probably should be admitting.”
He finally turned his body and faced me. My hand was still in his. He looked down at it and then scrunched up his face, like he was in pain. “I like you too, Vessa. That’s why we shouldn’t be friends.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Every time I look at you, I feel like I’m cheating on my wife.”
There was nothing that I could say to that. I couldn’t talk my way out of it. So instead of saying something that could hurt his feelings, or my own, I just sat there.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I know you have enough on your plate,” he replied.
“I didn’t plan on falling for you, Ramsey.” Tears were forming and I was too afraid to look at him to see his reaction.
“We can’t be together. I still love her. I can’t stop.” His grip tightened, like he was breaking up with me, but not yet willing to let me walk away.
I nodded. It wasn’t like I didn’t understand. How could he not love her anymore? She was his life. “I know.” I stood up and pulled my hand out of his. I felt a chill overwhelm me. It was like his comforting hands had made me feel safe for the first time in my life. I’d never felt anything like that before. “I should probably go.”
He stood up and followed me to the door. I could see in his eyes that he was just as confused as me. “I wish it could be different, Vessa.”
“Yeah,” I cried, “me too.”
Once I hit the porch, I never looked back on my way to my car. I don’t think that I realized how much I wanted Ramsey Towers, until that happened. It was so intense and I couldn’t explain the connection that I felt to him.
It didn’t matter though. We couldn’t be together for so many reasons.
It just wasn’t meant to be.
Chapter 13
Ramsey
It felt like the walls of life were closing in on me. I thought I would be angry for finding out that Vessa knew about my family. Instead, I felt relief. She sat there without judging me and took care of my pathetic ass.
I felt myself more attracted to her than ever before. Of course, this was after I told her that I could never be with her. I stood on the other side of my door, knowing damn well that I only had a matter of seconds to stop her from driving right out of my life for good.
Was I really willing to just let her go?
I thought back to the dream about Jules that had turned to Vessa. The overwhelming guilt was filled with need. Jules was in my head, but Vessa was real. She wanted to touch me. I wondered if she could take away the pain, like Jules had always done.
When I heard the car start, I flung open the door and went running. Vessa turned off her headlights when she saw me coming. She turned off the car and jumped out of it. I could tell that she was both hopeful and confused all at the same time. To explain without using words, I pulled her into my arms and pressed my lips into hers.
Right from the start, our kisses were more intense than the ones from the night before. These were filled with emotion, and for the first time, we both were on the same page. I lifted Vessa up, allowing her to wrap her petite legs around my waist. The palm of my hands were filled with her ass cheeks. I didn’t have to assume that my dick was hard as a rock already. That was a given. It had been too damn long since I’d been with someone.
Our kisses became ravenous on our way back inside the house. I used my leg to kick the door closed on account of not being able to stop on our way to my couch. I sat down first, so that she was sitting on top of me. The weight of her body took the wind out of me, at first, when she sat on top of my erection. Her magic tongue licked me, while her sweet lips kissed from one ear to the
other. Vessa didn’t need to seduce me. I wanted it so badly that my dick was aching to be inside of her.
She rocked her body back and forth, while bending back to enable me enough room to reach under her top. Her skin was warm to touch and it felt so good against my course hands. When I got to the underneath of her bra, and slipped my hands inside, she let out a giggle. I could tell she was sensitive, so I put more pressure as I moved my fingers up to her smooth nipples.
I couldn’t get over how smooth her skin felt and I just had to see what I was touching. Vessa seemed to get shy when I pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her breasts half in and half out of her bra. I reached behind her back and unhooked it, pushing it out of my way. I know it seemed juvenile, but I actually licked my lips when I got the first look at her supple breasts. Her nipples weren’t fully erect and I couldn’t help but lean in and take them into my mouth, one at a time. She leaned back again; giving me the room I needed to explore every inch of both of her breasts. As I pulled away from one, I left a trail a saliva over the nipple. My lips puckered up and I blew air over it. When her nipple got even harder, she grinded herself into me and moaned.
I looked straight into her eyes. They were full of desire. She teased me with her tongue, not letting me kiss her full on the mouth. I met her tongue in the air and then sucked it into my mouth. Fingernails tickled my sides as Vessa reached down and got ahold of the ends of my shirt. She only had to tug once before I helped her remove it. There was nothing that I wanted more than to be naked and ready for her.
Her cotton pants gave me easy access to be able to slide my hand down into them. When my fingers reached her panties, she took my arm and pushed it the extra couple inches to be touching her sex. I explored her pussy with my fingers by separating her folds and using her wetness to glide inside. If her actions weren’t enough to drive me wild, her soaked pussy did me in for sure. I located her tiny bud and rubbed it back and forth. When she began bucking her body into my hand, I knew she was getting off. I kept rubbing at the same pace until she finally relaxed again. I hated pulling my hand out from her pants, but she needed to be naked. I didn’t know how much longer I could sit there without coming.
Hustle Him (Bank Shot Romance #2) Page 10