by Linda Warren
His voice soothed and caressed her, lulling her fears and her pain. Her body began to react to him, and she became aware of other sensations, like the hardness of his chest pressed against hers, the muscles in his back, the clean tangy scent that emanated from him. Desire began to curl in her stomach, sending her emotions off in an entirely different direction.
Those feelings consumed her and she drew back to look at him. His eyes were glazed, and his head came down, his lips lightly touching hers. It was a comforting, soothing kiss. He pulled her closer, and she formed herself against him, enjoying the feel of his body. She didn’t know when the kiss changed, but her lips opened under the sensual pressure of his, returning an ardor she’d almost forgotten. The blood that had lain lifeless in her body started to pump hard through her veins.
It felt good and right, and one kind of tension was replaced with another. But this wasn’t right. They should be thinking about Ellie.
Pushing herself away from him, she self-consciously brushed her hair back from her face. “Please, let’s not cloud the issue.”
He studied her, his face unreadable. “Yes. I’m sorry.”
Marisa didn’t want an apology. She wanted…she couldn’t put into words what she wanted from Colter. What she’d felt in his arms was only a remnant of the past and it was simply a result of their heightened emotions. She certainly didn’t want to complicate things by getting involved with Colter. Ellie was her only concern.
Before she could think of a suitable reply, Tulley came in. “What’s wrong with Ellie?”
Colter got to his feet. “Why?”
“I was checking to make sure all the gates were closed after Brodie and Tripp left and I saw her running toward the creek in nothing but her pajamas. It’s forty degrees outside. I hollered at her but she wouldn’t stop.”
“Damn. She must’ve sneaked out.” Colter said. “We told her and she didn’t take the news well. I’ll go get her. First, I’d better get her some clothes.” He hurried away to Ellie’s bedroom.
Tulley squinted. “I don’t understand this. She’s wanted a mother ever since she realized other kids had mommies and she didn’t.”
Marisa stood on unsteady legs. “She thinks I lied to her.”
“Oh.”
Colter came back with a jacket, socks and slippers, and they went outside into the cool December morning.
“Aries is saddled if you want to take him,” Tulley said.
“Thanks.” Colter looked at Marisa. “I’ll bring Ellie back and we’ll talk this through. Don’t worry.”
That wasn’t so easily done, but she concentrated on Ellie and not on the pain in her heart. Colter ran toward the barn, and she watched as he led a horse outside and swung effortlessly into the saddle. She remembered that about him; he was magnificent on a horse.
“Why don’t you go inside where it’s warmer?” Tulley suggested.
“I’m not going anywhere until I know my—” she wiped away a tear “—daughter is okay.” The word was so new to her that she had a hard time saying it, believing it.
She caught Tulley’s worried expression. “I’m not going to fall apart,” she told him. “I’m not the weak young girl I used to be.”
“I can see that.” He folded his arms across his chest. “I’ve hated you a lot of years for what you did to him and to Ellie. Now I’m not sure what to say to you.”
“Just be understanding. That’s all I ask.”
“I can do that,” he answered, buttoning his jacket. “Why don’t I get you a chair.”
“No, I’m fine. Thanks,” she replied. “I couldn’t sit anyway. I’m standing right here until I see her again.”
“Then I’m standing with you.”
They stood together, waiting, and Marisa wrapped both arms around her waist to still her nerves. Ellie had to forgive her. How could she explain to a seven-year-old child what had happened? How could she expect a child to understand? Those questions tore at her, but she was confident that Colter would have the answers. He knew Ellie better than anyone, and she’d listen to him.
Ellie, baby, please listen to your daddy.
COLTER SAW HER not far from the barn, sitting in the winter grass by a small creek that ran through the property. Her arms were tight around Sooner, her face buried against him. His heart lurched at the sight, and he dismounted and walked over to her, searching for the words to ease her pain. He squatted beside her and handed her the socks and fuzzy slippers.
She grabbed them. “Sooner and me are running away,” she announced, shoving a foot into a sock. “Don’t try to stop us.”
He laid her jacket in her lap. “Where are you going?”
“Don’t know.” She poked her arms into the sleeves. “We might live in the woods. Tulley said you can live on berries, bark and other stuff, but I forget.” She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Sooner and me will figure it out.”
“I see.” He sat on the grass and drew his knees up. “That makes me very sad. Who’s going to give me angelface kisses?”
There was silence for a moment, then her bottom lip trembled and she flew into Colter’s arms. “I will, Daddy. I will,” she cried against his face. “Why did she lie to me? Didn’t she want me?”
He smoothed her hair with a shaky hand, praying for strength to tell her the truth without hurting her. “She didn’t lie to you, baby.”
Ellie stuck out her chin. “Yes, she did. She knew she was my mommy and she didn’t tell me. She even let me talk to Santa and she knew.”
Colter settled her in the crook of his arm. “I’m going to tell you a story and I want you to listen carefully.”
“Okay.” She held his hand tightly.
“When I met your mother, she was seventeen, shy and very beautiful. The moment our eyes met, it was like—” he thought for a second “—like spontaneous combustion. Do you know what that means?”
“No.”
How could he explain so she could understand? “We fell in love instantly, and we spent every moment we could together.”
“Oh,” Ellie said. “It was real love, Daddy?”
“Hmm.” He’d believed it was, hoped it was. Now he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about anything.
“What happened next?” she asked, playing with his fingers.
“We were so busy being in love that we ignored the problems in our relationship.”
“What problems?”
“Remember how when you asked about your mother, I told you she left because she was unhappy?”
Ellie nodded.
“That was partly true. Marisa lived in New York and was a gifted pianist, and it was her mother’s dream that one day Marisa would be a world-renowned musician. But that wasn’t Marisa’s dream. She was tired of the long hours of training. That’s why she and some of her friends came to Vegas that year for the National Rodeo Finals. Her mother was away and she wanted some freedom, some fun. But when she told me she loved me as much as I loved her, I asked her to marry me and she said yes.”
Ellie was quiet, so he continued. “The next morning, I rushed out to buy her a ring. When I got back, she was gone.”
“Where did she go?”
“Her mother found out where she was and came after her and made her leave.”
“Why?”
“Marisa was only seventeen, and her mother had control of her. She was still considered a minor.”
“Like you have control of me?”
“Yes. Like I have control of you.” He rested his chin on the top of her head and prayed for strength to finish the story. “Back in New York, your mother soon realized she was pregnant, but she didn’t know how to get in touch with me. I hadn’t told her exactly where I lived when I wasn’t riding on the circuit. So she hired a private investigator to find me, and he told her I was already married to someone else.”
“Oh.” Ellie looked up at him. “Were you, Daddy?”
“Not then, but later I married Shannon,” he said. “The detective was paid to lie to
her, and Marisa became very upset and started having problems with the pregnancy. The problems became so severe, her mother put her in a clinic.”
Ellie was absorbing every word, and he was glad she didn’t ask who’d paid the detective.
He had to finish the story. His courage wavered for a second, then he resumed. “Marisa’s mother felt Marisa was too young to be a mommy and planned to put the baby up for adoption, but Marisa refused to sign the papers. She wanted her baby, and she intended to keep you.”
“Did she really want me, Daddy?”
“Oh, yes, she wanted you.” He was certain of that now.
“What happened?”
“Her parents decided that you belonged with your father, so they contacted me and I went to New York to get you. They told me Marisa didn’t want the baby and she didn’t want to see me.”
“No, Daddy, no,” Ellie whimpered, squeezing his hand.
“They were wrong about that, but I didn’t know it then.” His arm tightened around her. “Three days later, I flew back to Texas with my brand-new daughter.”
“What happened to Marisa?”
He noticed she couldn’t say “Mommy” just yet, and he took a long breath. The next part would be hard, but he had to tell her. “Your mother was under a lot of medication for the delivery, so she doesn’t remember too much. She heard a baby crying, though, and she’s been haunted by that sound for the past seven years.” He turned her face up to his. “You see, baby, they told her you were stillborn.”
“What does that mean?”
He breathed in deeply. “That you were born dead.”
She shook her head. “No, I wasn’t.”
“I know, but your mother’s believed that for all these years. She’s been very sad. That’s the reason she came out here the first day, when we had the storm. She wanted to tell me about you—that you were born—but I was so angry because I still believed she’d given you away.”
“But she didn’t?”
“No, baby. She didn’t even know you were alive until last night. It’s been quite a shock to her.”
Ellie threw her arms around his neck.
“You’ve been wanting a mommy and she’s been grieving for her baby. Both of you have been searching for the same thing—each other. She loves you, angelface. Give her a chance.”
“I want my mommy,” she sniffled into his shoulder.
He stood with her in his arms. “Let’s go tell her that.”
He placed her in the saddle, then mounted behind her. It had been a while since they’d ridden like this. Ellie was fiercely independent, and by the age of three she was riding by herself. People changed, just like the seasons, and he hoped he was ready for the changes that were about to occur in his life and Ellie’s.
THEY RODE UP TO THE BARN and Ellie swung her leg over the saddle horn and slid to the ground. Marisa stood in the spot where Colter had left her. Her arms were wrapped around her waist as if to brace herself. He dismounted and watched Ellie.
Marisa watched her, too. She held her breath as she waited for her daughter’s next move. Ellie’s hair was disheveled and she looked a sight in the fuzzy pink slippers and heavy jacket—the best sight Marisa had ever seen.
Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me echoed back through the years, through all the pain, all the heartache. And everything came down to this child’s reaction, her understanding and acceptance.
Ellie kept staring at her.
Marisa licked parched lips. “Remember when we were waiting to see Santa, you told me your mommy wanted to come home and you had to let her know you wanted her to. That’s why you had to see Santa. That’s why you believe.” She dragged in a breath. “You were right. I’m here, Ellie. I’m your mother.”
Ellie flung out her arms and sprinted toward Marisa. The pain inside Marisa abated and she ran to meet her daughter. She lifted her up in her arms, holding her in a fierce grip.
“I’m sorry, Mommy,” Ellie cried against her neck.
The sound of that word tripped every emotional breaker in her, and she struggled for composure. “No, baby, no.” Marisa caressed her hair, her face. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” was Ellie’s sad refrain.
The emotional current took its toll and Marisa sank to her knees under the impact. Tears flowed unheeded and she held tight to her daughter, kissing her face over and over.
Colter watched from a distance, his stomach churning with the same emotions.
Tulley walked up to him. “I can’t take this. I’ll unsaddle Aries.”
Colter couldn’t take it, either, but he had to. Mother and daughter had found each other. He was happy about that, but deep inside a worry stabbed at him. It had been just the two of them, he and Ellie, for so long. Where did this leave him? He had no desire to question or to deny Marisa’s right to Ellie. He just wished he knew her plans for the future. At this point, he suspected she didn’t have any. Later, though, it would be different. How different was what he wondered.
He remembered the way they’d kissed earlier. The fire, the passion was still there for him. For Marisa he wasn’t sure. She’d responded, but seemed to hate herself for that reaction. He shouldn’t have kissed her in the first place. It was spontaneous, as he’d told Ellie—like it always had been between them.
He had never been more aware of the differences in their two worlds than he was today. She was imported wine and vacations on the Riviera. He was beer and a drive to the lake. How did he ever think two such different people could make a marriage work? They had nothing in common except a simmering passion, and they’d both learned the hard way that it wasn’t enough.
Where did they go from here? To an uncertain future was his only answer. He’d take it one day at a time and make this transition as easy as possible for Marisa and Ellie…and pray that he wouldn’t get his heart broken again. Hell, it had never even been repaired after the last time, so the best he could hope for was a friendship with Marisa to build a stable future for Ellie.
It wouldn’t be easy being friends with a woman he’d loved and hated more than anyone in his life, but he had to find some kind of compromise with Marisa—for all of them.
Chapter Thirteen
Colter walked over and clasped Marisa by the elbows, lifting her to her feet. He tried to take Ellie from her, but her arms tightened around the girl.
“Let’s go into the house,” he suggested. “It’s much warmer.”
He went ahead and held the door open. Marisa followed him, then settled on the sofa with Ellie on her lap. She helped Ellie off with her coat and cupped her face in both hands. “I love you,” she said in a hoarse voice. “I have always loved you.”
“I know. Daddy told me.”
Marisa glanced at Colter, sending him a silent thank-you. He sat beside her, his leg brushing against hers.
“I told her the whole story. The time for lies and secrets is over.”
“I don’t like your mommy,” Ellie said. “Why didn’t she want me?”
Marisa stroked her face. “Oh, baby. It wasn’t that.” She kissed Ellie’s cheek. “She just thought I was too young to be a mother.”
It seemed odd to be defending her mother, but she had to protect Ellie to ensure she didn’t grow up with any hatred or bitterness. Ellie deserved complete happiness. For a paralyzing moment she wondered if her mother had experienced those same feelings about her.
“Daddy said you play the piano really good.”
“Yes,” she admitted, surprised he’d told Ellie that.
“I take piano lessons, and my teacher says I’m really good, too.”
This time she couldn’t hide her surprise, and she looked at Colter for confirmation.
“I thought it might be something she’d enjoy,” he explained.
She stared at him, seeing a different side to this man she’d once loved so deeply. Back then, their relationship had been mostly physical. Now she was getting a glimpse of the loving, caring ma
n he really was.
“I do,” Ellie said, “but I like riding better. I race barrels, and Tulley says I’m getting faster. You got to be fast to win and I’m gonna be a winner like my daddy.”
Marisa stroked Ellie’s face again, loving the confidence in that tiny voice. She’d never been that way, and she envied that strong spirit. “There’s no doubt in my mind you will be.”
“I can play the piano, too,” Ellie told her again.
Marisa sensed that Ellie wanted to please her, and she had to make something clear. “You never have to do anything to please me. I love you just the way you are.” She wouldn’t pressure Ellie or set goals for her that weren’t her own.
“Okay, but I can play sometimes, except Sooner said it hurts his ears.”
Marisa smiled, hardly able to believe this adorable child was hers—and Colter’s. She held Ellie’s face. “Do you know how many times I’ve wondered what you looked like?”
“Bunches?”
“Yes, bunches, and in all my wondering you had those beautiful green eyes.” In her dreams her baby was a boy, and she realized Colter hadn’t told Ellie that part of the story. She was glad—it would only confuse the child more.
“Daddy’s eyes.”
“Oh, yes, you have your daddy’s eyes. I wish I’d seen you as a baby, as a toddler, as a—” Her voice cracked and she had to stop.
“But you can see me now,” Ellie said, her eyes bright.
“Yes. I can see you now, and I’m so grateful for that. I meant when you were first born.”
“Me, too.” She jumped off Marisa’s lap and pointed to the built-in entertainment center, its rows of bookshelves filled with videos. “Daddy took tons of videos of me. Let’s show her, Daddy.”
Colter got to his feet and joined Ellie.
“Get the first one,” Ellie instructed. “The very first one.”
“Okay, angelface,” Colter said. “Have a seat and I’ll pop it in the VCR.”