The Christmas Cradle

by Linda Warren

  “Oh boy. Oh boy.” Ellie jumped up and down. “Now you can meet my Aunt Becky. She’s real nice.”

  Marisa couldn’t believe how nervous she was at the prospect of meeting this woman who probably hated her. She busied herself picking up discarded Christmas paper and straightening the den. Turning, she bumped into Colter.

  He took the paper from her. “Relax. Becky won’t do anything to spoil Ellie’s day.”

  “I guess I needed to hear that.”

  “Becky’s here, Becky’s here, Becky’s here,” Ellie shrieked, running through the house with Sooner on her heels.

  “Guess Becky’s here,” Colter said. “I’d better help her get things out of the car.” He took a step, then turned back. “Do you want to come?”

  She shook her head. “No, thank you. I need a moment.”

  “Okay.” He gave her a sympathetic smile and walked out.

  Taking a deep breath, she looked down at her clothes—jeans and a cream-colored silk blouse with her new boots, which she found very comfortable. She was fine…if only the tenseness in her stomach would go away. Maybe a little lipstick. No, she didn’t have time. She could already hear Ellie’s chatter.

  Ellie was pulling a brown-haired woman with Kincaid green eyes into the room. She was the same height as Marisa and about the same size—the reason Marisa could wear her clothes.

  “This is my mommy.” Ellie pointed to Marisa. “Her name is Marisa and she’s gonna stay with Daddy and me forever.”

  Complete silence followed that statement.

  Ellie glanced at Colter and back at Marisa. “Why’s everyone looking so funny?”

  “Your mother is here for the holidays, angelface,” Colter said. “We haven’t discussed anything beyond that.”

  Ellie stared at Marisa. “You’re gonna leave?” Her bottom lip trembled, and Marisa hurried over to gather the child into her arms.

  “I’m never leaving you again, baby. I promise.”

  What about me? Colter stood there, somehow needing an answer to that question. But he didn’t get one. All he felt was the empty hole in his chest. Trying to conceal his sudden grief, he quickly carried the desserts into the kitchen.

  “Nice to meet you.” Marisa shook Becky’s hand.

  “Me, too. You’re all Ellie’s been talking about.”

  “Santa sent me my real mommy,” Ellie said, her earlier distress forgotten.

  “That’s because you’re special.” Becky kissed her cheek.

  “I’ll get the presents out of the car.” Colter headed for the door.

  “I brought the poinsettias that were delivered to the office. I knew you’d want them today.”

  “Thanks, Beck.”

  Ellie ran after him, shouting, “I’ll help, Daddy.”

  Marisa’s throat felt tight and she was glad Becky walked into the kitchen just then and hugged Tulley. “How you doing?” she asked him.

  “Fine. How’s Jen?”

  “Great. When I left, she and Bart were both sleeping.”

  “Just glad everyone’s okay,” Tulley said.

  “Yeah, but when my sister’s feeling better, I think I might kill her. She ruined my beautiful Christmas dinner. For once I was going to outshine her in the kitchen, but what does she do? Have premature labor pains and scare Bart and me to death. The doctor wants to monitor her to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

  “We’re planning on going to the hospital this afternoon. Hope it’s okay.”

  “Yeah. Jen will be heartbroken if she can’t see Ellie on Christmas.”

  Marisa listened attentively; it was clear how much Tulley loved Colter and his sisters and how much they loved him. He was the only father they’d known, and she envied that closeness.

  But she was still reeling from Ellie’s announcement. She wouldn’t leave Ellie—she was sure of that. It was Colter who worried her; he apparently felt some need to point out that she was leaving after the holidays. She had a week to change his mind—and she intended to do just that.

  “Look what else Aunt Becky brought,” Ellie said, placing a pie carefully on the table.

  “I made homemade apple pie just like Mama and Cora used to, plus Colter’s favorite four-layer cake.”

  “You did good, girl.” Tulley patted her shoulder.

  “Hmm.” Colter laid packages under the tree. “Better wait until we taste it.”

  “Colter Kincaid!” Becky rested her hands on her hips.

  The rest of the day Marisa listened to their easy banter, and if she expected animosity from Becky, she didn’t get any. Becky was lively and energetic, with an irrepressible sense of humor, and Marisa suspected that Ellie had inherited some of her aunt’s exuberance. By the middle of the afternoon, Marisa and Becky were talking like old friends. Becky reminded her a lot of Cari in her zest for life.

  After dinner, they opened presents. Becky liked the mirror and said it was definitely something she would use. She handed Marisa a large package. “This is from Jen, Bart and me.”

  Marisa unwrapped it carefully and gasped when she saw what it was—a framed collage of photographs showing Ellie from infancy to the present. Tears trickled down Marisa’s cheeks. Hugging Becky, she whispered, “Thank you. I love it.”

  Afterward they got ready to go to the hospital. Ellie wanted to wear her new clothes and she asked Marisa to do her hair in a French braid with a pink ribbon.

  Becky took her own car, since she wasn’t coming back to the ranch. Colter, Tulley, Marisa and Ellie rode in Colter’s truck, but not before Ellie had given Sooner a long talk about why he couldn’t go. They left him in the backyard.

  Marisa wasn’t nervous. She’d weathered one Kincaid, so she figured the rest couldn’t be so bad. And she was right.

  Colter helped Ellie carry in one of the big poinsettias. Jen’s eyes lit up, and she welcomed Marisa warmly. Jennifer was an older version of Becky, but much more serious. Marisa thanked her for the photo collage, and Jen accepted her gifts, smiling serenely.

  Bart’s brother, Ted, and his wife, Susan, and son, Jarred, arrived soon after, and they all crowded into Jen’s room. She was half sitting in the raised hospital bed, wearing a bright red robe with holly on the collar and cuffs.

  Ellie introduced the boy. “This is Jarred. He’s in my class at school.”

  “Hi, Jarred.” Marisa smiled, pleased to meet Ellie’s classmates.

  He raised a hand in greeting and sidled closer to his father, obviously embarrassed by Ellie’s attention.

  “I’m sorry, big brother,” Jen said. “I ruined Christmas.”

  “There’s no way you could ruin Christmas. Just take care of yourself and the baby.”

  “Golly, your stomach’s big,” Ellie said, staring at her wide-eyed.

  “Ellie—”

  “Yes,” Jen interrupted Colter. “My stomach’s big. I feel like a bloated cow.”

  Ellie looked at Marisa. “Did you have a big stomach with me?”

  “Enormous. I didn’t think I was ever going to see my feet again.” She couldn’t believe it was so easy to talk about—especially in front of Colter and his family.

  Colter glanced at her, and for a brief moment she remembered those months, being pregnant and feeling miserable. There were so many things about that time she wanted to share with him, good and bad.

  “Daddy, can Jarred and me go look at the babies?” Ellie asked.

  “Yes, but come right back,” Colter replied, sitting next to Marisa.

  Ellie and Jarred flew out the door, and the adults continued to talk about Christmas, babies, horses and business. They included Marisa, who was grateful they made her feel like part of the family.

  “Thank you for being so nice.” She felt she had to say that as she gathered up her purse and coat at the end of the visit.

  “You’re welcome,” Jen said. “I admire your strength in dealing with everything you went through. I think I’d lose my mind if someone took my baby.” She rubbed her stomach as she was talking.


  “I was close to it when I found out the truth, but seeing Ellie saved me.” She got to her feet. “She’s been gone for a while, so I should check on her. And thanks again, everyone.” She moved toward the door.

  “I’ll go with you,” Colter said. “We should be heading home. You probably shouldn’t have a lot of company, but we couldn’t let this day pass without seeing you.” He kissed Jen and Becky and followed Marisa out. Tulley was still saying his goodbyes.

  In the hallway, Marisa hardly recognized her child. Her clothes were askew and her hair straggled out of its braid. She held the crumpled ribbon in one hand.

  Marisa ran to her, pushing the blond hair from her heated face. “Baby, what happened? Are you all right?”

  Ellie shrugged her shoulders. “Sure.”

  “What happened to your clothes and hair?”

  “Are we going home?” Ellie asked instead of answering, evidently trying to change the subject.

  “Ellie.” There was a stern note in Colter’s voice.

  Jarred darted into Jen’s room, but Marisa barely noticed. Her eyes were on Ellie.

  “What happened?” Colter asked.

  Ellie shuffled her feet.

  “Ellie.”

  “Jarred pulled my hair and said I looked like a girl, and I hit him and he hit me back, then I pushed him and he pushed me.” She shrugged again. “I guess we got into a fight.”

  “Jarred hit you?” Marisa was aghast, unable to believe someone would do this to her child.

  “Don’t overreact,” Colter warned, obviously seeing the anger that filled her eyes.

  Ted stepped into the hall holding Jarred’s hand. Jarred stared at his shoes. He pulled the boy forward.

  “I’m sorry,” Jarred mumbled. For the first time Marisa looked at him; his hair was disheveled, his shirt hanging out of his jeans, and a sleeve was ripped at the seam.

  “It’s okay,” Ellie said, hanging her head.

  Colter cleared his throat.

  “I’m sorry, too,” Ellie added quickly.

  Colter and Ted talked for a minute, and then they left. Marisa was still in a state of shock. She didn’t want anyone hitting her child and she didn’t want Ellie in school with someone who’d do such a thing.

  On the way home, they stopped at the cemetery to put the flowers on Colter’s parents’ graves and on Tulley’s wife’s.

  When they got back to the ranch, Tulley fixed a light supper while they fed Beauty. The fawn was standing up now, so Colter put her in a horse stall.

  These activities, and her pleasure over the fawn’s recovery, eased Marisa’s tension over Ellie somewhat.

  LATER, MARISA PLAYED SOME Christmas songs Ellie wanted to hear, followed by “Ave Maria” and “O Holy Night,” ending with parts of Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker Suite.” The day had come to an end, but she wanted to hang on to every second. Ellie nodded sleepily beside her.

  Marisa kissed her. “Time for your bath.”

  “Okay.” Ellie slid off the bench and went to her room, Sooner behind her.

  “That was beautiful,” Tulley said, pushing out of his chair. “Now I hear my bed calling.”

  “’Night, Tulley. And Merry Christmas.”

  “’Night,” he called. “And same to you.”

  She turned to Colter, who was sitting on the sofa looking relaxed. “I’m having a hard time with Jarred hitting Ellie,” she admitted.

  “She hit him first,” he said.

  “He was baiting her. He said she looked like a girl.”

  One dark eyebrow rose. “She is a girl.”

  She shook her head. “That’s beside the point. He only said it to taunt her.”

  “Marisa…”

  “No.” She refused to be put off. “I will not have someone hitting her. I think we should talk to her teacher and have her removed from that class. I don’t want her anywhere near Jarred.”

  Colter leaned forward and rubbed his hands. “Have you asked Ellie how she feels about this?”

  “No, of course not. She’s just a child. She doesn’t know what’s best for her.” An eerie calm came over her as the words resounded in her head. She’d heard them before, many times, but they’d been spoken about her. For a moment she was paralyzed as she fought for control over the emotions that gripped her.

  Ellie came racing into the room in pink-and-white flannel pajamas, Sooner obediently by her side. “I’m ready for bed.” She smiled at them.

  “Angelface, your mother’s upset because Jarred hit you. She wants to take you out of Jarred’s class. How do you feel about that?”

  Ellie’s face crumpled. “No! Don’t do that,” she cried, staring at Marisa.

  “Tell us why you feel that way,” Colter said.

  “Well.” She twisted on her bare feet. “I like him and I think he likes me, too. That’s why he was teasing me. If you move me to another class, I’ll never see him again. Please don’t do that.”

  Marisa could hear her own voice saying almost those same words when she was seventeen. Please, I love him. If you make me go, I’ll never see him again. Please. But her mother hadn’t listened to her. She was considered a child, her feelings and opinions inconsequential. Fear overwhelmed her as she realized she was treating Ellie the way her mother had always treated her.

  Kneeling on the floor, she gathered Ellie into her arms. “Don’t worry, baby.” She smoothed her hair. “I won’t do anything that’ll upset you. I’m just overreacting. I’m new at this mother thing. You have to be patient with me.” She kissed the tip of her nose. “But I still don’t like anyone hitting you.”

  “It was just a tap,” Ellie assured her.

  “We’ll discuss this ‘tapping’ later,” Colter said. “Now off to bed.”

  “Gosh,” Ellie grumbled, heading for her room, Sooner trailing behind her. “Does anyone love me enough to tuck me in?” Her voice echoed from the hall.

  “We’ll see,” Colter called.

  “Parents” they heard faintly.

  Colter raised an eyebrow. “I guess you’re included in that.”

  “It’s not one of the ways I was looking forward to being included.” She rose to her feet. “I’m sorry. I got carried away.”

  “If I thought for one minute that he’d hurt her or intended to hurt her, I would’ve been the first to box his ears. But they were just playing, and I seriously suspect Ellie was trying to get his attention.” At her confused look, he added, “She has a crush on him.”

  “I should’ve known you had everything under control. I just—” She tried to explain and couldn’t. Instead she said in a rushed voice, “We’d better say good-night before she thinks we’ve forgotten about her.”

  As soon as Ellie went to sleep, Marisa made a quick exit.

  She grabbed her coat, exchanged her shoes for the new rubber boots and hurried out to the barn. The night sounds no longer bothered her. She had to get away, to sort out these new emotions that were tearing her apart. And she wanted to make sure Beauty was comfortable.

  She opened the barn door and turned on the light, then entered the stall. Beauty was curled in one corner, blinking up at her in the sudden brightness. Marisa sank onto the hay and leaned back on her heels, stroking the fawn’s soft body. Beauty licked Marisa’s fingers.

  “Hi, Beauty,” she cooed. “Are you okay? Did you have a nice Christmas? Do you miss your mommy?”

  A bubble of laughter escaped her. Here she was sitting in a barn, talking to a deer. And it felt…right. This New York City girl liked living on a ranch—because her daughter was here…and so was the man she loved. No, it was more than that. She wanted to be here and she was beginning to feel a connection with the animals. She couldn’t explain what had happened. Maybe she’d grown up. But something still tormented her, a deep-seated pain she had to face.

  “Marisa.”

  Her head jerked toward Colter’s soft voice.

  He walked in and knelt beside her. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming out h
ere? I would’ve come with you.”

  “I just wanted to be by myself and think.”

  “Are you still worried about Jarred?”

  “No.” She sighed heavily, feeling all those buried emotions gathering force inside her. She couldn’t stop the tears that filled her eyes. Quickly, she tried to brush them away, hating that she couldn’t control this weakness.

  He caught her hand. “It’s all right to cry.”

  “I thought you didn’t like it when I cried,” she mumbled, remembering that from Vegas when it didn’t take much to make her tearful.

  Tenderly, he brushed the tears away with his thumb, his gentleness threatening to open a floodgate. “Sometimes you try to be too strong,” he answered. “So, what are the tears about?”

  “It’s just…” She had a hard time finding the words, but she knew she could share anything with him. That was how it had always been. He was probably the only person who’d understand what she was feeling. “Tonight I saw my mother in me. She treated me like a child without feelings, she never asked what I wanted or how I felt, and I was doing the same thing to Ellie. I’ve always thought I was nothing like my mother, but—” She choked back a sob.

  His hand curved around the nape of her neck and she rubbed her cheek softly against his arm, feeling warmth and comfort.

  “You are nothing like your mother,” he said, his voice husky. “She was manipulative, driven and deceitful. You are a loving, caring woman, and you don’t have a deceitful bone in your body.”

  She wanted to believe his words, but she wasn’t sure she could. She pulled away from his hand. “Don’t say that just to pacify me.”

  “I’m not. I mean it.”

  “No, you don’t,” she replied. “If you meant it, you wouldn’t keep this distance between us. Today when Ellie said she wanted me to live here forever, you looked as if you’d been kicked in the stomach.”

  “Marisa. Let it drop.”

  “No, I won’t,” she snapped. “What is it? Why can’t you let the past go? Why can’t you trust me?”

  “It’s nothing, really,” he murmured, obviously trying to put her off.