She shook her head slightly, frowning at her thoughts. Wolf was no heathen. She could tell that it bothered him not to be considered a gentleman in her eyes, but she no longer believed that to be so. He was everything a gentleman should be, more so than her brother’s friends.
He came into the cave, bumping into her from behind. He grabbed her arms to keep her from tumbling forward.
“What are you doing standing here in the doorway?” he asked, his voice laced with exasperation. “You’ll catch your death.”
“Sorry.”
He dropped his hands, and she moved quickly away. He went to the fire, and picking up the coffeepot, he lifted it enquiringly in her direction.
She retrieved her own cup and held it out to him. While he poured, she studied his face. He had the high cheekbones of the Indian, the proud tilt to the head. His skin was darker than most men she was used to, but he was definitely handsome.
He caught her staring at him and lifted a brow in inquiry. April flushed brightly, dropping her gaze.
“Thank you for the coffee.” She managed a smile. “You make it rather well.”
He grinned. “For a man, you mean.”
Her smile came more naturally. She seated herself on the crate, lifting her gaze to meet his eyes.
“Tell me more about yourself,” she encouraged.
He met her look, and both found themselves unable to look away.
“Why do you want to know?” he asked quietly.
“Because I’m interested,” she answered softly, realizing that she really was. He fascinated her more than anyone had in a very long time.
He glanced away. She thought he was going to ignore her request, but he seated himself in his usual spot, leaning back against the cave wall. He turned to her, but it was some time before he spoke.
“I told you about my mother and father. What else do you want to know?”
April shrugged. “What was your childhood like? Where did you live? How did you become a ranger?”
His mouth tilted into a half smile. “I lived as a child among the Comanche. My mother was a typical wife—feeding her family, caring for her child and husband, visiting with other female friends. For the most part, it was a good life.” He stared vacantly at the wall opposite, and April knew that his mind had gone back to that world so different from her own.
“I was taught to hunt and track and kill. I made my father quite proud of me with my prowess with a bow. When they were killed…” His voice tapered off. He glanced at April then, his eyes dark and haunted. She saw in him the same yearning that she had seen in Ted. They were so very much alike in their pain.
“I was never accepted by the Comanche as one of their own, nor by the whites either. I found it better to become a Texas Ranger and live my life alone.”
April’s heart went out to him. She could picture the lonely little boy he must have been. What agony it must have caused his mother to watch her child being shunned by others.
“You said your mother was a missionary’s daughter?”
He nodded, staring deeply into her eyes. She wondered what, exactly, he was looking for.
“She taught me of Jesus and His love, and for a time I believed. Maybe that’s why the Comanche never accepted me. When they danced to their gods, I sat aside. When they gave offerings, I only watched.”
April wet her lips, hesitant to ask. “Did you ever marry?”
Wolf jerked his gaze back to hers, wondering what had provoked such a question. Just idle female curiosity? Somehow, he doubted it. She didn’t seem the nosy type.
“No, I never married.”
The set look of his face warned April not to further probe that area of his life. He tilted his head to the side. “It’s your turn,” he told her, smoothly changing the subject.
“There’s not much to tell. Actually, we have something in common. Both of my parents died when I was young, too.”
His face became inscrutable. “At least they weren’t murdered.”
“No,” she agreed softly. “But my mother also taught me about Jesus and His love.”
“What about your brother?” he asked, refusing to be sidetracked into a theological discussion.
“We were both raised to believe the same things, but somehow he’s gotten away from them.”
She didn’t like his smile. “Life has a way of changing us.”
He got up and went to the cave entrance. He took a deep breath of the clean air. April joined him, and he glanced down at her briefly. Again, there was something strange that seemed to be pulling them closer together. They could read it in each other’s eyes, though neither would mention it.
“The ice is melting,” she suggested cheerfully, turning away from his look. He said nothing, continuing to watch her.
“I need to go outside,” she finally told him in embarrassment. “Is it safe yet?”
He nodded. “But don’t go far,” he warned.
She went past him, staying only as long as necessary. Although the temperatures were rising, they were still too cold to stay outside for very long.
When she returned, she found Wolf bent over the fire with a fry pan. He took some flour and water, mixed it together, then poured it into the sizzling hot lard.
“Can I help?”
He shook his head. “There’s not much to do. I’m just making some fry bread to add to the beans.” He grinned up at her. “Not exactly hotel cuisine, but it’ll keep us from starving.”
She was surprised by his reference to a hotel, and she had noticed that his English was as proficient as her own. Again she found herself wondering about his life.
“I think I’ll go crazy if I have to stay cooped up in here much longer!” she exclaimed, dropping to the seat across from him.
“Solitude is good for the soul.”
The look she gave him spoke volumes. “Well, I’m not exactly alone, am I?”
“Bored with my company, huh?”
She could tell he was laughing at her. His eyes crinkled at the corners, though his mouth merely twitched into a smile.
While they ate, Wolf told April about attending college in Boston. There was much he left unsaid, and she thought she could read between the lines. After living among the Comanche most of his life, city living must have been very difficult for him. Although he didn’t mention it, she suspected that being half Indian had probably caused him much grief at school.
After they ate their impromptu meal, Wolf rummaged through his saddlebag. He brought out a small piece of wood with an intricately painted design on it.
“How about a game?” he asked, and April narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously.
“What kind of game?”
“Well,” he told her in a wickedly amused voice, “actually we’ll have to modify it somewhat. It’s usually played by a group of people.”
He explained how the Comanche used the piece in a game both men and women alike enjoyed. “There are two teams. Each one takes a turn trying to fool the other by passing, or not passing, the wood. Someone from the other team will finally call out which man he thinks has the piece.”
She watched him warily. “Then what?”
“You keep score. The one with the highest score wins.”
“Just what exactly does he win?”
His look made her grow warm all over. “That depends on the bet,” he told her softly.
Her eyes widened, and she drew in a shaky breath. “I don’t gamble,” she finally told him in a quavery voice.
He looked disappointed. Sitting back, he smiled ruefully. “That’s all right. We can play the game anyway.”
“How?”
He closed his fist around the wood, then began shifting his hands back and forth. When he stopped, he grinned at her.
“Pick one.”
She returned his grin. “This is like hide the button.” Her forehead puckered in concentration as she studied his hands. Finally, she reached across and tapped his left hand.
“That one.
”
He turned his empty palm over. “Wrong. That’s one for me.” Reaching over, he drew a mark in the sand with a twig.
He handed her the wood. “Your turn.”
Giggling like a child, she followed his example. He tapped her hand, and she turned over the palm with the piece in it.
She frowned at him. “How’d you do that?”
Ignoring the question, he took the wood piece again. After almost an hour, he had far more marks in the sand than she did. She looked at him, clearly puzzled.
“How do you always seem to know?”
His eyes roved her face slowly, and she felt her stomach begin to churn.
“It’s your face,” he told her softly. “It gives you away.”
Her eyes widened until they were so large Wolf thought he could walk right into them. He smiled slowly.
“You’re wondering what thoughts I can read on your face.”
April sucked in a sharp breath. That was exactly what she had been thinking. Over the past hour she had found herself wondering what his bet might have been. The look in his eyes made her breathless, and she had wondered if he would have demanded a kiss. Paradoxically, she had hoped that he would.
He leaned across, placing one large hand behind her neck and pulling her gently forward.
“I’ll take my winnings now,” he told her quietly.
She placed her hands against his chest, pushing firmly.
“I told you, I don’t gamble.”
“But I do.”
His lips closed over hers, and she forgot every reason she had for refusing him.
Chapter 5
Wolf stood outside the entrance to the cave castigating himself severely. That kiss had to have been the stupidest thing he had ever done in his life! What on earth had gotten into him anyway? He had only known the woman for two days.
He pulled the slip of paper from his pocket, reading it yet again. He tried to use it to bring his anger to the surface, but somehow, he just couldn’t do it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reconcile April’s innocent face with a desperate gang of outlaws.
He was confused by the strange rush of emotions she invoked in him. This was something far beyond his experience, especially where women were concerned.
Most white women shunned him, though there were those who followed him with longing in their eyes. Those women he avoided. Indian women were more lenient, but he was too white to fit into their way of life. The education his mother had insisted upon set him apart from most.
Being around April just that short period of time had set him yearning for things he wasn’t even aware that he wanted. But she was far too different from him, also. She had a faith in a God he had long ago abandoned. Though his parents had served Him almost their whole lives, He had chosen not to protect them when they needed Him most.
The sun was setting and it would soon be dark. An eagle screamed high above the trees, circling ever downward toward its nest and its young.
Would he one day have a nest of his own, with children and a loving wife? Was it possible any woman would want him? And even if it were, could he do that to a woman that he truly loved? Could he subject her to the same kind of prejudice his mother had faced all her life? The same kind of prejudice he had faced all his life.
Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to return to the cave. Though the cold air had cooled his ardor and his thinking, the tense atmosphere remained.
April watched him warily, sitting cross-legged on the blanket she used as a bed. Her blue dress had long ago taken on a dusty hue, leaving her looking a bit bedraggled. He lifted an eyebrow slightly.
“An Indian woman would never sit like that. It’s not considered proper,” he told her, hoping to lighten the mood. It had the opposite effect. Her forehead twisted into a frown.
“I’m not an Indian woman,” she returned coldly, her frosty eyes raking over his beaded buckskins.
He sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I was only teasing.” He crossed to her side and knelt on one knee before her, careful to keep some distance between them. “I’m sorry, too, for kissing you.” He reached out to touch her, the fringe on his buckskin shirt swishing with the movement. He saw the trepidation return to her eyes, and he dropped his arm, his hand curling into a fist. His lips tilted into a half smile, and a twinkle entered his normally serious brown eyes. “Well, not really. I guess I’m sorry I kissed you without your permission.”
April stared at him, confounded by his honesty. “Do you always go around kissing women you’ve known for such a short time?”
His look became at once sober. “Only when their eyes ask me to.”
April’s mouth dropped open. Snapping it shut, she turned her eyes away, unable to deny what he said. “You think too highly of yourself.”
“Maybe,” he agreed, unruffled by her sarcasm. “Anyway, I wanted to tell you that you needn’t be alarmed. It won’t happen again. I give you my word.”
She gave a small sigh of relief, which quickly fled at the temerity of his next words.
“That is, unless you want me to.”
She got to her feet, glaring down at him. Dark tendrils of hair that had escaped her bun hung around her face. She brushed them back with an impatient hand. “Don’t hold your breath!”
He rose to stand before her, towering over her by at least a foot. She prudently moved backward a step.
The emotion in his eyes caused her heart to start fluttering irregularly.
“We’ll see. In the meantime, you might as well get some sleep. We’ll be leaving in the morning.”
April was surprised at the reluctance she felt at this disclosure. When her eyes met his, she found the same feelings reflected there. Nodding, she began to prepare her bed for the night.
They ate their supper in silence. After Wolf had again cleaned the plates, they settled down on their respective bedrolls. The crackling of the fire was a soothing sound as the darkness and cold descended outside the cave.
April leaned up on one elbow and looked across to the other side of the cave where Wolf had his back to her. “Wolf?”
“What?”
His testiness did little to encourage her, but she had to know.
“Did you turn from God when your parents were killed?”
By the dim light from the fire she could see his back and shoulders tense. “That was part of it,” he finally replied.
“And the other part?”
He rolled over to face her, his dark eyes glittering through the dimness. His voice was filled with anger. “I watched people claiming to be representatives of God murdering, stealing, and lying to a race of people they thought inferior. Many thought they were doing it in the name of God. Manifest destiny they called it,” he spat. “I saw little children lying in the dirt, shot through the heart, their mothers lying beside them, dead. Their last act one of motherly devotion in trying to save their children.”
The images his words elicited filled her with horror. She didn’t know what to say.
“Grant you, the Indians have dealt with the whites just as badly, but at least they don’t do it in the name of God.”
“Not all whites are that way,” she rebuked softly. “Just as not all Indians are.”
His eyes met hers. She found it hard to read the message in them.
“So I’m beginning to find out.”
She lay back down, turning her back to him. She wanted to say more, but she didn’t know how. It was hard to share a faith that she didn’t understand herself. Hard to explain why she believed the way she did.
“April?”
She looked over her shoulder. “Yes?”
“What has God ever done for you?”
She turned fully toward him, wondering how she could put into words such a feeling.
“It’s hard to explain, Wolf,” she told him softly, “but I’ll try. When my parents died, I had to take care of myself and my brother. There were times when things were bad, but no matter how bad they got, I
knew that God was there watching over me. Crying with me. Laughing with me. It gave me strength to go on. Perhaps that’s the best way to explain it. He gives me strength and courage when I need it most. Even if I die, I know I’ll always be with Him. It’s like the Apostle Paul once said. ‘To live is Christ, and to die is gain.’ If I live for Him, I have everything. If I die for Him, I still have everything.”
He seemed to be pondering what she said. Again, there was that longing in his eyes.
“I wish I could believe that,” he whispered. Turning back to the wall, he effectively ended the conversation.
The next day dawned bright and clear. April joined Wolf outside, her eyes darting away from him in embarrassment. After yesterday, she found it hard to look at him without remembering that kiss and his words about her wanting it reflected in her eyes.
Though cold, the air was fresh and invigorating. April crossed her arms and rubbed them vigorously.
“It’s a beautiful day,” she greeted cheerfully.
There was a frown on his face. His head was tilted to the wind, and his eyes scanned the blue expanse overhead.
“Something’s not right,” he answered absently.
Suddenly frightened, she glanced all around her but could see nothing. The hair prickled on the back of her neck at his mantic voice. “What do you mean?”
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “There’s something in the air. It might not be wise to leave just yet.”
Now April was really frightened. To stay here with him in such close proximity was unthinkable. “The ice has melted, and the sky is clear. I think it would be best if we left now.”
Wolf ’s eyes met hers then. He could read the uncertainty and the fear. Was she so afraid of him that she would risk her life, and his, to be away from him? Or was it something else? Perhaps she knew more than he believed about her brother returning for her. Maybe he was on his way even now.
Still, she had a point. The way his feelings were escalating, it wouldn’t be prudent to remain there much longer.
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