by Brower, Dawn
She glanced up at him. Tears were no longer spilling down her cheeks. “I don’t believe that. Love doesn’t go away. It’s always there if you open yourself up to it.”
Jessica wound her arms around his neck and pulled his head down. Her lips were on his before he had a chance to stop it. She ran her tongue across his lips to encourage him to open his mouth. He kept it firmly closed. Maybe she would get the hint. Who was he kidding? She didn’t take hints. The kiss didn’t inspire any passion in him. All he could see was her and Preston in bed. It was something he would never forget. One day Jessica would accept their marriage had imploded.
The soft click of heels on the linoleum floor filled his ears. The noise stopped right outside his office. “Ren, do you…”
He pushed Jessica aside and stared at Dani in the entrance to his office. She had stopped short of actually stepping inside. Her hand stood frozen in place as she’d been about to knock on the door frame. Her beautiful dark hair flowed around her shoulders and pain seemed to pour out of her eyes. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and comfort her. Her pain was real. Jessica’s, on the other hand, was as feigned as a shark’s disinterest in swallowing its dinner whole.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have interrupted.” She turned to leave.
Wonderful. He felt like a school boy caught with his pants down. This was the last thing he wanted her to witness.
“Dani, wait,” Ren called out.
Jessica grabbed his arm. “Let her go.”
He glared down at her. How dare she prevent him from going after Dani. “Remove your hand from my arm before I force you to.”
She gasped. “Why are you being so mean?”
He was done. It was time to rip the Band-Aid off once and for all. He’d been as nice as possible with her up until this point. She wasn’t getting the message. Instead, she bulldozed through his life on a regular basis. It didn’t appear to sink in that the day she decided to betray him was the day their marriage ceased to mean anything to him. She didn’t mean anything to him. What little respect he gave her was to preserve his dignity, not hers. If he wanted a chance with Dani, provided she wanted one with him, he had to make it completely clear that there was no marriage to save. The divorce was final for a reason.
“We’re divorced.” He ground the words out. “Do me a favor and remember that before you think you have the right to question anything I do. I don’t owe you a damn thing. Do not come to see me. Do not ever try to kiss me again. If you have a problem with that—too fucking bad. I don’t give a damn. Would you please leave now?”
She stepped back as if he’d slapped her. Something he wished sometimes he could do. He knew better than to act on the impulse. Jessica pushed his buttons like no one could. Sometimes he wondered why he ever married her in the first place.
“Is this because of her?” She motioned toward the door. “When did she pop back into your life? I was so thankful when she’d disappeared. You always went running to her if she called. She couldn’t do anything without involving you.”
Dani had been everything to him. If she’d not put him firmly in the friend zone, he’d have tried for more with her long before she disappeared on him. So, yeah, he answered her calls. He would do anything for her. It had devastated him when she ran away. Ren still didn’t understand why. All he knew was she’d broken his heart into a million pieces. Dani made it clear she’d wanted space, and he respected her wishes even though it killed him. Now she was back in his life. He’d not let her disappear again. She would explain why she vanished from his life—it was time to get to the truth. As far as Jessica… She could go find someone else to bother.
“I don’t have to enlighten you on the details of my life.” He grabbed her arm and led her to the door. “Need I remind you—again—that we’re divorced? I want nothing to do with you. Stop coming by to see me. I can’t stand these little visits of yours.”
“You don’t mean that.” She pouted. “You still love me. I know you do.”
Ren took a deep calming breath. He had to or he’d strangle her. A doctor didn’t kill people. He closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer for patience. His ex-wife was pushing him over the edge. She needed to leave and fast. As soon as he got rid of her he could go find Dani. She came to his office for a reason, and he wanted to find out what it was. It was about damn time she sought him out for a change. Yet, he’d chase after her over and over again if it would get him what he wanted most—her in his arms. His deepest desire was for her to love him as much as he’d always loved her. First he had to remove the trash from his life. Then he could go to Dani with a clean slate. Jessica and her insistent demands would stop. He’d been placating her for too long.
“I’m going to say this one more time, so listen.” He lifted his hand and grabbed her chin making her look him in the eyes. “We’re done. We’ve been done for a very long time. Getting in bed with Preston was the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. We are never getting back together, and I do not love you. Whatever feelings I had for you died a slow death when you pushed me away, accept it and move on with your life.”
“You’re making a mistake.” She pulled away from him. “One day you’ll wake up and realize it. If you’re lucky, I’ll forgive you and take you back.”
He laughed and shook his head. “I’ll take my chances.”
“You’re a fool if you think Dani wants you. She never saw you as more than a friend. Why do you keep chasing after someone who doesn’t see you the same way?”
Her jab was on point. It hit a wound that continued to fester. She was right. Dani didn’t want him as more than a friend, never had. Why couldn’t he let her go? Maybe if he tried to be more than friends he’d have a chance. He never once pressured her for more, and instead let her set the parameters of their relationship. Dani didn’t know how he felt because he never told her. If she knew, maybe it would make a difference.
“You’ll excuse me if I don’t let your poison infect me.” He pushed her out of his office and closed the door. “I have other priorities. Go find someone else to harass.”
He walked away from her and didn’t look back. Dani was probably with her friend. He would go find her and tell her what was going on with him and Jessica. She might not realize they were no longer together. How would she know? They hadn’t had any contact in years. Whatever choices they’d made in their lives was a mystery to them both. This was an opportunity to get to know each other all over again. They would make different choices this time. This was too important to him to do anything less. Ren wouldn’t let her go so easily this time.
Chapter Five
Dani rushed away from Ren’s office. She’d gone there searching for her friend again. To see what had put sadness into his eyes. Something was wrong in his life, and she sought to ease his pain. She could always tell when something was bothering him. He didn’t always share his demons with her, but she could at least make him smile through them.
It wasn’t her place to ease them anymore. She couldn’t be what he needed, no matter how much she longed to be. He’d made his choice long ago, and it hadn’t been her. Jessica gave him what he needed. He’d married her. He loved her. All Dani had been was his best friend. It should have been enough. It pained her to walk away from him. She wondered what happened to the child Jessica had been carrying. Did they have a son or a daughter? Did they have a child at all? Seeing him with Jessica in his arms… She had so many questions, but she was afraid to find out the answers.
It shouldn’t bother her, yet it did. He had every right to kiss his own wife. Stupid, plain out right stupid, that’s what she was. Her heart had seized tight inside her chest when she’d seen them, it always had. Nothing had changed, it was like a decade hadn’t gone by, and she was that lonely girl again on the outside looking in.
It seemed like she was constantly the third wheel in Ren and Jessica’s relationship. It’d been painful to see then, and still was. Why did she think it would be any different. Her feel
ings hadn’t gone away when she disappeared from Ren’s life. She’d left because of Jessica’s pregnancy. If not for that, she might have broken down and told Ren how much she loved him. It may or may not have made a difference; something she’d never know one way or the other. Since it was a moot point, she shouldn’t expect to find anything other than what she walked in on. Ren had a family, and she was not a part of it. For her own peace of mind, she had to put some distance between them.
She stopped outside of Matt’s room and took a deep breath. He didn’t need to know about her internal struggle. Her friend had his own issues to deal with. She pushed open the door and headed to his bedside. His breathing was deep and even. He was sleeping peacefully—she pulled a chair closer to his side and laid her head down next to his hand.
Why did bad things happen to good people? Matt didn’t deserve this fate. What would he do if he was permanently blind? The things he would have to relearn and readjust himself to. It would be a long uphill battle. She had faith her friend would come out all right and make it to the other side of that journey. He was strong-willed and one of the best people she knew.
“Dani?” Matt’s voice was hoarse and cracked as he spoke.
She lifted her head and glanced over at him. “Yes. It’s me.”
He lifted his hands, and ran them over the bandages covering his head and across his eyes. “What happened to me?”
She had a lump in her throat. It was so good to finally hear his voice again. The worry festered inside of her. If she had lost him… No, she wouldn’t think about that. He was alive and wasn’t going anywhere. Matt needed her to be strong.
“You were in an accident.”
Matt didn’t respond to her words. She couldn’t tell if he’d fallen back asleep or if he was silently processing her words. Dani lifted her hand and placed it on his chest. “Matt?”
“Why is my head covered in bandages? What’s wrong with me? What are you not telling me?”
“I…” How could she tell him about the damage the accident had wrought on his body. That he might never see again. She wasn’t ready to impart that bit of news. He had a lot of healing to do yet. She cleared her throat. “You had an operation. The accident did a lot of damage, and you hit your head hard. The bandages are covering some pretty serious wounds.”
“You’re holding back, Brosen. I know you.” Matt turned his head toward her. “Don’t start lying to me now.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. She wiped them away quickly. Crying never solved any problems. It wouldn’t do Matt any good for her to give into the urge now. “I don’t know everything. It’s best you wait for the doctor to explain it to you.”
A soft knocking sound filled the room. Dani turned her head and met Ren’s gaze. Jessica must have left for him to have time to come check on Matt. His presence had nothing to do with her. He had patients to take care of, and Matt was one of them. She looked away. It hurt too much and she kept seeing Jessica in his arms. She had exorcised that vision a long time ago and now it was forefront in her mind once again. It would take a long time for it to go away. She knew from before, and yet it still haunted her every day. It might not pop up as often, but it lingered; otherwise, it wouldn’t hurt so damn much.
“I believe that’s my cue.” Ren strolled into the room. “I’m Dr. Sousa. Whatever questions you have can be directed at me.”
“I can leave you to explain.” Dani got up to leave.
“Don’t go.” Matt latched his hand onto her wrist holding her in place. “I need you.”
“Yes, of course.” She sat down. She kept her gaze focused on Matt. Dani didn’t want Ren to see how much his presence shook her. The pain in her eyes would be a dead giveaway. “Anything for you.”
“Tell me what my prognosis is, Doc.” Matt cracked a wobbly smile. “Am I going to live?”
His humor was his defense. Matt was putting up walls, preparing for the worst. She wished she could protect him from what Ren was about to say, but there was no sheltering him from the upcoming pain.
“I’m afraid it doesn’t look good. The blunt force trauma damaged your sight. Dr. West and I attempted to repair it with surgery. Time will tell if we were successful.”
Matt’s smile fell from his face. “I’m blind?”
“For now, yes.” Ren didn’t pull any punches. “I believe in time your vision will improve. Chances of it being fully restored though are slim. When the swelling goes down and as you heal, some of it should return. It’s going to be an uphill battle to get to the end.”
Dani glanced up and met Ren’s gaze. As he talked to Matt, he stared at her. She could almost feel his stare burning into her. He was holding something back. What it was she didn’t know, but she intended to find out. What wasn’t he saying?
“How long?” Matt asked.
“I’m sorry,” Ren replied. “How long for what?”
Dani frowned. What was Matt asking?
He pounded his fists on the bed. Anger appeared to seep out of him. “Until you know if I’m permanently blind.”
It was sinking in. The possibility of never being able to see again—Dani didn’t know what to do to help him. “Matt you shouldn’t worry about that now. Time will…”
“No,” he interrupted her. “I need answers. It’s how I work. I have to plan and make sure I cover all my bases.
She acceded his point. He did work that way. “I know. I’m sorry.” She turned to Ren. “What do you think, in your expert opinion, his prognosis will be and when will we have more answers.”
Ren nodded to her. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. All the tests have been inconclusive up to this point. All we can do now is wait. Try to be patient.”
“Patience isn’t one of my strong suits.” Matt frowned. “How about you tell me how long I’ll be stuck in this bed.”
“For longer than you’ll like.” Ren folded his arms across his chest. “A week at minimum, maybe longer.”
“You’re chalk full of bad news, Doc.” Matt shook his head. “I hate this.”
Dani patted his hand. “I know. Please don’t do anything that’ll impede your progress.”
He sighed. “This has to be a nightmare I’m trapped in. This sucks donkey balls.”
Dani smiled at his words. “I wish it was. I hate that you’re going through this, but I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”
It was a promise she fully intended to keep. If Claire had her way she’d be with him too.
“I won’t do anything stupid,” Matt agreed.
“Don’t say that to placate me. I know you. Now promise me you won’t leave this bed without medical permission.”
He remained silent for a few moments. No doubt trying to figure out a workaround that would get him what he wanted. She couldn’t allow him to find some loophole that would harm him further.
“Don’t even think about it,” she said in a steely voice.
“What?” he asked, the epitome of innocence. “I don’t have a clue what you’re referring to.”
“Don’t overthink this. Promise me you’re not going to do anything infernally stupid.”
He smiled. It was disconcerting with all the bandages covering his face, but it was also a relief he could find something worth grinning over in his current condition. “Yes, counselor.”
Ren cleared his throat. “She’s right. Make sure you listen to her.”
She didn’t need Ren backing her up. Why did he feel like it was his place to interfere with her and Matt’s relationship? “Did you have anything else to add, doctor?”
“Not about Matt’s condition, but if you have a moment I’d like to speak with you.”
Dani wasn’t ready for that conversation. If she had her way, she’d continue to avoid it for the foreseeable future. “Now?” She raised an eyebrow. “I don’t want to leave Matt.”
“Don’t think you need to keep vigil at my bedside. Go see what the doctor has to talk to you about. I’m not going anywhere any time
soon.”
Damn Matt. She didn’t want to have a private conversation with Ren.
“Dani, please,” Ren begged. “Give me five minutes.”
She glanced down at Matt and considered her options. “Fine, but not now. I have a couple things to discuss with Matt before he rests. I’ll meet you in your office in a half hour.”
“Very well. I’ll see you soon.”
Ren turned and left the room. She breathed a sigh of relief as she watched him leave. It was a short reprieve, but she needed it. Maybe when she saw him again she’d be able to handle her raging emotions better. She needed ice to flow through her veins to deal with Ren one on one again. Her luck, Jessica would return and then where would that leave her? It killed her to see them together. She couldn’t handle it.
“Want to tell me what that’s all about?” Matt asked.
“Not really.” She fidgeted and looked down at the floor. Matt knew about her former best friend. She’d told him everything on a drunken night during law school. She never told him Ren’s name though. He wouldn’t put two and two together unless she enlightened him. Maybe she should. It would help to get some of it off her chest. It was weighing down on her pretty heavily, making breathing almost impossible.
“I know something’s going on. I hear it in your voice. Tell me,” he urged.
“Do you remember why I ran away from my hometown?”
He nodded. “I do. What does that have to do with the doctor?” His mouth fell open. “Oh, I think I understand. He’s the man, the best friend.”
She nodded, and then remembered he couldn’t see her. Damn, she was a bumbling mess. “Yes. Dr. Rendell Sousa. The only man I ever loved and also unequivocally unavailable.”
“What’s he want to talk to you about?”
She was sure there was a long list of things she had to answer to him for. Dani wasn’t ready to face even one of them. “I’m sure he wants answers. I didn’t leave him with any when I disappeared.”