by Drexler, Jan
Ruthy turned her head so she could see his face past the sides of her black bonnet. “She does love you. She only wants what is best for you.”
Levi pulled his hand back to turn Champ north at the corner. “Ja, I know. But usually her idea of what’s best is the only thing that matters to her.”
* * *
When Ruth fell silent, Levi glanced her way. She was watching the side of the road and chewing her lower lip. Suddenly she shivered. Did he really have to drag her all the way to Middlebury to put her through another visit with Eliza? It looked like she was dreading this errand as much as Waneta usually did. But if Eliza heard about the wedding from someone other than him, she’d never forgive him.
“Are you cold? I should have brought another blanket.”
“Just a little,” she said, her breath puffing out in a cloud.
“Move over a little closer to me.” Levi shifted the reins to his left hand so he could help adjust the horse blanket as she scooted close enough to touch him, but not quite.
“You need to sit closer if you want to get any warmer.”
She moved a little, just enough that the edge of her shawl brushed his sleeve.
After a few more miles, Levi turned west again and could see Eliza’s house in front of them. He nodded toward it. “That’s Eliza’s place, there.”
“It looks like a cozy little house.”
“Ja. She sold most of her farm soon after her husband died, but kept the house and a few outbuildings. She was the school teacher until the state changed the laws a few years ago. Once they put stiffer requirements in place, she had to quit. She finished eighth grade, but now they require teachers to have more education.”
“She lives here all alone?”
Levi nodded. “I think she likes it that way, or else she would have married again.”
As they drove in the lane, Eliza came out of the chicken coop, juggling a basket of eggs and her cane in one hand while she latched the chicken house door.
Levi pulled up to the hitching rail at the end of the back walk and got down from the buggy, reaching up to give Ruth a hand. “I’ll blanket Champ and then I’ll be right in.”
Ruth gave him a shaky smile, but turned to greet Eliza as she picked her way across the snowy yard.
“Hallo, Eliza. How are you today?” She went forward to take the basket of eggs from Levi’s sister.
“Well enough.” Eliza greeted Ruth with a nod, then turned suspicious eyes on Levi. “Hallo, Levi. What brings you here today?”
“It’s such a nice day, and Ruth wanted to get out a little bit.” Levi hoped Ruth would forgive him for stretching the truth. “We thought we’d come over and visit with you for a little while before we go on into Middlebury.”
“Middlebury? Isn’t that a bit out of your way?”
“A bit, but Varns and Hoover is the only store around that carries the parts for my cream separator.”
She held his eye, waiting for him to waver the way he did when he was a child. But he didn’t need to let her bullying bother him anymore. Levi winked at her and she backed down, turning to Ruth.
“Well, come in and have some coffee, unless you want dinner...”
“Ach, ne, don’t go to any trouble. A cup of coffee will be fine.” Ruth took Eliza’s arm and walked toward the door of the house with her. “We won’t be staying that long. We need to run our errands and return before the scholars get home from school.”
Levi slipped a blanket on Champ and fastened the straps. But by the time he had followed the women into the house, Eliza had already said something to put a troubled frown on Ruth’s face.
“Ruth tells me the children are doing just fine.” Eliza set a cup of coffee on the table.
Levi sat in the chair and glanced at Ruth. She stared at her own cup. “Ja, for sure everyone is doing well.”
Eliza sat in the chair on the opposite side of the table with an exaggerated sigh and took a sip of her coffee.
Levi cleared his throat. “I have some news for you, Eliza.”
“Ruth has already told me you aren’t here to make arrangements for Nancy and Nellie to come live with me.”
“Ne, we aren’t.” Levi hesitated. Eliza was headstrong and blind to the facts. If she still held out hope of the girls coming to live with her, how would she react to his news? “Ruth and I are getting married, so there will be no need for you to take them in.”
Eliza turned her cup in its saucer. “I see.”
“We hoped you would be happy at the news.” He glanced at Ruth. She turned her own cup, staring at the brown liquid.
“Isn’t this quite sudden? After all, you’ve only known each other for a couple months.”
Levi fought to control his temper. His sister had always been able to prick at his conscience when he felt guilty. Ja, he and Ruth had come to this decision quickly, but hadn’t Eliza been the one to force it?
“It is only because—”
“It’s because of the children,” Ruth interrupted. “It wasn’t right for them to continue on with me as only a housekeeper when they need a mother so badly....”
Eliza stood, knocking her chair back. “And I’m just an old woman no one needs, ja?”
Levi held out his hand to calm her. “Now, Eliza, no one has said that.”
“No one needed to say that, Levi. I’m not wanted. You can marry this stranger if you want, but I’m not going to be around to pick up the pieces when your home falls apart.” She turned and limped into the front room.
“Ach, Levi Zook, what have I done?” Ruth’s hand was over her mouth and her eyes were wet with tears.
Levi took her other hand in his. “It’s nothing you’ve done. It’s me, and Eliza’s own blind stubbornness. She’ll get over it.”
* * *
Ruthy stood, looking for her shawl and bonnet. They needed to leave. Eliza would never forgive her, they could never see her again. How could this happen, that in trying to keep Levi’s family together, she would cause a rift between him and his sister?
“Ruth, sit down.” Levi tugged at the hand he still held. “We must stay and talk this through with Eliza. It won’t take long for her to come to her senses.” He drained his coffee cup.
Taking her chair again, Ruthy glanced into the front room. Eliza was pacing between the two windows facing the road, never looking their way. If Levi said they needed to stay, they would, but she would much rather leave and forget she had ever met this irascible old woman.
When she turned back to Levi, he was smiling at her. He still hadn’t released her hand.
“I have a feeling you’ve never met someone quite like my sister.”
“Ne, I haven’t.”
“She blows up quickly, but she gets over it just as quickly. I learned long ago to be patient when dealing with her. She can be maddening, but eventually she’ll realize she has hit a brick wall and won’t get her own way this time.” Levi squeezed her hand. “You know, sometimes you remind me of her.”
“Me?” How could he say such a thing?
“Ja. You’re both stubborn women who are bent on doing things your own way.”
Ruthy felt her face grow hot as she turned away from him. He was right.
He tugged at her hand until she looked at him again.
“I don’t mind at all. I love my sister, as irritating as she is sometimes. I think that may be why I like you so much.”
The thump of Eliza’s cane on the wooden floor signaled her return to the kitchen.
“Levi, you take yourself out to the barn or somewhere. I want to talk to Ruth alone.”
Levi gave Ruthy’s hand another squeeze and then left. As he pulled the door closed behind him, the sound was like a shot in the still house.
“Eliza, I...”
; Eliza raised her hand to stop Ruthy’s words.
“Let me say something, and then you can talk.” Eliza sat heavily in her chair. “My brother is a very deliberate man, so the suddenness of this marriage took me by surprise. He isn’t one to make a decision like this lightly.” Eliza held Ruthy’s gaze with her own. “I know he’s doing it only so I won’t continue to ask for him to send Nancy and Nellie here. He wants to keep you living on the farm with him, and the only decent way to do it is to marry you. Am I right?”
Ruthy nodded. There was no way to answer the woman without hurting her feelings further.
“I’m an old woman, Ruth.”
“You’re not that old....”
“The arthritis makes me old. Levi is right.” Eliza waved her hand around her small house. “This is no place for two lively girls, as much as I’d like to have them here.” She sighed, slumped in her chair. “I try to fight it. I try to make myself believe it isn’t too late for me to have a family....” Her voice drifted off and Ruthy shifted in her chair. Would she ever figure out Eliza’s swiftly changing moods?
She took a drink of her coffee, and then gave Ruthy a sad smile. “I know why Levi wants to marry you, but why do you want to marry him?”
Ruth took a sip of her own coffee. It was cold. “I love the children, and I like living in Indiana....”
“Why did you come here, Ruth? What did you leave behind in Lancaster County?”
Ruthy looked at Eliza. Could she trust this woman enough to confide in her? “I left because there was no future for me at home.”
“So you decided to be a maidle.”
“I didn’t decide. God made my calling clear through someone else’s actions.”
“But now Levi comes along and you don’t need to be a maidle anymore. You can have a husband and children. A family just waiting for you to step in.”
Ruthy shook her head. “That isn’t how it is at all. You make me sound like some desperate girl who was jilted at the altar and is now grasping at any straw that comes along.”
“If that isn’t how it is, then tell me. Why do you want to marry my brother?”
Ruthy took another swallow of her cold coffee. “There was a man at home that I was planning to marry....”
“Ahhh...” Eliza leaned back in her chair.
“He... Well, he married someone else.”
Eliza remained silent.
“He married my best friend. They had...betrayed me in the worst way.”
Eliza nodded. “And you couldn’t stay at home, alone and unwed, while they were happy with each other.”
All the hurt and anger rushed back as Ruthy thought of the last time she had seen them, so smug and joyful with each other.
“Ne, of course not.” She raised her eyes to Eliza’s. “Would you be able to do that? Would you have been able to forgive them for what they had done?”
“I’m not the one God placed in this situation. You’re the one who needs to make the decision to forgive them.”
“I don’t think I can. It isn’t that easy.”
Eliza snorted. “Of course it isn’t easy. Life isn’t easy. It’s hard and only gets harder until we reach our heavenly home.” Eliza stood and took her empty coffee cup to the sink. “But God gives us family and friends to make the journey easier.”
Ja, Eliza was right. When she could forget about Elam and Laurette, she was thankful for the life she had. Even a future with Levi, with a man who didn’t love her, held hope...as long as she kept that black memory at bay.
“Does Levi know you were going to marry someone else?”
“I told him there had been another man, but that it was over between us.”
“So now we’re back to my question.” Eliza took her seat at the table again. “Why do you want to marry my brother?”
“He...he’s a good man. He’s honorable and faithful. He loves his family. He’s kind....”
“Ach, Ruth, you could be describing your favorite dog! Tell me—do you love him?”
Ruthy squirmed in her chair. Did she love Levi Zook?
Eliza threw up her hands and slumped back in her chair. “You young people are going to be the death of me. If you don’t love him, how can you think of navigating through all the things life will bring you?”
“I know I like him, and I think I can learn to love him.”
Eliza nodded, satisfied. “And does he love you?”
Ruthy shook her head. “I don’t think so. He still loves his wife, doesn’t he?”
“What makes you think he doesn’t love you?”
“He never tries to...” Ruthy faltered. How could she share such intimate details?
“He never tries to what?”
“He’s never kissed me.”
Eliza laughed. “I wouldn’t worry about that. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. The kissing will come.”
“Ne, I don’t think so. He’s only marrying me so his children will have a mother.”
“So why did you agree, if you’re not sure you love him?”
“A maidle has no home.” Eliza nodded and Ruthy went on. “You are alone, but you have a home, a place where you belong. A maidle belongs nowhere and to no one. When I marry Levi Zook, I will be needed and loved by the children. I’ll have a purpose in my life and a permanent home.”
“And when the children grow up and leave? What will you have then?”
“I’ll still have a home. That’s more than I would have if I never married.”
“But you said God called you to stay unmarried....”
“Until I met Levi, I thought that was true.”
Eliza sighed, shaking her head. “I can tell you’re both determined to see this through, but let me tell you one thing. I’m going to tell Levi that I will no longer ask for any of his children to come here, if he chooses to marry or not.”
“You’re satisfied that I’ll be a good mother to them?”
“I’m satisfied that my brother will do anything to keep those children of his away from me.”
Ruthy cringed at the raw feeling in Eliza’s voice. “That isn’t what he’s thinking at all. He just wants to keep his family together.”
“He wants it enough to marry a stranger, ja?” Ruthy sputtered, but Eliza held up her hand. “Ne, don’t carry on so. Even if Levi is only marrying you to provide a mother for his children...well, many have married for worse reasons.” She struggled to her feet and Ruthy rose with her. “Let’s go tell him he doesn’t have to marry you. Maybe he’ll throw you over and you’ll be able to marry someone you really love.”
Chapter Fourteen
Levi didn’t throw her over.
He had come out of Eliza’s barn when he saw them emerge from the house and listened to Eliza’s news without a word. He only continued removing Champ’s blanket and folding it, and then turned to Eliza when she had finished.
“After all this time, all the worry you’ve put me through, you’ve decided you don’t want the girls?”
“You know I only wanted what was best for all....”
Levi raised his hand to stop her words. His face was stormy, his breath blowing clouds in the frosty air. Ruthy thought he had been angry the day the girls had found the chest of their mother’s clothes in his room, but she had never seen him like this.
“You always want what’s best for you, Eliza. You’ve caused heartache for my children, sleepless nights for me and forced me to pursue marriage with a woman I didn’t love.”
Ruthy recoiled from his words. She knew he didn’t love her, but to hear it so bluntly nearly brought her to tears. She stumbled to the door of the buggy and climbed in.
“Levi Zook, how dare you...”
“How dare I? Eliza, one day you’ll regret your high-handed ways.” L
evi shoved his wide-brimmed hat more firmly on his head. “You’re invited to the wedding. It will be on the last Tuesday of the month. Until then, goodbye.”
Levi climbed into the buggy and slid the door closed with a bang. Backing Champ until he was far enough to turn without running Eliza down, Levi guided him down the short drive and then onto the road. He slapped the reins on the horse’s back, urging him to the quick trot Champ loved.
Ruthy sat as far away from the man as she could on the narrow bench seat. He thought there was still going to be a wedding? After that outburst? She could marry a man who might grow to love her someday, but she wouldn’t marry a man who resented her presence even before they took their vows.
“Take me home, Levi Zook.” She forced down the tears that threatened to turn her into a sobbing mess.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I want you to take me home.”
Levi slowed Champ and pulled him to a halt at the side of the road.
“Did my sister say something to upset you?”
Ruthy turned so she could see his face. “Your sister? Ne, Levi Zook. You don’t remember your own words?”
“I... Ach, I was too harsh with her.” He pulled off one glove and rubbed his hand over his face. “I was so angry with her, I didn’t even think...” He stopped and looked at her. “You don’t think I would ever treat you that way, do you?”
The tears pushed against the lump in her throat. Ruthy looked away from him. “You said she...she forced you to pursue marriage with a woman you didn’t love. I know you don’t love me, Levi Zook, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to marry me.”
“I made a mess of things, for sure.” Levi slapped the reins on Champ’s back, pulling the horse into a U-turn on the road. “If you misunderstood me, then I know Eliza did, too. I have to go back and apologize to her.”
“You think I misunderstood you? You were pretty plainspoken from what I could tell.”
Levi glanced at her. “When I said that I was talking about Ellie Lapp.”
“Bram’s Ellie?” Ja, now she remembered Waneta talking about her father wanting to marry Ellie.