She chokes on a sob, the impact of my words cutting her like a knife as she glances up at me. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “So, so sorry.” She grabs her purse and starts toward the door as I stand in the middle of the kitchen, ready to go off like a fucking cannon. Before she leaves, she turns back and smiles softly. She wipes away her tears with the backs of her fingers. “I wouldn’t be alive without you. Please know I never meant to hurt you. I love you, Nix.”
“I love you too, Coco,” I say, not trusting myself to say anything more. When I give her a quick nod, my cue for her to hit the road, she takes it and closes the door quietly behind her.
I’m angry with her, but I’m more pissed off at myself. I knew she wasn’t ready for this. She was too caught up in the Hollywood glitz and glamour of the criminal world to realize what a shitshow it can be. It was my job to make sure she understood and talk her out of entering this life, my life, but I failed. I figured she’d lose interest and eventually go to college, but I was fucking stupid, and hopefully she didn’t do something that could alter our lives forever.
No longer able to concentrate on my work or trust myself around anyone else, I grab my tennis shoes and go to the only place I know where I can punch someone in the face repeatedly without getting arrested—the gym. I need a workout, a good ass-beating to relieve some of the pent-up energy and frustration I feel from her actions before I head to the club tonight and see Kennedy. The last thing I need is to go off all half-cocked on another woman in my life.
Remorse floods me when the vision of Coco’s tears and the fear on her face flash before me. Once I calm down and things settle, I will make things right with her.
I had no right to put my hands on her. I’ve never done that before, but I’ve also never let anyone into my world so completely that their actions could impact my life so profoundly. Coco was like my little sister, or maybe my kid, and I love her with everything that I have.
My controlled life has now officially become a shitshow.
19
Kennedy
I’ve been putting my father off for a while now, and I can tell from his tone on the most recent voice mail he left that I’m going to have to call him back.
“You’ve got twenty-four hours to return my call before I send someone looking for you,” he says in a clipped tone. “Not a text. I want to hear your voice.”
He’s worried about me, I guess. That’s more than a little ironic. When I was a kid, my mom often didn’t have his help when she needed it since we were his secret family. And now that I’m an adult, he wants to keep track of me?
I was about to walk into Beans to an End because I have a meeting at the Greenlight office, but instead, I sit down on a bench outside the coffee shop and press the button on my phone screen to call him back.
“Kennedy,” he says, answering after just one ring. The relief in his voice makes me soften.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Why haven’t you called me or your mom back? We’ve been worried about you.”
“I was traveling for work.”
After a pause, he asks, “Traveling where?”
“My boss doesn’t like me to talk about our work.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
I laugh lightly. “Don’t worry, Dad. Everything’s fine. I’ve just been busy.”
“Your mom and I want to come see you.”
“Oh, it’s not a good time.”
“It’s never a good time,” he says shortly. “We’ve never even met your roommate, Kennedy.”
“Why is that such a big deal? I’m twenty-three years old.”
He sighs heavily. “It wouldn’t be a big deal if it wasn’t just one of many efforts on your part to exclude us from your life.”
“Exclude you?” I draw my brows together with surprise.
“You’re full of secrets and evasions, and frankly, I’ve had it. Your mom and I want to know what’s going on with you.”
I laugh bitterly. “I learned secrets and evasions from the best, Dad.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
Another sigh. “Since when do you disrespect me this way?”
“Since I figured out that I don’t have to accept whatever scraps you’re willing to throw me.”
“Scraps?” His offended tone makes me roll my eyes. “I’ve always done my best by you, Kennedy. You know that.”
“No, actually, I don’t. I know that I grew up feeling ashamed of who I was. Worried that someone would find out the truth and it would hurt you.”
“It would have hurt a lot of people,” he says wearily.
“Yes, it would have. But all because of your bad choices.”
“What’s the point of doing this now? I have four children, and I love all of you equally. I’ve been calling because I’m concerned about you. Why throw things in my face this way?”
A lump burns in my throat, and I swallow it. “I’ve never gotten to say anything to you that you wouldn’t like. Do you get that? Do you get what that feels like? No angsty teenage drama or complaints about you not being there for holidays? I wasn’t allowed to tell you how I really felt. I had to keep it all inside, smile and take what little time I could get from you. Oh, and I either had to either hide in my house with you or pretend you weren’t really my dad if we were spending time together.”
“I’ve never been ashamed of you.”
“But you were,” I say, my voice breaking. “You were ashamed of all of us. You never would have owned up to the truth if you hadn’t gotten busted.”
There’s a long pause before he says, “I might not have. I don’t know. I never claimed to be a perfect man, Kennedy.”
“There is a huge difference between perfect and what you’ve done. You never truly loved Mom or Reagan and Abby’s mom because if you did, you couldn’t have done that to them. You would have done anything to protect someone you loved, not cheat and live a lie that lasted decades.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry you’ve been holding this in for so long.”
My shoulders drop as I exhale and lean back against the bench. “I didn’t mean to jump on you so hard, it’s just…you accusing me of being secretive hit a nerve, I guess.”
“I can understand that.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you about everything being fine, Dad. I’m a twenty-something living in New York City, and calling my parents isn’t at the top of my mind.”
“Do you like it there?”
“I do. I love it.”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
I smile as I picture Nix in bed, his hair rumpled and his eyes alight with mischief. And by mischief, I mean a desire to fuck me in some creative and mind-blowing position he hasn’t tried yet.
“I kind of am,” I say.
“That’s great. And Kennedy, your mom and I want you to know that we support you no matter what. Whoever he—or she—is, we just want you to be happy.”
“She? What are you talking about, Dad?”
“I just mean that if you’re gay—”
“I’m not.” I laugh at his assumption and at his I’m totally good with this tone of voice. “I mean, if I were, I’d say so. But, no, I’m definitely seeing a man.”
A man with enough dick and stamina in bed for two men, in fact, but I leave that part out.
“Okay.” He laughs nervously. “We just thought since you hadn’t wanted us to meet your roommate, maybe it was because—”
“No.” Olivia and I are so having a good laugh over this conversation later, but for now, I need to get into the office. “Hey, I need to go into my office now, but if you and Mom want to come visit soon, you can meet my…um…boyfriend and my roommate.”
I just called Nix my boyfriend. That was weird. He’s kind of intense to be anyone’s boyfriend.
“We’d love that. We’ll text later with some dates.”
“Okay.”
“And we can talk some more when I’m there, if y
ou want to.”
“I’d like that. Thanks, Dad.”
“I love you.”
“Love you, too. Tell Mom I love her, too.”
We hang up, and I put my phone in my bag. I just sit on the bench for a few seconds and watch people walking by, everyone absorbed in their own train of thought.
I can’t believe I just told my father about the resentment I have toward him. I’ve never said those words out loud to anyone. It felt good.
When I get up and walk into Beans to an End, I feel lighter. I get a coffee and head for the Greenlight office, still replaying the conversation in my head.
The office is quiet when I walk in. There are a few agents sitting at their desks working, and many are in a meeting in a glass-walled conference room in the center of our office space.
Maybe I’ll be able to focus on writing reports and get them all caught up. I still haven’t finished my report from the Dubai trip.
“Hey,” I say to Rae as I walk past her desk. “What’s up?”
“Not much.” She shrugs. “How’s the eye?”
I pat my makeup-covered black eye. “It doesn’t really hurt.”
“What’d you tell Phoenix about your weeklong absence?”
“That I was visiting family.”
She gives me a skeptical look. “Did he buy it?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Well, I’ve got good news about him.” She passes me a sheet of paper from her desk.
My lips part in surprise as I see a mugshot of Coco, Nix’s friend. She’s got dark eye makeup beneath her swollen eyes in the photo, and it’s obvious she’s been crying. She was booked under her real name, Caroline Dunning.
I scan the booking information, and my heart sinks. She was arrested for theft. I wonder if Nix knows. But worse…I wonder if he’s next.
“What did you mean when you said you have good news about him?” I ask Rae.
“She’s his protégé.”
I scoff. “I wouldn’t go that far. More like his aspiring protégé.”
“Well, now we have leverage.”
I nod as it sinks in. They really do have leverage. Nix cares about Coco, and there seem to be very few people in this world he cares about.
Shaking my head, I realize it’s not they, but we. We have leverage. I’m a Greenlight agent, and my job is to bring people like Nix to justice.
He stole more than fifty million dollars in Europe last year. His lifestyle of sipping Cognac and having a driver to take him places is paid for by criminal activity. Nix makes deals with men like Hassan, selling illegal weapons like the gun that was used to murder my uncle Jeff. I didn’t get into this work to fall for a man like Nix; I came here to bring down men like him.
“So what do we do from here?” I ask Rae.
“The director wants to bring him in and talk about a deal.”
“What sort of a deal?”
“Him for her.”
I arch my brows skeptically. “Really? You think he’ll cop to everything and spend the rest of his life in prison to get her out of a theft charge?”
“Not likely, but that’s not all the leverage we have.” Rae’s green eyes lock onto me with a laser-like focus. “Our cybercrime people were able to follow the trail Caroline left back to Phoenix. We don’t have everything, but we’ve at least got something to work with now. It’s the first hard evidence we’ve been able to get on him.”
I nod and swallow hard. “And it confirms what we suspected? That he’s a black hat hacker?”
Rae’s eyes widen. “Of course, he’s a black hat. We knew that, but we didn’t have evidence until now.”
“Coco’s a dumbass,” I say bitterly.
“Kennedy, tell me you aren’t sorry we finally got this evidence.”
I shake my head quickly. “No, of course not.”
“Listen, it’s normal to develop feelings for the people we’re working. Especially when we’re forced to get physically involved with them. But you have to remember that the job comes first.”
“I know.” I lean against the edge of her desk and look down at her. “So now what? Is it business as usual for me?”
“I don’t know. The director will decide. I can’t imagine we’ll want to blow your cover, though.”
“Rae,” I say, my voice so soft it’s almost a whisper. “I think he may suspect me.”
“Of working against him?”
“Of working in intelligence.”
She puts a hand over her mouth, but she quickly moves it away and gives me a serious look. “Why didn’t you tell me? That’s a big deal.”
“I don’t think he’d hurt me.”
Rae glares with annoyance. “You think he’s willing to go to prison over you? After a few good fucks?”
“No, I don’t…I don’t know. I think he suspects but doesn’t actually want to know.”
“Then why is he still seeing you?”
I shrug. “I think he believes he’s untouchable. He’s careful, Rae. Really careful. I’ve never seen a shred of evidence at his apartment.”
“How hard have you looked?”
My cheeks warm and I look away. She’s got me there. When I’m at Nix’s place, my attention is completely focused on him.
“I’ve seen the surveillance footage of him. I get the appeal. He’s got that tall, dark, and handsome thing down. And his smile…”
My face gets even hotter. “Yeah, his smile…”
My heart pounding as I study her expression, I ask, “Can I try to turn him?”
“Turn Phoenix? You think he’d walk away from making tens of millions and work for us?”
I shrug. “To save Coco, he might.”
“You’d be blowing your cover. That would mean a reassignment far away from here.”
“Unless it works.”
Rae arches her brows, looking impressed. “You’re willing to risk it? Because we can send another agent to try to turn him.”
“I don’t think anyone else will be able to get through to him like I can.”
She leans forward in her chair, speaking in a low tone. “This is serious, Kennedy. He could agree and then shoot you in the head at his first opportunity and split. Or not agree and shoot you on the spot.”
I lift my chin, trying to sound more confident than I feel right now. “I’m the one who’s been working him, and I’m asking for a chance to turn him.”
“In exchange for dropping the charges against Caroline Dunning?”
“Yes. And maybe…”
“What?” She narrows her eyes.
“I don’t know. Maybe I don’t make Nix into a card-carrying Greenlight field agent. Maybe he just becomes a source for us.”
“He’s pretty high on the food chain for that.”
“Just…let me find out what the options are with him.”
She nods. “I’ll have to get the director’s approval. And I want to go with you.”
“No. Just me.”
She shakes her head in frustration. “Do you have a death wish?”
“I’m just following my gut. My wise handler once told me to do that.”
“Ha.” Rae gives me a wry grin. “Don’t try to kiss my ass.”
“Make this happen for me, okay? Please? I know you have pull with the director.”
“I’ll do my best.” She sighs deeply. “But if he kills you, I’ll be pissed at you for a really long time.”
“Got it.”
The door to the glass conference room opens, and people start filing out. The director meets Rae’s eyes and starts walking toward her.
“All right, I’ll let you know,” Rae says to me.
“You’re the best.”
She gives me a sad smile. “I was once.”
“Still are. I wouldn’t want anyone else at my back.”
My pulse is pounding as I walk over to my desk. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Rae following the director into his office.
I know Nix is one of the bad guys I’m
supposed to bring down. But I can’t do that unless I have no other options. He went to bat for me with Grayson. Now it’s my turn to do the same for him.
20
Phoenix
After three hours at the Loft and no sign of Kennedy, I finish my drink and throw a fifty on the table for Popcorn. Every person who approached me tonight for work or pleasure was sent away without even as much as a second glance.
After Coco revealed her extracurricular activities, which ended up being a clusterfuck, I needed to blow off a little steam. I figured fucking Kennedy could help bring me back to center. I stalk toward the front door, ignoring each person I walk by even when they try to get my attention, every muscle in my body growing tenser with each step.
Sliding into the back of the Escalade, I give Crane a quick nod before firing off a text to Kennedy.
Me: My place. Now.
My hand is wrapped around the phone so tightly, I can hear the case start to crack in my hands.
“Home, Mr. Ash?” Crane asks, keeping his eyes on the road and giving me my privacy.
He already knew I wasn’t in the mood for chitchat from the ride to the club earlier. “Please.” I glance out the window and turn the phone over in my hand, waiting impatiently for Kennedy’s response, but it doesn’t come fast enough before I shoot off another.
Me: You have thirty minutes, and then I’m coming for you.
Before I can turn the screen off, I receive a reply.
Kennedy: I’m on my way. Be there in ten.
The knot that’s formed at the base of my neck starts to loosen, and I blow out a long, steady breath when I read her reply. Pressing my head into the headrest, I close my eyes and try to push down the anger from the situation with Coco. Kennedy doesn’t need my shitty attitude, but I plan to fuck her in a punishing way. The aggression and aggravation that have built up inside me over the last few hours need to go somewhere, and lucky for Kennedy, her pussy is going to be the recipient.
When Crane pulls up to the curb in front of my building, Kennedy’s already waiting near the door. Her hands are tucked into the pockets of her jeans, and she’s sweeping her foot back and forth against the cement, scuffing the bottom of her black stiletto.
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