He just raised a dark eyebrow and waited for her to continue. Her palms started to sweat. Damn. She made the pretense of smoothing her slacks to dry them off.
“The night Gabby was conceived, you told me that your first marriage failed because you couldn’t commit to a relationship, that a DEA agent’s career and family life didn’t mix.”
“I was trying to be honest that night. Before we made love, I wanted you to know there could be nothing permanent between us.”
“Does that explanation ease your conscience over you leaving for California and never calling me?” she asked, admitting that his callous behavior had hurt and recognizing that her hurt, too, had factored into her decision.
He scowled. “You should have called me. You should have told me you were pregnant.”
“It wasn’t as if I could just pick up the phone, Zack. I’m nobody to you. I couldn’t just tell the DEA to have you call me. I would have had to go through Dana—which would have meant telling your family that we slept together and that I was pregnant. I didn’t want to do that to your family or you.”
“But you were pregnant with my child.”
“So what’s your point? You’d already made it clear your commitment was to your work.”
“The point would be I’d have known I was going to be a father.”
She shrugged. “Like I said, the situation wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t as if I intended to keep Gabby a secret forever. I wanted to wait until the right time to tell you.”
He narrowed his gaze. “We were just together in California.”
Mandy spread her hands in entreaty. “I thought about telling you, believe me. But after seeing you . . . you were hurt. I didn’t know at the time you’d just lost Todd, but I knew something was wrong. I didn’t feel right about dropping this bomb in your lap.”
“I could have handled it.”
“But I didn’t know that. You’d told Dana you’d come home soon for a visit. I decided to wait until then.”
“Are you done with your explanations?”
By his tone, she knew he wasn’t buying her reasons for her decision. Taking a deep breath, she tried again. “I’m sorry. Waiting seemed best for all concerned.”
“For you, anyway.”
“Not only for me. For everyone.” She’d expected him to be upset, but he was angry.
He met her gaze, and the accusation in his eyes hurt. “Are you done?”
“Not quite. You just told me that you didn’t want children. I didn’t want my child to have a father who didn’t want her.”
“Better to have no father at all?” he snapped.
“You tell me.”
“Is that everything?”
She gave him credit, he’d heard her out. “Yes. I’m done.”
He looked weary, too hurt, revealing that for the moment the fight had gone out of him. “I need some time to think. The last thing I expected was to come home and find out I’m a father.”
“You don’t have to be unless you want to,” she said gently, hoping to ease some of the burden by letting him know he still had choices.
“You don’t think I want to be a father? Or you don’t think I can be a good one?”
He closed his eyes as if he really didn’t want to hear an answer, and in that moment Mandy understood that the anger beneath his shock wasn’t directed at her. “That’s not what I meant.” She leaned over and squeezed his hand. “Of course, I think you can be a good father.” If that’s what he chose. She kept that thought to herself. “That’s why I’m telling you now. Someone’s trying to kill me. If Gabby loses me . . . my mother would do her best, but it would be better for Gabby to have a parent in her life.”
His brow furrowed, but he didn’t pull his hand away. “Where’s the baby now?”
“At your mother’s beach house.”
“Your mom’s taking care of her?”
Mandy nodded.
“Does anyone else know where they are?” he asked, concern evident in his tone and demeanor.
She shook her head. “No one knows besides me, you, Catherine, and Dana. I thought Gabby would be safe, but after what’s happened to Sam and Ben, I’m not sure anymore.”
He gave her hand a quick squeeze, then released her and shoved his fingers through his hair. His expression hardened around the edges, the look of a man intimately acquainted with the underside of life. “She’s safer than we are. That beach property is titled under a corporation. No one can connect it to us.”
Mandy was surprised that she needed reassurance. She hadn’t realized how much the burden of single parenthood had sat on her shoulders. She made every decision about Gabby, was always worrying that if something happened to her, her daughter would be parentless. Sure, her mother loved Gabby, but she was a grandmother, not a mother. Suddenly the prospect of sharing the responsibility of Gabby’s upbringing held some promise.
Revealing her secret had lifted a burden from her heart. Mandy’s inherent sense of right and wrong had been stretched to the limit over keeping this secret. Now that she’d told Zack, would he want to see Gabrielle? Would he want a role in her life?
“Do you have a picture of Gabrielle?” He said her name as if tasting a new dish, a bit hesitantly.
She shook her head. “Not with me. My purse was stolen at the airport. But she has your eyes. Even the same ridges you have on your fingernails.”
“She’s happy?”
His question surprised her. He was thinking of Gabrielle, and her heart warmed a little.
“She’s happy and loved.”
Zack’s voice lowered to a steely whisper. “It may be best if I stay away from her, have no part in her life. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Because of your work?”
“I’d be in and out of her life at best. You told me how tough it was being raised without a reliable father.”
She wanted to say whatever in a light tone as if his decision didn’t matter. But she couldn’t. Mandy wasn’t indifferent, not when his choice would affect all their futures. But Zack had to make his own decision and live with it. So did she.
Not responding was more difficult than she’d ever have imagined. He could have so much if he’d change his line of work. He’d miss out on it if he refused to be a father to Gabrielle. But that would be his loss. All her earlier thoughts of sharing responsibility evaporated. She certainly wasn’t giving up any part of Gabby’s childhood to a man who didn’t appreciate what a privilege being her father would be.
Her feelings were twisted and conflicted. Becoming a mother had changed her into someone she wouldn’t have recognized two years ago. She was stronger now, yet so much more vulnerable.
She had no words for Zack right now. She was having enough trouble coping with her own see-sawing emotions and overwhelming disappointment.
“I’m tired,” she said. “I think I’ll turn in.”
Standing, she headed toward the bedroom closest to the garage. The house had a split-bedroom plan, and she’d let him have the master suite. Right now small and cozy and as far away as she could get from Zack sounded good. At least now that he knew about Gabby, Mandy could openly call her mother and check in.
But it was too late to make a phone call. Both Gabby and her mother would be asleep. Mandy took a quick shower, changed into the long T-shirt she’d bought at the mall, and turned back the covers of the single bed tucked in the corner. A tall wicker chest and a matching dresser with a mirror hanging over it cast shadows on the walls. When she turned off the light, the leaves on overgrown shrubs outside the window next to the bed brushed gently against the glass. She slipped into bed, trying to accustom herself to the strange sounds, the too-hard pillow, and the stiff T-shirt. Although exhausted, she didn’t know if she could fall asleep.
When she shut
her eyes, Mandy again saw the look on Zack’s face when she’d told him about Gabby. She’d seen wonder, fear, confusion, and pain. Which emotion would override the others?
How would his decision affect their lives?
She couldn’t predict if Zack would ever understand why she’d kept Gabby a secret or what he’d do once he got over the shock. She locked her hands behind her head and stared at the ceiling, then rolled to her side. She’d never slept well in strange places. With Zack in the house, she couldn’t relax. Her leg muscles twitched, and she squashed the pillow, trying to shape it into something comfortable.
Zack’s soft knocks on the door startled her. She hadn’t heard his footsteps.
“You still awake?” he asked.
For a moment she wanted to pretend she was asleep, but curiosity got the better of her.
“Yeah, I’m up.”
She lifted her head but could only see his silhouette in the dark as he opened the door and stepped inside. The room seemed to shrink. The air electrified.
He didn’t approach her but leaned against the doorjamb, his posture stiff, awkward, almost as if he had come against his will. “Tell me about Gabby,” his voice was throaty, low. “What’s she like?”
That he’d asked almost melted her heart. Less than an hour ago, he’d told her he should stay away from Gabby. Yet, here he was, asking her about their daughter.
Obviously, Zack was no coward, either. Oh, she’d always known about his daredevil stunts and reckless activities, but she wasn’t talking about physical bravery, but emotional courage. Some men could risk their lives much more easily than they could admit to their feelings. She’d seen enough divorces to recognize that some men simply didn’t have it in them to commit to anyone else.
But despite his failed marriage, she refused to believe Zack was one of those men. She’d seen him with his sister and mother. That he’d come across the country when they’d needed him proved he was capable of loving relationships.
She propped her head on the pillow and spoke quietly. “Gabby smiles when I walk into a room. She likes a quick hug, a bunch of fast kisses, and then she wants me to put her down so she can explore. She must pull or push herself into a standing position a hundred times a day, then plops back on her bottom. Sometimes, she takes a few steps while holding onto her playpen. But usually she’s so impatient to get to wherever she’s going that she crawls.”
“She sounds like a handful.”
“Oh, she’s full-time all right. Mom watches her while I’m at work.”
“You all live together?”
“The arrangement is best for Gabrielle. Mom handles the child care, and I pay the bills.”
Darkness made talking easier, draining away some of the former tension, and there was no judgment in Zack’s tone. In fact, he continued to speak in that throaty soft voice. “Am I remembering wrong? I thought you and your mother didn’t have the greatest of relationships. Didn’t she always hover and worry—”
“Let’s just say we’ve both chilled out some. She’s so loving with Gabrielle, and now that I’m a mom, I understand how easy it is to worry.”
“I’m glad you aren’t raising her alone.”
Mandy turned onto her back. “If we’d collected the lottery winnings, I would have lightened my caseload to spend more time with Gabby.”
“You wouldn’t have quit working?”
“I like what I do.”
She avoided saying she’d have purchased another home for her mother if she could have afforded it. The ticket was gone, so there was no point in thinking how great it would be to have her own space. Right now she had the satisfaction of knowing her daughter was loved and well cared for.
In the distance, she heard a crackle or a hiss. Before she could ask Zack if he’d heard the odd noise and what it could be, he lunged toward her.
Sprawled on top of her.
The mattress bounced. His weight pressed her down, his hips sinking between her thighs. “Don’t move.”
“Hey—”
An explosion cut off her protest. The blast wasn’t like those she saw on television. Her ears hurt. Acrid smoke curled into the room, tickling her throat and making her eyes tear. She couldn’t breathe. The light in the bedroom went out.
Suddenly Zack’s weight lifted from her a bit as he rose onto his elbows. She gasped in air.
He drew his gun. “Stay still. Don’t move. That was a grenade.”
A grenade? “It sounded like a transformer blew.”
“I’m not taking any chances. The explosion sounded as if it came from the master bedroom where I left the light on. If someone’s found us, they’d have expected us to be in there.”
She peered toward the hallway. From the flickering of light, it appeared that the master bedroom was on fire. “We need to get out.”
“We need to stay here.”
“Zack, this is no time to fool around.” She tried to edge out from under him.
Again, he whispered into her ear. “If the guy who threw that grenade throws another one in here, the safest place for you to be is under me, with the mattress protecting your back.”
A part of her warmed at the thought that he was willing to place himself between a live grenade and her. But those other bodyguards had died protecting Dana and Catherine, and Zack could all too easily lose his life. Then Gabby would be orphaned. But Mandy disagreed with Zack’s assessment. “The house is on fire. The safest place to be is anywhere other than this room.”
“Wrong. He’s probably waiting outside. If we come out, he’ll pick us off.”
“How do you know?”
“Because that’s what I’d do if I were him.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” She didn’t know what to believe and kept her voice as low as his. Her heart pounded so hard he had to feel her pulse with his chest pressed against hers.
“Damn it, Zack,” she whispered. “Why don’t we roll to the floor and pull the mattress on top of both of us?”
“Since this bed’s in the corner and it’s dark, if we stay still, whoever’s outside can’t see us. But if we flip the mattress, there’s a good chance they’ll pick up movement.”
Zack was the expert, and she should probably listen to him, but her every instinct screamed to escape. “So we just stay here?”
“Eventually, he’ll come inside.”
“You’re scaring me.” She didn’t like this one bit. “We should—”
“Shh. We’re done running.”
“Now is no time to be a hero,” she hissed. “Gabby needs me. I can’t risk my life while you play hide and seek with a killer. Let me go.”
She squirmed, he pressed her down. With him lying on top of her she couldn’t help noting his erection. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Sorry, sweetheart—”
“I am not your—”
“If you keep squirming, I can’t help my reaction to you—I never could.” They could be dead in five minutes. But his body didn’t seem to be taking their predicament too seriously. He smoothed her hair with his hand. “I understand that you’re scared—”
“Terrified.”
“It’s going to be okay. Try to relax.”
Sure. Like she could relax when a killer was hunting them? Mandy didn’t want to know how Zack remained so calm. She didn’t want to become immune to terror like he apparently had.
“So what’s the plan?” she asked.
“I already told you, we wait for him to come inside and find us.”
“Oh that makes me feel so much better.” She groaned and tried to think past her fear. “Why are you so certain the killer will enter a burning house?”
“Look down the hall. The flames are almost out.” Zack shifted slightly, wedging tighter between her legs.
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“If that explosion was a transformer blowing out and not a grenade like you thought,” she frowned at him, “then the fire would go out as the wire went to ground—”
“Shh.” A light shined on the window and she braced for another grenade, this time one that might land right next to them. Zack must have felt her tense because he whispered, “It’s only a flashlight beam.”
“He’s coming?”
“It might be another minute. Try to think of something else.”
Like that was going to be possible. “Let’s call the police.”
“The neighbors probably already have. If the cops come in with their sirens wailing, he might slip away. Wouldn’t you like this to be over?”
“Of course, but . . .”
He snuggled, his long legs wrapping over hers, his arm against her breast.
“You’re crowding me.”
“Sorry. I’m getting into shooting position.” He aimed his right hand and the gun at the door. “Once he enters the house, the tiniest sound will warn him. We’ll need to hold perfectly still. Stay quiet.”
“You’re using us for bait.”
“I’m keeping us alive.”
Without Zack’s weight pressing against her, she would have been trembling and icy. His heat helped keep her teeth from chattering, but she felt trapped, scared.
“Za—”
His mouth came down on hers. Damn him. Despite her raw nerves, despite her irritation, despite her fear, his kiss made her breathe in his spicy scent. Memories she’d forgotten washed over her. Memories of other kisses as hot as this one. Memories of need. Of desire so strong he’d haunted her dreams for almost two years.
He pulled back quickly. “If anything goes wrong, I didn’t want to have any regrets about—”
The sound of creaking wood, probably caused by a footstep, stopped him in mid-sentence. Even as fear pummeled her, she could feel Zack’s hardness. Knew he wanted her despite the danger, despite the real possibility they might die.
Her head was spinning.
Zack’s body was primed for sex.
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