What was it about Harper that had her mind so wrapped up? What was so enthralling that Sarah had to capture her? She’d done plenty of life drawing at her summer art camp, and had done enough people watching to fill a few sketchbooks. Still, with the exception of the picture she’d painted of her parents for their anniversary the year before, she’d never devoted an entire portrait to anyone she knew personally. The painting for her parents had been modeled off an old wedding photo. This was different.
The drawing of Harper had been made from memory. She was surprised at how well she remembered the curve of her chin, the shape of her mouth, the slope of her neck. It had been her exact memorization of those features, in fact, that had prompted the drawing.
When a piece of art came alive inside of her, she had to get it out. She felt like she would explode if she didn’t. Creating art was an outlet that nothing else compared to. Sometimes, it overtook her. It could be a passion, an obsession, and that’s certainly how it had felt the other night when her fingers itched and her mind conjured up image after image of Harper. She’d worked furiously to flesh her memory out onto the paper.
It wasn’t normal for someone to be that beautiful. Sarah shook her head. It wasn’t the first time she’d thought that since meeting Harper, and the repetition of similar musings had begun to cause her some disquiet. That didn’t change the fact that Harper had the prettiest face she had ever seen, and how could an artist not want to capture such perfection?
There was a knock on her door. She hid the paper away again and swallowed a lump in her throat. As much as the drawing captivated her, she was going to see the real thing now, and the thought both terrified and excited her.
CHAPTER 5
By the time the sun went down, there were over thirty people in the park. They chose a secluded spot by the woods where it was almost impossible for someone to register a noise complaint. There was only one faint light that did a poor job of illuminating the group. Harper took a long drag of her cigarette, her gaze flitting across the crowd every few seconds. She already imagined she saw Sarah three times. Twice, it turned out to be another girl. Once, there had been no one there at all.
“I’m sure he’ll be here.” Jen pushed her arm playfully. “What guy is going to turn down Harper Isabelle?”
Her apprehension was washed away when Sarah came through the clearing with Tyler. Harper dropped her cigarette and moved to greet them, her legs unsteady.
“Hey.” She looked from Tyler to Sarah, trying to make sure she divided her attention between them equally. “Glad you came,” she said to Tyler. His grin widened, and Sarah dropped her head. She leaned in close to her and lowered her voice. “It wouldn’t have been the same without you here.” Her comment was rewarded with a small smile. “So, do you guys need drinks?” Sarah studied her, and she was impressed with how calm she sounded despite the riptide in her chest. “We have vodka and Coke.”
“Perfect.” Tyler reached into his bag. “We brought whiskey.”
“Melissa has the Coke.” Harper pointed toward her friends by the edge of the park. “Let’s go over.” Sarah looked like she wasn’t going to follow, so Harper stayed rooted until Sarah took a step forward. They crossed the short distance to her friends together. “Everyone, this is Tyler and Sarah. They’re brother and sister.” She hoped their relationship would stop the jaw dropping that took place. Harper hadn’t told her friends that Sarah was coming, that she had personally invited—no, begged—her to come. It didn’t seem necessary. If Harper said someone was allowed at a party, she was allowed. End of story.
“Hi,” Jen said, her face scrunched up slightly. She didn’t seem to like the way the word felt on her lips when spoken to Sarah.
“Give them the Coke,” Harper said to Melissa. She gave it to Tyler without protest. Harper handed them each a plastic cup. “Thanks for coming,” she said, just quietly enough so that Sarah could hear. Sarah gave the slightest of smiles, and it caused a contagious reaction on her own lips.
Sarah and Tyler stayed by their group for the first hour of the party. Tyler talked to everyone, but paid special attention to Harper. He had maneuvered his way next to her and touched her arm almost every time he spoke. His touches were supposed to make her feel something, but the only thing making her tick was the way Sarah’s eyes glistened when they met hers, and how every once in a while, a small laugh would escape her throat. That sound—Sarah laughing—warmed Harper all the way through. She listened to everyone around her, but had an overwhelming desire to be alone with Sarah. What they would do, she wasn’t sure, but she had an inexplicable need to get to know her better, to learn everything there was to know about her.
The drinks were starting to take effect, and Tyler put his arm around her. It wasn’t really a possessive gesture, but it bothered her. She wanted to shirk him off, but the sly looks of approval from her friends, and even one from Bronte when she walked by, stopped her from removing herself from his squeeze. Harper stopped trying to catch Sarah’s eye when Tyler’s arm encircled her, feeling dirty about it. When Sarah walked away from their group and took a seat by herself, still nursing her first drink, Harper felt a little foggy.
She lost all interest in the conversation around her when a group of guys approached Sarah. One of them was their age, but the other two were older. Sarah stood up, as if to leave the area, but one of them stopped her with his hand, and said something that made her laugh. That same sound that made her smile just minutes before, now made her furious. It was soft and musical, and kindled ire in her chest. The other members of her group were still talking, and she was only vaguely aware of Tyler’s arm still draped over her shoulders.
Sarah dumped her drink on the grass, and accepted a refill from one of the older guys. Something wasn’t right. No one had ever paid any attention to Sarah, and now these guys were…what? Flirting with her? Bringing Sarah to the party was a bad idea. Sarah hadn’t said a thing to her all night, literally, and all Harper wanted was to talk to her. Her presence at the party intimated that she was welcome, accepted, and more than that, acceptable. She was fair game now for anyone who drunkenly wanted to take a shot at her. The cadence of Sarah’s laughter filled the air again.
She doesn’t know what she’s getting into. She’s in trouble. Fire burned behind her eyes. She needs to be rescued.
Without turning back to her group, Harper marched toward Sarah. She took in Harper’s expression and Sarah’s eyes grew wide. She must have looked as pissed off as she felt. “What’s going on here?” Her words were clipped and sharp.
“Uh, nothing.” Sarah shot her a quizzical look.
“Hey, Harper.” The guy her age tried to put his arm around her, but she pushed him off and he stumbled backward. She couldn’t remember his name, and in that moment, she didn’t care.
“Did anyone try anything?” She’d focused on Sarah the entire time. She knew that nothing had transpired further than some light conversation and laughter, the laughter that had made her so angry because… She didn’t know why. The alcohol was getting to her. I’m not myself. I need to calm down.
“What’s wrong with you?” one of the older guys asked her.
That was a good question. “I want to talk to my friend.” She grabbed Sarah by the arm and pulled her away from the group, out of view from the party, and into the wooded part of the park. The light was dim. She moved closer to Sarah to see her while trying not to think about the spiders or God-knows-what that might be in the trees and bushes around them. She studied Sarah’s face, and saw a dark mark that didn’t belong. “You have something here.” She ran her thumb along the marking, smudging it onto her own skin. The sensation of Sarah’s jawline felt like fire on her fingertips. It was the first time she had ever really touched her, and she was glad for the cover of darkness to hide the flush sneaking up her neck and into her cheeks.
“What’s going on?” Sarah asked.
I was jealous. The realization hit her square in the chest. She bit down on her lowe
r lip, searching for a response. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” I’m an idiot. “And I’m an idiot.” Harper paused. “I wasn’t supposed to say that part out loud.” She was only embarrassed for a moment because Sarah laughed, and again, the sound warmed her. “You’re quiet tonight. Like, really quiet.”
“I didn’t think anyone would notice. Usually people don’t pay much attention to me.”
“I do.” She did not understand what was happening to her, what often seemed to be happening to her around Sarah. It was as if the more time she spent with her, the more she talked to her, the more she wanted just that…more.
“When you invited me, I thought you just wanted me to come so that Ty would.”
Harper shook her head but could not put into words how much she wanted Sarah there. Besides, that was the last thing she planned on telling her. “So, how do you think Lucky is doing?” she asked, avoiding Sarah’s comment.
“Lucky?” Sarah raised an eyebrow, and Harper found the gesture…sexy.
Her breath grew short as she answered. “Our little pigeon friend. I named him Lucky because he was lucky you saved him.”
“Oh.” Sarah blushed, and Harper’s cheeks warmed at the site. “You’re the one he was lucky to meet. You fixed his wing. You were amazing.” Sarah looked down, then back up at Harper through thick, black mascaraed eyelashes.
“You’re so pretty,” Harper said under her breath.
There was a long pause, and Harper’s heart sped up.
“No, you’re the pretty one.”
At Sarah’s compliment, Harper’s stomach flipped. Why did words like that from Sarah make her feel so good, while similar words from Tyler fell flat?
“I’m glad you came tonight,” Harper said.
“Me too.”
“I’m guessing this isn’t really your kind of thing?”
“Not really.”
“What is your thing?”
“Art.” Sarah’s response came quickly, and her eyes lit up.
“Cool. Is that something that you can like, go to?”
“Well, there’s art shows and galleries and stuff, yeah.”
“I’ve been to the AGO a couple of times, only on school trips though,” she said sheepishly, feeling abruptly uncultured.
“I have a membership there, and I can bring a…a friend.” Sarah said the last word carefully. “If you ever want to go, I can take you.”
A smile pulled at her cheeks, and she let her breath out slowly. Apparently, she’d been holding it. “I’d like that.”
Sarah smiled too. The prospect of going to the art gallery with Sarah, of going anywhere with Sarah, elated Harper.
A cool breeze blew through the trees, rustling the few leaves that were still left around them, and Sarah shivered. “You’re cold.” Harper took a step toward her, and ran her hand down the length of Sarah’s arm.
“Yeah.” Sarah’s shaking seemed to worsen at Harper’s touch.
“Here.” She peeled the coat off her back and wrapped it around Sarah’s shoulders. Her cheeks warmed at how embarrassingly gentlemanly the gesture was. She wanted to be gallant for Sarah, wanted to save her from things that she had mostly fabricated just so that she could play the hero.
“Thanks.” Sarah gave a small smile, and Harper moved both her hands over Sarah’s arms. None of her other friends had ever made her want to act this way. She was kind of acting like the guy. She let her hands drop at the realization.
“So…” Sarah said.
She tried to grasp at something that would keep Sarah there. More than anything, she wanted to remain alone with her, and at the same time, be as far away from Tyler as possible. “When do you want to go to the art gallery?”
“Oh.” Sarah looked down, and tucked blonde hair behind her ear. Had she misread the situation?
“I mean…we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”
“No, no,” Sarah said quickly. “I want to go.”
“Me too.” So badly. “How about next weekend? Are you busy?”
“I’m not busy.”
Harper felt a sudden swell of happiness bubble up in her chest.
“Harper?” Alexis was looking for her.
They turned in the direction of the voice.
Shit. She should holler back and tell Alexis where she was. She’d been gone a while now, but then again, since when did she answer to Alexis? When her voice came closer, paired with Melissa’s, she looked at Sarah and held her index finger to her mouth. Sarah nodded her understanding, and they both barely breathed as the other girls walked past them.
“Where did she go?” Melissa asked. “I thought I saw her come over here with what’s-her-face.”
“God, she’s so weird,” Alexis said. “Harper’s really putting in the time to get with Tyler. If it were me, I’d tell him to ditch his weirdo sister if he wanted to be my boyfriend.”
Melissa laughed. “You’re so bad.”
Harper looked down when her friends were out of earshot, ashamed of them and ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. What else could she say? They had no right to say those things. They had no right to judge anybody, especially Sarah, who had shown such kindness that day with Lucky. “They…” she hesitated, “they can be cruel sometimes, but they’re wrong about you.”
“You don’t have to do this, you know?” Sarah shirked out of Harper’s jacket and unceremoniously shoved it back into her stomach. “Tyler’s already into you.”
Harper blinked in surprise. “That’s not why I invited you.”
“I thought you were into Ty?”
“I am.” She took in a breath and looked down, kicking at some dirt with her shoe. “Sort of,” she added, feeling that she didn’t want to fully falsify anything to Sarah. Sure, she wanted Tyler to like her because that’s what was expected, but she wanted to spend time with Sarah for an entirely different reason, although she hadn’t exactly sussed out what that was yet.
“You looked pretty in to him back there.”
“Looks can be deceiving,” Harper said. Sarah shrugged, and Harper became inexplicably annoyed. Was she the only one who didn’t want her to become Tyler’s girlfriend? “It’s harder to be me sometimes than it looks.”
“Hard to be Harper Isabelle? I find that difficult to believe. You’re a walking, talking god at our school.”
How could she explain to Sarah that sometimes she envied girls like her? That Sarah could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, because nothing was expected of her. That being a walking, talking god in high school meant saying and doing what was expected of you twenty-four hours a day, instead of what you really wanted. What do I really want? She was afraid of what the answer might be. Sarah searched her eyes, and again, something stirred deep in her stomach. What the hell is wrong with me?
“You don’t know what it’s like to be me. To say and do what everyone else wants all the time. It’s exhausting. I feel like a dancing bear most days.”
“So, who would you be if you weren’t you then?”
Harper didn’t know. She had no idea who she would be if she weren’t Bronte’s little sister. For as long as she could remember, her sister had called the shots, and she did as she was told. It wasn’t that she blamed Bronte. She was grateful to her, but being Mini-Bronte her entire life left little room for Harper and who she was supposed to become.
“I don’t know.”
“Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do?”
“I guess everyone says they want to travel the world, but I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know what I want. I don’t really know who I am.” The weight of her own words settled in her stomach. How had she never realized this before? Maybe because no one’s ever asked.
“That’s okay. You have your whole life to figure that out still.”
“If you could do anything, what would you do?”
“Draw,” she said without hesitation.
“What would you draw?”
“Everything,” Sarah said whimsically.
Harper was envious of the life shining in Sarah’s eyes. It didn’t take any cajoling to know that Sarah had a passion, something she loved, and she was envious that Sarah knew herself so well and that she had such adoration, such love, for anything. She was jealous that something could make her eyes sparkle like that, and an unpleasant feeling settled over her.
“Well, you’re lucky. You can do whatever the fuck you want because no one cares what you do.” Harper widened her eyes when she realized how bad that sounded. Her words hung in the space between them. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what I expected.”
Harper winced. There was moisture in Sarah’s eyes. She would give anything to take back what she had just said to her.
“I don’t even know why you told me to come tonight.” There was more sadness in Sarah’s words than Harper cared to admit, because if she did, she’d want to comfort her, and that realization made her uneasy.
“I wanted you to come.” How had their conversation taken such an awful turn? “I didn’t mean what I just said.”
“No, you were right. It’s not like I don’t know that nobody likes me.”
“That’s not true.”
“I sh-shouldn’t have come tonight.”
“I’m sorry.” What else was there to say? She’d ruined the night for them.
“I thought you were different.”
Harper opened her mouth to answer, unsure exactly of what would come out, but the silence was stolen from her.
“Harper!”
They turned at the sound. She didn’t want to go back to the party, to Tyler, to her friends. She didn’t know why, but she was more herself around Sarah than she was around the friends she’d had for years.
The Space Between Page 6