Harper wore a pair of tight, faded jeans, and a white, ribbed T-back tank top, and Sarah was sure nothing had ever looked so good. Her black messenger bag swung loosely by her hips as she approached, and when she saw Sarah, she smiled. Sarah’s insides liquefied.
Looking across the hallway as if to be sure no one was looking, Harper crossed over to her. “Bronte took forever to leave the house this morning,” she said apologetically, as if they had made a date to meet, and she had been late. It made Sarah’s heart soar. Just maybe Harper had wanted to see her an ounce as badly as she had.
“I thought about that…thing…all weekend,” Sarah said, but she turned her eyes down in that unbearably shy manner that Harper seemed to bring out in her.
“I thought about it too.” Without warning, Harper reached up and pulled the neck of Sarah’s hoodie to the side. “It’s still there,” she said breathlessly.
“Yeah.” Sarah readjusted her sweater to cover the mark. She had been hoping the hickey would stay, that she could wear it to school even though it would have to be hidden. For some reason, she hoped it never went away.
“I’ll have to go easier next time.”
Next time. She tried to respond. Her mouth moved, but no words came out. The idea of Harper doing that again made her weak.
“I wish I could sit with you in class,” she blurted out. Probably not the coolest friend thing she could say, but Harper smiled.
“We have biology later. Promise you’ll save me a seat?”
Before Sarah could answer, the bell rang, and Harper sauntered off.
In class, Tyler passed Harper a note, and he leaned in to whisper something whenever Ms Cox’s head was turned. How much could he really have to say to her? When the bell rang, Harper left the classroom with Tyler, her arm linked through his, without even a glance back at her.
In the art class that followed, Sarah’s still-life drawing took the brunt of her jealousy, until the pencil ripped through the page. Mr Chase told her she’d have to start again if she wanted to master the art of pressure with different media.
She shouldn’t be jealous of Tyler. Harper was her friend, and Tyler was… He was something else. All she’d ever really wanted was to have friends, so why was she making this harder on herself than it had to be?
By the time she got to biology, Sarah wondered if she should even bother saving a seat for Harper. The decision was made for her when Julie took the seat that had become hers over the last while. Harper’s face when she entered the class answered her question though, and guilt ran through her when Harper’s pretty features registered betrayal. Holding her head up high, she walked past them, but she took a seat at the lab table behind them, and positioned herself directly behind Sarah.
“Hey, Harper. Great party!” Julie said.
Harper gave her a rather hateful look before turning her head toward the front of the class, ignoring Julie completely. That was odd. Mr Epners began his lesson then, so she and Julie turned back to the front as well. Why had Harper been so rude to her?
Class had only just begun when something poked into Sarah’s back. She turned to find Harper jabbing her with a note. Sarah took it and raced to open it, holding it as far away from Julie as possible without making it obvious to Mr Epners.
Why didn’t you save me a seat?
She responded quickly and passed the note back, her heart pounding.
I didn’t think you wanted me to.
It wasn’t ten seconds before that the note was jabbing in her back again.
I asked you to.
Sarah read the note. Perhaps she had been too quick to judge Harper, but then she remembered her walking out of class arm-in-arm with Tyler.
You and Tyler looked pretty cozy in English. I guess you made up.
She passed the note back, instantly regretting it. What right did she have to say anything about how Harper acted with Tyler? Harper passed the note back, and Sarah grabbed for it.
Don’t be like that. Can we talk after class?
Sarah froze. What did Harper want to talk about? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be that she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. If Harper didn’t want to be her friend, Sarah didn’t know what she would do. If Harper didn’t want to see her anymore… She couldn’t even think about it.
Okay.
When Harper gave her a smile, she calmed down. Everything was going to be fine. Harper just wanted to talk. She had no way of knowing how jealous Sarah had been of her and Tyler, or how important their friendship was to her.
CHAPTER 13
The fact that her actions with Tyler had hurt Sarah’s feelings was obvious, but what was she supposed to do? Sarah was just a friend. Tyler was her boyfriend, and as much as Harper hated it, some amount of physical affection was expected between them.
Okay.
Harper hung on to that word until the bell rang. She leaned forward and lightly pulled the back of Sarah’s hoodie. “Let’s go to the track,” she whispered. Julie readied her books beside them, and thankfully, she didn’t try to talk to her again. Harper had been rude, but she couldn’t help it. Julie had the nerve to take her seat next to Sarah, and then talk to her about the party that she’d arrived at with her? Julie couldn’t possibly know what she’d done wrong, but Harper wasn’t about to explain it to her.
Sarah waited for Harper to get her things in order before they left class together. Harper motioned with her head toward the far staircase that led out to the back field, the one people rarely used. They didn’t speak in the stairwell, but once outside, Harper gave her a smile and nodded toward the bleachers. Sarah followed, and they sat on the top bench.
The days had started cooling off, and Harper wished she’d brought some gloves with her as she pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her fingers and clenched them inside the material. She wore a black leather jacket, and the cold moved through her where her jeans touched her legs.
Toronto was beautiful in the fall. From the bleachers, they could see over the treetops of the ravine. The leaves had started to change colours, and it was a gorgeous landscape of canary yellow, pumpkin orange, and bright, crimson leaves, with the crisp autumn blue sky as the backdrop. To her right, the cars on Lawrence Avenue drove along the tree-lined street. The air was cool in her lungs, but it had the smell of the changing season that was upon them, and she breathed it in deeply.
There were a couple of boys running laps on the track, but otherwise they were alone, and far from earshot of anyone else. “Tell me now why you didn’t save me a seat.” She reached into her bag for a can of Diet Coke. After opening the can and taking a sip, she offered it to Sarah. The idea that Sarah was going to put her lips where Harper’s had been seemed incredibly intimate, and she watched her closely as she took the can and sipped from it.
“I don’t know.” Sarah scuffed the concrete with her running shoes. “I guess I didn’t really think you wanted me to.”
“If we’re going to be friends,” Harper began cautiously, “then we need to set some ground rules.”
Sarah looked up, panicked.
“Relax.” Harper nudged her, trying to act much calmer than she felt. Who was she kidding? She didn’t want to be just friends with Sarah any more than she wanted to set her own hair on fire.
“I just mean that we need to start taking each other at our word, for starters.” She accepted the Diet Coke back from Sarah and took a sip to buy herself a few seconds. She was always so nervous around her. “If I say that I want to sit with you, then I mean it.”
Sarah nodded, but said nothing, and it seemed like she was struggling with something. “Why did you ignore Julie in class?” she finally asked.
Harper took another sip of pop, trying to think of a good response. “I guess I was just pissed that she was in my seat.”
“Your seat?” Sarah’s voice lifted. Was that hope she heard in it?
“Yeah.” Harper gave her most dazzling smile. “My seat.”
“Oh.” Sarah looked down
between her legs, but she was smiling too. “So, um, that thing you did at the party… I’ve never done that before.”
Harper had been on the receiving end of hickeys over the last couple of years, but she’d never given one, and the sensation of getting them from guys could not compare to how it felt to give one to Sarah. When she’d pressed her mouth to Sarah’s skin, it felt like her entire world was expanding. “I’ve never done that to someone before either.”
Sarah met her eyes then, and Harper couldn’t stand the questions she saw in them. Sarah might ask something she couldn’t answer, and she didn’t want the conversation to take a bad turn. “So, when are we going to go to the art gallery?” she asked, abruptly changing the subject.
“You still want to go?” Sarah’s concern was replaced by excitement.
“Of course.”
“H-how about Friday? After school?”
“Tyler asked me to watch his football game Friday,” she said with all of the disappointment she felt. “Apparently there’s a party afterward or something that he wants me to go to. Are you going?” she asked hopefully.
“No.”
“Oh.” Harper paused. “Well, why don’t you come?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t really…well…I kind of think people act like jerks at parties.”
“But we could go together. Please.”
Sarah seemed to mull it over for a minute. “Okay,” she agreed. “But if people are acting like jerks, I’m going to leave.”
“Agreed, and if you’re not sick of me after that, we could still go to the AGO on Sunday.”
“I could never be sick of you.” Sarah averted her gaze quickly, but the words twisted in Harper’s stomach. “I have church on Sunday though.” Was that regret in her voice?
“Oh, right. Well, maybe another time then, but you’ll come Friday? For sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” Harper smiled and stood up. “I’m going to go grab a smoke with my friends, but I’ll see you in law.”
“Okay.” Sarah stood as well.
Harper started to walk away before turning around. “And, Sarah?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t bring Julie to the party this time.”
* * *
Alexis, Melissa, and Jen were already outside, standing with Bronte and her friends. The sight made her pause. Usually they waited for her to approach Bronte’s group. A few months ago, they never would have dared engage Bronte without her, but they’d all been at the same high school for a while now, so maybe they’d gotten more comfortable around the older students. The fact that they’d all been hanging out together at Harper’s party probably helped as well.
“Hey.” She entered the circle between Alexis and Bronte.
“Hey, Harp,” Bronte said through a stream of smoke. “Want a DuMaurier?”
Alexis pulled a pack of cigarettes out from her pocket. “She likes Belmonts.” She handed Harper the cigarette she’d just started, and lit a second one up for herself. Did she prefer Belmonts? The truth was she didn’t think she really liked either of them. “They seem to be the only thing she’s sucking on anyway.”
Harper’s cheeks grew warm. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Alexis laughed and blew smoke out of the side of her mouth. “Apparently, Tyler came down with a case of blue balls Friday night.” Melissa laughed as well, and Jen smiled nervously, looking a little shocked that Alexis had said that. Harper shared her sentiment.
“Tyler wouldn’t say that,” she said through her teeth.
“He did.”
“Then he’s a dick.”
“I bet he wishes you’d been thinking more about that word Friday.”
Harper let two long streams of smoke out of her nose, trying to rein in her anger.
“Tyler was loaded,” Bronte cut in. “He wouldn’t have even been able to get it up,” she said, saving Harper from having to explain why she’d intentionally avoided being alone with Tyler all that night.
“Oh, I hate that!” Alexis turned to Bronte fawningly, and Harper pulled hard on her cigarette. Since when did Alexis think she had the right to talk to her that way? To mock her in public? If Bronte hadn’t spoken up, would it have gotten worse? Would she have actually had the audacity to ask her why she hadn’t hooked up with Tyler? Would she have asked if something was wrong with her? Did she know?
Harper’s heart began to race. No, there was no way anyone knew. No one had seen Sarah’s hickey, and Sarah wouldn’t have told anyone, right? Had she shown Julie? Had Tyler seen it? She shook her head, dispelling the thought. She was just being paranoid.
“Harper?”
“Huh?”
Bronte had asked her something.
“Sorry, what?”
“Have you spoken to Tyler since the party?”
“Oh, yeah. We had class this morning. Everything’s all good.”
Bronte eyed her suspiciously for a second before she spoke. “Good.”
“Where were you earlier?” Alexis asked.
“What?” She’d heard her, but she was buying time. Was it worth it to lie?
“Where were you at the beginning of lunch?”
“I was with Sarah.”
“Tyler’s sister?” Bronte asked.
“Yeah.”
“Why are you hanging out with her?” Alexis probed, disapproval clear in her voice.
“Why do you care?” Harper countered.
Alexis sucked in her cheeks as if she were going to say something, but then let out a long breath instead. “I don’t.” Her words didn’t convince Harper, but she wasn’t looking for a fight.
“Good.”
“I just don’t know why you want to be friends with her,” Alexis whined, and Harper realized what might actually be happening here. Just like she’d been jealous of Julie taking Sarah’s attention, Alexis might be jealous of losing hers.
“She’s my boyfriend’s sister,” Harper said, feigning contrition, “but you’re still my bestie.”
Alexis smiled and her eyes brightened. “That’s all right then.” She shoved Harper playfully, and Harper smiled, letting out a deep breath. She’d evaded a cannonball there.
“Getting in good with the in-laws already, eh?” Bronte teased, and Harper laughed.
It was easier to laugh than to explain to herself why that comment made her sick. It had always been easier to play along, do what was expected of her, and not try to break the mould. After all, Bronte had spent so long making it for her.
CHAPTER 14
It seemed like Friday would never arrive, and Sarah spent every night between Monday and Thursday lying in her room, playing her favourite Sarah Bareilles album, and drawing and painting everything that came into her head, except the image of one girl who was torturing her. The hickey Harper had given her was almost completely gone. When it faded away, she was sad, but it didn’t diminish the imprint that Harper left on her heart. Her feelings were confusing and she didn’t understand them. She had nothing to compare it to. No one she had ever known before made her feel the things that she felt when she was around Harper. Sarah didn’t know what it all meant, and she daren’t put a name to it.
Tyler had seemed suspicious that morning when he found out about her plans for the evening. After he’d told his parents that he would be home late, she said she would be as well. When he asked why she was coming to see him play, she’d lied and told him that it was just something to do. She felt bad lying to her brother, and even worse knowing that it was his girlfriend she was going to see, and not him.
The bell finally rang to announce the end of school on Friday, and Sarah ran to her locker to drop off her bags and pick up her army green, canvas coat. The game was about to start, and Harper had told her at the end of law class to meet her at the bleachers.
Her heart sank when she reached the stands and Harper was already surrounded by her friends. Of course she’d be there with them. What had she expected, that Harper would be sittin
g all by her lonesome somewhere, just waiting for her to arrive? The invitation to her had been an afterthought, even though Sarah had ludicrously acted like it was some sort of date. Her cheeks fired up as she stood there, indecisive as to whether she should move to the front rows where there were empty spaces on the benches, or if she should just go home.
“Sarah, over here!” At the top of the bleachers, Harper waved her over. She was flanked by Alexis on her left, and Melissa on her right, but Harper leaned over and said something to Melissa, who moved over with something akin to a scowl. Harper waved her over again. She took a deep breath and walked up the bleachers to where they were. “Come sit here.” Harper patted the recently vacated spot on the bench beside her.
Sarah made her way slowly over to Harper, nervously stepping over Alexis, the backs of her legs brushing against Harper’s knees as she sidled in beside her.
“You made it.” Harper smiled and nudged her knee with her own before whispering, “I’ve been looking forward to doing this with you all week.”
Sarah focused on the field as Harper’s quiet admission drilled into her solar plexus.
Right from the start, the game was boring. Their school wasn’t superb at sports, and football was no exception. It was a preppy school, and the students simply weren’t that dedicated or athletic. After the first hour, which brought about the end of the first half, Sarah’s hands were numb, and if it hadn’t been for the inherent warmth that flowed through her just from being near Harper, she would have gotten up and left. She tried to pay attention when Tyler was on the field, but being next to Harper was just way too distracting.
“Are you cold?” Harper asked when she heard Sarah’s teeth chatter. “Hang on a sec.” She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a small blanket. She spread it over their legs. Alexis looked over and narrowed her eyes, but Harper didn’t seem to care.
“How’s this?” she asked.
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