“I can’t tonight, it’s too late already,” Sarah said, and Harper was glad to hear some regret in her voice.
“What about tomorrow?”
“I have church.”
“After church.” Harper was not to be deterred.
“If you come over, Tyler will want to see you.”
“Well, I’m sure it’d seem normal if I spent some time with both of you.” Normal. The word stung even as it came out of her mouth.
“Yeah, but Tyler isn’t allowed to have girls over. We’re not allowed to date until we’re sixteen.”
“Perfect.” Harper gave her a wink. “I should be able to spend most of my time with you then.”
“Tyler will think you’re doing this so that you can spend more time with him though.”
“Sarah, I want to see you again.” Harper looked deep into Sarah’s eyes, and something shifted within them.
“I want to see you too. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
“Good.” Harper nudged her with her shoulder. “Cause I’ve never met anyone like you either.”
“I meant mine as a compliment.”
Harper laughed as she put a hand on Sarah’s knee and gave it a small squeeze. “So did I.” She smiled, and left her hand right where it was until they reached Lawrence Station.
CHAPTER 16
Sarah barely slept. When her alarm went off in the morning, she wasn’t sure that it had actually even woken her. Harper was coming over again. Harper, who had taken her to the art gallery. Harper, who listened to her like she was a real person. Harper, who, when she was with her, made her feel as if they were the only two people in the world.
She’d already learned from Tyler the night before that he was joining a game of shinny, and that he wouldn’t be back until the afternoon. After the guilt ran its course, she couldn’t wait for Harper to get there so that she could be alone with her.
She had actually started pacing the floor when the sound of the doorbell stilled her heart. Her mother welcomed Harper downstairs. She’d told her parents that she was coming over to study for a biology test, and was astounded when no one asked her any questions about it. God bless her trusting parents.
Harper’s speedy footsteps were on the stairs and Sarah stared at her door, waiting. When she opened the door to her bedroom, Sarah caught her breath.
“Hey,” Harper said, almost shyly.
“Hey.” Sarah couldn’t keep the smile from her face. “You’re here early.”
“I couldn’t wait.”
Sarah had a candle and some incense burning. “I hope you like vanilla.”
“I do. It smells like you.” Harper closed the door behind her, a grin on her face. “Tyler’s playing shinny for the next hour or so, and your mom thinks we’re doing homework.”
“I know.” Sarah moved nervously to the bed. It wasn’t like there was anywhere else to sit in her room. She looked up at Harper expectantly, and realized she should have done some planning in all of the obsessing she’d done the previous night. Now that Harper was there, she had no idea what to do with her. “You want to listen to some music?”
“Sure.” Harper walked over and took a seat on the bed next to her. It was just like they’d been sitting on Harper’s bed before she gave her that hickey. Her abdominal muscles clenched at the memory.
“So…” Harper swung her legs, looking much more like a kid than Sarah had ever seen her. “What are we going to listen to?”
“What do you want to listen to?”
“Surprise me.”
“Okay.” Sarah took her iPod from her nightstand. “Do you like Joni Mitchell?”
“Seriously?”
“Oh…sorry, yeah, she’s old, and–”
“Sarah.” Harper put a hand on her arm before she could find a new artist. “I love her. My parents listen to all that old music. Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel, jazz. I love that stuff. It reminds me of when I was a little kid. I’m just surprised you like her. Kind of not what I pictured you listening to.”
“I like listening to some old stuff when I paint. Joni Mitchell and Pink Floyd are two of my favourites.” Sarah selected Blue, her favourite album, and turned the volume up as the first guitar chords sounded out.
“Cool.” Harper got up and went to the floor, where she settled herself on her back. “Can you pass me a pillow?” Speechlessly, Sarah acquiesced. Harper put it behind her head. “Come listen with me.” Harper patted the space of floor next to her.
Sarah swallowed and got off the bed. Instead of lying alongside Harper’s body, she moved to the other side of the floor, so that their feet were facing opposite directions, but their heads were next to each other. Harper moved over so that Sarah could share the pillow with her.
For a long time, neither of them spoke. Every ember in Sarah’s body started a slow burn. She was on the floor of her bedroom, listening to Joni Mitchell with Harper Isabelle. If someone had told her on the first day of school that this was what she would be doing a couple of months later, she never would have believed them. She closed her eyes and let the music and the feeling of having Harper with her move through her body. It was scary, but kind of perfect at the same time. That’s when “A Case of You” began to play. It was her favourite song, and she turned to Harper. Her eyes were closed as well, and she was taking deep, laboured breaths.
“Do you know this song?” she asked her.
“No,” Harper said, her eyes still closed. “I like it so far though.”
“Are you okay?”
“Mmm-hmm.” Harper swallowed. She opened her eyes but focused on the ceiling as Joni Mitchell launched into the first chorus. “I’m just a little nervous.”
Oh God. She was already anxious enough for the both of them. If Harper was nervous too, could that mean she was feeling a fraction of what Sarah was? “You are?”
“A little.” Harper turned and looked into her eyes. “It’s strange. I’ve never really been nervous with someone before.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just never much cared what any guy thought of me, you know?”
Sarah didn’t want to admit that she’d never been with anyone in any kind of intimate way, so she just nodded until the true meaning of Harper’s words registered. “But you care what I think?”
“Well, yeah.” Harper knocked Sarah’s shoulder playfully with her own, clearly attempting to lighten the mood. Sarah didn’t know how she was supposed to respond to any of this. She had never felt so awkward with someone in her life, and even though half of the time she wanted to fall through the floor and die, it felt good at the same time. “How many people have you been with?” Harper asked, and the question stilled her.
“Not too many,” she prevaricated.
“What like three? Four?”
Sarah was aghast. “No.” She shook her head. “The other night…that was my first kiss.” Why did I tell her that?
To her relief, Harper smiled. “As far as I’m concerned, it was mine too.” She let out a long breath. “I wish it had been.”
“Why? The only reason I’ve never kissed anyone before is because no one’s ever liked me.” This honesty thing had to stop.
“I don’t think that’s why.” Harper’s gaze dropped to her mouth. “Maybe it’s because you hide underneath all of this dark makeup.” She pointed to her lips. “How is anyone supposed to see how pretty you are?” Harper asked, and the words both cut and excited Sarah. Harper’s expression softened. “I mean, how am I supposed to kiss you without getting the evidence all over me?”
Sarah’s heart pounded in her chest. “You want to kiss me?”
Harper nodded, and Sarah ached inside. Harper hoisted herself up a little, shifting herself back on her elbows, and when she looked into her eyes, something stirred deep within. She swallowed and bit her lip. Harper’s eyes followed the movement before she slowly leaned in. This time, Sarah was ready for the kiss, and she closed her eyes as Harper’s lips gently met hers.
“Sarah, I thought I told you not to burn that stuff!” Her mother’s voice came booming out in a huff, and the stairs creaked beneath her step.
Harper jumped off of Sarah and turned to the wall, wiping furiously at her mouth as the black smears of Sarah’s lipstick stained the backs of her hands. Sarah’s breath caught when Harper lifted her turquoise tank top, exposing her tight, toned stomach, to clean her face with the edge of her shirt. Sarah wiped her mouth quickly, just before the door opened.
Her mother took in Harper’s blackened tank top and looked between them suspiciously. “What’s going on in here?”
Sarah stabbed out the incense stick.
“Sarah was showing me how to draw,” Harper said quickly. It was as good an excuse as any to explain why they were both covered in black gunk.
“Well, stop burning that stuff,” her mother chided. “Harper, will you be staying for lunch?”
“No,” she said quickly. Too quickly for Sarah’s liking. “I have to be home. My mom’s expecting me.”
Her mother nodded and left, but she left the door open behind her this time.
Harper let out a relieved laugh. “You have to stop wearing that lipstick,” she said to her.
“I’m sorry about that.” Sarah was careful not to stammer. “I don’t really get a lot of privacy.”
“Don’t worry about it. But maybe we could go out somewhere next time?”
Sarah paused. Harper wanted to go out with her again?
“Anything you’re interested in other than the art gallery?”
She said the first thing that came to her mind. “Have you ever been to Halloween Haunt?”
“At Wonderland?”
Sarah nodded. “It’s on until Halloween.”
Harper lowered her eyebrows. “I didn’t think you’d be into that.”
“Why?”
“Well…like, cause of God and stuff.”
Sarah let out a small laugh. “Have you been? It’s amazing. Like a living art piece.”
“I haven’t. It kind of looks like it’s for little kids.”
Sarah shook her head vehemently. “You can’t even get in if you’re under thirteen. Honestly, it’s nothing like you’re imagining, if that’s what you think.”
“Well, it sounds like I’ll have to see for myself and decide.” Harper took out her phone and opened her calendar app. “Can you go this coming Friday?”
“Really?” Sarah couldn’t keep the smile from her face.
Harper returned it easily. “What time does it start?”
“Seven.”
“It’s a date.”
Sarah’s response died on her lips when the front door opened and closed and Tyler called out that he was home. Had Harper been there that long? With her, hours seemed to go by in minutes.
“I guess I should go.” Harper looked down, but she needn’t have bothered as Sarah couldn’t meet her eyes anyway. “I’ll try to call you later.” She hurried from the room.
Tyler greeted Harper at the top of the stairs and asked if she was ready to sneak away to his room. Harper made a point to repeat that her mother was expecting her for lunch, and that she couldn’t stay long, but she went with him anyway, and the door closed behind them. Sarah sat immobile on her bed, unable to move or practically even breathe. The idea that Harper was doing anything with Tyler like what she’d just been doing with Sarah tore her heart apart.
When Harper called goodbye to her parents, Sarah wondered how long she’d been in Tyler’s room. She checked her watch only to realize that she didn’t know what time Harper had left her room. Was it long enough for them to have kissed? Harper didn’t call her that night, and part of Sarah was glad, because she couldn’t begin to understand her feelings, or how, in so little time, Harper had come to mean so much to her.
* * *
It was a cold night even for October. Sarah blew on her hands, trying to infuse some warmth into them as she waited for Harper. It was just before seven o’clock, and without a cell phone, she really had no way of knowing if Harper wanted to cancel or would be there on time. Harper could stand her up, and she’d probably stand there waiting for her like an idiot all night. Half of her didn’t expect her to show. Why would she? Then again, a theme with Harper seemed to be that she was always surprising her.
She hadn’t expected her to show up at the art gallery either. Sarah had felt something different that afternoon, something she had never felt before, and she still couldn’t quite explain or understand it. Being with Harper often left her feeling that way. There was this incredible excitement at just being around her, but there was also this underlying calm in her presence that she had never known before Harper. Like whenever she was with her, that was exactly where she was supposed to be. Kind of like how her father said he felt about being in church.
“Sarah!”
From just inside the gate, Harper gave her a brilliant smile. She was wearing a blue and white Maple Leafs toque, complete with the pompom at the top. Her silky hair was down, and flowed neatly over her black winter coat, which had a brown, fur-lined hood, and was rather form-fitting. Underneath, she wore tight black leggings that led into charcoal grey, comfy looking boots. How could Harper make a hat and jacket look so enticing? Her cheeks warmed at how attractive she found her.
“Hey, come on, I can’t come back out, but I’ve got your pass.” Harper held up a lanyard. She had paid for their passes already? That hadn’t been part of the deal. Was she supposed to pay her back, or had Harper meant her words, was this really a date?
Sarah went through the metal detector, and Harper met her at the gate. She handed the attendant the lanyard to scan, and Sarah was let in. “Are…are those skeleton key passes?” Sarah was embarrassed just asking in case she was wrong, but they sure looked like them.
“Yeah.” Harper smiled and leaned in, placing one over Sarah’s neck. “I thought it’d be better if we didn’t have to stand in line all night long, and look, it gets you into secret rooms and stuff in the haunted houses.” She pointed to the card that was attached to the lanyard.
“Harper, these are really expensive.” She’d watched with envy last year as skeleton key holders had bypassed the lines and gotten into those extra areas that the regular admission didn’t cover. They were an extra fifty dollars per pass though, and she hadn’t been able to afford one.
“Don’t worry about that.” Harper waved away her words. “It’s my treat.”
She should say something, even something as simple as thank you, but her words caught in her throat. How come everything Harper did for her made her feel like crying?
“So, where do you want to start?” Harper asked, oblivious to the turmoil inside Sarah. “The Louisiana Scream sounds cool, and it’s really close.” A map seemed to materialize in Harper’s hands, and she pointed out the location of the haunted house.
“Yeah.” Sarah managed to steady her voice. “Let’s start there.”
Before they even moved, a man dressed like a zombie came up and shouted loudly behind Harper. She screamed and turned around, grabbing her heart, then laughed when she saw him. “I wasn’t expecting that,” she said to Sarah once the guy moved on.
Sarah couldn’t help but laugh at Harper’s reaction. “There’s going to be people like that all over the place. You’re not allowed to wear costumes, so anyone you see dressed up works here. They walk the grounds trying to scare people.”<
br />
“Nowhere’s safe then, huh?”
“Not really.”
“Okay, I’ll consider myself warned. Let’s head over to the Louisiana Scream.”
Before they had moved ten feet, Harper pointed to an archway with tombstones and red lights. It was heavily misted with fog machines. “Let’s get a picture together.” She pulled on Sarah’s sleeve. When they reached it, Harper positioned them with their backs facing the sign that read Canada’s Wonderland Halloween Haunt. She took her cell phone from her pocket, turned it around, and stretched her arm out in front of them. “I’m not the best selfie taker, but let’s try a couple.”
Sarah swallowed. What if someone saw the pictures in Harper’s phone? Wasn’t she worried people would see them together and ask her what she was doing with her? That they would make fun of Harper for hanging out with her? If they did, would Harper not want to see her again?
“Okay, smile.” Harper moved her fingers a bunch of times over the screen, then pulled her phone back to look at it. “You’re not smiling.” She frowned.
“Sorry, I just… It’s nothing.”
“Okay, let’s try again.” This time, Harper put her arm around her waist and pulled her in close, and Sarah didn’t have to fake her smile. “Let’s see.” She checked the pictures again. “Aww, look, this is such a good one.” Harper showed her the screen.
For a moment, Sarah didn’t recognize herself. The girl in the picture looked so…happy. She had worn her army green coat, but she hadn’t put on her makeup too thick in case she got in trouble because of the costume rule with her black makeup. Her hair was pulled back, and she wore a black scarf to cover her neck. Some blonde wisps with lilac tips fell over the sides of her face. She stared at the photo, looking between her face and Harper’s. In the picture, it almost looked like she belonged with her.
“That’s what I see when I look at you,” Harper whispered. Sarah met her eyes, and the sincerity in Harper’s gaze penetrated deep inside her, as if, for the first time, someone was really seeing her.
“Harper…” she started, but could not find the words to tell her how much this, how much everything, meant to her.
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