by Ivory Quinn
“Knowing it doesn’t make it any easier.” She sounded so grumpy that they all started laughing.
“Come on.” Raze put his arm around her shoulders. “Let’s get you out of here.”
“I’m not going in a wheelchair.” She stopped in the doorway when she saw the nurse waiting. “I’m quite capable of walking.”
“Noelle, we’re not going to argue with you.” Jax gave her a long, steady look. “Either you get in the damn wheelchair and do as the nurse says, or one of us carries you out of here. You lost a lot of blood and we’re not taking any chances.”
“Stuff the wheelchair.” Raze grinned and scooped her up into well-muscled arms. “I got you, Baby Girl.”
“Put me down, Raze!” Her face was flushed with irritation, but she didn’t dare struggle in case he dropped her.
“Miss Winters, I suggest you settle down or I will have you readmitted.” Cal sided with the guys and Noelle’s face turned grim.
“Fine.” She really didn’t want to end up stuck in the hospital any more. “I just think this will look so much worse in front of all those cameras out there.”
“No it won’t.” Raze strode along as though she was lighter than air. “It’ll look like all your favourite guys have rallied around you in the best kind of way because you’re a wonderful person and we’re upset that you’re ill.”
“Fine.” She huffed and they all started laughing again, stepping into the lift that would take them to the ground floor.
“Did you call ahead?” Blue asked Cal softly, and the older master shook his head.
“I’ll call when we get down there.” The lift doors opened and they all poured out into the hallway. The hospital was huge and they attracted a lot of curious looks as they moved towards the main doors. Cal was speaking quietly into his phone, but the others were warily watching the dozens of people who were suddenly wielding phones to take pictures before they’d even stepped outside the hospital.
“Being famous is kind of frightening.” Noelle murmured quietly to Raze and he nodded, without looking down.
“Don’t worry. We’ve got you.”
They heard the noise before they turned into the final corridor. There were Police guarding the doors so that no journalists slipped in unnoticed, but they were all clamouring for statements and preparing set pieces for the lunchtime news. The moment the band came into sight, they went wild and Noelle turned her face into Raze’s jacket, feeling her anxiety spiking. It was too much like New Years Eve.
“The cars are to the left and they’re parked on the road.” Cal murmured quietly as they all moved up in a protective circle. “We don’t stop, we don’t make any statements, we don’t respond. If we have to, we push through them. Understood?” There was a murmur of assent as the guys all steeled themselves for the coming furore, and then they were through the doors and out into the storm.
Blinded by the flashing cameras, even with her back to them, Noelle screwed her eyes shut and turned her face even further into Raze. They were jostled and pushed as people pressed in from all sides, screaming questions and pushing microphones towards her. The guys closed in, but people were pulling at her feet and tugging at her clothes.
“Back off!” Blue shoved a particularly persistent journalist away from her and suddenly breathing space opened up around them. She could practically feel the cold radiating from him as he flipped into full on Master mode.
“Easy.” Cal steadied him, but the older Master’s voice had gone dark and dangerous too. Violence filled the air around them like an impending storm and the sound levels dropped slightly as the hair rose on the backs of everyone’s necks. Noelle actually felt the change in Raze as he responded, his muscles tensing to fight as his own beast roared to the fore.
“Raze?” She whispered up to him. “Please just take me to the car.”
“We’re getting there, Baby Girl.” They pushed the last few steps to the car and it wasn’t long before all the doors were slammed and they were moving.
“Will anyone follow us to the Manor?” Blue asked Cal and the older guy shrugged.
“It’s a possibility.” He turned to the band members. “Does anyone have the keys to Gabriel’s house? That’s probably the safest place to wait this out until we can sneak Noelle away. He has a private driveway we can block.”
“I’ve got a key.” Jax spoke up from the front.
“I’ll call the others, tell them we’re heading that way.” Raze pulled his phone out and smiled reassuringly at Noelle as he dialled Luke’s number.
“They wouldn’t really follow us up, would they?” Noelle craned her neck to look out of the back window. “It’s not like I’m super famous.”
“This was the headline story on the news this morning.” Raze replied grimly, saying a few short words to Luke and hanging up the phone.
“Well that’s ridiculous.” She grimaced. “Surely there must have been a train crash or an earthquake somewhere that was of more importance than ‘girl gets drunk in a bathtub’?”
“Are you kidding?” Blue groaned. “People are eating this shit up like it’s Romeo and Juliet. Tragic girlfriend of Darkness Falls can’t face life without him!” He spread his hands as though reading a public service announcement. “Lover of fallen rock star tries to take own life in same place he lost his!”
“That’s enough, Blue.” Cal said quietly.
“It’s okay, Master Henway.” Noelle leaned into Raze’s comforting warmth. “I needed to know. It would have been worse if it came as a complete shock.”
“You’re not watching the news.” She could see Jax’s jaw flexing as he forced the words through gritted teeth.
“You can’t stop me.” She didn’t want to start a fight, but now that she’d realised how much she wanted to live, she wasn’t prepared to be a doormat any more. She’d hit rock bottom and this was going to be a bitch of a rebound. Jax tensed, but he didn’t say anything and she watched him the rest of the way to Gabriel’s, wondering what was going on in his head.
Jax was angry. He knew when he’d given her the ring that she was going to take some time to think it over, but he hadn’t expected her to pretend their conversation hadn’t happened. He hadn’t expected the attitude either. He knew that what he’d said had come out wrong, but after weeks of watching Gabriel boss her around, he couldn’t deny that it stung for her to so roundly dismiss him when he gave her a direct order. Especially when it was for her own good.
When they started up the driveway, he asked the driver to pull over. They didn’t have a remote for the electric gates, so he’d have to close them with the pin code, and he felt like the walk up to the top of the hill would do him good.
“He’s mad at me, isn’t he?” Noelle craned her head to watch him out of the window as they continued up the drive, but Cal shook his head.
“He’s adjusting, and change is never easy. One of the things that people don’t realise about counselling is that it’s often really hard on the people around the person getting counselled. You’re changing, growing and adapting and that upsets the status quo in the lives of those who are used to you being just the way you are.”
“And what happens if he can’t change?” She stared at the Master, her stomach sinking at the thought of her and Jax drifting apart.
“If he loves you, he’ll adapt.” Cal shrugged. “That’s what love is all about. It’s rapturous and overwhelming, but it’s also about compromise.”
“How can I ask him to give me any more?” She shook her head, panic rising in her chest as she fought it down. “He’s given me everything I’ve needed for almost eight months. How can I ask any more of him?”
“If you love him, you’ll adapt too.” He shrugged. “If it’s meant to be, you’ll work it out.” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as they pulled up outside the house. He’d just put his finger on the pulse of the problem. If she loved him enough, she’d adapt. But did she love him enough?
It was lunchtime when they arrived an
d, ignoring everyone’s protests, Noelle headed into the kitchen to make food. She just couldn’t face sitting around being waited on hand and foot while everyone gave her pitying looks over her supposed mental break. It was already suffocating and she’d only been awake for two days. After the third person had been in to ask if she wanted any help, she kicked them all out and shut the door, just wanting to get on and do her thing.
The murmurs of worried voices filtered quietly through the door, buzzing at her consciousness like a bee against a window, and after a few moments she snapped. Grabbing the remote from the counter, she pointed it at the interactive bar over the door and hit the button for music.
What poured out of the speakers stunned her into absolute stillness. Gabriel’s voice...as raw as she’d ever heard it. It was one of the new pieces that she hadn’t heard yet and the words ached like a gaping wound in her heart.
You are my invisible strings
The ties that bind me whole
The dark matter of my soul
You are the echo between each note
The white between lines
The storm’s silent eye
You’re the gravity that grounds me
Twilight ‘twixt day and night
The shadow, there but out of sight
Without you I would fall apart
Without you I’m not even the sum of my parts
baby, it’s around you I’ve built my heart
‘Cause you are my invisible strings
You’re the ties that bind me whole
You’re all that keeps me together
You’re the dark matter of my soul
“Noelle?” Jax sounded scared and she opened her eyes, realising she was just standing there with tears streaming down her face.
She meant to tell him she was okay, that she’d just stopped to listen, but what actually came out was: “What is this?”
He looked uncomfortable. “We found it in the studio a couple of weeks ago. It’s one of the CDs he recorded in the weeks before he died. I didn’t know it was still in the machine.”
“I just wanted music.” Her face fell and she knew her lip was trembling as she tried to repress her tears. “I could hear you all talking about me and I wanted to drown it out. I thought it would be something classical.”
“I’m sorry.” He said helplessly and her tears spilled over.
“Why are you sorry, Jax? You didn’t know I’d press the button. You didn’t know that disc was in there. Why should you be sorry for something that Gabriel did?”
“I’m not.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry that you’re hurting and there’s nothing that I can do to make it better. Being a bitch and lashing out at me isn’t going to make it hurt any less.” She was so stunned, she reeled back into the counter. “I’m so sorry.” He looked utterly horrified at himself. “I should never have said that.”
“Yes you should.” She nodded, realising it was the truth, even as the words came out. “I deserved it. I was lashing out and I shouldn’t have done. I’m sorry.”
“So we’re both sorry?” He gave her a tentative smile and finally moved into the room, pulling her into a hug. He was so warm and his scent was so comfortingly familiar that Noelle just melted into him.
“Yeah, I think that’s about the sum of it.” Her tears dried up and she pressed her cheek to his chest, the soft rasp of his T-shirt against her skin a balm to her soul. “I’m scared, Jax.”
“I know, Princess.” He kissed the top of her head. “I am too. But that’s the thing about fear. You either let it own you, or you make it your bitch. There’s no in between.” He blew out a long breath. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with us, but I do know that if we don’t throw everything we have at it, it’ll never work.”
“We need to sit down and have a really honest talk.” She admitted. “I need to stop being so scared to tell you things and you need to stop tiptoeing around me.”
“You mean right now?” He tensed and she chuckled softly, despite herself.
“No, not right now. After Cal has signed me off. I don’t want to have this discussion with everyone else around. It just needs to be you and me, with a couple of mugs of hot chocolate and some painful honesty.”
“I’ll stock up on the marshmallows.” He sounded hopeful and she felt her heart lift again. Maybe, just maybe, they could make this work.
The sheer physical effort of making lunch for that many people in her weakened state exhausted her and she ended up going to lie down after eating. “I don’t understand.” She grouched crossly, kicking her shoes off as Jax turned down the sheets. “It’s been days. Why am I feeling so damn tired?”
“You lost about forty percent of your blood.” He shook his head. “You were going into multiple organ failure and your heart stopped. You’re going to be feeling pretty rough for a while.”
“Oh.” When he put it like that, it did sound pretty serious. Feeling stupid for questioning it, she let him tuck her in like a child, and within minutes she was asleep.
Chapter seventeen
Noelle awoke to an unfamiliar voice in the living room and pulled herself upright, feeling disorientated. Raze was sleeping on the other side of the bed and she spent a moment just watching him as she surfaced all the way into wakefulness. He had to be exhausted after all those nights dozing in the hospital chair, so it wasn’t really surprising that he’d taken advantage of the quiet to grab a nap.
Careful not to disturb him, she climbed out of bed, smoothed her wrinkled clothes a little and padded down the stairs to see who had arrived. They’d never met in person, but she recognised Storm immediately from the pictures she’d seen online. The dominatrix was tiny, even smaller than Noelle. Her slim, willowy frame was glamorous in a soft jersey catsuit and the pictures had not done justice to her hair. It was almost as lustrous as Blue’s, but without the sapphire shimmer. Hers was just black, as inky as midnight at winter solstice, and falling in a shining mass to her waist.
Feeling intimidated without really understanding why, she stopped halfway down the stairs and just stared.
“Noe?” Luke saw her first and everyone turned to look. “Feeling better?”
“A little.” Tearing her gaze from the other woman, Noelle forced her feet to move and made her way carefully down the remaining steps. “You must be Storm.” She held her hand out and the tiny woman shook it with a surprisingly strong grip. She was all muscle and sinew under the catsuit.
“You must be Red.” She nodded in return, her voice softly modulated and with a cut glass English accent. Up close, it was obvious that the pictures really had not done justice to any of her features. Her skin was flawless, with a luminous sheen to it. Her almond-shaped eyes were the colour of maple syrup: rich, deep and warm. She was exquisitely perfect, like a porcelain doll, and Noelle was having a hard time imagining her beating seven shades out of anyone.
“We’re going to try and sneak you out of here in the back of Storm’s car.” Cal explained as Noelle pulled her fascinated gaze from the smaller woman. “It’s got a big boot.”
“You want me to go in the boot?” She’d never suffered from claustrophobia, but it wasn’t an appealing thought.
“It’s okay.” Storm smiled dryly at her. “I’ll let you out when we’re a couple of miles from the house, so don’t freak out.”
“Oh. Well...thanks, I guess.” She frowned. “How am I going to get in the boot? Won’t they see?”
“I drove the car into the garage.” She sounded so calm and self assured that Noelle felt a bit ridiculous standing next to her in her dishevelled clothes, with not a lick of makeup on.
“I see. When are we going?”
“After dinner.” Cal checked his watch. “It’s almost seven. You’ve been asleep for several hours.”
“Sorry.” Noelle blushed. “Someone should have woken me up.”
“You wouldn’t have been sleeping if you didn’t need the rest.” Cal disagreed. “Go and sit down somewhere.”
>
“I should probably cook.” She turned towards the kitchen, but Storm caught her arm.
“The Master said to take a seat.” She said quietly. “You do not disobey the Master.” Her gaze had flipped from her earlier warmth and curiosity to implacable cold and Noelle shivered.
“Fine. But don’t blame me if they burn the kitchen down.”
Storm’s lips twitched with what might have been a smile. “I’m sure they’ll manage.”
Noelle reluctantly took a seat and let life move on around her. They fussed and hovered around her little island of stillness as they ate until she was ready to scream with irritation. She was almost grateful when the time came to head down to the garage.
She’d been a little concerned about fitting into the boot of a car, but Storm drove an Audi A2 which was deceptively spacious and probably could have fit half a rugby team in the back. She carefully climbed in, with a small boost from Blue, and settled herself comfortably into a blanket that someone had thoughtfully provided.
“Are you going to be okay in there?” Blue leaned down, almost entirely blocking out the light.
“I’ll be fine.” She reassured him, speaking with more confidence than she felt. “It’s not for long.”
“If you’re sure...?” She didn’t disagree and eventually he straightened up and sighed. “We won’t be long following you down. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
“Drive safely.”
“You too.” He moved out of the way to let the others say goodbye. The band weren’t coming down with them. They were going to stay at Gabriel’s until they were sure the paparazzi weren’t following Noelle to the manor and then they were going to go to their own homes. Luke and Keys patted her awkwardly on the shoulder, murmuring their goodbyes, and then Raze was leaning over the lip of the boot.
“Are you going to be okay, Baby Girl?” He asked and she smiled up at him.
“I’ll be fine, Papa Bear.” She used the nickname that the nurse had given him in the hospital. It suited his nature perfectly. “I’ll see you on Monday for dinner, right?”