Redemption: Darkness Falls

by Ivory Quinn

  “How are you holding up?” He glanced at her wrists and then looked away.

  “Believe it or not, I’m actually doing a lot better.” She moved her hands under the table so he couldn’t see them. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself, Sean, or at least I don’t think I was. I can’t remember. They said I was drunk but I don’t even remember drinking.”

  “You don’t remember what happened?” He seemed surprised at that and she sighed, not wanting to go over it all again.

  “No. The last thing I remember is being in Jax’s kitchen a couple of hours beforehand.” She shrugged. “I don’t want to talk about it. How are you?” She forced a smile. “Did you meet anyone yet? How’s the coffee throwing working out for you?”

  “I’m still waiting for you to realise you love me.” He spoke the familiar words, but there was no sparkle to them. Instead they rang with sincerity. He met her gaze and frowned, as though he was trying to come to some sort of internal decision, and she sipped her drink, not sure what to say. “Noelle, you came in here every weekday for more than five years.” He started eventually, a soft smile transforming his features from average to handsome. Sure, he was no Gabriel or Jax, but he was good-looking in a rugged and unpolished way. “At first you were just another customer, but then you started opening up, joking with us about our day. You used to shine. God, the way you talked about your kids and the way you laughed...” He shrugged shyly. “It was like a blast of sunshine, whatever the weather was like outside. We all started to look forward to you coming in. We get so many rude and unpleasant customers, you know? You were different.” He studied his cup so he didn’t have to see the effect of his words. “I think I realised I was starting to fall for you in December that first year. You suddenly stopped coming in and we knew it wasn’t the school holidays. We didn’t know what had happened...all I knew was that every day I was scanning the faces coming through the door and spiralling further and further down when I realised none of them was you.”

  “I had the flu.” She said slowly, the memory coming back to her. It had swept the school that first winter and she’d been off for almost ten days, too ill to get out of bed.

  “I didn’t know that at the time, but yes.” He nodded. “When you reappeared, you told us you’d had the flu. It was the weirdest thing...you walked through the door that first day back and I could feel my whole body lighting up with joy. I couldn’t stop the stupid grin all over my face and you joked that you’d go off sick more often if you’d known you were going to get such a warm welcome back.”

  “I remember.” She said softly, wondering where this was going.

  “The following year, you went to Germany in the Christmas holidays and brought us all back those little carved discs.”

  “Yes.” She smiled. “I brought some for the kids too. They were just too cute to leave behind.” They’d been the size of two pound coins, carved into miniature Christmas scenes. She’d seen them at one of the markets and bought almost the entire stock, knowing the children would love them.

  Wordlessly, Sean reached up to the leather thong around his neck and lifted it over his head, pulling the pendant from beneath his T-shirt and handing it over. Dangling at the end was a small wooden disc, battered and darkened from years of continuous wear. Confused, she looked up at him.

  “You wore it all this time?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?” It was just a Christmas decoration, a little throwaway gesture of kindness to the people that made her day a little brighter, even though they were paid minimum wage and didn’t have to be pleasant.

  “When you met Gabriel, I tried to be happy for you.” There was real pain in his voice. “I knew he was wealthy and I knew he really wanted you. He’d been in here for weeks watching you before the whole coffee throwing incident.”

  Noelle went cold. “He had?” She’d known he looked familiar. Had he really been watching her for weeks?

  “Yeah. Some of the girls were taking bets on how long it would take for him to approach you.” Sean shrugged, oblivious to her sudden inner turmoil. “I thought I could be the better man. I thought he could give you everything that a common coffee bar barista couldn’t. I wanted to be happy for you.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat, struggling to get a grip on his feelings. “And then I saw the news and I ached for you. God, Noelle...you looked so broken. And then you came in here and I could see you were still fighting, still trying to make sense of it all. It woke up something fierce in me. I wanted to tell you how I felt so badly, but it was completely the wrong time. Then he died and everything went nuts.” He sighed and leaned back in his chair, finally looking at her again. “I guess I always believed that you would come back to us one day. Even though I know it’s crazy, I still watch the door at lunch time every day.” He gave her a rueful smile. “It’s like a bad habit I just don’t want to break. And then I heard on the news that you were in hospital. They said your heart had stopped, that you’d tried to kill yourself. I nearly passed out, the pain was so bad. It felt like I was ripping in two.” He reached around the table and caught her hand. “Noelle, I know you’re hurting and I know you have whatever you have going on with Jax. Hell, word in the club is that you and Blue have something going on. I don’t know and it’s not my business. What I do know is that I realised how close I came to losing you without even telling you how I feel and I’d be the biggest idiot in the world to make that same mistake again. When I saw you last night at the club, it was like it was meant to be. So here it is.” He took a deep breath. “Noelle Winters, I’ve been in love with you for more than four years. I can’t offer you wealth. I can’t offer you glamour. I have a crappy little apartment and I work two jobs to make ends meet. I’m not asking you to say anything or promise me anything. I just want a chance to prove to you that I care, because I don’t know that I’d survive you trying to leave this life again.”

  “I’m not going to try and kill myself.” She promised numbly, no idea what the hell she was supposed to say in response to his confession. She’d always had a soft spot for him. He’d been her favourite barista for years and they’d shared a lot of laughs. She’d always admired the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he laughed, his brown eyes twinkling mischievously, but he’d caught her completely by surprise. He’d never given any indication that she was anything other than a favourite customer.

  “That’s good to know.” His grip on her hand relaxed slightly.

  “I just...Sean, I don’t know what to say.” She blurted out. “I had no idea you felt that way.”

  “Then don’t say anything.” He shrugged. “Meet me for dinner. No pressure or anything...let’s just see where it goes.” He chuckled. “It’d be nice to have a full conversation with you while you’re not standing in a queue of people.”

  “Dinner?” She repeated in a daze, still reeling from his confession.

  “Yeah, it’s that thing that most people do in the evenings when they’re hungry.” He replied drily. “Unless there’s some reason you can’t. Are you dating someone else?”

  “I don’t know.” She admitted honestly. “It’s complicated.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Surprisingly she did. Here was someone on the outside, someone that didn’t know the band or her counsellors or anyone else in her tiny group of friends. Someone that just wanted what was best for her and might see things in a fresh light. Over two hours and three cups of coffee, she laid out the whole situation...what had happened with Jax, why she was at the Manor, how the band felt about her, the shock of discovering she was rich and her struggle to come to terms with it all. Sean listened, asking insightful questions and not judging her at all.

  “I think the issue here is your fear of acceptance.” He said eventually, when her words had run out. “If you’re not sure where the hell you’re going with Jax, you need to show him the real you. All of you. And that includes Red. The longer you let it go on, the harder it’s going to be.”

&n
bsp; “I don’t want him to see me like that.” She said quietly.

  “I saw you like that.” He reminded her, a small smile appearing. “I thought it was pretty sexy.”

  “But you know the lifestyle.” She pointed out. “You’ve worked at the club for a while. You must have seen stuff there that made your toes curl.”

  “I’ve seen Master Henway in action.” He shuddered. “That dude scares the shit out of me and no mistake.”

  “He scares me too sometimes, but he knows his stuff.” Noelle shrugged. “I can’t deny he’s been incredibly good to me.”

  “You’d be a welcome addition to his stable.” It was clear Sean knew about the business side of the Master’s empire. “Word is already spreading and Thomas is your biggest fan. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had dozens of clients on a waiting list already.”

  “Doesn’t that put you off?” She asked curiously. “You say you love me, but you’d let me work in a sex club?”

  “It’s not a sex club and you know that as well as I do.” He leaned back in his chair. “BDSM is about the power exchange. I can’t lie – I wouldn’t be a hundred percent comfortable with it, but I know that it’s something you need that I can’t give you. I know that people have fulfilling and loving relationships with vanillas as well as going to the club. Essentially it all comes down to trust. If we were dating and I asked you not to sleep with anyone else, would you save it until you came home to me?”

  “Honestly? In the state I’m in, probably not.” She admitted bluntly. “But Storm says it gets easier over time. Eventually I’ll learn to control it until I can flip it on and off like a switch. Then, if you asked me to promise you, I’d say yes and mean it.”

  “That’s good enough for me.” He gave her a soft smile.

  “Sean, what the hell are we doing here?” She shook her head. “One minute you’re telling me you love me, the next you’re advising me on how to get it together with Jax and then we’re back to you again.”

  “I just want you to be happy.” He admitted. “If you’ll be happy with him, I’ll be the better man and stand aside. I can’t lie, though.” He grinned. “A big part of me hopes he won’t be able to deal with it.” At her look of distress, his face softened. “Just know that you have options, Noelle. Don’t feel pressured into anything. I’ll wait.”

  ***

  “How did your talk with Sean go yesterday?” Cal asked easily. They were again lounging on deck chairs in the rose garden, soaking up the late summer sun. He’d insisted on her wearing a giant floppy sunhat to protect her face from burning as midday approached, but she was in a light cotton dress and enjoying the warmth.

  “Awkward. Painful. Reassuring.” She shrugged. “Please don’t think I’m fishing for compliments here, but I genuinely don’t understand the fascination with me. I’m just a regular girl. How did it happen that I have a waiting list of willing men?”

  “You’re a uniquely compelling woman.” It was a statement of fact, not false flattery. “You have a quick mind and a witty tongue. You are as kind as you are beautiful. There’s a certain innocence to you, overlaid across what’s wicked underneath.” He gave her a lazy smirk. “There’s a lot to be said for being interesting, Miss Winters. I’d far rather fuck interesting than beautiful, any day of the week.”

  She thought about that for a few moments and realised that he was probably right. She might not be of glamazon stature and she might not be blonde, or even beautiful, but she could understand falling for the mind rather than the body. She’d loved Gabriel’s mind more than she had loved the inked shell of him. He was beautiful to look at, sure, but it was his thoughts that had taken her breath away. It wasn’t his face that had shaken the foundation of every belief she had; it was his mind. She didn’t think of herself as being particularly vivacious, but she was articulate and literate. She’d never thought that it might appeal to men in that way. It explained a lot of things.

  “Is there anything you’d like to discuss today?” Cal sipped from a glass of homemade lemonade, condensation sliding over the cool surface.

  “I was thinking about going to see Pastor James.” She turned on her side to look at him. “I don’t know what changed yesterday, but suddenly I feel like I can breathe. I don’t want to just lie down and let it wash over me any more. I want to be proactive in my...recovery...or whatever you want to call it.”

  “And where does the priest fit into this?”

  “I know this is going to sound silly, but I feel like I need to right a wrong.” It was a struggle to articulate the concept that had been forming in her thoughts since she’d woken up in the hospital. “I can’t avenge what was done to me. Gabriel is dead. There’s no hashing it out, no recrimination. Even if I find it in myself to forgive him, he can’t hear me. It’s meaningless. He died believing it was all his fault and there’s nothing I can do or say to change that. But that’s just it; even if you take my part out of the equation, I can’t blame him for being the way he was. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t the root cause of this. The woman that damaged him was, and that is something I can avenge. There’s a small, crazy part of me that thinks that bringing that woman to justice will bring me closure. It feels like bringing everything full circle.”

  “For the record, I don’t believe in ‘closure’.” He too turned sideways, so he could meet her gaze. “I think that terrible things can happen to good and kind people and the most they can do is learn to live with it with grace. There is no act or moment which makes it better or erases it from being. What has happened will always have happened, but every day it will hurt a little less. Acceptance and serenity are more realistic than the concept of closure.”

  “I know that.” She agreed. “But I don’t think this is about acceptance or serenity. This is about vengeance. This is about bringing to justice a woman that should have been punished for her wickedness more than a decade ago. I don’t care if it’s morally right or wrong. The damage that started with her is spreading exponentially, like a ripple in a pond, and it’s not right.”

  “Now that I can understand.” A small smile tipped his lips upwards. “But what do you think the priest will say? If he had any information about her, don’t you think he’d have told the Police already?”

  “I’m not going for information.” She’d been thinking about it all morning. “I just want his blessing to do what Gabriel gave me the means to do.”

  “Which is?”

  “Hold a press conference. Put out a national appeal. Someone must remember him as a child. Up until now, that whole section of his life has been a closely guarded secret. It’s never been reported on and no-one knows. I’m certain that if I explained the situation, someone would come forward. Even if there aren’t witnesses to what happened to Gabriel, people as sick in the head as the woman that abused him don’t just stop because their toys have moved on. They find a new toy to play with. There’ll be other victims, I’m sure of it.”

  “Have you stopped to think how this might affect the rest of the band?” He asked gently and she frowned.

  “Why wouldn’t they want me to find the woman that hurt Gabriel? He was their friend, their brother. Of course they’ll want justice for him.”

  “Grief, as you well know, is a strange creature.” He warned. “I would strongly advise you to run it past them before you go ahead.”

  “I will.” She sighed.

  “Then, if you are determined on this course of action, we’re done for the day.” He leaned back in his chair. “Blue doesn’t have an appointment this afternoon. I suggest you ask him to drive you to the church, if the priest is free.”

  Still not allowed to drive then, she thought, irritation briefly flaring. She knew they were just looking out for her, but it was still frustrating.

  “I’ll ask him. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” And, just like that, she was dismissed.

  Chapter twenty

  Pastor James was delighted to hear from her and welcomed her int
o his own garden, pouring them both a cold West Country cider after she’d told him she wasn’t driving. Blue had dropped her at the door and was somewhere nearby, waiting for a text to come and pick her up.

  Noelle explained to the kindly old man what it was she intended to do and, for a moment, his eyes shone with tears. “It’s about time someone brought her to justice, or at least attempted to.” He nodded, surreptitiously wiping his face. “I have some documents from that time. Wait here.” He vanished into the house, returning several minutes later with a handful of dusty journals and papers, and they sat down to look for information.

  On the way back to the Manor, she called the band’s manager, John, to ask him about arranging a press conference. He was happy to do so, but said the same thing Cal had. She needed to speak to the other band members before it went ahead.

  “I know. I’m calling them next.” She leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. “Set it up for me and I’ll take whatever the guys have to say into consideration.”

  “Consider it done. I’ll call you back in a couple of hours with the details.” He hung up and she dialled Jax’s phone as they pulled into the driveway of the manor.

  He answered after a couple of rings and, after a brief exchange of small talk, explained that the band were meeting up for dinner that night, so they agreed that Luke would pick her up since he lived closest. Hanging up, she turned to Blue, who was patiently waiting for her to finish her call.

  “Sorry.” She blushed. “You didn’t have to wait.”

  “I know.” Smiling, he angled out of the car and went round to her side to get the door. She’d already opened it and was halfway out, but he still held it like a gentleman. “Are you really sure about this?” He asked as they strolled up the steps into the Manor. “You hate the press and this is going to put the blood in the water all over again.”