by DL White
"You know what, Es? Remember when we went for breakfast, and I asked you about your list, and you said that you were going to finish with or without me?"
"Back when you didn't encourage me to jump off of a bridge?"
"I got a little twinge in my chest when you said with or without me. I felt a way about you doing something that terrifies you or gives you a second thought without somebody there to support you. Hype you up. Tell you that you can do this shit. Somebody by your side to show you that I care about you and that I am always going to be here for you."
"So you brought me here to do a thing I would never do?"
Trey reached across the console for my hand. For some reason, I let him weave his fingers with mine instead of reaching for the steering wheel to drive me home.
"You haven't finished your list, Es," he said, his tone much softer than before. "Number three on your Never list was Be Daring. You remember? Would you really never let us be joined together, step out there together, jump together? Never?"
I had hoped that he wouldn't notice that I had one last adventure to complete. I'd already accomplished so much, above and beyond the list. It was no longer meaningful to me, so much so that I'd already put it in a scrapbook, where I'd probably not see it again.
"Trey…"
"Es. I'm doing this. Your family is doing this. Are you going to sit in this truck and watch us do it? Or are you going to put away everything you were afraid of, let us surround and support you, step out with us, and conquer this one little thing?"
"I fully resent you calling it this one little thing. It's literally jumping off of a bridge."
"With me."
"You want us to die together, then."
"Baby, I've got you. Have I not had you this whole time? Everything on your list that you've had to do, I've helped you. Right?"
I almost laughed out loud. I knew what he thought he was doing, planning this event and inviting my family, knowing that I'd probably work up the nerve to just do this.
Was I actually thinking about it? Sneaky motherfucker.
"I know you're scared, baby. Actually, I know you're terrified. Your sisters said you would probably punch me in the forehead, and I'm not a huge fan of jumping off of a bridge, but... why don't we both be brave and give it a try? Why don't we walk up there and check it out? Why don't we let them strap us into the tandem harness? Why don't we keep putting one foot in front of the other, because we're both scared as shit, but life after will be so much better than it was before the jump?"
I'd been fuming, staring hard out of the windshield, but something caught my attention. I rolled my head in his direction. "Tandem harness? We really go together?"
"I don't want to do this without you. I don't want you to do this without me."
"We aren't talking about bungee jumping right now, are we?"
He shrugged. "We could be talking about several things, Esme. But let's handle one thing at a time. I'm getting out. In about five minutes, we're headed to the bridge. I'll let you decide if you're coming or not."
Trey pulled the latch to his door and stepped out. The door thumped closed behind him. I watched him walk around the front of the vehicle and greet my family. I sat in the stuffy vehicle, watching him get along so easily and effortlessly with the people that I loved, that loved me back.
I could admit to myself now that Trey belonged in that group.
I sucked in a deep breath, my chest barreling with the intake to my lungs. Trembling, I reached for the latch, but the door popped open before I even touched it.
Trey held out a hand. "You coming?"
"Yes. I'm coming," I answered with a thick tongue to loud, rowdy cheers.
I let Trey help me from the truck. The door slammed shut behind me, and then we were walking hand-in-hand toward the entrance to check-in.
Was I terrified? Absolutely.
Did I think any of these people around me, behind me, would let me fail? Absolutely not.
Trey and I stood on the edge of a bridge that overlooked a lake of still water. Toe to toe, we faced each other, strapped tightly into a tandem body harness. Our Jumpmaster passed back and forth, giving instructions, checking each team's harness, and collecting the waivers we had to sign before jumping.
Now, he gave last minute instructions.
"Lead with your head; your head should be the first thing that leaves the platform. Those of you in a tandem harness make sure that you hold tight to each other to stay out of the way of the cord and the carabiners. Tuck your chin in and your head down until you have reached the bottom and begin to bounce back up. When your jump is complete, hang tight."
He paused to chuckle. "We will pull you back up to the bridge. At that point, you can jump again if you like. Some of our customers like to try one facing front, and then one jumping backward. "
"I'm only doing this shit once, " I muttered.
"Bet," he shot back. "This is some one-and-done type of shit." He bent so that he could rest his forehead on mine. "You good?"
"Yeah. You?"
"I'm good if you're good. I feel like you might beat my ass after this, though."
"If we live, I might." I laughed and tipped my lips up to meet his. "Trey, before we jump off of this bridge together—"
"Don't make it sound so dramatic, Es."
"I have to make it worth crossing off of the list. Hush, I have something to say."
"Always."
"Anyway. I set out to cross ten items off of a list before I turned forty. Seven of them were silly. One of them, I had every intention of skipping." I rolled my eyes up at Trey. He had the good sense to wince, then smile. "Two of them were things I really wanted, but I honestly never thought I'd even get close. You took on my list like it was yours and made sure I never had to do any of those things alone, even the easy ones. I flew in an airplane. I quit a job I hate. I have an amazing sex life."
Trey's head bobbed side to side. "Mine's pretty good, too."
"I'm turning 40 tomorrow. I made it. We made it. We crossed off every item."
"Sure did."
"Including number one."
Trey's grin spread across his face like wildfire. "Yeah?"
I returned his smile, just as wide, just as bright. "Yeah. I love you, Trey. You already knew that, though. I was scared because it's early —"
"It's not," he said. I almost cried, watching his eyes gloss over. "You said by your 40th birthday, and here we are. It's right on time. I love you, too."
"You do?"
"Woman...yeah. I've been in love with you since you chose me to share something so deeply personal and then didn't want to share it with anybody else. I want to be the only person to share that with you. And I can't wait to find more absolutely terrifying shit for us to do together."
"Can we make this the last time we jump off of a bridge?"
"We can definitely make that a rule. But uhm… what do you say we get this over with?"
I nodded, then closed my eyes and tucked my head into his chest. I tightened my arms around him and stepped even closer. Trey's arms closed and locked around me. I heard his voice in my ear and fought back the trembles that wanted to climb up my legs. I was with Trey and my family. They would never let anything happen to me.
I loved them. I loved him. I was safe.
"Okay, baby. Here we go. Three… two…"
With a sudden jerk, Trey shoved us off of the bridge, and then it didn't even feel like a free-fall. It was like floating on a cloud, except everyone on the cloud was screaming, including Trey and me. The fall was over way too soon. A violent jerk of the rope rebounded us before we hit the surface of the lake.
I opened my eyes to take in the upside-down view of the wooded hills, the cloudy brown lake below, the peeling green paint on the bridge, my sisters, and everyone cheering with arms in the air.
"I love you, Esme!" Trey screamed while we swung side to side.
I laughed. Suspended from a bridge on a very springy rope strapped to a man I
was deeply in love with, I was laughing.
"I love you, Trey!" I screamed back.
We had nothing but time until the Jumpmaster pulled us up, so we spent it lip-locked in a fiery kiss that gave me every indication of how the impending evening would go.
The Jumpmaster began to pull our rope, bringing us up to the surface, then helping us back onto the bridge.
"Esme," Trey began while stepping out of his harness. "I'm never doing this shit again."
"That wasn't that bad." I stepped out of my side of the harness and handed it to the Jumpmaster.
"Never."
"Maybe it should be your turn. Make a list of ten things you've never done. This can be number ten!"
Trey held out a hand. I slid my palm across it and wound my fingers between his. "Being honest? I love you. There's not much I wouldn't do if you were there to do it with me."
"I love you too, and being honest?" I rose up onto my toes to kiss him. "I'm never doing this shit again, either."
We stood back to watch the others make their jumps, cheering Jada and Joe, then Jewel and Corey as they had cheered for us. O'Neal and each of the kids decided to do a single jump, so excited and energized that they were bouncing off of each other when they came up.
"I think we're going to take the kids to ESPN Zone," said Jada. "Let 'em run around and burn off some of this energy, then get some dinner. Y'all coming?"
"Uh…" Trey glanced over at me. I saw the look in his eye. "It's your day, baby, so…"
"Nah," I said, winking at Trey. "We have to go be old and boring on a Saturday night."
"Ok, but…" Jewel shook her head. "Esme, you're the baby."
I pulled both of my sisters into a hug, muttering low so they both could hear me. "It's my birthday, and my present is dick. Tap motherfucking tap. Don't call me. I'll be busy."
"Alright, baby girl," said Jada. "Don't hurt him."
"I hope y'all are staying at Trey's tonight," O'Neal grumbled as he walked past us. "I have an early flight tomorrow."
"Wish granted." I grabbed my man by the arm and tugged him away. We climbed into the Acadia and waited for the system to readjust itself to Trey's presets.
"We gotta go be old and boring, huh?"
I grabbed his hand and tucked it between my thighs, where he liked it. Where I liked it too.
"Mmmhmm. We gotta listen to grown folks' music on satellite radio. Go get some sushi from Ken's spot—"
"And that chicken dish you like," Trey added.
"And fall asleep to Love Jones after you fuck me into a stupor on my 40th birthday."
"You know what I always say."
Trey slipped a pair of shades over his eyes, then leaned over for a kiss before putting the Acadia in drive and pulled out of the parking space.
We both finished his usual saying. "Ain't got to tell me twice."
Epilogue
Esme
* * *
I couldn't see over the cardboard boxes stacked on the counters and in the corner of Trey's new kitchen. The house, and everything in it, still smelled like milled wood and plastic sheeting and the fumes of painted walls and freshly laid carpet.
Trey sold his condo right before Thanksgiving, but the house wasn't move-in ready. The crew needed another month, at the very least. His plan had been to bunk with Ken, but I pouted so hard that he changed his mind. He'd been staying with me for a few weeks, much to O'Neal's annoyance.
When the house was finished enough to occupy, Trey was like a five-year-old on Christmas. Joe, O'Neal, and Corey showed up to help him move his things from storage. The place was a sea of boxes, but Trey couldn't be happier. His goal had been to wake up in his own house on his birthday, Christmas Day.
It was Christmas Eve. He'd made it.
"Babe, where is the box with the…"
Trey shuffled into the kitchen shirtless, a pair of cotton flannel lounge pants riding low on his hips. The Italian tile and wood floors were cold, so he wore slippers. He held his phone in both hands and tapped rapidly with his thumbs.
"The box with the what?"
"The coffee beans, the grinder, the French press? I put them all in one box."
"Mmmmm. I'll look around," he said, not looking up from his phone. "Maybe it ended up somewhere."
"It said kitchen on it. Where else would O'Neal have put it?"
When Trey didn't answer, I turned from a stack of boxes to find him chuckling and typing. "Are you texting your Peloton girlfriend to tell her why you haven't been in her class?"
I snickered, knowing full well that his late nights with me didn't make for early mornings on the bike. I didn't hear Trey complaining. Besides, the bike had been in storage for over a month, and though it made it to the new house, it wasn't up and running.
He laughed. "Nah. It's Ken."
"Ooh, with his girlfriend?"
"Yeah. She's coming to Atlanta with him, actually."
"Seriously?" Ken had made several trips to New York and had been up there for the last week, but she hadn't come to Atlanta yet. This was huge.
"They're at JFK right now. Eito has that big thing tonight, and he can't miss it, but he wasn’t ready to say goodbye, so…”
Ken's restaurant was closed for a private dinner that would be a tour of Western and Japanese cuisine—seared steak, pork, mesquite chicken and turkey, a cornucopia of vegetables coupled with rice, noodles, and grilled or tempura-battered meat and seafood. Trey had been looking forward to it for weeks, and since it was his birthday, I was going, but I warned him that I was not going to be talked into eating food that smelled like standing water.
"She was off for Christmas anyway, so he bought the seat next to him."
"A first-class ticket? On the fly?" Trey nodded. I smirked. "And he talks about you being a simp.”
Trey cocked a half-smile. "This dude goes from a girl in every city to falling for just one woman, then flying her around."
"Must be the Trey Pettigrew effect. Maybe you can have the same effect on my cousin."
"Nah. O'Neal is an unrepentant fuckboy."
"Ok, well, could you at least have an effect on that box? I need coffee. Brew Bar is too far away, now."
"Oh." He set the phone down and wandered away.
I went through the boxes again. "I don't get it. The storage unit was empty, so we didn't leave it. It must be somewhere—"
"I found the box."
I tossed up my hands and rolled my eyes to the ceiling. "Great. How did it get in the living room?"
I grabbed the kettle from the box I'd packed it in, rinsed it in the sink, and set it on the stove. It took a few seconds to figure out how to turn the gas burners on the professional cooking range, but a blue flame finally licked at the steel kettle.
I turned around to find myself still alone in the kitchen. Really?
"Trey! What are you doing?"
I marched through the dining room and around the corner to the living room. "If you're on the phone while I am suffering from caffeine withdrawal, I—"
I froze. Trey was still shirtless and in cotton lounge pants, but he sat cross-legged in front of the bare Christmas tree. We were supposed to spend the day decorating it.
In his palm, he held a black box tied with a white bow.
I gasped. "Trey. You... you're not… are you?"
"It's not Christmas yet, I know. I was supposed to wait until we decorated the tree, so it could be romantic. And it's actually my birthday, so you should be giving me a gift, but…"
He held out his hand, the box in his palm. "I can't wait."
"Trey. What…what is actually happening here?"
"Good things. Promise. Come sit." I sat next to him, and he handed me the box. "Open it."
I pulled the bow, then pulled the top off of the box. Nestled inside was a ring, white and rose gold with a polished ice matte finish and a band of diamonds around the edge. It was just enough.
"Oh, Trey!" I gasped again, this time with a smile. "Baby, this is gorgeous."
"Glad you like it." He took a breath, and I knew what was coming next. "So, you're funny when you don't want to be proposed to yet."
"No, I want to be proposed to! It's just…"
"Early."
"Not that I don't want to marry you. Definitely eventually."
“Baby, I have no doubt. It’s coming, but it won't be a random Tuesday in December. And I haven't talked to your parents yet."
“You really don't need to talk to my parents, Trey.”
“I know that and you know that. We also know that my mother will lose her mind if I don't talk to them first. Do it right, Trey.”
I relented once I realized that he was right. I already loved Pamela, but she was set in her ways and quite old fashioned. My parents would laugh at Trey asking for my hand, but they would also find it endearing. He needed all the help he could get since they were still a little raw that I quit my job over the deal between Miller and Pettigrew. Never mind that my new job was much more rewarding.
"I just barely met them and now I want their daughter to be my wife." He shook his head. "I still wanted to get you something nice for Christmas, though. Something that twinkles and glistens in the light."
I smiled, because now I knew engagement was imminent. The anticipation of when he would ask was going to kill me.
He gestured to the ring still in the box. "You like it? Jada said you'd like it, so if you don't—"
He didn't get to finish his sentence. I squealed, bowling him over, climbing onto his lap and raining kisses across his face. When I pulled back, we were both grinning like idiots and overheated.
"Let's put it on. Then I can watch you overuse that hand all day, waving it around like you women do."
He pulled the ring from the box, then slid it onto my finger. The fit was perfect, nice, and snug.
I held my hand aloft and took in the view. "Jada did a great job. I love it so much."
"I love you so much." He leaned in to press his lips against mine. "Oh." He pointed to the box that was clearly marked kitchen—coffee stuff tucked behind the tree. "There's that box that I hid from you, so you'd come to find me."
"Oh, thank God," I said, as the kettle began to whistle. I climbed off of his lap, then. "I'll make the coffee. You can watch this ring twinkle and glisten in the light."